Lady Outlaw (13 page)

Her poor grandmother had interpreted the awkwardness between Jennie and Caleb as something different—a sign they felt something more for each other but were too shy to act on it. The woman had been making not-so-subtle attempts to matchmake by having Jennie and Caleb work alone—like planting the garden. Will could have helped, but Grandma Jones had insisted he give her a hand in making a new batch of soap, a task he loathed.

If only life were different. She bent and pressed another seed into the ground with a sigh. If she had met Caleb at church, if she didn’t have the bank debt looming over her, maybe then they might have made something more of their friendship.

Thoughts of the debt reminded Jennie of the stage robbery tomorrow. She’d nearly forgotten about it in all the excitement of rustling back her cattle. She needed to contrive a way to get to town. Sitting back on her heels, she stared unseeing across the garden.

“Something wrong?”

Startled from her thoughts, Jennie glanced up. Caleb watched her closely, one elbow resting on the top of his stick.

“No.” She lowered her chin and placed the seeds into the next hole. “Just thinking.”

“About?” he prodded. Out of the corner of her eye, Jennie saw him return to his job, stamping his stick into the soft dirt.

“I think I’m going to town tomorrow.” She did her best to keep her voice nonchalant, even bored. “We need more seeds, and perhaps I’ll see about finding something new to wear...to church.”

The words were out before she could stop them, but did she really want to go again? Her grandmother and Will had shared with her how kind everyone had been, and their acceptance back into the congregation had stirred wants inside Jennie—a longing to be a part of something normal and inclusive.

Caleb’s face brightened into a genuine smile—the first she’d seen in days. “You’ll come with us on Sunday?”

“Not this week, but soon,” she hedged. Her stomach still twisted at the thought of being inside the building for more than a few minutes. Not even a new hair ribbon or comb would cure that.

“You still worried about what people will think?”

“They weren’t exactly welcoming the other week.”

“No one knew what was going on with your cattle—they were just trying to listen.” Caleb set down his stick and removed his hat to wipe his brow with his sleeve. “What do you say to taking a rest? A short one?” he added, a teasing glint to his blue eyes.

Jennie nodded, grateful to see him acting more like he had his first week at the ranch. She missed having him around as a friend, not just hired help. She followed him to the shade beside the barn where they sat with their backs against the weathered wood. Jennie took off her hat and used it to fan her flushed cheeks. The coolness of the shadows brought relief from the hot sun.

Caleb fiddled with his hat brim. “What do you think people are gonna say if you come with us some Sunday?”

“You don’t beat around the bush, do you?”

“Don’t usually see a reason to.” He smiled, but the reaction was short. “It might help to share what’s on your mind.”

Setting her hat beside her, she stared at the hills in the distance. Would it help to share her burden or would reopening the wound be too much to bear?

“It isn’t what they’ll say now, but what they said right after my mother left.” She swallowed hard, hoping to dislodge the lump sprouting in her throat. “Looking back I realize she was unhappy. There were days I’d find her on the porch, staring at nothing. I took over more of her responsibilities, like caring for Will and helping my father. But nothing seemed to make her happier.”

Jennie sniffed back the tears that stung in her eyes, afraid they might spill over anyway. “One day, I went out on the porch and she wasn’t alone. A neighbor and his wife were waiting in front of the house in their wagon. My mother’s suitcase was sitting on the steps beside her.”

A traitorous drop of moisture slid down her cheek. Caleb lifted his hand and wiped the tear away with his thumb.

“What happened next?” he asked.

Jennie exhaled a long breath. “She apologized half a dozen times, kissed us all goodbye and left. Later we found a note that said she’d gone to her sister’s back East.” She studied a smudge of dirt on her trousers. “None of us really understood why she left, especially Will. Grandma Jones kept telling us that she wasn’t well and maybe she’d come back once she got better. But she never did.

“After the shock wore off a little, we went to church again. I wanted to see my friends, return to something normal. But someone had already spread nasty rumors.” She cringed as the ugly insinuations leaped to her mind. The passing of eight years hadn’t dulled the memory one bit. “My friends told me they’d heard my mother had some secret lover and my father had been cruel to her. Apparently everyone believed that those were her reasons for leaving.”

“And you believed them?” The question held only curiosity, not accusation.

“Not at first.”

Jennie tightened her hands into fists. She dug her nails into the flesh of her palms to keep her emotions from boiling over into greater resentment, or worse, more tears.

“I never questioned my father’s love for her—you could see it in his eyes whenever she came into the room. And yet, after a while I started to wonder if she really had a secret life. I even asked my father about it.” She shook her head, tasting the regret in her mouth. “I can’t imagine what pain my question caused him, but his response shocked me even more. ‘I wish that were the reason, Jennie girl. That would be easier to swallow than the truth.’ But he never told me what the truth was.”

Slowly she uncurled her fists and peered down at the tiny marks from her nails. They were raw and tinged with blood but so small when compared to the marks left on her heart.

“Over time I forced myself to believe the nasty lies about her.” Her voice rose in pitch as the pain washed over her anew. “It made things easier, gave me the anger I needed to survive. If I believed what they’d said, then I didn’t have to face what I suspected was the truth.”

“Which is?”

“That she left because of me.” Jennie choked on a sob. “Maybe I didn’t help her enough or maybe I helped her too much. Either way, I must have made it hard for her to...to...love me.” Turning her face, she swiped at her tears with the back of her hand, but they were coming too fast. A strong arm wrapped around her shoulders, drawing her to him, and she buried her face in Caleb’s shirt as she wept.

When she had no more tears, she lifted her head. Her eyes were dry, but her cheeks were warm with embarrassment. She scooted away from Caleb’s protective arm. “That’s why I haven’t been back to church and why I worry about going again.” She’d never told anyone the truth about her mother before.

“I’m sorry, Jennie. I can’t imagine going through something like that at a young age.” Caleb set his hat on his raised knee, his brow furrowed. “I do have to disagree with one thing, though.”

Unsure she’d heard him right, she gaped in shock. “I’m not asking if you agreed. You wanted to know what I was worried about, and I told you.”

Jennie scrambled to her feet, but he grasped her arm and pulled her gently back down beside him. “Hold on. Hear me out. I only meant to say I think you’re wrong about being hard to love.”

She struggled against his grip, but his hand stayed firm. “How would you know?”

“Because your grandmother cares about you and your brother cares about you...” Had his face gone a bit red? “And well...I care about you, too.”

He released her arm and locked gazes with her, freeing butterflies in her middle, despite the somber topic. “Your mother’s leaving likely had nothing to do with you. You were just a child, Jennie. Don’t let her mistakes dictate who you are or what you do.”

“Maybe you’re right.”

“About time you admitted that out loud.” He stood and offered her his hand. She allowed him to help her up. “You’re strong and caring. Don’t let anyone make you think otherwise.”

“Thank you...Caleb.”

With a nod, he put on his hat. “Back to work.”

She walked beside him to the garden and resumed planting the seeds they had on hand, but she couldn’t help shooting glances at Caleb as he worked.

Could he feel a bit more than friendship for her, something more than obligation as her cowhand, even after rejecting her kiss? Deep down she hoped so, though her practical self argued with her heart. His friendship, however comforting and exciting, wouldn’t save her ranch or clear her debt. Only she could do that.

* * *

Jennie encountered little opposition about making the trip to Beaver alone. She had assigned enough tasks to Caleb and Will to keep them busy and Grandma Jones had begged off coming, saying she wanted to start sewing a new skirt.

She arrived in town with enough time to buy the seeds they needed before starting on her long ride to the bandits’ hideout. Turning onto Main Street, Jennie slowed Dandy to a casual gait as she observed the activity on the street. Shopkeepers swept their front stoops, men called greetings to one another from the wagons and horses shuffling past, women hung laundry on bushes or lines and young children played about their feet.

She guided Dandy toward the general store and dismounted. Before she could tie up her horse, Jennie’s neck prickled with the unsettling sensation she was being watched—intently. She peered over her shoulder at a group of women bustling down the street, but they seemed to be ignoring her. Thankfully she’d worn a dress instead of her breeches to be less conspicuous.

Turning in the opposite direction, she saw a cowboy hitching his palomino pony to the post outside the saloon. His short stature drew her attention. When he darted a quick glance at her, Jennie looked away, embarrassed to be caught staring. Perhaps she’d given too much weight to Nathan’s warning that the bandits would be watching for her today.

She tied Dandy to the hitching post and entered the coolness of the mercantile. She maneuvered her way through the assortment of home goods and tools to the far end of the counter where seeds of all kinds were displayed.

“Can I help you, miss?” A man wearing a long white apron and wire spectacles smiled as Jennie approached.

She pointed at the seed display. “I’ll take two packets each of cucumbers, carrots, beets and potatoes.”

“Certainly.” The storekeeper began pulling the seeds off the shelf.

Lifting the flap of her saddlebag, Jennie reached inside for her money. Her fingers grasped a folded piece of paper, and she pulled it into the light. A single word was scribbled across the front in unfamiliar handwriting:
Jennie.
It had to be from Caleb.

She set her bag on the counter, her pulse racing. What would he possibly need to say in writing that he couldn’t say in person? Would he say something more about her stolen kiss? Would he confess he liked her?

She opened the paper with trembling fingers and three dollars slipped onto the counter. Picking them up, Jennie stared wide-eyed at the cash, then she read the words scrawled on the page.

This money is for you to buy a new dress for church. I don’t want you to repay me. Find something you like.

Caleb

“I say, miss, are you feeling all right?”

Jennie blinked. She’d forgotten the storekeeper was even there.

“Oh, yes. I’m fine,” she said. A feeling of light-headedness washed over her and she gripped the counter. “Actually, I think I could use a chair and a glass of water.”

He bobbed his head and hurried around the counter to her side. Jennie held on to his arm as he led her toward the back of the store. Several chairs crowded the black stove. Jennie sank into the closest one, the money and letter still clutched in her hand.

“I’ll get you some water.”

Jennie nodded and shut her eyes, hoping to clear her head.
I can handle swindling armed robbers of their stolen loot and I can practically run the ranch single-handed. But I get faint over the generosity of one handsome young man.

Releasing a mirthless laugh, she opened her eyes and read the letter a second time. Caleb’s thoughtfulness and the idea of something new to wear left her stomach fluttering with anticipation.

She didn’t have time to order a new dress, not if she planned to be at the bandits’ hideout before they left. Then again, the money in her hand might be put to better use for the ranch. If she returned home empty-handed, though, she would have to either lie about her reasons for not buying something or divulge her financial troubles to Caleb. She didn’t want to do either, fearing he would read the truth on her face.

Resting her elbows on her knees, she dropped her head into her palms and groaned. What could she do? She felt like a horse being jerked one way and then another by a lead rope.

What if I simply pass on this job?

Jennie sat straight up in the chair, some of the tension and light-headedness disappearing with the thought. Her loan wasn’t due in full for another four months—plenty of time to get the $850 she still owed before she lost the ranch. Nathan could easily find two lucrative jobs before August. Besides, if she was being watched, a simple trip to town for supplies and a new dress might convince the bandits she’d given up her thieving ways.