Lacy (34 page)

"You won't tell Mother what I told
you?" she pleaded suddenly.

"Of course not."

She blinked, looking around in confusion.
"Where
is
Mother?"
"Having a checkup."Turk said, hedging. "Is she all right?"
she asked worriedly.

"Of course she's all right," he said,
lying glibly. "They threw a big engagement party for Ben last night. She's
overtired."

"That and me, too," she groaned. She
lay back defeatedly. " And she's dying," she added dully. "It
looks like I'm going to lose everything. I guess I deserve it, too."

"Don't talk like that," he said
curtly.

Her eyes closed, locking out his cold stare.
"Who's Ben marrying?" she asked after a minute.

"Nobody now. Lacy turned his snobbish city
fiancee every way but loose. Ben sent word this morning that he's off to France for a while. I didn't have time to tell anybody."

"Poor Ben."

"Poor Marion," he corrected.
"Ben's venomous fiancee was making a hash of things, insulting everything
from the furniture to poor Faye."

"Faye Cameron?" she murmured.

"She's.. .in the family way," he said
finally.

Katy's eyes opened. "Whose baby is
it?" Ben s.

"Worse and worse," she said miserably.
"Poor Faye. He probably thinks she isn't good enough for him, the
snob."

"Cole and Lacy stood by her. She'll manage
just fine without Ben." He scowled, his face worried. "Katy.. .are
you.. .all right?"

Her gaze lifted to meet his and she flinched.
"What do you mean?"

A big, heavy hand moved gently to her flat
stomach and rested there, his eyes asking a question that his lips couldn't
form. She averted her eyes.

His hand grew heavier, warm. "Katy,"he
said quietly, "I want to know if you could be.. .in the family way, by
me."

Her eyes closed. She couldn't tell him. She
couldn't...

"Please," he whispered, his face
drawn. He turned her face back, forced her to look at him. "Katy..."

She swallowed down her anguish. She hadn't
wanted him to know, but she couldn't lie anymore. She'd kept it inside too
long. "Danny knocked me down a flight of stairs the first time he beat
me." She had to force the words out of her throat, and she couldn't look
at him as she added, "I lost the baby I was carrying."

He groaned harshly and got to his feet. He went
to lean his hands on the windowsill, staring out through the distorted glass at
the horizon. He'd made her pregnant. She'd lost the baby and gone through hell,
all because he couldn't let her go untouched. She'd been a virgin, a sweet,
innocent girl, and his mind could hardly deal with what he'd cost her. If he'd
kept his head, she'd never have had to leave with Marlone in the first place.
Damn Marlone! He'd beaten her, made her lose the baby. He cursed silently, his
face rigid with grief and murderous rage. Damn Marlone! If ever a man deserved
a bullet...

"It's all right, you know," she said
dully. "It would just have been another complication. It was my fault,
anyway—the way I ran after you and practically threw myself at you that last
day. I never blamed you. I only got what was coming to me for being so easy and
rebellious."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this," he
said brokenly. "I took your chastity, tossed you into the clutches of that
murderous maniac, got you involved in murder.. .gave you a baby. And you don't
blame me?" He turned, his face hard with new lines, his eyes totally
without emotion. "Well, I do, Katy. I blame myself for being blind and
selfish and too yellow to go to Cole and tell him he had no right to dictate to
me about you. He told me to keep my distance, and I did—out of loyalty to him.
But he was wrong. Dead wrong. If it hadn't been for the strain of keeping
totally away from you for so long, I wouldn't have been so eaten up with desire
that I'd lose control and force myself on you like that."

"You didn't.. .force me," she
protested, blushing.

"Hell, yes, I did," he said. "You
were just a girl, but I knew what could happen. I compromised you."

She turned her face sideways on the pillow with
a tiny sigh. "It takes two to commit a sin, Jude," she said,
unconsciously using his real name. "I thought giving in to you might make
you care. But it didn't. You can't make people love you."

"Katy..." He moved closer to the bed,
searching for the right words.

She looked up. reading his expression. "You
love me?" she asked with a soft, cynical laugh. "Don't do that to
me," she said defeatedly, closing her eyes on the shock in his face.
"I don't need your pity, Turk. You needn't pretend you care now... when we
both know you didn't before. Just let it be. I don't think I ever want a man to
touch me again as long as I live, anyway. Just the thought of it makes me
sick."

It did. That was no joke. The night before had
been traumatic. She'd gone against all her principles to sleep with Wardell,
partly out of fear of Danny, pity and desire for Wardell, alcoholic
overindulgence, and the need to close her eyes and let herself be loved. The
shock of finding Danny watching it all, and the subsequent violent way he'd died,
had snapped something inside her. The thought of sex made her stomach churn.

"It's early days yet,"Turk said after
a minute, although his eyes were hooded. "You can't expect to get over
something like this overnight."

"I suppose not." She put her hands
over her eyes. "Poor Mama," she whispered. "So much scandal.
Ben, and now me..."

"Your mother is human,"Turk replied.
"Cole spared her most of it. She only knows that Danny is dead. No more.
Cole told nobody, not even me, what really happened."

She wiped her wet eyes and turned her face into
the pillow. The disgrace would be total when the newspapers came out.
Inevitably somebody from here would read about it. Everyone would know!

"Katy, don't," he said huskily. It
hurt him to watch her like this. And the baby; if he thought about that for
long, he'd go out of his mind!

"I've ruined my life," she whispered.
"And my family's honor. I've destroyed everything."

"You're more a victim than anyone
else," he said, pausing by the bed to look down at her. He winced as he
remembered what she'd said about being beaten.

"Am I?" she said coldly. "I lived
with a man who broke every law there was, committed adultery, drank like a
lush. I've lived among mobsters, and I even know people who've committed
murder. I'm not a very nice person."

He leaned over her, smoothing her dishevelled
hair. "You're just Katy," he said softly.

Her eyes met his. "I'm nothing at all. I
don't want your sympathy. I don't want anything from you."

His hand stilled. "That will change,"
he said, withdrawing his hand.

"No, it won't," she replied.
"I've been bad. Now I have to atone for it."

"You're in shock," he said, refusing
to listen to her. "You'll get over this. It will take a little time,
that's all. How about something to eat?"

"Food would nauseate me," she replied.
She closed her eyes again. "I only want some sleep. Please leave me
alone."

"Only if you swear on the Bible that you
won't do anything stupid."

She stared at him. "Like jumping out the
window?"

He nodded. "That. Or anything else that's
self-destructive." His eyes narrowed threateningly. "You might
consider that your mother can't take much more right now."

"I know that," she agreed. She closed
her eyes. "I won't put any more on her than I already have," she said
wearily.

"Good girl." He moved to the doorway.
"I won't be far away. Sing out if you need anything."

"With Cole gone, don't you have work to
do?"

"He said to watch you."

"I see."

"No, you don't," he said through his
teeth, infuriated by her tone, her stubborn refusal to believe he cared about
her. "I'll be close by. Try to sleep."

"Sure." She folded her hands on her
flat stomach and closed her eyes on tears she didn't want him to see. His baby
had lain there, under her heart, and Danny had killed it when he knocked her
down the stairs. He hadn't known she was pregnant until she lost the baby, and
even then he'd thought it was his. He hadn't been particularly concerned. If it
hadn't been for Wardell, she'd probably have died after the miscarriage. Afterward,
she'd all but mourned herself to death. She'd started drinking then, out of
anguish. Wardell's tenderness and sympathy had surprised her. It shouldn't
have, she knew. He loved her. What a terrible irony. Wardell loved her. She
loved Turk. And Turk loved.. .his dead wife, she supposed. Whatever his
feelings, she didn't want the pity he was offering, or his pretended caring.
All she wanted was sleep.

Turk sat quietly in the living room with his
thoughts until Cole and Lacy came home. They were alone, looking grim.

"They kept her in the hospital," Cole
told his friend. "Thank God she's not too bad, though. She may be able to
come home by the end of the week if she improves. We'll have her home before
Christmas, at least." He didn't add what they all knew; that Thanksgiving
had been little more than a dinner, with no real celebration because of all the
family turmoil. The family was coming apart at the seams.

"Good."

Turk looked odd. White and a little shaky.
"Are you all right?" Cole asked him, concerned.

"Katy came around while you were
gone," he replied dully.

"She's conscious?" Cole burst out, and
Lacy's eyes grew wet with helpless tears. "Thank God!"

"Thank God," Lacy echoed, pressing
into Cole's arms. "Let's go and talk to her!"

"She's asleep,"Turk said, stopping
them. "Give her time to rest. She'll be all right once she comes out of
the depression."

"The doctors said she'd never be herself
again," Cole said heavily. "I've prayed they were wrong!"

"So have we all," Lacy seconded. "Miracles
still happen! Does Faye know?"

"No. She's still outside," Turk said.
"You might tell her..."

"Yes, I might!" Lacy reached up to
kiss Cole's cheek and went happily out the door. Cole knew then that something
more was wrong, something Turk didn't want to say in front of Lacy.

"Okay. She's gone. Let's have it,"
Cole said quietly.

Turk averted his eyes. "She was
pregnant,"he said, his voice totally without emotion, as if everything in
him had been drained out.

Cole cursed. "Damn the luck. She'll have a
permanent reminder of that vicious, drug-popping weasel!"

"Drugs?" Turk asked.

"Danny was a doper. Not only that, he was
perverted," Cole said flatly. "How does she feel about the
child?"

"She lost it," Turk said. "He
beat her, and she fell."

Cole's face went dark with angry color. He
cursed steadily, his language deteriorating to the point that Turk was glad the
women weren't within earshot.

"It gets worse," Turk said. He lifted
his chin, his eyes full of self-hatred. He smiled insolently, hoping to make
Cole mad enough to pop him. He wanted somebody to beat the living hell out of
him. "The baby was mine."

But Cole didn't strike out. His dark eyes
searched the other man's light ones. "Is that why she left?"

"No." Turk ran a rough hand over his
jaw. "No, she left because she was wearing her heart out on me. I went
over the edge. I'd wanted her so long, and she..." He couldn't bring
himself to put any blame on her, to even intimate that her vulnerability and
adoration had pushed him to his limits. "I just.. .lost it. I couldn't
come to grips with what I felt for her in time, and when I came to my senses,
it was too late. I thought she probably hated me, so I didn't try to stop her
from leaving with Marlone."

There was a tense moment while Cole stared at
the older man, finally realizing that nothing he could say would make any
difference now. Turk had betrayed his trust, but from the look of the man, it
hadn't been deliberate. Whatever Turk felt for Katy, it had to be something
pretty powerful to make him as wretched as he looked now.