Leaving at Noon (21 page)

“
Hey,” she said
softly.

Theo didn’t answer. He just stared at her
through bloodshot eyes.

Her heart pounded so hard, she feared she
might crack a rib. “I, um, went to your apartment. I thought I’d
find you there.”

He raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

Zoey wiped her sweaty palms on her dress.
“We need to talk.”

His lips tightened before he answered. “So
we can hammer out the details of our divorce?” His voice was
hoarse, as though he’d just woken up—or hadn’t yet gotten to
sleep.

Zoey cringed. “Is Fi home?”

Theo gestured with his head to the bedroom
section. “She turned in about two hours ago.”

What Zoey had to say needed no audience.
Fiona might be asleep, but Zoey suspected there’d be a few raised
voices when she and Theo got into it. She didn’t want to wake her
friend. “Can we do this somewhere other than here?”

“
Do what? Formally end our
marriage?” Theo shook his head, although Zoey couldn’t tell whether
he was refusing her request, refusing to end their marriage or
simply expressing disbelief that they even needed to have this
discussion.

“
Can we walk,
maybe?”

Theo just looked at her.

“
Along the beach.” Like
they had on their first date.

His expression didn’t change.

“
Theo, please. We need to
sort this out. I need…there are things I have to say to you, and I
really don’t want Fi to hear them.”

“
Am I going to want to
hear them?”

Zoey looked pleadingly at him. The sooner
she said what she needed to, the sooner they could deal with the
pain, and then maybe start to heal. Hopefully, start to heal.

She opened the door she’d just closed.
“Please?”

With a ragged sigh, Theo stood and preceded
her out of the flat. He leaned against the wall, waiting for her to
lock up, and then hung back as she took the lead. Zoey wished he’d
walk beside her but understood his reluctance.

She walked in silence until they’d crossed
the path and were stepping onto the now-cold sand. Zoey kicked her
shoes off and reached down to pick them up.

Theo didn’t. He simply trudged behind her
with footsteps heavy enough that the sand squeaked beneath his
runners. The night was cloudless, stars studding the sky. But the
beach was dark and the sea black.

She turned in the opposite direction of
their previous walk, heading to the rocks and cliffs below the
national park. Then she slowed her pace, walking beside him. “So,
here we are. Another walk along the beach.”

He responded with silence.

“
We seem to face every
major milestone of our relationship on the beach.” And they were
about to face another. “Can you believe it was only three days ago
we took our last walk?”

“
You got something to say,
Zo? Or are we just here to reminisce about the ghosts of walks
past?”

Yes, she had something to say. She only
hoped she was strong enough to voice it. Zoey heaved in a huge
lungful of air. “I’m sorry, Theo.”

“
For what?” His voice
wasn’t cold, exactly. It was aloof, as though Theo was doing his
best to keep his distance.

“
For my behavior earlier.
For racing out on you like I did. For not learning my lesson the
first time.” God, what wasn’t she apologizing for? “For reacting
like I did.” Although she wasn’t sure how else she could have
reacted. Theo’s news had blown her world clean apart.

Everything she’d ever believed had been a
lie. The only thing that remained the same was Zoey’s steadfast
belief that her mother was a selfish, narcissistic bitch who should
never have gotten married or had children.

Neither Zoey nor her father, nor any of her
stepfathers, for that matter, deserved the hand her mother had
dealt them.

And yet, as far as Zoey knew, they’d all
survived despite that woman. Her father had gone on to remarry and
have two more children. He’d gotten the opportunity to be the kind
of father that he’d wanted to be to Zoey.

Zoey had survived too. She’d moved away from
her mother’s stifling and cruel influence, established herself in a
career she loved, made friends she trusted—and who trusted her in
return—and found a man who’d rocked her world. Who’d given her his
heart and a home and a sense of belonging in a world she’d never
found a place to fit in.

He’d given her happiness, and in return
she’d thrown it in his face at the slightest hint of strife.

“
Fine.” Theo muttered.
“Apology accepted. Is that it?”

“
God, no, that’s not
it.”

“
Okay, well, do you wanna
say what you have to say, so I can get to bed? It’s late, I’m tired
and waiting up for you, wondering for the second time in weeks
whether you’re alive or dead, has left me a
little…weary.”

Guilt assailed her. She’d been so desperate
to get away, she hadn’t thought about anyone or anything but
herself.

“
I’m sorry for that too,”
she whispered. “But more than sorry, I have to tell you I was
wrong.”

“
Yeah? About which part of
it?”

“
About us. We spent the
last three days sorting out our shit and promising to try harder,
and what did I do at the first hint of trouble? I ran.”

“
I noticed.”

“
I shouldn’t have. But…but
I didn’t know what else to do. I had…a mountain sitting on my
chest, pressing down on my ribs, making breathing almost
impossible. I couldn’t shift it, couldn’t get rid of it. It seemed
to grow with every word we spoke, every thought I had. I had to get
out, had to get air. Had to heave that mountain off my
chest.”

“
Tell me, Zo. This chest
you’re talking about? Is it your real chest or the one based on a
lie? Because the way you paint the picture, there are two of you,
and if I’m going to sympathize, I need to know which chest to feel
sorry for.”

And then it struck Zoey, Theo’s mood wasn’t
black. It was angry. He was pissed off—with her. Justifiably
so.

“
There’s only one me. I
just lost myself for a moment there.”

“
Your mother lied to you.
She denied you your father. It was a repulsive thing to do, but it
doesn’t make you a different person from the one you were
yesterday, or the day before that, or even last year.”

“
But it does shake the
foundations of every one of my beliefs. And it shakes them so
profoundly, it makes me question everything I’ve ever believed in
or valued.”

“
We all have to face shit
that shakes our beliefs. Hell, I’m still struggling with the idea
there’s no Santa Claus. I can’t believe the tooth fairy isn’t real
either. But that doesn’t change who I am. It just makes me adjust
to my new awareness. Same with you, babe. Finding out about your
father doesn’t change who you are. It might mean you have to adjust
your life to accommodate a man you thought was evil and now realize
isn’t, but it doesn’t change you.”

“
You’re wrong. It changes
me completely. It turns me inside out and upside down and makes me
question everything I ever knew or thought about myself. But no, it
doesn’t make me any less real, and I can only see that now. When
I’ve had a chance to breathe and absorb everything I
learned.”

“
Well, hallelujah. And
good for you. Well done. So happy you realized that you’re still
just you. Now can I go get some sleep?”

“
No. Because I realized
we’re still us. We’re not based on a lie, we’re not some façade
shaped by my mother. We’re real. We matter, and most important,
whatever we have is completely separate from anything that may have
happened between my parents.”

Theo opened his mouth, and Zoey braced
herself for another snide or disinterested comment. She deserved
whatever he threw at her. At no point over the last few days had
Theo tried to hurt her in any way. He’d been nothing but open and
honest with her—and she’d run from the truth.

But Theo just closed his mouth.

“
I love you, Hughesy. My
friends and my work are important to me. But you…you’re my life.”
She took a deep breath. “I need to be with you. I need to be your
wife and your partner and your lover.”

Theo said nothing, but a sound escaped him,
half relieved moan, half tortured howl.

They reached a clump of rocks and Zoey
stopped walking, took his wrist in her hand and grazed her thumb
over his scar. “If…if you hadn’t survived your accident, I wouldn’t
have survived either. And…the truth is, if our marriage doesn’t
survive this hiccup, I…I won’t survive it either.” She closed her
eyes and shook her head, as though horrified by the very thought.
“If we don’t make it, I won’t make it.” Her hands shook violently.
“Okay, I might make it, but I wouldn’t want to live through a
single day if you aren’t a part of it. You have to believe
that.”

“
Zo…” His voice was
throaty, low.

“
I love you,
Theo.”

“
I can’t deal with your
running from me.”

“
I’m through running. I’m
done with that shit. That’s my mother, not me. I swear, the next
time we face a problem, I’ll stay and work through it. I’ll talk to
you about it. Bring it up and discuss it like an adult and not some
terrified kid, expecting the worst. I’m done with the silence and
the foul comments. I’m done with the fighting and the running. I
don’t want to go back to a life without you. I want you, Hughesy. I
want us. Please tell me I’m not too late. Tell me I haven’t gone
too far.”

“
Christ, Zo.” His voice
was even huskier now. “I… Jesus, woman, I love you too.” He yanked
her into his arms, holding her tight. “I love you so fucking much
it hurts. You just… You make me crazy.”

“
Not anymore. I swear. I’m
over making you crazy. I’m through running and fighting. I just
want to be us again. I just want to be Theo and Zoey.”

“
I want that too. It’s all
I want. Us, back.”

Zoey clutched him tight, holding him close,
cherishing the feel of his firm chest against hers. “I love you,
Hughesy.”

“
Love you too, babe,” he
rasped in her ear.

She threaded her hand through his hair and
pulled his head down to hers until she could reach his mouth with
hers. And then she pressed their lips together and kissed him.

His lips were soft and cool, and although he
didn’t pull away, there was a hesitance to his actions, as though
he was unsure about whether he wanted to kiss her.

Theo’s reluctance burned a trail of pain
through her chest. Zoey broke the kiss and opened her eyes to look
at him. His eyes were shut tight. Even in the darkness, she could
make out the uncertainty in his face.

“
Theo,” she
whispered.

He opened his eyes.

“
I love you.”

“
No more
running?”

“
Never again,” she
vowed.

“
No more
fighting?”

She hesitated on that one. “I can’t promise
that. I can promise no more viciousness, and no more silence. But
we’re going to fight. It wouldn’t be natural not to.”

He pursed his lips. “Okay. Then no more
fighting without making up. Without sorting it out?”

“
I swear.”

“
The comments?”

“
Over,
Hughesy.”

“
What about your
father?”

“
No more fighting with him
either. I’m going to phone him. Plan to see him. I…I thought maybe
we could go to Canberra when we leave here? A little detour
home?”

He nodded slowly. “That’s a good idea.”

She bit her lower lip. “Know what else would
be a good idea?”

“
Tell me.”

“
If you kissed me
now.”

But Theo hesitated again, and Zoey thought
her stomach might cave in on her.

“
I’m scared, Zo,” Theo
whispered. “I’m scared I’ll kiss you and hold you and fall more in
love with you, and you’ll leave.”

“
I’m not leaving again,”
she vowed vehemently.

“
You left
tonight.”

“
But I came back because
you’re it for me. You are the most real thing in my life. And we,
you and I, don’t get much more real than this. We’ve been through
the worst, and we’re coming out the other side.
Together.”

Theo’s chest heaved.

“
We’re gonna make it,
Hughesy.”

Still he hesitated, looking unconvinced.

And then it occurred to her. There was one
thing she hadn’t said to him, one thing they hadn’t dealt with.
“You know what else?”

Theo shook his head.

“
I don’t just love you. I
like you.”

Theo jolted, as though he’d been
shocked.

“
I like everything about
you,” she told him. “I like how your dimple plays on your cheek
when you smile, and how your eyes darken when you’re aroused. I
like how you lose your temper so easily—and get over it just as
quickly. I like how you’re the kindest man in Australia, and how
your heart is bigger than the whole damn country. I like that you
love me, and I like how you’re willing to fight so damn hard for
us—even when you thought I wouldn’t. I like…I like that I married
the best man I know, and I like even more that he married me. I
like you because you make me happy, and I like you
because…because…because well, because you’re you. And honestly,
there isn’t a better person anywhere than you.”