Layover (17 page)

“Angela, Allen is already married. My mother-in-law is tripping. Are you telling me this is all about some light skin and straight hair?”

“Hell yeh! That’s why your mother-in-law doesn’t like Lisa. Her ass is too Black. Nya, don’t be so naive. This is Mississippi. Everything is about looking White. Why do you think Ricky married me? I’m not crazy. I know it’s because I’m White.”

“Yeh, but I’m not White,” I reminded her.

“No, but you’re half White and you
could
pass for White. You’ve got the color and the hair. That’s all that counts down here.”

“I’m not half White. My father is middle eastern.”

“Well, he must be from the White part of the middle east. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. You’ve got the look, the look that these people covet. Your mother-in-law wants to keep you around so you can lighten up their family tree,” Angela enlightened me.

“I don’t get it. They are descended from Scottish. They have a strong Scottish background.”

“They did until your late father-in-law married your mother-in-law. She is so dark that you can’t even see the Scottish in the kids. They look 100% Black, even though they are half Scottish. Now she feels it her obligation to bleach the next generation.”

“That sounds like self-hatred to me. I didn’t grow up with that kind of thinking,” I told Angela.

“Well Ny, that’s the way it is down here. I’m just sorry you got caught up unwittingly. At least I knew what I was getting myself into. Hell, they are still mad at me because Cameron has curly hair, instead of straight. They felt that since I was White, Cameron should have had straight hair. Hell, I can’t do everything. She has White skin. I don’t know what else they want.”

I was astounded. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. All this is about skin color and hair type. I feel so silly for thinking it was something deeper, like that everyone liked me for me. It makes me think about Dee Dee and how she bragged that she was the lightest person in her family. I guess that’s some kind of accolade. I’m glad I was Angela’s friend and that she would tell me all of this.

“So, back to this Allen thing. Are you saying that my mother-in-law
wants
me to be with Allen?”

“Hell yeh, if you are going to have lots of mixed kids.”

“Angela, I’m sorry, but I’m trippin’. This is all new to me. Why don’t they just find a straight up White girl for Allen and be done with it?”

“You know Tootie hates White people. She can’t stand my ass. See, you’re like White, with Negro tendencies. You’re White until you open your mouth! But enough of that, it’s not going to happen.”

I wouldn’t say that.

I would love nothing more than to have 5 or more children with Allen. He’s exactly the kind of man you would want to do that with. You can rest assured that he would always be there for you and your family. I probably would not have to lift a finger, even though I would. Yeh, that’s the kind of family I always pictured myself in. Instead, I got the pretty, shallow brother who could give a damn about the family, as long as he looks and smells good. I felt very comfortable with Angela and I really wanted to confide in her about my feelings for Allen, but I know that she talks a lot and she is loud as hell. I didn’t need my business all over Oxford before it was time.

“No, I suppose it won’t.”

“So, what were you two doing the other morning at the store that early?”

I smiled a bit. I knew Angela would find it funny.

“My mother-in-law sent us together.”

“See, I told you. Come on, Ny. You don’t find Allen the least bit attractive?”

“Angela, he is my brother-in-law! He’s o.k., but he’s no Kenny.”

“No, he ain’t no Kenny, that’s for damn sure. I mean Allen looks good, but Kenny is one fine motherfucker. That chocolate ass brother is sexy.”

I could see Angela turning red as she spoke of the finer points of my husband. Kenny is gorgeous, but if you lived in a house with him day in and day out, you would be immune to it. It didn’t bother me to hear her go on about him in that way because most women do. They can’t control themselves. I am, in fact, married to the prettiest Black motherfucker on earth. And I don’t even want him anymore.

“Ok, Angela, I feel you. Now calm down before you explode.”

“I’m cool. But I’m just saying Nya, I know you want more. Everyone knows how shallow Kenny can be. I know a woman has got to want more than just a good-looking man. Allen has a little bit of it all. He has the looks, the personality, the brains, the sensitivity. What woman wouldn’t be attracted to that?”

“I think Allen is okay, but like I said, he’s Kenny’s brother.”

“Ok.”

We stopped talking long enough to become interested in the morning talk show that was on television. It was one of those trash tv talk shows where the guests usually end up fighting. I think that’s all Angela did was watch t.v. during the day. She worked in the evenings as a supervisor at the casino. She had one of the best jobs in town and everyone said it was because, of course, she was White. We were deep into it when there was a knock at the door. Angela got up and looked out of the curtain. She burst into laughter and looked back at me.

“Your boyfriend is here.”

My heart began beating fast. My hands were shaking and I tried desperately not to let on that I even knew who she was talking about.

“Who?” I asked casually.

She opened the door and smiled.

“Are you looking for Nya?” She teased him.

“No, is Ricky here?”

“No, he had to work this morning. You can come in, though. Nya is here.”

“Oh, yeh, I saw her car in the driveway,” he told her as he walked in.

He sat down on the opposite side of the room and placed his hands awkwardly on his knees.

“What time does Ricky get off? I wanted him to ride to Springdale with me to get some fresh fish.”

 “He’ll be home in a few hours. He’s working a short day since tomorrow is a holiday. Do you want to wait here with Nya and me?”

He looked over at me and lowered his eyes.

“No, I better be going. Just tell him to call me.”

Allen got up and walked out of the door.

“I’ll tell him,” Angela promised.

As Allen drove off, Angela smiled and looked at me.

“What?” I asked, guilty.

“You two are so obvious! Nya, you better stop playing with me and tell me everything! I may be White but I’m not stupid.”

“Angela, there is nothing to tell. I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Okay, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. But even if you are an unwitting party, that boy is crazy in love with you!”

“You must be losing it, Angela. Allen hardly even talks to me,” I tried to lie.

“Nya, he was about to jump out of his skin, he is so crazy about you. He knew Ricky wasn’t here. He came over to see you.”

“Angela, he can see me at my mother-in-law’s house. Why would he come here?”

“So he can admire you away from the family. If he looks at you too hard over there, someone is going to say something.”

Now more than ever I wanted to confide in her, but something tells me that if I tell her how I feel about Allen, it won’t be in confidence. She will have my business in the streets of Oxford right up to Aunt Minnie’s house. I couldn’t risk it. Allen and I were too close to being together to risk this kind of scandal.

“Well, I can’t tell. You must see something I don’t.”

She calmed down and we finished watching the show. After it went off, I told her I had to get going.

“Just remember what I said, Ny. You deserve a man who is going to adore you. You should want a marriage, not just a husband.”

I got into my car and drove to the end of the street. At the store on the corner, I could see a shiny, butternut colored Tahoe in the parking lot with fumes coming out of the exhaust. It was Allen. He was sitting in his truck with the engine running and his lights on. I pulled into the lot to see what he was doing.

“Are you waiting for someone?”

“You.”

“You’ve been sitting here since you left Angela’s?”

“Yeh. I wanted to see you.”

“Allen, this thing is getting crazy. We can’t keep going on like this. Even Angela knows how we feel.”

“I don’t give a damn if the whole world knows! You’re the one who wants to wait to tell everyone. And what are we waiting for? To make sure we feel the way we think we feel? What does that mean? If we feel that way then damnit, that’s the way we feel! I’m tired of this shit, Nya. I want
you
to come home with me, not Lisa.”

“One month, Allen. That’s all I’m asking. We’re running high on emotions right now, but what happens when we come down off of that high? Are we still going to feel the same? There is no need to ruin lives if we are not going to feel this way tomorrow. We have to be sure. The only way to do that is to spend some time away from each other and see if the feelings are still strong. If they are, then we need to be together. If they’re gone, then no harm, no foul. Everyone can go on with their lives as if nothing happened.”

“But something did happen. Nya, something happened. I made love to you. It happened and nothing can erase that. The things I felt for you while I was making love to your sweet body, I could never explain. That’s why I’m sitting out here like a stalker. I need you, Ny.”

“Allen, I feel something very deep for you also. I don’t take what happened lightly. If it were up to me, it would not have happened. You cheated out of the right to say no to you. I have forgiven you for what happened but I have some reservations because of it. Let’s wait awhile, Allen, at least until Christmas.”

“Get in the car with me, Ny.”

“Allen, is this really a good idea?” I asked, looking around.

“Just do it.”

I got out of my car and got in with him.

“Nya, let me kiss you.”

“No.”

“Ny, please. Just on the cheek. I need to smell your skin - something!”

I tilted my face so my cheek was at an angle the he could kiss. It seemed innocent enough. He kissed me with wet, hot lips and held it. I closed my eyes and pictured us in our new home in front of a fireplace. When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was a Black Corsica with a White lady in it. Angela was driving by slowly and pointing her index finger at me as if to say, “I knew it”.

I thought I was going to die of embarrassment. I had to tell her now. I looked over at Allen, who’s lips were still on my cheek. His eyes were still closed and I saw no need to inform him that we were just on Candid Camera. I pulled my cheek away and his lips acted as if they wanted to follow.

“Ny, I love you.”

“I love you too, Allen.”

“Ny, let’s go somewhere. Let’s just drive. I promise I won’t try anything. I just need to be with you right now.”

“Allen, it’s not cool. We’re playing it too close. This is a small town, you know. Eyes are everywhere. We don’t need a scandal. When we get together, we want it to be pure and unscathed.”

He took a deep breath and sat back into his seat. He looked straight ahead and didn’t make a sound. I knew he was disappointed but I couldn’t have this sort of thing to worry about. It was bad enough that Angela saw us, but I can handle her. Who knows who else saw us while our eyes were closed?

“Fine, Ny. But I can’t promise that Lisa is not going to try to get back in my graces when we get back to Colorado.”

I doubt that.

“Well, if you let her in, then you and I weren’t meant to be.”

I got out of the car and closed the door. As I did, I kept my hand on the handle and look deeply into Allen’s eyes. I could see the love was real. He was aching and desiring me so much. I wanted him even more than that. I turned my head and was just about to walk to my car when a burgundy Escort sped in front of me and stopped suddenly.

“My, my. This explains a lot. Like, why you had so much to say to me the other night.”

It was Akina. It was the worst person who could have seen me leaving Allen’s car.

“What are you talking about?” I asked her, aggravated.

“Yeh, creepin’ huh?”

“Go to hell, fat bitch!” I told her.

Allen got out of his car.

“Akina, leave her alone.”

“Oh, standing up for your girlfriend, huh? Yeh, you two really have each other’s back. She really defended you the other night, now you’re taking up for her. I guess that’s what you do for somebody you like.”

“That’s what you do for your sister-in-law. Now get away from her before I call the police,” Allen told her.

“Oh, you gone put me in jail?” She asked him.

“Not if I put you in the hospital first,” I assured her.

“Nya, just go home. I’ll deal with her.”

I reluctantly got in my car. I sat there contemplating whether I should stay or not. I knew there were things the two of them needed to talk about, but I didn’t want to leave him with that woman. Still, I knew he would tell me everything later.

“Allen,” I said after I let down my window, “If you need me, call me.”