Learning to Breathe (2 page)

“You find every
thing okay?” He asked me with a slight smirk on his face.

“Yeah, thanks.” I managed to squeak out.

He threw me another crooked grin. “That’s £3.99 please.”

I quickly handed him some money and prayed that I wouldn’t embarrass myself any further. I looked away from him, hoping that the redness had faded from my cheeks.
I was debating whether it would be safe to look at him again when I heard the till drawer close – I had no choice but to look at him again.

He threw me a cocky smirk as he handed me my change and bag. I mumbled my thanks and quickly left the shop. I didn’t know why I had reacted that way – it wasn’t
as if I got giddy over the guys at my last school. I shrugged off those thoughts and told myself that he was just being friendly – besides, the last thing on my mind was boys.

When I met up with my mother again, we made our way home and attempted to unpack some more. It actually wasn’t so bad since my mother insisted on me just doing my own stuff. I had been unpacking the boxes in my bedroom for the past five hours and was quite surprised to discover that I was down to the last two.

I opened one and packed away the last of my clothes. I then turned my attention to the
last one – as soon as I opened it, I regretted it. My eyes scanned over the few photo frames, various knick-knacks, and the box labelled ‘memories’. I was tempted to close up the box again but I forced myself to look at them.

My hand came to one of the frames first, I stared at the photo – my heart was beating wildly and I found it hard to breathe. I could feel myself fighting the tightening in my chest to no avail. I quickly threw the picture back in the box and taped it up again. I couldn’t go
there …
not tonight anyway.

I stood up, lifted the box, and stowed it away in the back of my walk-in wardrobe where it was hidden from sight.
I then made my way to the bathroom, splashed some water on my face and stared at my reflection
.

I had to stop this
.

I wasn’t doing myself any favours but it was just too damn hard.

I sighed, dried my face, and then headed down to the kitchen. I found my mother on her phone but she hung up as I entered the room and smiled at me.

“Hey honey, all done? I’ve just ordered some pizza – I thought you might be hungry.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I’m all unpacked and yeah, I’m starving.” I looked around the kitchen and noticed that she had unpacked nearly all of the boxes.

“Someone’s been busy.
” I remarked and she smiled at me.

“I’ve done the living room too. Once I started, there wasn’t as much as I thought there was.”

I nodded, thankful that we had something to talk about other than how I was feeling. However, I didn’t fail to notice the worried look my mother was giving me. I decided to ignore it and change the subject.

“So, what time’s the pizza gonna be here?”

I watched her shrug. “They said ten minutes.”

“Okay.” I nodded. “I
s there anything I can help with while we’re waiting?”

She shook her h
ead, a curious look on her face. “No, you can watch some TV if you like – it’s all hooked up now.”

I nodded and left the kitchen, breathing a sigh of relief.

It had been like that between us for a while now – my mother and I hadn’t
had a proper conversation in over half a year. It wasn’t for lack of trying though – on her part more than mine. She was the one who had been making all of the effort the whole time – trying to get me to talk about how I was – but I was the one who didn’t want to talk. I didn’t even want to
think
about how I was feeling … it definitely wasn’t any place good.

However, my mother still continued to engage me in conversation in the hopes that one day I would change my mind – I
sincerely doubted that it would be any time soon. I hadn’t always been like this – I just had had a lot to deal with in the past eight months and I didn’t want to involve my mother in my misery and pain.

The doorbell rang, pulling me out of my thoughts as I got up to answer it. I paid the pizza delivery guy and brought the chicken pizza into the kitchen. We ate in silence and for
that, I was glad – it meant that I didn’t have to make small talk and pretend that everything was okay.

After I had washed the dishes, I retired to my bedroom, citing that I was too tired to watch TV with my mother. However, that was not the case … I just really needed to be alone. I closed my bedroom door and flopped onto my bed. I really didn’t want to think about anything tonight so I picked up the bag with the book I had bought earlier and tipped it out.

I was just about to throw the receipt back in the bag when I noticed something – there was something written
across the back of it. There was a phone number and underneath it were the words: ‘Call me. Danny Fletcher’

I stared at it for a few minutes, wondering why this complete stranger would give me his number
. Sure, I had thought he was cute but then I realised that his cocky smirk earlier should have been a big clue. It was as obvious as a neon sign: the guy was a charmer and ladies’ man. I had a feeling that I wasn’t the first girl to receive his number scrawled across the back of a receipt.

I scoffed to myself, crumpled the paper
up, and threw it back in the bag. As much as he had intrigued me earlier, this ‘Danny’ guy would just have to learn the hard way that he wouldn’t get every girl he gave his number to. I threw the bag onto my bedside locker – making a mental note to dispose of it in the morning – and turned my attention back to my book.

Pretty soon – three chapters into the novel – I was feeling tired. I quickly got ready for bed and curled under the covers, waiting to fall asleep but I also kept hoping that tonight would be different
and that I wouldn’t be plagued by nightmares … I really should have know better.

My lungs felt like they were on fire. I could taste the salty water but there was nothing I could do to stop it from rushing into my lungs. I was choking while I screamed out for help and I could feel myself slipping in and out of consciousness. Suddenly, I could feel strong arms around me and hear someone comforting me.

“Darcie, you’re going to be okay. I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise …”

I woke with a start.

It was early, really early but there was no way
that I could fall asleep again – not with the memory of the nightmare still imprinted in my brain. I took a few steadying breaths and prayed that my mother hadn’t woken up yet. I lay listening but I failed to hear any movement from my mother’s bedroom – I was safe for now.

I sat up and glanced at my alarm clock – 5.49am. I groaned to myself but got out of bed regardless.
I wasn’t sure what I was going to do before my mother woke up but I needed to do something. I quickly showered and changed before heading downstairs to get some breakfast. I rummaged in the fridge and found that we didn’t have any milk.

Sighing, I lifted my mother’s car keys and left her note saying that I had popped out to the shop. However, I was half way down the r
oad when it dawned on me that there wouldn’t be any shops open just yet. I didn’t want to turn and go back home so I continued to drive, wondering where I should go.

I continued on out of the town until I noticed a sign indicating the direction of the famous ‘spring’ that gave the town it’s name. I had to admit, I was curious so I turned down the road and fifteen minutes later, I had arrived at my destination.

It was actually quite beautiful. I got out of the car and followed the sound of the rushing water. There was a lot of greenery about the area but I managed to find a path that led down near the water itself. It was extremely peaceful just listening to the gentle noise of the water hitting the rocks.

I didn’t venture too close to the edge but it was still spectacular to look at. Apart from some birds chirping, it was completely silent. I allowed myself to relax, grateful that I was distracted and couldn’t think about the nightmare. I took a few deep breaths and closed my eyes, revelling in the peacefulness of my current situation.

However, my moment of serenity didn’t last long. I glanced at my watch and was shocked to find that the dial said it was now 6.43am. I took one last look around me and headed back to the car. I made my way back into town and
found an open newsagent’s. I bought milk and a newspaper for my mother to read and made my way back to the house.

I found my mother standing in the kitchen, spooning some coffee into a mug. She turned to face me as I stood in the doorway.

“Morning, you’re up early!”

I shrugged. “Yeah, I wasn’t really that tired.”

I noticed her furrow her brow at me but she merely said “Hmm” and turned her attention back to the
kettle, which had now boiled.

I was relieved when she didn’t question me further – it was way too early for me to have to pretend that everything was just fine and dandy. I
poured the milk over my cereal and ate my breakfast in silence. When I had finished, I glanced over at my mother – she was reading the paper quite intently.

“Do you need any help to unpack today?” I asked, already knowing what the answer would be.

She shook her head at me. “No, you can do whatever you want honey. Go have some fun.”

I nodded to her and left the room. Once I was out the front door, I debated
about where to go. I really didn’t want to go shopping but I figured that I could go into town anyway and maybe check out the library. My decision made, I made my way over to my mother’s car again.

However, before I even got the chance to unlock it, a girl around my own age approached me.

“Hey, you guys have just moved in, right? I’m Harriet, welcome to the neighbourhood.”

I took a good look at her – she was very tall and skinny with long blonde hair and bright blue eyes but she also had a friendly smile. I was still unsure about making friends here but Harriet didn’t seem too horrible so I decided to take a chance.

“Hey, yeah my mum and I just moved in yesterday – I’m Darcie.”

She beamed at me
. “Nice to meet you. Listen, I know you probably have to unpack and all but a whole bunch of us are heading over to the spring later. Do you wanna come?”

I stared at her for a moment, wondering if someone could possibly be this nice to a complete stranger. I shrugged off my negative thoughts and smiled at her.

“Actually, I don’t have to unpack – my mother’s insisting on doing the rest – but yeah, I’d love to come.”

“Great, have you got a suit?” S
he looked at me expectantly.

Fear gripped me but I managed to swallow the
panic that was threatening to choke me.

“No, I – I’m not – I don’t think – I mean, I probably won’t go in … so I don’t need one.” I managed to sputter out eventually.

Harriet threw me a curious look but accepted my answer regardless. “That’s okay – some of the other girls don’t like going in either. We’re thinking of bringing a picnic down since the guys want to go just before lunch. Does twelve-thirty suit you?”

I nodded.
“Yeah, do you need me to bring anything?”

Harriet shook her head.
“Just yourself. So, I guess I’ll see you later then. I’ll pick you up at twelve and then drive us both over.”

“Yeah, okay … thanks. I guess I’ll see you then.”

She threw me another warm smile before she headed off inside the house to the left of me.

I spent most of the morning in a café in town, leisurely reading my book and people-watching. Pretty soon, it was half-eleven so I drained my cappuccino and headed back home to get ready to meet Harriet.

Once home, I quickly explained to my mother my plans for lunch. She looked pleasantly surprised but didn’t ask any questions.

“Okay honey, have fun” was all she said while I ran upstairs and got changed into long denim shorts, a strappy vest top and my sneakers. I grabbed a towel as an afterthought – I figured that I would probably need something to sit on. I ran downstairs, put some packets of crisps and fruit into a bag, and headed out the door.

Harriet was waiting for me in her car – a little VW Bug – and smiled at me when I got into the passenger side.

“Hey, you look great. There should be a good crowd here so you’ll get to meet a lot of people. I hope you don’t mind?” She glanced at me unsurely.

I shook my head.
“No, it’ll be good for me to get to know some people before school starts in September.”

She grinned.
“Well, after you meet this lot, you might not want to know them!”

S
he chuckled and I smiled at her but I couldn’t help ponder about what I had let myself in for.