Learning to Be Little Again (21 page)

I looked at him with what must have been horror written all over my face. Here I was directly asking him to take me to the bathroom, and he wasn’t going to do it. This was crossing so many boundaries, it wasn’t even funny.

Of course, since he completely ignored my request, I got even angrier. Before I knew it, I was shouting at him. “No! I want to go to the bathroom!”

“Little girl, I expect better behavior from you. I understand that you aren’t feeling well, but this is no way to speak to your Daddy.”

“I don’t care! I want to go to the bathroom now!” I shouted, crossing my arms over my chest—or the best attempt at crossing them with one of my arms in a cast.

“Sweetie, you better change your attitude and use your diaper like a good little girl.”

“
No! I won’t!
” I screamed at him. This was ridiculous! I was telling him I didn’t want to use my diaper for its intended purpose, and he was ignoring me. It wasn’t like it was something stupid, like not eating my vegetables. This was a basic human need he was denying me!

“If that’s the case, then I guess someone will be getting another enema!” he growled right back at me and then left the room.

Panic swelled in my chest. This situation reminded me too much of how Boyle had treated me. I was not going to allow him to give me an enema or boss me around anymore. I’d had enough. I needed to get out of here. If he was starting to remind me of Boyle, I was afraid that soon he wouldn’t give me any control at all.

I saw the cordless phone on top of his dresser across the room and I knew that it was my only chance. If I could just call Mark or Samantha or Jackson, they would help me. They would respect my wishes. I carefully turned so my legs were hanging over the bed, and then stood up on only my right leg since my left leg was in a cast.

I began to hop over to the dresser, hoping beyond all hope that I could reach the phone before Robert came back. I was just about there when I hopped too far and fell down.

“
Ouchie
!” I screamed as I landed on my side.

“
Juliana
?” Robert called. I could hear him racing up the stairs. “Are you okay, sweetie? Here, let me help you,” he said, running over to try and grab me.

“No! Stop!
No
!” I screamed, fighting his hands.

“Juliana! I’m trying to help you! Stop fighting me, little girl!” he growled, continuing to attempt to pick me up.

“Leave me alone, Boyle!” I screamed, and then both Robert and I froze. He looked at me like I’d just told him he was the worst person in the world.

“R-Robert, I’m so sorry!” I said, right as I began to cry. How could I have let this happen? I didn’t even know how it happened. My loving boyfriend had turned into the type of boyfriend I’d vowed to never date again.

Strong arms lifted me up as I cried, and to my shock, he carried me into the bathroom. He helped me get my pajamas and diaper off and then left the room.

I felt so confused! He had been the perfect boyfriend and daddy before my accident. What had happened to him? I didn’t want him to leave, but if he was going to be treating me like this from now on, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to stay.

After I took care of my needs, I carefully stood up on my right leg, pulled my footie pajamas back on, hopped to the sink, and washed my hands the best I could with one of my hands in a cast. Once I finished that, I started to hop to the door and saw he was standing outside. Without asking, he picked me up again and carried me into his bedroom, placing me on the bed. Then he left the room once again.

I was so upset. He was going to leave me and it was all of my fault. I curled up in a ball, grabbed my teddy that he must have brought in here, and I began to sob my heart out. All I’d wanted was for him to reel in his overbearing attitude, and instead he was leaving me. It was all my fault.

Chapter Twenty-Five

I was an idiot, plain and simple. How could I treat Juliana like that? A part of me knew I was being too controlling, but every time I had closed my eyes, I pictured her in that hospital bed, with all of her bruises and broken bones.

She was going to leave me now, and it was all my fault. I couldn’t let her leave me. So doing the only thing I could think of, I called Jackson.

“Hey, Robert. How’s it going with Juliana?” he asked, answering his phone on the second ring.

“Jackson… I screwed up and I need your advice.”

He chuckled. “I’m sure you couldn’t have messed up too badly. Tell me what you did.”

So for the next ten minutes, I told him everything that had happened since I’d visited Juliana in the hospital.

When I finished, Jackson sighed. “Crap, man! What got into that head of yours?”

“I know. I just couldn’t help myself. I kept picturing her in that hospital bed. I just wanted to take her home and keep her from feeling any more pain.”

“You screwed up royally, my friend. Samantha and I are on our way over.”

I paused, wondering if that was the best idea. What would happen if they got here and Juliana begged Samantha and Jackson to take her home? That would break my heart.

“Do you think that’s the best idea? I kind of wanted to deal with this problem before I involved anyone else.”

“Believe me, man, you need all the help you can get. I’ll bring Samantha over and she can talk this through with Juliana. Then you and she can talk. Afterwards, the girls can have some play time together.”

“Alright. That does sound good.” I just hoped Juliana would be okay with it.

“Great. Then I’ll have to go get her royal sleepyhead up and out of bed.”

“Okay. I’ll make some breakfast for everyone.”

“Great idea. Okay, we’ll be over in a few minutes.”

We said our goodbyes and I took a deep breath. All hope was not lost for Juliana and me. Maybe if Samantha talked to her and let Juliana blow off some steam, when I went to talk to her we could figure out a way to get past this.

With that decided, I got to work making breakfast.

* * *

I’d just finished crying, my nose was all stuffed up, and my eyes felt so swollen when I saw Samantha at the doorway. She walked into the bedroom in bright pink footie pajamas and she was carrying Molly in her arms.

“Oh, Juliana,” she said before she got on to the bed and gave me a hug. For whatever reason, this started my waterworks again and I began to sob as she kept hugging me and telling me that everything was going to be okay.

When the tears stopped once again, I turned towards her, confused about why she was here.

“Here, you’ll probably want some of these,” she said, handing me some Kleenex. She helped me sit up to blow my nose, and then she threw the used tissues out and placed some pillows behind me so I could sit up.

“What are you doing here?” I asked. I hadn’t called her and I didn’t know why Robert would.
Probably so they could take care of me after he dumps me
. I felt new tears start to fall down my cheeks.

“No more crying, Juliana. Let me explain some things first,” Samantha said, dabbing my cheeks with the Kleenex.

I nodded, letting her know I wanted her to continue.

“Robert called Jackson this morning. He was nearly crying himself. He told Jackson everything that happened after he brought you home from the hospital. Jackson told him that he was an idiot, and then Jackson told me what Robert said.”

She paused to let me process all of this. I couldn’t believe that Robert had called Jackson almost crying. I couldn’t understand why he would be crying if he was going to dump me. And I didn’t think it was nice of Jackson to call Robert an idiot. Though, I guess deep down, I knew he was being one.

Samantha continued. “As much as I think Robert has treated you unfairly, his heart was in the right place. He wanted to do everything for you because he almost lost you once, and he was scared that he would lose you again.”

“Lose me again? I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know that, and you know that. Heck, even Robert knows that, but it shook him to his core to see you lying in that hospital bed. In his mind, if you even tried to move to go to the bathroom, you could get hurt again. All he wanted and all every daddy wants is to protect their little girls from getting hurt.”

Suddenly, everything made sense. Robert was afraid I would get hurt if I tried to do something by myself. He was just trying to avoid that. I shook my head.
My stupid boyfriend.

“Okay, now that we have that figured out, how do I not lose him? I called him Boyle on accident this morning.”

“Thank gosh you did. That’s what woke him up out of his Neanderthal trance. If you hadn’t done that, he would still be acting crazy.”

“Okay, so then, how do I prove to him I won’t get hurt? I-I want to make him happy, but I don’t think that I’ll ever be able to act as a one year old.”

“That’s okay. Everyone is different. Personally, I love acting as a one year old sometimes, because for me, it’s the ultimate way to relax. You don’t feel the same way and that’s perfectly fine.”

“Well,” I felt myself begin to blush, “I didn’t mind sucking on a pacifier that much. It was just using the diapers. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to use one.” Just the thought of having to use one again made me feel sick to my stomach.

“You have to tell Robert that. He isn’t a mind reader. Being in this type of a relationship requires both people to be brutally honest with one another. He might like something you don’t and vice versa. Also, what you like and dislike might change the more you guys role play with one another.”

“I know that now.” Just thinking back over the past twenty-four hours, I knew if I had been honest with Robert, it would have saved us both so much grief.

“So, are you good?”

“Yes. I’m good,” I said, smiling. I was so lucky to have Samantha as my best friend. It was nice knowing I always had someone who would be there for me, someone I could talk to about stuff without fear of being judged.

“Great! Then we can play,” she said, bouncing off the bed and running out the door. She came back a minute later carrying an armful of the dolls and stuffed animals that were in my little room. She went back two more times to make sure that we had every stuffed animal and doll I owned.

She arranged everything so that we were surrounded by dolls and stuffed animals. With Molly in her arms and teddy in mine, we pretended we were on a boat, sailing to the Princess Island with all of our friends.

We got so lost in our fantasy that neither of us noticed Jackson and Robert watching us until Jackson finally knocked on the door.

“Oh. Hi, Daddy! We’re on a boat traveling to the Princess Island,” Samantha said as she smiled up at them.

“That sounds like fun, sweetie. Robert has to talk to Juliana, so why don’t I take you to the bathroom to wash your hands before breakfast,” he said, walking over to her and holding his arms open.

“Okay!” she giggled, jumping into his arms while still carrying Molly. They left the room, leaving me alone with Robert.

“Hi,” I said shyly.

“Hi,” he said, not moving from the doorway.

I picked at the blanket covering my legs, all of a sudden feeling shy. Samantha said I had nothing to be worried about, but I didn’t think she was right about that.

“Juliana… baby girl… I want to say I’m sorry. I had absolutely no right to treat you how I did. I promised you when we began dating and role playing together that I would never break your trust. Yet, that’s exactly what I did. I know I messed up, but I’m here to beg you to give me another chance.”

I looked up at him, stunned. He was begging
me
to give
him
another chance? Here I thought it should be me begging him not to leave me.

“Please, Juliana,” he said, coming closer and kneeling down on the hardwood floor and taking my left hand and squeezing it. “You’re perfect for me. You’re smart, beautiful, and so brave. Any man would be counting his lucky stars to have you. I know I haven’t shown it to you these past couple of days, but I love you, Juliana. I think I’ve loved you ever since I saw you.”

My whole world stopped.
He loved me? He loved me. He loved me!

I couldn’t help the tears that once again began to fall down my face.

“Juliana, please stop crying. You’ve already cried so much today,” he said, taking a Kleenex and wiping away my tears.

“I love you too! Please don’t leave me!” I blurted, right before I dove into his arms. He caught me and squeezed me tightly, moving us so that he sat on the bed and I was curled up on his lap.

“I’m not going to leave you, sweetie. You’re my world. If anything worse had happened to you in that car wreck, I would have lost my mind. That was why I’ve been acting so strangely. I just kept thinking of all the things that could hurt you. I’m so sorry again.”

“I understand now, Robert. You have to know that I’m going to heal. Yes, I might get hurt again, but it won’t be as bad as this.”

“So I’m forgiven, and you’re not going to leave me?”

“As long as I’m forgiven and you won’t leave me,” I said with a chuckle, pulling my head back so I could look at him.

“Never!” He gently took my head in his hands and kissed me. I met him eagerly, opening my mouth as his tongue dove in. I reached for his shirt, wanting to pull it up, but he stopped me.

Pulling away from the kiss, he said, “We have guests and you need to eat.”

“Robert!”

Looking me straight in the eye he said, “I know. I promise, once they leave, you and I will finish what we started.”

“Okay,” I sighed, frustrated that we weren’t going to finish what we started now.

“Breakfast is ready. Do you mind if I carry you downstairs? Would you like to change first?”

“Well, since Samantha is wearing footie pajamas, I’ll stay in mine too.”

“Okay. Let’s go downstairs and eat.” He picked me up with teddy in my arms and turned and headed for the kitchen.

Chapter Twenty-Six