Learning to Breathe (27 page)

Sighing, I argued with myself about whether I should compete anyway. I figured that I could still train if I focused on strengthening my leg a lot more. However, I knew that both my mother and Danny would probably talk me o
ut of it, so that meant that I was going to have to carry it out in secret.

Satisfied with my plan, I made the decision not to
tell either of them – that way, if it turned out that I still couldn’t compete, they wouldn’t know any different. However, I couldn’t help but feel strangely optimistic. I had a funny feeling that I was going to be able to do it – and not just for myself – but for my father. I just knew it was what he would’ve expected me to do and I wanted to do him proud.

The whole
of the following week, I carried on with my training, with my mother and Danny apparently oblivious to what I was doing. It was quite tricky to make sure they didn’t find out. First of all, I had to pretend to contact the ‘A Thousand Leagues’ people to tell them that I was pulling out. I then had to make sure that I practised in the pool when Danny wasn’t there. And to top it all off, I had to come up with various excuses about where I was when my mother or Danny asked me of my whereabouts (I usually cited that I was with Harriet).

It had
n’t been easy but so far, I was getting away with my diabolical plan. I just hoped that it lasted another two weeks. The training itself was tough; I was gradually building up the strength in my right leg, doing exercises whenever I had a free minute and I could notice a difference already. I just hoped that it would be enough.

So, since today was Sunday, I debated about whether to take a break from training. If I was being brutally honest, my leg was aching after seven days of training non-stop. I had been pushing myself to the limit the last few days so I reasoned wit
h myself that I deserved a rest.

I glanced at my alarm clock – 8.35am. It was too early to get up but I couldn’t sleep with the dull ache in my leg. Groaning, I sat up, stretched out my leg
, and got up. I ran through a few exercises to help strengthen the muscles in my leg and had just finished when my mother knocked on my bedroom door.

“Darcie? Can I come in?”

I slowly made my way to the door and let her in.

“What’s up?” I asked, taking in my mother’s casual stance
. I scrutinised her face carefully – there was something off about her expression. Something was up.

She sighed heavily.
“I just wanted to know if you’re okay with the whole competition thing. I know how much you wanted to compete and I haven’t really had a chance to talk to you about since I’ve hardly seen you this week.”

I turned away from her and busied myself with picking out an outfit; I didn’t trust myself to look at her when I was going to have to lie through my teeth.

“I’m okay Mum, really. Yeah, it sucks that I can’t compete but I’ll get over it.”

I glanced back at her and found her staring at the picture of my father I had put up last week.

“It’s good to see this out again.” she said, smiling over at me.

“Yeah,” I replied. “I
t was time.”

I watched as she lifted the ph
oto frame and stroked the glass. “I still miss him, you know,” she told me quietly. “I know you probably don’t believe me but it’s true.”

I shook my head.
“I don’t think that.”

I sighed heavily and then added, “I miss him too. So much that I don’t
ever want to let go.”

My mother
heaved a sigh and sat down on my bed. “Honey, come here.”

I obeyed and flopped down beside her, feeling rather miserable.

She looked me in the eye and then gave me a hug, “It’s okay to miss him Darcie but it’s also okay to move on. I know it’s hard but he wouldn’t have wanted you to stop living your life. And I know this may sound harsh but he died saving your life … the least you can do is not waste it.”

I nodded.
“I know. Believe me, I’m trying.”

My mother smiled at me.
“Good. Now, go get changed, we’re going out for breakfast.”

After sharing a huge stack of pancakes with my mother, we took a walk near the spring. For over an hour, we talked and it was one of the best conversations we’d ever had. It had been a long process to get us to this point but we’d finally made it.

Of course, my mother had insisted on interrogating me all about Danny. She was adamant that he was the reason why I was happier lately and told me that I shouldn’t be so hard on him. I, of course, had shrugged off her comments and then changed the subject.

When we arrived home, I was shocked to find Harriet waiting for me; and was even more surprised to find that she looked pissed. My mother quickly went inside and left me to deal with Harriet’s wrath. I sat down on the doorstep beside her and sighed heavily.

“What’s wrong?” I e
nquired, genuinely perplexed by her behaviour.

Harriet scowled at me.
“I’ve barely seen you in about two weeks, but according to Danny, we’ve been studying together every day for the past fortnight. Care to tell me what the hell is going on?”

Uh oh, busted!

“Well,” I began quickly. “Don’t be mad but I’ve been using you as an excuse lately.”

Harriet frowned.
“Why? What’ve you been up to that you’ve had to lie about it?”

I heaved a sigh.
“Promise you won’t tell my mother or Danny?”

She threw me a curious look but nodded nonetheless.

I quickly explained the whole situation to Harriet but left out the part about my father – I wasn’t ready for the whole world to know about that just yet.

Harriet stared at me.
“You’re
that
desperate to compete?”

I nodded and she shook he
r head. “Whatever happened to the girl who was terrified of water?”

I smil
ed. “She got over it.”

Harriet raised her eyebrows.
“Hmm, I guess I can see how easy that would be when Danny-boy’s your teacher! Tell me, are you still denying the attraction between you two?”

I started to protest but she cut me off.

“Seriously Darcie, it must be terrible spending all of your spare time with a hot guy! How do you cope?” She smirked at me while I rolled my eyes.

“Harriet,
give it up already! He’s just my friend …” I trailed off as she threw me a dubious look.

“Okay, a
good
friend but nothing more.” I told her firmly.

“Oh come on!”
Harriet objected. “Just admit that you like him. Believe me, I don’t blame you – the guy’s gorgeous! He’s also funny, kind and is totally into you! Do you have any idea how rare a breed this guy is?”

“Why don’t you date him then?” I shot back at her.

She smirked. “I’ve got my own Prince Charming thanks.”

I shook my head exasperatedly.
“Yeah, he’s cute and nice to me and all that but it wouldn’t work.”

Harriet
smirked at me. “Ha! You
do
like him! Otherwise you wouldn’t be thinking about how it wouldn’t work out.”

I sighed heavily
and held up my hands in defeat. “Okay, I’ll admit, I’ve been thinking about him a lot lately … I just don’t know how I feel about him exactly.”

Harriet frowned.
“Darcie, this is the happiest I’ve seen you since you’ve moved here … you don’t need to
think
about how you feel about Danny because you already know.”

I let out a low laugh.
“Okay, if I admit that I like him, will you leave me alone?”

“Yes.
” Harriet agreed.

“Fine … I like him but I don’t want you to keep going on about it. Just let me decide what to do in my own time.”

Harriet heaved a sigh. “Okay. Well, I guess I’d better get going. See you tomorrow.”

I smiled and waved her off but before she went through her front door, she paused and looked back at me.

“Oh and Darcie … your secret’s safe with me!” She winked and then disappeared inside.

When I made my way back inside, I found my mother sitting on the couch, patiently waiting for me to tell her all of the gossip.

“What?”
I frowned at her.

“
You were out there for ages – is everything okay? Why did Harriet look so mad?” my mother enquired curiously.

“She
had a fight with her boyfriend.” I invented. “She just wanted to have a girly chat. Why?”

My mother shrugged.
“No reason. It’s always man trouble, isn’t it?”

I laughed.
“Yeah, well Harriet and Samuel frequently have their share of ups and downs.”

“Uh huh, and what about you and Danny?” she asked casually, trying her best not to look too curious.

I shook my head wearily. “You never give up, do you?”

She smiled.
“Nope. Come on Darcie, what’s going on with you two?”

I shrugged.
“Nothing. I don’t know why everyone’s making such a big deal about something that’s never gonna happen.”

My mot
her let out a snort of laughter. “Oh, Darcie. It looks like everyone can see it but you can’t.”

“What?” I asked with a frown.

“Oh honey,” my mother began exasperatedly. “You really like him, don’t you?”

“No!” I protested quickly – a little too quickly.

My mother smirked. “Look, whether you want to admit it or not, Danny’s changed your life for the better.” I scoffed at her but she suddenly turned serious.

“No Darcie, hear me out. When
we first moved here, it killed me to see you going through life on autopilot. You were in pain and you refused to let me help you and it tore me up inside. But, when I forced you to take those swimming lessons, something changed.”

She sighed heavily.
“Yes, I know you despise me for doing that to you but after a while, I noticed something. Before, when I looked at you, I could see in your eyes that you felt nothing. However, after a few weeks with Danny and I could see the faint glimmer of a spark in your eyes.”

My mother paused and grinned at me while I sat trying to look impassive.

“You tried to fight it,” she continued. “But I’m guessing that Danny made you feel alive again. Gradually, you stopped pretending that you were having fun, living your life and actually started enjoying yourself. The spark in your eyes grew and I was overjoyed that I was finally getting you back. Your father would be so proud of you right now. Anyway, back to my point, every single time you’ve been with Danny or even mention his name, your eyes light up. It’s not just a spark anymore, your whole face just glows with happiness.”

I stared at
her but didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. My mother had just made me realise something – and it was something that both terrified and surprised me. Yes, I was willing to admit that I really liked Danny but what I failed to realise was that it was so much more than that. I didn’t just
like
him … no, I was pretty damn sure that I had just fallen in love
with him.

Oh boy …

On Monday morning, I woke up with a thousand mixed-up thoughts swirling around in my head. I, Darcie Gilmore, was in love with Danny Fletcher and had no idea how it had happened.

A plethora of
questions bombarded me but I was only preoccupied with answering one: Should I tell him? My gut told me ‘yes’ but my head was screaming ‘no’. I sighed and stared up at the ceiling, mulling over my choices.

Eventually, my head won. There was no way
in hell that I could tell him – I wasn’t exactly great at expressing my feelings. I knew for sure that I wouldn’t be able to find the right words and would end up making a fool of myself. No, I would just have to take this one to the grave.

Sighing, I quickly washed and changed before grabbing my swimming kit and making my way to the bus stop. I glanced at my watch – 7.26am – I’d be able to get in about an hour of swimming before Danny turned up.

The bus dropped me off fifteen minutes later and I made my way to the Sports Wing. I changed into my blue swimsuit, warmed up and then jumped into the pool. However, halfway through my fourth lap, I came to an abrupt stop when I suddenly heard an angry voice yelling at me.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

I glanced up and saw Danny jump into the pool and make his way over to me.

“What the hell are you doing Darcie?” he demanded angrily.

I stared at him, dumbfounded that I was actually in love with such an infuriating ass and then shrugged casually. “I’m swimming.”

Danny rolled his eyes.
“Yes, I can see that Darcie. What I want to know is why? Did you listen to Dr. Kennedy at all?”