Lavender Lies (Historical Romance) (36 page)

"So the child is a boy?"

"Yes, you have a fine healthy son."

"He ... is all right?"

She smiled assuredly. "If you could have heard the way he yelled, you would know he was very much all right. He is a bit on the small side now, but given time, it is my belief that he will reach your height."

Julian took a reluctant step forward. He did not want to feel anything for this child. "I do not want to see him. Take him away," he said in a dry voice. With an effort he turned back to the window, pretending indifference to the child.

"I would have thought you would want to see how much your son favors you. He has your dark hair, and even though it is too soon to be certain, I feel sure he has your eyes."

Julian turned back to his grandmother. "You are certain that the child is healthy?"

"As certain as we can be at this time." She smiled to herself, knowing the battle that raged within her grandson's heart. Perhaps she would just tip the scales in the baby's favor. "Are you aware that this little bit of humanity is your hope for the future. Because of him, your own line will succeed you to the dukedom. Yes, he is small, but already he is a marquess. That is quite a title for such tiny shoulders."

"Did you say he has dark hair?" Julian moved several steps across the room.

"Yes, his hair is dark. Would you care to see for yourself?"

In   several   long  strides, Julian was beside his grandmother. He watched, hardly daring to breathe, as she pulled the cover aside to reveal the tiny infant. The dowager had said the baby was small, but Julian had not realized a human being could be this little. His hand trembled when he reached out and touched the baby's silken hair. "Are you sure he is all right, Grandmama?”

She smiled. Would you like to hold him so you can make certain for yourself?"

Julian stepped back, terrified at the thought. "No, I would not know how."

"Very well, I'll just take him back upstairs and put him to bed then." She took a step toward the door.

"Wait," he said, staring at his small son. "Perhaps you could bring him over to the fire, just to make sure he doesn't catch a chill."

The dowager smiled to herself, but when she faced her grandson, there was no trace of humor. "Yes, I suppose we could do that. Come and sit by me," she said, walking to the couch situated nearest the fire.

Julian could not take his eyes off the child, as he eased himself down beside his grandmother. He reached out and picked up a tiny hand, noting that his own little finger was bigger than the child's whole arm. "How can a baby so small ever grow to adulthood?" he questioned in awe.

"We human beings are a sturdy lot. We have endured untold generations, and if God sees fit, I am sure we shall endure for many more." She moved forward, and before Julian knew what she was about, she placed the baby in his arms. "How remiss of me. I must send someone to the village at once to bring the wet nurse. The child will be waking soon and demand to be fed."

Julian felt his nerves tighten. "You cannot leave the baby with me. I don't know what to do with him."

She moved across the room, pausing in the doorway. "Well, you had better learn, Julian, because that baby belongs to you. He is blood of your blood, and flesh of your flesh." With that as her parting shot, she disappeared out the door. A bright smile accompanied her up the stairs. It was important that Julian have this time alone with his firstborn son.

At first Julian felt awkward and uncomfortable holding the child. Pressing his back against the couch, he brought the child closer to him so he could brace him with his body. His eyes swept the perfectly formed face, and he felt a tug at his heart. Slowly he pulled the blanket aside and gazed at the little legs, wondering how they would ever grow strong enough for the child to walk on.

Without warning, he felt a strong protectiveness for this child that was of his own flesh—his and Lavender's. Lifting the child to his face, he closed his eyes and newfound father love washed over him like a tidal wave. "My son," he whispered, feeling as if he had just been reborn himself. "We have many things to do together, you and I," he said, softly kissing the warm little cheek. "I have so many things to teach you." A lump formed in his throat. "There are so many things that we will do together." He smiled. "Do you know that you are the Marquess of Westfield?"

The baby stretched and settled down warm and snug in his father's arms, unimpressed with the fact that there was a long title attached to his name.

*                                          *                                          *

Lavender awoke to golden sunlight streaming into her bedroom. She tried to sit up, but weakness and pain curtailed her movements. Seeing her bandaged hands, she quickly felt her stomach and found she no longer carried the child within her.

A great sob escaped her throat as she experienced a feeling of great loss. "My baby," she cried into her pillow. "I have lost my baby!"

Gentle hands smoothed the hair from her forehead, and she turned tear-bright eyes to the dowager. "I lost the baby, Grandmama," she cried, taking in big gulps of air.

"No, dear child. The baby is not lost. You have a son!"

Lavender wiped her eyes on the back of her hand. "You would not say it if it were not true, would you, Grandmama?"

"I can assure you, 1 would not. The child has been taken to the nursery down the hall so he would not disturb your sleep."

Lavender closed her eyes. So Julian had the son he wanted. Now she had fulfilled her end of the bargain and had given him a life for the life of his brother. She remembered challenging Julian with the rapier, knowing she could never have harmed him. She had many things to think about. As soon as she was able, she would be going back to America. But how would she ever be able to leave her son? she wondered frantically.

Feeling like the weight of the world was on her shoulders, Lavender spoke to the dowager. "When will I be allowed to see my baby?" she asked, trying to still the mother's heart that beat inside her.

Julian had given orders that Lavender was not to be allowed to see the child until he decided she could. The dowager knew he was striking out at himself more than at Lavender. "You are tired, child. You must rest for today. I am sure you will feel better tomorrow, and then you can see your son."

Lavender caught the dowager's hand. "Are you certain the baby is all right? He was born much too early."

"I can assure you he is in the best of health. Perhaps tomorrow you will see for yourself."

"Is Nicodemus here, Grandmama?" Lavender said, changing the subject.

"Is that the name of your friend from America?"

"Yes, Grandmama."

"As it happens, he is below with Julian at this moment. I am sure my grandson feels the man has a lot of explaining to do."

"I will not allow any harm to come to Nicodemus," Lavender said in a determined voice.

"When I saw them earlier, it appeared that he and Julian are on good terms. I do not believe you have anything to fear."

"Will you please ask Mrs. Forsythe to have him come to me here, Grandmama?"

"I assume, when you say
him
, that you speak of Nicodemus, and not your husband?"

"Yes, Grandmama."

The dowager stood up wearily. "Very well, Lavender. I will see that Nicodemus is brought here."

Lavender watched Julian's grandmother leave the room, feeling sadness deep inside. How would she ever be able to leave that dear sweet woman? Tears gathered in her eyes and she wiped them angrily away. She would need all the strength she possessed to face the days ahead of her. She ached to hold her baby, and she wanted more than anything to see Julian at the moment.

She stared at the ceiling, wondering how long it would take until she had recovered sufficiently to make the voyage to America.

23

The dowager went sailing into her grandson's study. The servants who had been at Mannington over the years knew by the determined look on her face that something was irritating her. They had seen her take the duke to task in the past, and apparently she was about to do it again.

The dowager found Julian at his desk and marched up to him. "Stop whatever you are doing and listen to me, Julian," she said in a voice that would brook no disrespect. She was using her position as matriarch of the family to speak her mind.

He placed his pen down and laced his fingers together, with a slight smile on his lips. "I am yours to command, Grandmama."

She cast him an indignant glance. "Would that it were true. Nevertheless, I have come to tell you my feelings and I insist that you listen."

He came around the desk and seated her in a chair, but when he would have spoken, she held up her hand to silence him. "I think it is about time that you and I spoke a few truths."

Julian sat down opposite his grandmother, wondering what had brought her to him in such a state. "I have a feeling I am about to be berated. May I know what I have done that would warrant your displeasure?"

"Why are you keeping the baby away from Lavender? Good God, Julian, have you no feelings?"

His eyes narrowed. "I have my reasons for refusing to allow Lavender to see the baby."

"Would you share those reasons with me? I can assure you I am completely in the dark where your attitude toward Lavender is concerned."

Julian leaned his head back and studied the tip of his black boots. "If you are asking me to be honest with you, I would have to say I am keeping the baby away from Lavender to punish her, Grandmama."

The dowager nodded. "It is as I suspected. You blame Lavender for William's death, but more than that, you blame yourself. William's death was not your fault, Julian, nor was it Lavender's. He was weak, and if the disgrace had not pushed him into taking his own life, something else would have. Being of strong character, you may never understand this."

Julian stared at his grandmother. "I wish to God I could believe you. I have been in torment, thinking there must have been something I could have done to prevent William from taking his own life."

"Yes, and you have tormented Lavender as well. If you are the man I think you are, you must put this unpleasant affair behind you and take the happiness that is at your fingertips. Go to Lavender, Julian. Tell her of your feelings before it's too late."

"I don't know what you are talking about. I have no feelings for Lavender."

"You can be untruthful with me, Julian, but must you mislead your own heart? I have seen the way you look at her. Why is it so hard for you to admit that you love the woman who is your wife and the mother of your child?"

Julian stood up and moved to his desk. "You are mistaken, Grandmama, about my feelings. You are a romantic and think you see love where none exists."

She sighed heavily, knowing Julian would have to find his own way and time to deal with his emotions. Rising to her feet, she sadly shook her head. "Will you allow Lavender to see the baby, Julian?"

His jaw clamped tightly together. "No. I am told that she has not even asked to see me."

"Why should she."

"Why indeed," he agreed churlishly.

"You will lose her, Julian. Is that what you want?"

He picked up his pen and dipped it in the ink. "I love and respect you, Grandmama, but I will no longer discuss this with you."

She moved in front of him and tapped her cane on his desk. "You will live to rue the day you kept Lavender from her son. The baby is as much Lavender's son as he is yours, you know."

Julian's eyes were dark and brooding as his grandmother left the room. She had given him much to ponder.

Nicodemus stood at Lavender's bedroom window, with his hands poked in his pockets and a look of concern on his ruddy face. "I don't feel good about this, Lavender. I know you well enough to realize you would grieve yourself to death if you left this baby behind."

She was propped up against several pillows, with her golden hair spilling down her back and across her shoulders. "What choice have I? I told you about the bargain I made with Julian, and make no mistake about it, Nicodemus, Julian will hold me to that bargain."

He leveled a long searching glance at her. "He is a man, Lavender. Of course he has a title, but he is still a man like any other. He's a proud devil, and you can bet he will never forget that you challenged him to a duel."

"I had to, Nicodemus. He would have killed you, and you know it."

"Maybe . . . Have you thought of remaining here, Lavender?"

She shook her head, her eyes big, blue, and misty. "No, that was not part of our bargain. Julian wants the baby, he does not want me."

"Have you asked him if you could stay?"

She raised her proud head and met his eyes. "No, and I never will."

"I am told that you have not yet seen the child, Lavender."

"I do not understand why I have not been allowed to see him. I have asked to see the baby, but no one will bring him to me. Perhaps I will not be allowed to see him at all." Tears wet her cheeks and she brushed them angrily away. "I will be glad to see the last of England. I do not like it here."

"Have you told the duke that you are leaving?"

"No, there is no need. He will be expecting me to leave."

Nicodemus moved across the room and stood over Lavender. "I will leave for London in two days' time, so I can make all our arrangements for the sea voyage home. By the time I return you should be recovered enough to travel, or perhaps you will have changed your mind about leaving."

"I will not change my mind, but why can you not leave for London tomorrow, Nicodemus?"

"Because I can't go until I have made certain that Brainard has had a proper burial."

Lavender shivered when she remembered how Brainard had died. There was sorrow in her heart for the man he once had been. "Brainard would have hated to be buried on English soil. If he was nothing else, he was loyal to his country."

"So much so, Lavender, that it warped his thinking." Again Nicodemus searched her face. "Think carefully. Are you certain that you want to return to Williamsburg? You will be leaving a lot behind."

She studied the bandages on her hands and then plucked at the lace on the sleeve of her gown. "1 am certain, Nicodemus. Nothing will happen to change my mind. I want to see Aunt Amelia and Chandler. I want to go home."

He reached out and clasped her hand. "It surely pains me to see the unhappiness in your eyes, Lavender. I wish I could do something to make you feel better."

She smiled and patted his hand. "I have survived difficulties before, and I suspect I shall do so again." She looked into his face and spoke hesitantly. "Nicodemus, tell no one where you are going and what you are about. I do not want anyone to know what my plans are."

"I will tell no one." He turned away and walked to the door. With his hand on the doorknob, he turned back to her. "If you want my advice, you will insist on seeing that baby at least once before we leave." He wrenched the door open and left without waiting for her to answer.

Lavender awoke from a nap, and stretched her arms over her head. She had the feeling that she was not alone, and she glanced up to find Julian standing over her.

"1 did not mean to startle you," he said, pulling up a chair and sitting next to her.

She looked into his eyes, wondering why he had come. Did he want to remind her that her time here was limited? "I would really rather you would knock before you entered my bedroom, Julian," she said with some of her old spirit returning.

He said nothing, but continued to stare at her.

"Did you want something?" she asked, feeling uncomfortable under his close scrutiny.

"I have been told by the doctor that you will be completely recovered from the birth of the baby within a month."

"I do not anticipate that it will take that long."

He shrugged his broad shoulders. "If I know you, Lavender, you will be on your feet much sooner."

She blinked. Was he trying to rush her recovery so he could be rid of her all the sooner. "You need not be concerned, Julian, I heal quickly."

His eyes moved over her face, and he saw the wounds where she had been cut by the glass, and he noticed that her hands were still bandaged. She looked so small and helpless, but he knew inside her there beat a fierce heart which any man would be proud to claim as his own. "I understand that you have been asking to see the baby?"

"I do not find that such an unreasonable request, Julian." She toyed with the bandage on her hand, wishing he would leave, yet wanting him to stay. "I just want to see for myself that the child is all right."

He was watchful. "May I inquire as to why you think you have a right to see my son?"

She felt a lump in her throat, aching to hold her baby, and knowing Julian was playing with her, trying to hurt her. But why? Had he not already taken more than a woman should be asked to give? She had the feeling she must guard her feelings, lest Julian use the baby to destroy her. "You are right, Julian. He is not my son, he belongs to you."

"You need have no concern for his welfare. I have engaged a wet nurse and a nanny to look after him, so you can be satisfied that he is getting the best of care."

"Have you given him a name?" she asked.

"Not as yet. I thought William would be most appropriate."

Lavender shook her head. "Do not do this to me, Julian. Do not name him for your dead brother."

He leaned back and watched her closely. "I thought you might not be pleased by that prospect. Perhaps you would like to settle the matter of his name with a rapier. It seems that is your answer to everything."

"Name him whatever you like, but please allow me to see my baby just once."

His eyes moved across her face and he read the desperation there. "I think not, Lavender. You see, I do not trust you not to take the child and leave."

Lavender turned her head and stared at the fresh basket of peaches Muldoon had delivered earlier in the day. "1 gave you what you wanted, Julian. Why can you not just allow me this one small request?"

He stood up abruptly, unable to bear the pain he saw in her beautiful blue eyes. "I just had to see for myself if you were recovered. 1 can see much of your spirit has returned."

"Why are you doing this, Julian?"

He answered her question with a question of his own. "Why did you send for Brainard Thruston and Nicodemus. Did you think they would help you escape from me?'

Now she knew what was bothering him. He thought she had sent for Brainard and Nicodemus. "I gave you my word I would stay with you until after the baby was born. I did not ask either Nicodemus nor Brainard to come for me."

"Why do I not believe you, Lavender? Could it be that you have lied so many times that I cannot believe you now?"

She avoided his eyes, fearing he would see the tears in hers. "1 only lied when 1 had to protect myself as the Swallow."

He smiled. "Yes, you found it convenient to hide behind the guise of the Swallow, so you could live in a world of lies."

"You have what you wanted, Julian. You have taken all 1 have to give—now you can leave."

He reached out and lifted her chin, making her meet his eyes. "I wanted to tell you that I am taking the baby away from Mannington as soon as he is old enough to travel."

She moistened her dry lips with her tongue. "But why?"

"Why should it matter to you?"

"I. .. it's just that he ... is ... I was wondering where you will be taking him. He is too young to travel any great distance for several months."

"Whatever you may think, I am not doing this to spite you, Lavender. The Westfield heirs are always christened at St. Paul's Cathedral. My son will be no exception."

Lavender's lips trembled from the pain she was feeling and she reached deep inside herself, trying to play this one last role without falling into a thousand pieces. She prayed she would not break down in front of Julian. "You have what you wanted, Julian. I gave you back a life for a life . . ." Her heart was breaking, but she had to hide it. "Now you no longer have any hold on me."

In that moment Julian realized he loved Lavender and she loved the baby. Had he sunk so low that he was using the baby to hold on to her? "I have decided to be generous, and will allow you to see the baby, but only if I accompany you to the nursery. You will save yourself a lot of grief if you remember this. I will instruct the nanny that you are not to be allowed near my son unless I am with you."

When he turned and walked abruptly away, she held out her hand to him, but he did not see. By the time he had left the room, she collapsed in a heap as sobs racked her body. Her arms ached to hold her son, and she felt so empty inside. Lavender knew she would die rather than be humiliated by having to ask Julian every time she wanted to see her own son.