Authors: Lauren Weisberger
Lauren Weisberger 5-Book Collection: The Devil Wears Prada, Revenge Wears Prada, Everyone Worth Know
Everyone Worth Knowing
Chasing Harry Winston
Last Night at Chateau Marmont
Revenge Wears Prada
Lauren Weisberger
Table of Contents
Lauren Weisberger
Dedicated to the only three
people alive who genuinely believe it rivals
War and Peace
:
my mother,
Cheryl
, the mom
âa million girls would die for';
my father,
Steve
, who is handsome, witty,
brilliant, and talented, and
who insisted on writing his own dedication;
my phenomenal sister,
Dana
, their favorite
(until I wrote a book)
.
Table of Contents
âMaterial Girl' by Peter Brown and Robert Rans © 1984 by Candy Castle Music. Warner/Chappell North America, London W6 8BS. Reproduced by permission of International Music Ltd. All Rights Reserved.
âWANNABE' Words and Music by Emma Bunton, Geri Halliwell, Melanie Chisholm, Victoria Beckham, Richard Stannard, Matthew Rowbottom, Melanie Gulzar © 1995. Reproduced by permission of EMI Music Publishing Ltd/Polygram Music Publishing Ltd, London WC2H 0QY (50%).
© Copyright 1996 Universal Music Publishing Limited (50%).
Used By Permission Of Music Sales Limited.
All Rights Reserved. International Copyright Secured.
âI THINK WE'RE ALONE NOW' Words and Music by Ritchie Cordell. © 1967 (Renewed 1995) EMI Longitude Music, USA. Reproduced by permission of EMI Music Publishing Ltd, London WC2H 0QY © Copyright 1967, 1987 Longitude Music Company, USA. EMI Music Publishing (WP) Limited, for the United Kingdom and the Republic of Ireland.
Used By Permission Of Music Sales Limited.
All Rights Reserved. International Copyright Secured.
AMERICAN PIE
Words & Music by Don McLean © Copyright 1971 Mayday Music, USA. Universal/MCA Music Limited.
Used By Permission Of Music Sales Limited.
All Rights Reserved. International Copyright Secured.
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.
HENRY DAVID THOREAU,
WALDEN
1854
The light hadn't even officially turned green at the intersection of 17th and Broadway before an army of overconfident yellow cabs roared past the tiny deathtrap I was attempting to navigate around the city streets.
Clutch, gas, shift
(neutral to first? Or first to second?),
release clutch
, I repeated over and over in my head, the mantra offering little comfort and even less direction amid the screeching midday traffic. The little car bucked wildly twice before it lurched forward through the intersection. My heart flip-flopped in my chest. Without warning, the lurching evened out and I began to pick up speed. Lots of speed. I glanced down to confirm visually that I was only in second gear, but the rear end of a cab loomed so large in the windshield that I could do nothing but jam my foot on the brake pedal so hard that my heel snapped off. Shit! Another pair of seven-hundred-dollar shoes sacrificed to my complete and utter lack of grace under pressure: this clocked in as my third such breakage this month. It was almost a relief when the car stalled (I'd obviously forgotten to press the clutch when attempting to brake for my life). I had a few seconds â peaceful seconds if one could overlook the angry honking and varied forms of the word âfuck' being hurled at me from all directions â to pull off my Manolos and toss them into the passenger seat. There was nowhere to wipe my sweaty hands except for the suede Gucci pants that hugged my thighs and hips so tightly they'd both begun to tingle within minutes of my securing the final button. My fingers left wet streaks across the supple suede that swathed the tops of my now numb thighs. Attempting to drive this $84,000 stick-shift convertible through the obstacle-fraught streets of midtown at lunchtime pretty much demanded that I smoke a cigarette.
âFuckin' move, lady!' hollered a swarthy driver whose chest hair threatened to overtake the wife-beater he wore. âWhat do you think this is? Fuckin' drivin' school? Get outta the way!'
I raised a shaking hand to give him the finger and then turned my attention to the business at hand: getting nicotine coursing through my veins as quickly as possible. My hands were moist again with sweat, evidenced by the matches that kept slipping to the floor. The light turned green just as I managed to touch the fire to the end of the cigarette, and I was forced to leave it hanging between my lips as I negotiated the intricacies of
clutch, gas, shift
(neutral to first? Or first to second?),
release clutch
, the smoke wafting in and out of my mouth with each and every breath. It was another three blocks before the car moved smoothly enough for me to remove the cigarette, but it was already too late: the precariously long line of spent ash had found its way directly to the sweat stain on the pants. Awesome. But before I could consider that, counting the Manolos, I'd wrecked $3,100 worth of merchandise in under three minutes, my cell phone bleated loudly. And as if the very essence of life itself didn't suck enough at that particular moment, the caller ID confirmed my worst fear: it was Her. Miranda Priestly. My boss.
âAhn-dre-ah! Ahn-dre-ah! Can you hear me, Ahn-dre-ah?' she trilled the moment I snapped my Motorola open â no small feat considering both of my (bare) feet and hands were already contending with various obligations. I propped the phone between my ear and shoulder and tossed the cigarette out the window, where it narrowly missed hitting a bike messenger. He screamed out a few highly unoriginal âfuck yous' before weaving forward.
âYes, Miranda. Hi, I can hear you perfectly.'
âAhn-dre-ah, where's my car? Did you drop it off at the garage yet?'
The light ahead of me blessedly turned red and looked as though it might be a long one. The car jerked to a stop without hitting anyone or anything, and I breathed a sigh of relief. âI'm in the car right now, Miranda, and I should be at the garage in just a few minutes.' I figured she was probably concerned that everything was going well, so I reassured her that there were no problems whatsoever and we should both arrive shortly in perfect condition.
âWhatever,' she said brusquely, cutting me off midsentence. âI need you to pick up Madelaine and drop her off at the apartment before you come back to the office.' Click. The phone went dead. I stared at it for a few seconds before I realized that she'd deliberately hung up because she had provided all of the details I could hope to receive. Madelaine. Who the hell was Madelaine? Where was she at the moment? Did she know I was to pick her up? Why was she going back to Miranda's apartment? And why on earth â considering Miranda had a full-time driver, housekeeper, and nanny â was I the one who had to do it?
Remembering that it was illegal to talk on a cell phone while driving in New York and figuring the last thing I needed at that moment was a run-in with the NYPD, I pulled into the bus lane and switched my flashers on. Breathe in, breathe out, I coached myself, even remembering to apply the parking brake before taking my foot off the regular one. It had been years since I'd driven a stick-shift car â five years, actually, since a high school boyfriend had volunteered his car up for a few lessons that I'd decidedly flunked â but Miranda hadn't seemed to consider that when she'd called me into her office an hour and a half earlier.
âAhn-dre-ah, my car needs to be picked up from the place and dropped off at the garage. Attend to it immediately, as we'll be needing it tonight to drive to the Hamptons. That's all.' I stood, rooted to the carpet in front of her behemoth desk, but she'd already blocked out my presence entirely. Or so I thought. âThat's
all
, Ahn-dre-ah. See to it right now,' she added, still not glancing up.
Ah, sure, Miranda
, I thought to myself as I walked away, trying to figure out the first step in the assignment that was sure to have a million pitfalls along the way. First was definitely to find out at which âplace' the car was located. Most likely it was being repaired at the dealership, but it could obviously be at any one of a million auto shops in any one of the five boroughs. Or perhaps she'd lent it to a friend and it was currently occupying an expensive spot in a full-service garage somewhere on Park Avenue? Of course, there was always the chance that she was referring to a new car â brand unknown â that she'd just recently purchased that hadn't yet been brought home from the (unknown) dealership. I had a lot of work to do.
I started by calling Miranda's nanny, but her cell phone went straight to voice mail. The housekeeper was next on the list and, for once, a big help. She was able to tell me that the car wasn't brand-new and it was in fact a âconvertible sports car in British racing green,' and that it was usually parked in a garage on Miranda's block, but she had no idea what the make was or where it might currently be residing. Next on the list was Miranda's husband's assistant, who informed me that, as far as she knew, the couple owned a top-of-the-line black Lincoln Navigator and some sort of small green Porsche. Yes! I had my first lead. One quick phone call to the Porsche dealership on Eleventh Avenue revealed that yes, they had just finished touching up the paint and installing a new disc-changer in a green Carrera 4 Cabriolet for a Ms Miranda Priestly. Jackpot!
