Labeled Love (29 page)

“Is there a problem?”

His old, tired eyes look me up and down. “Yeah, there’s a problem. Your mom can’t seem to pay your rent on time. Maybe if she stayed off the pipe.”

“Excuse me,” Grace says sarcastically.

The landlord looks between Grace and me. She’s now holding herself up in the doorframe. I look at her shaking hands and whip my face back to his. “Did she pay you?”

He waves the envelope in my face. “I don’t know how you deal with this. You seem like a good kid.”

“Don’t talk to my son.” Grace waves her finger in his face.

“Do you even know you have one? From what I’ve seen over the years, this kid has had to take care of himself.” He turns and walks away, mumbling to himself.

I grab Grace by the arm. She’s as light as a feather. I feel like she’s slowly fading. Closing the door behind us, I lead her to the couch. “What did he mean by ‘stay off the pipe’?”

She starts to scratch her face. “I don’t know what he means.”

“Are you smoking something?”

“You know, Jace. You try to be my father, but you know my daddy lost that right a long time ago. I don’t need another father.”

Closing my eyes, I lean my head back to the ceiling. God, when will this ever get easy?

“Where are you going?” I ask when she starts to get up.

She stutters, “I-I have a friend I’m m-meeting up with.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am!”

“You can barely even stand.”

“Stop telling me what to do. Everyone has always told me what to do. Stop telling me no!” She shakes her head frantically back and forth while scratching her arms. She looks like she’s hurting herself, so I stop her.

“Stop it. You’re hurting yourself!”

“No, I have to go. I want to see him.”

“Who do you want to see?”

She stops, and her lost gaze finds me. Quick and harsh, she slaps me against my face. Not once but twice with as much force as she can gather in her little hands.

She stares at me.

“Jason… Ja..?”

“Mom, it’s me. It’s Jace.” My face is burning, but my heart hurts more for her in this moment than it ever has before.

“I just want to lay down,” she says, defeated. She walks away without a word about what she just did. I stand there frozen, not knowing what to do. She needs help.

Needing to feel the sun and to get rid of this stagnant feeling, I walk outside. Reaching into my pocket, I grab my phone. I know what I need—the
only
thing I need. I start to text her, but I know that’s not going to be good enough. Yesterday’s problem is so small compared to what I just witnessed. My mom is tortured, and I don’t know why. Now I feel like I’ve been torturing the one person that has always been my greatest joy. I need to hear her voice, and I need to tell her everything will be okay. I look at her picture and hit
Send
.

“Do you love me, baby?” I hear her sigh and then nothing. “Baby?”

“More than anything,” she answers. I release the breath I was holding since that fucker texted me. My face still stings, but my heart is finally beating again.

“I need you right now.”

“Is something wrong?”

I don’t want to lie to her; I just don’t want her to know what happened with Grace. “Yeah, something’s wrong.”

“I’m so sorry, Jace. I had no idea Cole had my phone.”

“I don’t care about that. I just miss you. I need to hold you, and I need to smell you. I just need you.”

“I’ll come right now and pick you up.”

“Pick me up at the center in an hour.”

“Okay.”

“Bring your beach bag. I need to get wet with you.”

“Are you trying to be funny? Because I’m heartbroken over my boy over here.”

“No, baby, I’m serious. I need you. I can’t wait until later in the week.”

“All right, I will get everything together. I love you.”

“I love you, pretty girl.” I hang up the phone and check on Grace. She’s passed out, so I head to the bathroom.

Shit.

My face is red. I hope it goes away by the time I see Shay. But, I can’t worry about that right now. I don’t want her waiting on me.

I GET TO
the center in record time. Shay’s not here yet, so I sit on the broken curb and look across the street where all the junkies stand. I don’t know what to think about my mom, but I have a feeling she’s doing hard drugs. I’ve already caught her once, and all the signs are there. She either looks like a zombie, or she looks strung out. She’s constantly drinking and licking her lips, and now she’s started scratching herself. I don’t know what to do. When I was at Shay’s for her birthday, her dad told me if I ever needed help to ask. I don’t want to ask him, but I’m wondering if I should before she dies. I just can’t get myself to do it, though. If he knew about my home life, he wouldn’t let me see Shay anymore. I can’t risk that. I couldn’t survive without that girl’s love.

Right when she fills my thoughts, I hear her car pull up. She has the top down, and the surfboards are hanging out the back. She parks her car, and as soon as I’m off the curb, she’s in my arms.

Damn, she is so pretty. She has all that soft beautiful hair up into a big bun on her head to keep it out of her face. She has her sunglasses on that are too big for her face, but she loves them. She says they will save her from getting wrinkles under her eyes when she’s older. I told her I don’t care how many wrinkles she gets; she’ll still be the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.

“I’m so sorry… I missed you so much,” she says. I feel the tears streaming down her face.

Pulling her face to mine, I capture her lips. As I kiss her, I wrap my arms around her waist, pressing her firmly against me as I walk her backward against the car door. “I don’t want to talk about it right now. I just want to feel you.” Is it possible to love someone this much? I would love to bury myself deep inside her right against this car.

“Come on, baby, before we lose the sun,” she says, giggling as I kiss down her long neck.

“Okay.” I push off her and start to walk around to the passenger side door.

“Nope, you’re driving us to the beach,” she declares, stopping me. I raise my eyebrows. Even though I can drive, I’ve never driven Shay’s car before. It’s not the same as picking things up for Henry in one of his old trucks.

“Why don’t you want to drive?”

“I’ve been in national crisis mode since yesterday afternoon. I need to cuddle up to you,” she says. I look at her intently as she throws me the keys.

“What national crisis did I miss?”

“Oh, you know, the one where the boy you love won’t answer your calls or messages for over twenty-four hours. I was on the brink of calling in the National Guard.”

“Baby, you are so dramatic.” Opening her car door, I let her slide in and then walk around to the driver side.

“Well, the only good thing that came out of this is I wrote two sad love songs.”

“Two? That bad, huh?” I say jokingly.

Her voice doesn’t sound sassy, but despondent when she says, “That bad. Like complete devastation.”

“I promise to never do that to you again.” I adjust her seat to make room for my long legs. Turning her head to me, she smiles, but her eyes tell me something different.

I hurt her.

I start to put the key into the ignition, but stop. I feel bad that I left her waiting for me, and I don’t want her to have to wait to hear from me again. Grabbing her legs, I pull them as close to me as I can, which isn’t much. She leans into me, and I look at her, taking her pretty face in my hands and wiping away her tears.

“I know yesterday wasn’t your fault. I was angry that Cole was at your house, and that he saw you in your cute bikini. I was jealous that he gets to see you whenever he wants, and I was angry with myself for being upset over something you had no control over. I’m sorry I waited to call you. I could have texted you and said I needed to have a minute to let my anger pass. Instead, I hurt you with my silence.”

“It’s okay,” she says.

“No, it’s not okay. I promise you, I will never shut you out again. No matter what, I will always make sure we talk. No more silence.” I bring her lips to me. “Give me your lips, baby.” I want her to feel my words and nothing more in this moment. “I promise when we have a ‘crisis,’ as you call it, we stand together. We don’t let silence fester. I don’t want my girl devastated.” She nods as more tears escape her big blue eyes. “Come on, the only thing I want you wet with is the ocean waves. No tears.” I wipe away the tears before starting the car. Leaning back, she puts her big sunglasses back on.

“Those are too big for you.”

“I do—”

“I know you don’t want wrinkles. You’re always going to be beautiful,” I interrupt her, pulling out of the parking lot and heading west to our happy place. Shay puts her soft hand in mine, and I feel like we can conquer anything together.

WHEN WE ARRIVE
at the beach, the waves aren’t that good, so we decide to curl up in our blanket and watch the sun set. I feel good about what happened yesterday. I know we can’t change it, but I’m glad we worked it out with no damage. At least I know we can get through a fight, if that’s what you want to call it.

“Are you warm?” I say, putting my arms around her.

“Yes, I’m toasty with you holding me.” She peeks up through her dark lashes. “Tell me what was bothering you today.”

“I was just missing you.”

“No, Jace, I heard fear in your voice.”

“No, you didn’t, and even if you did, it was just my fear of not talking to you. I just needed to hear your voice.”

Running her hand over my arm, she begins to rub it and then links our hands together. “You would tell me if something was wrong, wouldn’t you? I know you’re proud, but you do know that you can come to me, whatever it is.”

I stare out into the water. The ocean is so calm right now. Besides our voices, all we hear is the sound of the water making its way to the shore. It’s peaceful and inspiring.

The first time Shay and I came to the beach together I felt free and alive. We ran through the sand and crashed into the water with nothing between us but laughter. Hands held and lips locked, we were just two people in love.

She’s so deep in my heart, and every year that love deepens and grows to the point where life seems impossible to live without her. Sometimes I look at her and think of that very first time I saw her—pink tank tops, ripped jeans, and Converse. I picture big blue eyes and long soft curls. I think about bikinis and coconut sunblock and the prettiest smile I’ve ever seen.

I just want to put everything about Shay to memory. I don’t know why I do it. Maybe something inside me thinks I’m going to lose her. I can’t bring myself to tell her how bad it is at home, because I don’t want her to feel sorry for me. I know her. She will do everything to try to make it better for me—like all the years she brought me peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. She has been taking care of me without even knowing it. Whatever I’ve lacked in my life, she has filled every void. But, the most important thing she has done for me is take care of my heart.

“I would tell you, baby, but I don’t want you to worry about the things you can’t control.”

Watching a seagull fly over us, she drags her bottom lip over her teeth. “There is one thing I worry about that I can control.”

“What’s that?”

“I want you to relax.”

“This is relaxing to me.”

“That’s not the kind of relaxing I mean, Jace. I want you to lie back and relax, and I want to make you happy.”

“You make me happy without having to lie down.”

“Okay, you’re just being mean.” She pouts.

“I’m not being mean. I’m just teasing you.” I laugh. “It’s late, pretty girl. We better get going.”

“You’re shutting me down? What kind of guy shuts down his girlfriend’s touch?”

“I will never pass up your touch. Is that what you think I need to relax? I’m not going to lie, baby. That would be really relaxing, but just being with you relaxes me.”

“Um, do you relax yourself?”

“If you’re asking me if I take care of myself, of course, I do. I’m a teenager, and I have a beautiful girlfriend that I haven’t had sex with. By the way, we will never have sex.” I give her a serious look.