Labeled Love (21 page)

I GET UP
and make my way into the darkened kitchen. I don’t know why, but I feel like opening the musty curtain and letting whatever morning sunlight in to brighten this cold place. A dusty film cakes the window. Maybe I’ll clean it today.

Grace isn’t home, and it doesn’t look like she came home last night. Reaching up, I scratch my shoulder. Damn, looks like I got sunburned. Thoughts of spending the day at the beach with Shay come to my mind. It was the best day I’ve ever had. Just being with her like that gave me a new sense of direction. I want to spend early mornings walking hand in hand on the cold sand and nights wrapped up in a blanket watching the sunset with my girl. I want it all with her. I can even picture little dark-haired babies making sand castles. No matter what obstacles I have to go through, I’m going to have that with her. I’m going to make that girl mine. I just need to graduate from high school and figure my shit out.

Right now, I need to find something to eat, so I don’t kill over from hunger. Looks like I’m going to have to go to the store to get a few things. I’m trying to save what little money I get from Henry. Between having to pay for my cell phone and any bike parts I need, I want to make sure I’m saving, but we need food. Plus, who knows what Grace does with her money and all the food stamps?

After grabbing some cereal, I scarf it down while checking my phone to see what pictures Shay sent me. There’s a ton. Scrolling through each one, I recall every moment. She sent one from yesterday in her little bikini with me standing behind her with my arms wrapped around her perfect sun-kissed waist. I’m nuzzled with my lips pressed against her long neck. God, she is so beautiful. Another picture is one her mom took of her blowing out her birthday candles. As I stare at it, I think about how much we’ve grown over the years. No matter how long it’s been, I still feel that endless pull to her. My heart beats for her.

I walk back to my room and grab my notebook. Tearing out a piece of paper, I jot down a little love note with a bright pink pen I picked up when I bought stamps the other day. I like to write to her when thoughts come over me.

Shay,

Do you know why I love you, baby? I love you because you’re pretty, sexy, and sweet. You have long, sun-kissed legs and a mouth that was made for kissing. That’s pretty much why I love you...

I’m just kidding, baby. I’m just staring at all the pictures of us you sent me. Do you want to know why I really love you? I love you because my heart beats for you. Everything about you makes me happy. Your face, your voice, your touch, and your smell give me an indescribable feeling of completeness. You make my heart beat with purpose, baby. Oh, and all those things I said about your sexiness, they are all true, too. I will always love you more than anything. I just want you to know how I feel, baby. I always want you to know how I feel.

Jace

I set the pen down after I draw my best heart with our names in it. I take an envelope out of my drawer and seal it with the letter inside.
Shutting the apartment door, I make my way into the bright sunlight. The smog is thick today in the city, making my eyes burn.

When I get to the shop, I see the mailman getting ready to drop off Henry’s mail. I jog up and hand him Shay’s letter. “Can I give this to you?” He takes it out of my hand and continues to walk away. I watch him walk back and place it along with Henry’s outgoing mail next to him before he drives off.

I haven’t been working more than an hour when my phone chirps. Henry glances over at me. We’ve been working on a couple of different bikes that got in a bender on a ride through the desert. I have grease-filled hands when I hear my phone chime again.

“Must be that girl you never stop talking about,” Henry says jokingly. “I take it she likes her birthday present.”

“You could say that,” I answer, glancing over to him with a smirk. He laughs.

My phone starts ringing, and I start laughing. I can’t answer it because I’m trying to put a gasket back on the bike. I hurriedly put it in place and grab a rag to wipe off my hands. Standing up, I throw my head back, getting my hair out from my eyes and pull out my phone from my pocket. Henry looks at me. “A demanding little one, huh?”

“Nah, she never demands. She’s nothing but love.” I walk out to the front of the garage for privacy and find her number that I have listed in my contacts under “Pretty Girl”. She answers on the first ring.

“How’s your work out, baby? Are you working those sexy abs or those strong arms?”

I adjust myself in my athletic shorts, knowing she thinks of me that way. God, I don’t want to lie to her, so I tell a tiny truth, “I’m working on my arms, baby.” Pulling apart those motorcycle parts can be a bitch.

“Aw, don’t work too hard. I want you to be able to hold me on the beach tonight. I can’t have you with sore arms.”

“My arms are never going to be too tired to wrap around you.”

“Yay!” she yells into the phone. I have to take my ear away from it for a moment. Still, her excited voice is another one of my most favorite sounds. “I will pick you up at six. I want to be there in plenty of time to have fun in the sun and catch the sunset with my boy.”

“Perfect. I’ll see you at the center at six.” The phone goes silent. “Shay?”

“I want to pick you up at your house, Jace.”

“Shay, don’t do that. You know that’s not an option.” Hearing her sigh makes me feel bad, but more determined than ever to get the bike that Henry gave me up and running so I can go to her. I want to be able to pick her up. “I love you. Don’t be upset. I know you mean well, but you just have to understand that’s the one thing I’m stubborn about and will ever fight you on.”

“See you at six,” she says in a small voice.

I slide my favorite question to her playfully and slowly. “Do. You. Love. Me. Baby?”

“You know I do. More than anything,” she says with more of her sassy tone. “You. Make. Me. Crazy.” She sighs. That voice always makes me twitch in my pants. I laugh.

“Have I told you that your voice sounds super hot on the phone?”

“No, you haven’t,” I tell her.

She giggles. “Well, it does. That’s the only reason I keep calling you.”

“So… before you were with me because I grew into a stud with a rock hard body, and now you just talk to me because I have a sexy voice?”

“Pretty much. But, you’re really sweet, too.”

“You’re a liar,” I tease her. “You know you’re with me because you like it when I smack your butt, and something tells me you’re going to like a little rough love. You just can’t wait to unleash that sassy freak you’re hiding.” Damn, just thinking about her that way right now…

I start laughing. She’s tough until I start talking about us finally connecting in that way. I can’t wait to make love to Shay, but I’ve waited because I want everything to be perfect for us. This girl is going to be my wife one day, and I’m not rushing what I know is going to belong to me. She means too much to me, but I do love teasing her.

“Okay, stud muffin, go finish getting hot and sweaty. I will see you soon.” She hangs up, and I shake my head as I walk back inside the shop.

WORK TOOK A
little longer than expected. I jog back home so I can take a shower to get all the grease off my hands. When I walk into the apartment, I get assaulted with another Grace encounter. It’s already five o’clock, so I have no time for this.

“What are you doing, Mom?” I say when I see her on the couch with a guy. She’s leaning over the coffee table. Looking up at me, she scrambles to sit up while wiping her nose. “Are you fucking serious?” I say with disgust.

She looks at me, stunned. The guy beside her has the nerve to lean down and snort whatever is left on the table. He puts his head back for a moment and then gets up.

“I’ll see you later, Grace,” he says, walking past me. I tightened my grip on my fist. I’m ready to beat his ass. I look over at my mom and shake my head in absolute disgust.

“Is this what you do? What was that you just snorted up your nose?”

“Don’t concern yourself with me, Jace.”

“You’re my mother! I already know you don’t give a shit about me, but damn, don’t you care at all about yourself? Do you have any idea what you’re doing to your body? You’re going to die.”

She gives me the cruelest glare. “Then you won’t have to deal with me anymore. Don’t you think I know I’m a shitty excuse for a mother? Don’t you think I know I fucked up my life? What do you want me to do, Jace? It’s too late for me.”

“It’s never too late to change your life,” I say.

“What do you know about life? You’re just a kid.”

“I’m not a little kid anymore, Mom. I’m almost an adult, if you haven’t noticed. You are so lost. I don’t know who or what fucked you up, but you are the only one that can change yourself. Those guys don’t care about you. They don’t want anything but one thing from you.” I pull my fingers through my hair out of pure frustration. I just don’t get it.

“Trust me, I know exactly what those guys want. It’s the same thing your father wanted from me.”

I lose my breath. She’s never mentioned my father. I look at her with a blank expression. “What did you say?”

“That’s right, son. Your dad was full of lies and promises, and then he left us. He left me. And, you’re right. I’m the fucking fool that let him ruin me.” She hits her chest right above her heart. “I let him ruin me,” she says with a soft, broken murmur.

I can’t comprehend what she’s telling me. What did my father do? Who is he? What did he mean to her? I want to ask her all those questions, but I know she won’t tell me. Just like with her family, she’s only told me little bits, and I don’t even know if those things are true. As far as I know, she could have lied about them, making me think they were no good, when maybe she was the problem. I will never know, though, because she closed that part of her life.

We stare at each other. “I don’t know why you have treated me the way you have. All I ever wanted was love from you. You’re right about some things being too late.”

“Oh yeah, well, I’m glad I taught you something,” she states bitterly, wiping her drug- filled nose. Her eyes are bloodshot and wide, and I just want to walk out the door and never come back, leaving her here to wallow in her miserable existence.

“You want to know what you taught me, Grace? You taught me acceptance. That’s what you taught me.” My words are loud. For the first time, I can’t help the emotion that runs through me. “I’ve accepted I will never be enough for you… that you have always and will always be more important than me, whatever your reasons…” I say, hitting my chest, mimicking her. “I promise I will learn from your life lesson, and when I have the privilege of becoming a parent one day, my children will be my world. I promise to be nothing like you.”

For a brief moment, her face softens, and then she laughs bitterly. “That’s what they all say. If you’re anything like your father, you will be a liar just like he was.” Tears spring in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. Not for her. She will never get that much emotion from me. Her sadness changes to anger. “That girl that you’ve chased all these years… She won’t be enough for you. You’ll screw up and ruin her.”

“I would never hurt her!”

“Trust me, she’ll wake up. If she knows what’s good for her, she will find a boy from her world.”

“
Her world
? What the fuck does that even mean, Grace? Love only knows your heart, not your fucking address. You will never meet Shay! You know, so many times growing up I wanted to talk to you about her. I wanted you to know how much she cares for me, what we mean to each other. I wanted so badly for you to see that someone special could want me, but you kept proving you didn’t give a damn.”

She looks down, grabbing her pack of cigarettes off the table next to whatever shit she was snorting up her damn nose. As she stands up, she stares at me. I’m so done with this conversation.

I glance at the time on the oven. It’s already five thirty. If I want to meet Shay on time, I need to start running to the center now. No time for a shower. I wash all the grease off my hands, cleaning up as quickly as I can. Grace walks into the kitchen, pathetically rubbing her nose. As sick as it makes me, I can’t help but feel sorry for her. I will not be my father… whoever the hell he is. And, I won’t ever hurt Shay. I block the entire conversation from my mind, leaving only one thing: my girl in a bikini.