Landon's Obsession: An Endless Series: Book 3 (Series 3) (31 page)

     Even in my shock and alarm I found myself taking in his
appearance, just like I had three months ago, and I couldn’t help thinking that
he looked different since the last time I’d seen him. He was still gorgeous,
but he was less put together, more disheveled like he’d just woken up, with
wrinkly jeans and t-shirt, messy hair, and he was unshaven. He also looked
slightly thinner. And he was looking at me in a completely different way. The
anger and contempt were gone, and in its place was a profound look of
sorrow…and longing?

     “Maya.” He exclaimed hoarsely. “You’re finally back.”

     My alarm intensified. He knew I’d been gone? “What...why
are you here?” I whispered. 

     The look of anguish on his face deepened. “I know, Maya.
I know what happened.”

     My heart nearly stopped and I froze. What did he know?

     He continued. “I know that Kris drugged you and…” He
appeared to have a hard time swallowing. “Raped you.”  

     I gaped up at him my heart beating again, but way too
rapidly now, and my stomach rolled. “He…confessed?” I croaked, stunned that Kris
had admitted to it. Kris had tried convincing me that I’d drunk too much
alcohol which had been stupid because I’d been drinking water before everything
had gone fuzzy. 

     Landon shook his head, gazing down at me intently. “No,
but while drunk he spouted something about drugging some girl and having sex
with her, not to me but to someone else…I knew instantly that he was talking
about you, Maya.” Looking tormented, he swallowed visibly again. “I’m so sorry
for what he did, Maya. I’m sorry that I believed what I saw and walked away,
and that I fucking hurt you further with hateful words when I should have
allowed you to explain. I should have known…I did know that you wouldn’t have
done something like that, but…” He stopped, his gaze flickering away and then
back, and the expression on his face was one of self-disgust. “I could give you
numerous reasons for my appalling, inexcusable behavior, but there aren’t any
words I could say that would make it right for you.”

     Shock was piling on top of shock as I listened to
Landon voice what he’d just discovered. The truth of what Kris had done to me
was being acknowledged, and it was liberating. It didn’t change what had happened
to me, and still made me feel sick and dirty inside, but it had been exposed
and he could no longer hide it. It was also gratifying to know that Landon had
realized it had been me without my name being mentioned; that he knew I hadn’t
cheated on him, that I was a victim.

     Regrettably, it was four years too late. I had needed
him then, I didn’t now.  

     “Is this too much for you to take in, Maya? I don’t
want to bring up past memories but I needed to tell you what I learned and that
I’m so fucking sorry.” Landon’s gaze was anxious. “I’ve been trying to run Kris
down because I’m not going to allow him to get away with this, but he
disappeared three months ago when I found out about it.” His expression had
hardened as he talked about his brother, but then turned agonized again. “You
called me two days after he...after that day asking to talk and
now
I
assume you were going to tell me what he did, but I didn’t let you…” He
swallowed again. “I don’t know if my actions stopped you from going to the police,
but if you want to go now, if you want to press charges, I’ll stand there with
you. I’ll back you up.”

     Just the thought of that raised my alarm. “No!” I
exclaimed. “I don’t want to go to the police.”     

     His brows lowered in disbelief and misery. “I don’t
want to push you, Maya, but are you certain? He shouldn’t get away with what he
did to you.” He pressed.

     I shook my head vehemently. “No, Landon.” A cold January
breeze drifted in through the open door making me shiver and I wrapped my arms
around myself automatically.

     He frowned. “Shit! You have to be cold. It’s like
thirty-five degrees. I know I don’t have any right to ask anything of you,
but…can I come in and talk with you some more.”

     “No!” I nearly yelled the word in a panic.

     Landon reared back looking like I’d punched him in the
face, and seeing that pinched at my heart. My emotions toward him were
extremely mixed up right now. I’d hated him for so long, then three months ago
I’d been given a glimpse into his side of the story and things inside me had
started to shift. I just wasn’t sure where they had settled, and because of
that I couldn’t let him in my house.

     I was risking too much just talking to him at my door.

    
Oh God!
He knew where I lived. From what he’d
said earlier it sounded like he had been staking out my house. He could stop by
at any moment. This whole situation was a ticking time bomb, I could feel it.

     I felt like I was hyperventilating, and the way Landon
was staring said he was concerned as well.

     “Maya! Are you okay? You look like you’re about to have
a panic attack or something. Shit, I’m not going to come in if you don’t want
me to.” Misery was plain to see on his face as he took a step back.

     That step back galvanized something in me, and my
stomach plummeted slightly. I was being assailed by too many things making it
difficult to consider my options. Grabbing my coat off the hook next to the
door I stepped forward and closed the door behind me. Landon halted his retreat
observing me with an unhappy and guarded expression.

     “Landon, how did you find out where I lived?”

     A faint flush covered his cheeks and he looked
discomfited. It wasn’t something I’d seen on his face before, but then he was
showing me an entirely different side of himself today.

     “I hired someone to find out.” My heart jerked at those
words. “Marie, my cousin, gave me the number to the real-estate company and
when they informed me you were supposed to be gone for months I asked this guy
to find your address.” He grimaced like he was ashamed and I stared at him in alarmed
astonishment. “I’m sorry for stalking you like this, but I had to tell you what
I’d discovered. I couldn’t let you go on believing that what I’d said on that
phone four years ago was in anyway the truth, and that goes for the shit I said
three months ago.”

     Misery contorted his face and he moved toward me. I
stiffened reflexively but he only took the one step. “Fuck, Maya, if I could
change that entire course of events I would. When I saw you lying there naked
with my brother…it felt like my chest was being crushed.” He threw his hands up
in beleaguered frustration. “I mean, what was I supposed to think? It looked
pretty clear cut. Then the anger came and that was so much better than the
crushing pain. I welcomed it. I let it loose and it took over pushing the pain
to a place where it didn’t hurt so much.”

     I gaped at him. The emotion in his face and voice were
real, he wasn’t faking or exaggerating, and the sight nearly closed my throat. Had
he truly felt that way?

     He took another small step closer, eyes fevered, and
whispered. “Even after four years I needed that anger.”

    
What did he mean by that!?
Swallowing, I
croaked. “Landon, what else did this guy dig up on me?”

     “I didn’t do any digging into your personal life, I
promise. The only other thing I tried to find out about was where you might
have gone, but there was no trail.” He pledged with sincerity.

     I breathed a little easier, but I knew the bomb was
still ticking. I was also torn on whether I should stop it from exploding.
Today didn’t seem like the best day. There were already too many things that
had been exposed.

     “Landon…”

      I was interrupted by banging on the window to the left
of me. I turned to see the sweetest little face pressed against the glass
blowing me fish kisses. My heart softened, and then clenched. I looked back at
Landon in alarm to see him gazing at the face with a tormented expression.

     “You have a child?” He asked gruffly, seeming unable to
pull his gaze away.

     It looked like I wasn’t going to be able to stop it. “Yes.”
I whispered, watching him anxiously, my muscles tensing.

     He returned his gaze to mine and smiled. It wasn’t a
happy smile, and his hazel eyes had turned a darker green. They had been
shifting colors the entire time we’d been talking. They had always reminded me
of a mood stone, ranging from different colored blues to different colored
greens.  

     “You’re married.”

     I wasn’t certain if that was a question or a statement;
either way the words seemed forced from his lips, like he didn’t want to know
the answer.

      Still watching him intently, and in tense expectation,
I shook my head. “No.”

     His facial muscles relaxed slightly and a sigh huffed
from his mouth, but then he frowned and looked back at the window. He appeared
stuck in confusion unable to find his way out, but I knew he eventually would.

     “Nola’s small for her age.” I said softly to help him
along…because the bomb had already exploded.

     His eyes widened and he sucked in a breath, rocking
back. “Holy shit!” Even darker green eyes swiveled back to me, filled with
confusion, torment, dread. It was difficult for me to witness it. It had been
ten times as hard for me to go through. “Maya?” My name came out sounding like
an entreaty and then his gaze was back to the window, but Nola had already
dashed away. His eyes returned to me. “I…she…?” He couldn’t get the words out,
but he didn’t have to because I knew what he was trying to say.

     With sadness and pain pouring from mine I answered in a
tight voice. “I don’t know whose she is.”

     Landon paled and closed his eyes. He brought up trembling
hands and covered his face, and remained like that for several seconds, chest
heaving, breathing heavily. I was afraid to say anything at seeing his extreme
distress.

     When he finally spoke his voice came out gravelly. “I’m
trying so hard to control myself right now, but it’s not going to last.” He
lowered fisted hands and I stepped back instinctively at the rage in his eyes,
and he grimaced at my reaction. “This isn’t for you, Maya. Please don’t be
afraid of me.” He took in a shaky breath. “I can’t stay.”

     I sucked in a breath and stumbled back again at his
words. At first I’d been afraid of him finding out about Nola, but know pain
ripped through me at his rejection. He was either her father or her uncle, how
could he reject her? I pushed my own rejected feelings aside. Anger sparked
into an immediate flame and I was about to blast him when he stepped forward
and gripped my arms firmly.

     I froze.

     “Maya, the last thing I want to do is leave, but I
there is so much fury welling up in me right now…’ He let go and backed up
several steps, rubbing at his neck. “I need to hit something.” He bent over and
uttered a guttural. “Fuuccckkk, I’m going to kill him.” Rising he continued to
back up and I just stared at him wide eyed as it finally hit me. He was in an
uncontrollable rage because of his brother.

     As he backed away he stared at me with angry,
grief-stricken eyes. “I can’t be here right now. I don’t want her to see me
this way.” Turning he made his way to a luxurious dark green car across the
street.

     Coming out of my stupor I dashed to the curb. “Landon!”
He was in the process of getting in but paused, fisting the car like it was his
support. “Please don’t tell your parent’s or your brother.”

     His head bowed for a couple seconds, but then he raised
it and nodded. “Can I come back tomorrow, Maya?” He asked in a strained voice.

     I nodded without thinking.

     “Ten o’clock?”

     I nodded again.

     His gaze locked with mine for a moment, and then he got
in the car and drove away. I stared after him my heart beating wildly.

    
What the hell just happened!  

    
Landon had blown into my life, for a third time,
and disrupted everything. I’d gone from loving him, to misery at losing him, to
hating him, to identifying with him, to possibly feeling sorry for him…It was
all too much.

∞                   
∞                    ∞

     “Maya, I should be there with you. We should all be
there with you; me, Brian, and Gregory.”

     It was the next day and I was having another argument
with my mother, over the phone this time.

     Yesterday, when I’d turned to head back into the house
after Landon had left, my mother had been standing in the doorway, phone in
hand. She’d seen Landon through the front window and had freaked out thinking
Landon had come to take Nola away and had called Brian as reinforcement. I was
lucky she hadn’t called the police. After several dozen minutes of explaining
to her the essentials of why Landon had been here she’d calmed down some, but
she wasn’t convinced that Landon wasn’t a threat.

     While I was having mixed feelings about Landon my
mother wasn’t. She didn’t want him anywhere near Nola or me.

     “Mama, everything will be fine. We are just going to
talk. There are four years of misunderstandings that we need to discuss. He has
questions and so do I.”

     “I don’t care about his misunderstandings.” She
growled. “If he thinks he’s just going to waltz back into your life, or Nola’s,
like nothing happened…remember what those two boys did to you, Maya.” I heard a
small catch in her voice.

     My chest constricted at her worry and sorrow, but also
in remembrance. She’d been there for my downward spiral. “I remember, mama, but
I think Landon was a bit of a victim as well. He saw something that seemed
irrefutable to him. Can you say that if you had walked in on that you wouldn’t
have jumped to the same conclusion? I know if I had witness Landon in a bed
naked with another girl I would have reached the same conclusion he had.”