Leave the Lights On (8 page)

Parker’s forehead pressed against hers, and she was just about to ask if he wanted to go to her room when he spoke. “I should go.”

The words didn’t compute. “Wh—”

Before she could finish he stepped away, his hands tucking themselves back into his pockets as he headed for the door.

“You don’t…I mean we…” She was too stunned to get out a complete sentence.
This can’t be happening.

“I had a great time. I just…I need to go.” He opened the door and stepped out into the darkness, leaving Sophie alone.

Realizing her mouth was hanging open, she closed it, trying to choke down the lump that had formed in her throat.
He just left.

Even watching his car pull out of her driveway, she couldn’t believe he was gone.
But I. We.
She could still feel his hands on her, still taste his lips.
I thought.
Tears stung the back of her eyes and rolled silently down her cheeks.

I’m such an idiot. He wasn’t feeling what I was. He didn’t even want to keep kissing me.
The words “he’s just not that into you” tumbled through her head so fast she thought she might throw up.

Wiping her hands beneath her eyes, she poured the two open beers into the sink, listening to the fizzling sound as the bubbles swirled down the drain. She tossed the empty bottles into the recycling bin under the counter and headed to her room.

The sight of the candles on her bedside table made her stomach turn. She’d put them there in hopes of setting a perfect romantic mood if they’d wound up there tonight. What a joke. He didn’t want romance. Her heart sank further as the truth hit her.
He didn’t want me.

Tears slipped from her eyes once more as she stripped off the top and skirt that clearly hadn’t made her look sexy enough.
Maybe Nate was right.
“Sorry, Sophie. I needed more.” The pit in her stomach grew so big she thought it might consume her.
I’m not enough for anyone.

Fumbling through her dresser, she found her favorite black yoga pants and her softest camisole and slipped them on, seeking any comfort she could possibly find. Disappointment overwhelmed her.
I can’t believe I was so totally wrong.

Parker slammed the back door of his house so hard the window rattled in its frame. Not even bothering to turn on the lights, he tossed his keys onto the kitchen counter.
Fuck.
His head pounded.
You’re such a fucking dick.
Anger and frustration welled inside him, bursting out in an aggravated growl.

Every inch of him felt tense, from his shoulders to the erection that ached inside his jeans. He unzipped and began stroking with a firm grip, trying to clear his mind, concentrating only on the sensation. Intense friction combined with deep need, and within moments he felt himself giving in. Cupping his free hand, he came hard and fast into his palm, grunting with the release. His breath rasped, his abs clenching as his hips bucked forward.
Jesus.

His heart pounded as he made his way to the bathroom. He nudged the faucet on, rinsing then lathering his hands.
Fuck.
He could still see the look on Sophie’s face as he left her standing there. So hurt and confused.
How could she not be? I’m an asshole.

Parker dried his hands and zipped up. Raking his hands through his hair, he felt as though his head might explode.
Don’t just stand here alone in the dark, go talk to her. Apologize for being a dick. Tell her the truth.

His stomach turned over at the thought. Not wanting to tell her was what had made him flee like a goddamn coward in the first place. Walking to the kitchen window, he scanned Sophie’s house. The backyard was dark, but he could see a light glowing from the kitchen window.
She’s still up. I’m probably the last person she wants to talk to, but she’s still up.

Stepping out into the night air, Parker’s legs felt heavy.
Things can’t get worse than they are right now. Just talk to her.

He knocked on the back door. Nothing. He could see a light glowing from farther down the hallway. Scratching the back of his neck and inhaling deeply, he knocked louder.
Please come to the door.

A shadow appeared in the corridor, and he held his breath as he saw her peek around the corner. She padded toward the door, barefoot. Parker stepped inside as soon as she opened up, afraid that if he gave her more time to consider, she’d slam it in his face.

Standing before him, arms wrapped tightly around herself, she looked so sad it broke his heart. He wanted nothing more than to turn back time to an hour before. To go back to kissing her in the kitchen with her warm body pressed against his. The makeup had been scrubbed off her face but she looked even more beautiful to him than she had on their date.

“Can we talk?”

She shrugged and stepped aside. “If you want.”

I want you.
He wished he could lead with those words but he knew they had more to discuss than that.

Sophie closed the door and leaned against it, arms hugging herself again. Now that she was facing him, the light reflected off her eyes—eyes rimmed in red.
Fuck. She’s been crying.

“I’m sorry, Soph.”

She ducked her head, shaking it from side to side. Her hair swept back and forth in front of her so Parker couldn’t even see her face. “No, I’m sorry. I misread. I shouldn’t have, I didn’t mean—”

“Misread what?”

“I thought… Never mind. Look, let’s just forget it, okay? I mean I get it. You don’t think of me that way. It’s fine. I’m not exactly relationship material.”

His desire to touch her was so strong his arms hurt. “Don’t think of you that way? Sophie, I can’t think of you any other way. I didn’t leave because I’m not attracted you. I left because if I stayed I thought we might have…”

“And you didn’t want to. Jesus, Parker, please don’t apologize for not wanting to have sex with me.”

“Not wanting…” Parker’s heart beat so loudly he could barely hear his own thoughts. “I want to have sex with you more than I’ve ever wanted anything.”

Sophie’s gaze darted up and she stared at him, her eyes filled with confusion. Her lovely features were pained and clouded. She shook her head again. “But you left.”

“I didn’t leave because of you. I left because of me.”

“It’s not you it’s me? Really? Tell me you didn’t just say that.”

Christ.
Parker scrubbed his hand through his hair.
Tell her.
“I didn’t mean it that way. I just…”

“Just what?” Her exasperation was evident.

Tell. Her.
Bracing himself, he swallowed and looked straight into her dark eyes.
Say it.
“I’ve never done this before.”

Her brows pinched together, furrowing her forehead. “Done what? Pity sex? Because I don’t need—”

“What are you talking about?”

“This.” She waved her hand back and forth between them. “Us. I’m just a friend you felt sorry for, and you couldn’t go through with it. I told you, I get it.”

What? No. Shit.
“Sophie, I’ve never had sex.”

Watching her mouth drop open, he seriously wished the ground would open up beneath him and swallow him whole. His cheeks burned. His jaw ached.
She thinks I’m a total loser.

Snorting she shook her head again. “Christ, Parker. You don’t have to lie. I’m a big girl. I can handle not being wanted.”

Parker stared at her. Of all the reactions he’d imagined, it had never occurred to him that she wouldn’t believe him. “I’m not lying. Trust me, if I was going to lie, I’d make up something way better than being a goddamn virgin.”

“Will you stop saying that? Are you forgetting that we went to high school together? Chrissie told anyone who would listen how great your fucking sex life was. She actually announced it at Suzie Thomas’s pre-prom party.”

“Wait, what?” Parker remained dumbfounded.

“We were all doing our makeup, and CarolAnn asked who was planning on having sex that night. Chrissie said she hadn’t been able to wait for prom. You guys had been at it for months already.”

“Fuck.” Parker paced toward the counter then turned and stared at Sophie. She looked hurt and defiant, arms still crossed in front of her. “Are you serious?”

“Yes. I remember it with crystal clarity. I was so depressed I actually slept with Donny Dugan.”

Parker felt his eyes bug. “You did?”

“Yes.”

“I thought you didn’t even like him.”

The defiance left her, and her shoulders slumped as she sank into one of the kitchen chairs. Her hands covered her eyes. “I didn’t.”

Seeing her with her elbows digging into her thighs and her face buried in her hands, he wanted nothing more than to hug her. Knowing that wasn’t an option, he stepped closer and knelt in front of her. “Why’d you sleep with him?”

“I’d been waiting for you, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear? Once Chrissie spilled about how great you two were together, I accepted the fact that that was never going to happen so I decided to just get it over with. He was more than willing to help me out.”

“I’ll bet.” The idea of Donny with his hands on Sophie made Parker physically ill, but the thought that she’d been waiting for him was what really threw him. “What do you mean waiting for me?”

“I’d had a crush on you since the third grade. I’d always thought… Hoped.” She groaned as she sank her fingers into her hair, kneading her forehead. “It was stupid.”

“Not stupid.” Parker sat back on his heels. She looked so vulnerable he nearly forgot how foolish he felt. He just wanted to make her believe him. “I’m so sorry, Soph. I’m sorry Chrissie lied. I didn’t know that.”

Sophie slid her hands through her hair and raised her eyes enough to look at him. On his knees they were almost eye level with each other. “She really made that up?”

“Don’t feel bad. She lied about a lot of shit. Believe me, I know. Now.”

“So you and she, really never…”

Parker shook his head, forcing himself to keep eye contact even though he wanted to stare at the floor. Shame washed over him again.

“So when she got pregnant that was…”

Parker nodded. “She made me wait four years and then she fucked some guy she’d been seeing behind my back for one lousy month.”

“And you’ve never…with anyone…”

“Not a lot of hot chicks in rehab.” He tried to laugh, but it came out like a simple gust of breath.

The expression in her eyes changed to one he couldn’t read.
Sympathy? Desire?
He was too overwhelmed to even hazard a guess.

Her hands slid down her thighs to rest on her knees. “And you wanted to? Tonight? With me?”

Parker’s heart beat so irregularly, it occurred to him it might just stop altogether. “Of course. How could you even question that? Sophie, I’m crazy about you.”

A smile tugged at her rosy lips. She reached toward him, and he seriously thought she might pat him on the head and send him on his way. Instead she sank her fingers into his hair, her thumb rubbing against his cheek. “Really?”

“I’ve got a lot of flaws, but I promise I’ll never lie to you.”

That promise washed away the last of her hesitation. “I’ll never lie to you either,” Sophie said, feeling her heartbeat throughout her body.

Parker placed his hands on the chair on either side of her legs, bracing himself, his face inches from hers. Watching as his eyes darted up and down from her eyes to her lips and back, Sophie realized he was waiting for a sign that it was okay to kiss her.

Tilting her head, she leaned toward him, stopping a breath away from making contact. Time became liquid, flowing around them as the seconds ticked by.
Kiss me. Please kiss me again.
Then his lips were on hers. A soft, gentle kiss. Tentative. It was all she needed.

Sophie wrapped her arms around Parker’s neck, pulling him tightly against her. Deepening the kiss, feeling his hunger as his tongue moved against hers, Sophie relaxed.
It wasn’t my imagination. It was real.
Lifting her legs, she locked them behind his back. Strong arms pulled her to the edge of the chair, pressing her against him. His hand roamed up and down her back, igniting a trail of fire that sizzled across every inch of her skin.

She tugged her mouth away from his just long enough to whisper. “Do you want to go to my room?”

It sounded funny. It was the same question she’d asked him dozens of times throughout their friendship. Only this time it meant more.

Parker wrapped his arm around her back and pushed up into a standing position, taking her with him.

Sophie gasped at the ease with which he lifted her off the chair. Clasping her legs tighter around him, she kissed him again.

Parker headed toward the front hall, but Sophie stopped him, reaching out to grab the side of the doorway. “Wait.”

Freezing in his tracks, Parker drew his face away from hers. “If you don’t…”

She put a finger to his lips. “My room’s down here now. I didn’t want to be in my old room, and my parents’ room seemed wrong, so I’m over there.” She nodded to what used to be her mom’s sewing room.