Landchester Amish Love: Sarah (Amish Romance) (Landchester Amish Love Series Book 1) (3 page)

Sarah smiled at her latest creation. Her second doll was complete. It had been a labor of love and as she looked at the two dolls with their blond hair and blue eyes, she felt they were smiling back at her. Her Amish dolls looked sad to her but these dolls with their smiles were happy. She could feel a sense of fulfillment having made them. It had taken such fine needlework to give them expressions. The dolls told a story and Sarah thought about the little girls would love them as she did, if only they could buy them. These dolls needed to be seen. The top stitching on the clothes alone was impeccable. And the fact that she had made them with only an oil lamp for light gave a sense of satisfaction that she had never experienced before.

She crept back her to the
haus
and upstairs into her bedroom. Her mind full of possibilities. But the issue of raising money to get to the craft store in the next town was still on her mind. She would just have to make more Amish dolls. They sold out fast and the only limitation was her production ability.

“
Danke
,
Gott
, I will make more. I will sew until I can sew no more.” She fell asleep happy and content. But in the back of her mind, Jacob was there. Since having
kaffe
and talking with him, she felt her spirit was more at ease. Jacob had been complimentary. She wouldn’t have noticed if he made no comment on her dolls. She had no expectation of encouragement from him. So of all the compliments she had received, she felt Jacob’s was the most sincere.

By morning, Sarah had her plan in place. It would take her a few days to come up a big supply of dolls but if Ruth helped, it would lessen the time frame and bring her ability to show off her dolls with faces closer. At breakfast she asked for Ruth’s help and she was agreeable. Today was an easier day chore wise so they could spend time making the dolls. Her mother was happy to hear the girls making plans together. She liked to see them working together. It reminded Laura of when they were little. Their two little heads always together as
kinder
but while they were still close, they had different priorities.

It often saddened Laura of how shy Sarah was but there was something different about her today. She looked less intense. Her face had relaxed and she was quite chatty. Not a trait often attributable to her.

As each doll was completed and put in the basket for the store, Sarah did a mental calculation of how much money she needed for the taxi and to have some extra for supplies. Ruth noticed how Sarah wasn’t quite her perfectionist self, only admonishing her a couple of times rather than watching every single stitch that Ruth made. It was a pleasure in this instance to work with Sarah, Ruth thought to herself.

Sarah got her dolls ready for delivery to the store. She hoped Jacob would be there. She felt her heart skip a beat thinking about him. For once in her life, she felt that everything was going her way, her chance to expand her doll range and the possibility of love. Now for the first time in her life she understood why the other girls had got all dreamy when they thought about boys. It was what could happen that added the excitement. But Sarah didn’t want to get too carried away after all she really knew nothing about Jacob and he really was quite opposite to her.

She smiled to herself when she saw Jacob as she pushed open the store door. His back was to her. There was no one else around.

“Hi Jacob, I’ve more dolls,” She called out to him. But as Jacob turned around she could see he was bothered by something. He wasn’t his usual up to mischief self.

“
Gut
morning, Sarah. Would you like a
kaffe
?” Even his voice was muted and expressionless. She felt disappointed. She had built up a relationship in her mind but he wasn’t interested. That wasn’t the way a young
mann
spoke to the girl he fancied. She was thinking about declining his offer of
kaffe
but he had already poured a cup for her.

“Put your dolls over there. Look at what has happened.” He was pointing to one of the tables that had a crack running through the center.

“What happened?” She hoped she didn’t sound too cheerful. He was distracted, that explained his mood.

“It’s my own fault. I like to make fun of the
Englischers,
as you know. But four men came into together. I knew by them they were up to no
gut
. I tried to get them to leave but instead they started to climb on the furniture and jump from one item to another. Finally, two of them jumped on this table at the same time and it cracked. They started to laugh and I told them they would need to pay for the damage but they wouldn’t. They said the wood was the problem, not them and they left laughing at what they had done.” He looked so sad as he looked at the table.

“Sarah, there was nothing I could do. I was on my own and there were four of them. I was so angry. I still am but look at the table. All the hard work that Isaac put into its creation and it is destroyed. I’m also angry for the loss of money but mostly for the work that went into it and those people had no respect.” That was Jacob. For all his fooling around he saw the time and love that went into creating the products they sold. Everything they sold should be cherished. He hadn’t told his father what had happened. He was afraid his father would blame him for inciting the
Englischers
.

“Sorry for going off on a rant Sarah. I haven’t seen anyone else and I just needed to tell someone.” Jacob picked up her basket of dolls and took them to her display area.

Sarah was happy that he could recognize good craftsmanship and understand the joy that went into making things.

“You know, Jacob, I make other dolls too. They are absolutely beautiful. No one knows about them yet. That’s why I’ve brought extra dolls. I need the money so I can go to the next town. They are bound to sell them.”

Jacob wasn’t sure what she was talking about.

“But Sarah, we sell your dolls. What’s so different about the new ones that we can’t sell them for you.” He was looking at her. Would she be brave enough to tell him? There was something about Jacob and his way of being that drew Sarah out of herself.

“They have faces. I’ve given them the most beautiful faces and hair. They have hair. And their clothes are full of color. Of course, I have to make them in secret.” Sarah was bursting with pride as she described her dolls to Jacob. She had failed to notice the change in his face as she spoke.

“What do you mean, you make them with faces! How can you do that? It’s against our religion. We are all made in
Gott’s
own likeness. I never expected you to be so vain, to be so
Englisch
. That shocks me, Sarah Moore. A beautiful,
gut
Amish girl like you making
Englisch
dolls. Your work is so beautiful. Why isn’t that enough for you? Why must people always want something more? We have all that we need. You were given such a
wunderbaar
gift by
Gott
and instead of honoring it, you want to pander to the
Englischers
. I am so surprised at you Sarah. I really did think you were above such petty ideals.”

Sarah’s mind was in overdrive. He had said she was beautiful. Yet, the one person she thought would understand her need for freedom of expression didn’t. He couldn’t comprehend that she was capable of so much more than Amish creations. As much as she had shocked Jacob, he had shocked her. She never expected him to be so pious. Was that the word she was looking for? She asked herself. Who knew the Jacob was so Amish, so respectful of their traditions?

But she had made a mistake in telling him. She couldn’t take it back now and she just hoped he wouldn’t divulge it anyone. She had miscalculated Jacob. As she left the store, without saying a word, all she could think about was how Jacob had told her she was beautiful and in such a roundabout way that it revealed his feelings towards her, or so she had hoped. Sarah’s mind then thought about her dolls. They needed to be seen. Word was going to get out and she would have to accept whatever was going to happen. Her dolls with faces were no longer going to be hidden. But unfortunately for Sarah, she was not going to have any say in it.

Sarah could feel her insides twist and turn with what had happened with Jacob. She had bared her soul to him. Told him her deepest secret and he had got annoyed. How could she have misread the signs from Jacob? He was so upset about the table because of the work Isaac had put into it and now it wasn’t going to live its purpose. Were her dolls so different? The faces she created made her so happy, why was the wrong?
Gott
had given her this gift so why was it wrong to use it to its full potential? She was so conflicted and yet she could comprehend the reason she hid the dolls was because she knew it was wrong and wasn’t up to being a challenger to the Amish ways.

Yet every time she tried to get annoyed with Jacob, she couldn’t. She couldn’t let it go, he had said she was beautiful. Not just her dolls but she, Sarah Moore, was beautiful. Sarah was daydreaming when she arrived home. She hadn’t noticed Caleb’s buggy as she had just turned her pony towards the barn. But something was wrong. She had closed the barn doors when she left. They only had the one pony and buggy between them so why were the doors open now.

She stopped her pony shy of the barn and climbed down. As she approached the barn, there didn’t seem to be anything out of place so Sarah brought her pony in and disconnected him from the buggy. Taking her basket from the buggy, she walked towards her home. Still feeling happy in herself, she was humming a tune.

But her reverie was broken when she heard hushed voices but she couldn’t make out what they were saying. It didn’t sound good. Then she recognized Caleb’s voice. Sarah rushed into the living room but her happy greeting was interrupted by what she saw before her. Her secret doll chest with her sewing supplies and two dolls were strewn about the floor. Caleb, her
bruder
and patriarch of the
familye
, looked at Sarah.

“What is the meaning of this Sarah?” He was so angry with her. Sarah couldn’t look at him, her eyes were on her lovely dolls who seemed to capture Sarah’s emotions. They looked sad.

Anne, Caleb’s
fraa
, was sitting by Sarah’s mother and they too started their questions.

“Why have you done this Sarah? You could get in so much trouble. Don’t you know it’s against our customs?” Anne asked quite innocently.

“Of course she knows, that’s why they were hidden!” Caleb answered.

“Sarah, we don’t want anything to happen to you but it’s wrong to make these dolls with faces. You know that. We have to live by certain rules and that creates limits on what we can or can’t do but it is for our own
gut
.” Anne was, at least, trying to be sympathetic.

“You are such a hypocrite Caleb. I remember you wanting to leave all those years ago. Don’t think I’ve forgotten. How dare you go through my private things? And you too Anne, I’m surprised at you. I know that you used to have a stash of
Englischer
clothes. This was something for me. You’ve all had your turn to want different things. The difference is I just wanted to improve my skills. I don’t want to leave the community but I can make such beautiful things. You shouldn’t have done this, Caleb. You have gone through my private things. How could you do that to me?” Sarah was beside herself. She wasn’t really angry as such but it was the way they had just thrown her things on the floor as though they were bad. How could her dolls be bad? They were beautiful.

She knew all about Caleb’s past and how he had stayed to be with Anne, who didn’t want to leave. Surely they, of all people, could understand wanting something different. Caleb was angry with her. She knew that. But it was her business. It wasn’t anything to do with him. Sarah didn’t get too angry about Anne’s participation. She was pregnant and was just following her
mann
’s lead as a
gut
fraa
did.

But she couldn’t look at her secrets laid open as they were. She turned on her heel and as she went to her room, she could hear Caleb telling her to come back down. Caleb could call after her all he liked, he wasn’t her father and she wasn’t a child anymore. Her mother had chimed in with Anne. The two of them listing reason after reason why she shouldn’t do what she had done.

Sarah was tired of it. They didn’t know anything about how she felt. How could they understand what it was like to be lonely and feel misunderstood? They had found love and even though Sarah’s
Daed
had died when she was little, her mother had experienced love. In fact, her mother had already had a child by Sarah’s age.

With the door closed, Sarah lay on her bed and began to cry into her pillow. Why were they so insensitive to her suffering, to her need for privacy? The day had started so full of hope for her but between Jacob’s reaction about her dolls and now her
familye
finding them, Sarah wondered what else
Gott
had in store for her. She had thought her life was finally turning around. That love and success were coming to her but
nee,
she was being teased. Her secret doll chest was the most precious thing she owned, because it was hers and only she know what it represented to her. Her pride and joy, her dolls with faces, the keepers of her secrets, her fears but it was gone now. Taken away from her. They could never mean the same things to her again.

That’s what other people did, they just spoiled everything. Caleb, Anne and her mother had the wrong idea when they thought she made the dolls to go against her faith. She had made them for herself, to see a reflection of how she could be.