Leaving (19 page)

How could she even consider maintaining a regular friendship with Brandon, let alone daydream about whether Cody ever thought about her? Her fingers flew across her phone’s keyboard.
Sure, Brandon … stop by. It’s not like you’re in the middle of shooting a movie or anything.

Almost immediately he responded. You think I’m kidding. I’m hurt.

No … really. Come. I’ll be waiting.
She laughed, but not as hard as before. She didn’t want to tease him if he was perfectly serious. That was one of the problems with texts. There was no way to get the tone.

Okay. The minute I have a break, I’ll surprise you. Don’t say this can’t work, Bailey … I’ll show you.

Ahhh … Brandon, you make me smile.
She thought of her dad’s famous line, and she tapped out the letters.
I’ll leave the light on, okay?

She stared at the text as she sent it. Why was she doing this? Even if they found a way to make their cities and schedules work, she’d have to live his public life. And what about Cody? His name reminded her of the months of frustration and hurt, the anger she felt earlier because he hadn’t texted or called. And that could only mean he wasn’t thinking of her.

For me? Brandon’s text came flying in. You’d leave the light on for me? Bailey … you just made my night. And why is it I can still see your eyes looking into mine that night?

“You know just what to say,” she whispered the words. Then
she responded as quickly as he had.
I can see yours, too … I have no idea what that means … but just so you know, I still can.

Or maybe they were Cody’s eyes she could see — even in a moment like this. The sudden thought interrupted her good time with Brandon and made her angry with herself.
Dear God … Cody doesn’t care … Help me move on, please … I need You.

I am enough for you, daughter … Fill your heart with me.

The answer came swift and certain, filling her heart with the soft whisper of truth. He was all she needed — not the heartache of Cody … or even the thrill of possibility with Brandon Paul.

The crazy thing was that in all her life, she hadn’t thought she’d reach a point where she would beg God to help her forget about Cody Coleman. She sorted through her text conversations, found Cody’s name, and deleted the message she was going to send him ten minutes ago. She would follow her mother’s advice.

So where did that leave things with Brandon? What if he really jumped on a plane and came here to help her pack? She giggled at the thought as she stood and walked inside. Darkness had fallen, and she wanted to talk to her mom.

Not because of Cody this time, but because of Brandon Paul — which had to mean something. Brandon was fun and adventurous, and his new faith seemed stronger all the time. So why not allow herself to consider the idea? As she shut the front door, she did the one thing she had to do before the night got too late. The thing she had promised she would do …

She flicked the porch light on.

F
ROM HIS PLACE IN THE DUGOUT
, L
ANDON
B
LAKE COULD SEE
the packed stands. Not that there were many rows in the bleachers — but what was there was full to capacity. Cole’s Yankees were undefeated, and at this point in the season with half the games already played, people from the community were coming out and cheering them on.

“Dad,” Cole was fitting his catcher’s gear on his chest, “You’re feeling good, right?”

Landon had been using his inhaler, taking the medication. But still there were moments when the dust kicked up from the infield and he’d cough a couple times. He hadn’t noticed it himself, but this afternoon was probably one of those times. Landon patted Cole on the back. “I’m fine, buddy. Just fine.”

There were two outs, and with the game tied, they were putting Cole behind the plate. He was as good pitching as he was catching, but this team was known for stealing bases.

“I love catching, by the way,” Cole grinned as he snapped the last buckle in place. He put one shin protector on and began working with the other. “Those guys won’t get past me.”

“Terminator. Right, Big C?” Avery Schmidt gave Cole a few pats on his head. “Actually we’re the terminator team. Me at short, and you at catch.”

“And me on the mound,” Thomas joined in, and then Mitchell, all of them agreeing that the combination about to take the
field would inevitably stop the other team from scoring in the final three innings.

“I love the confidence,” Landon grinned. “But let’s let our game do the talking.” He was about to pull the kids together and go over the lineup, when his pager went off. He checked the message and gritted his teeth. A house fire. He was on call, so he’d have to leave now. “What is it, Dad? Is it a fire?”

“It is,” he winked at Cole. “I’ll try to be back for the last inning, okay?”

“Sure.” The worry in Cole’s eyes was something new. The boy had loved the sense of adventure that came with Landon’s job. But today he only stared at Landon, his lips parted. “Be safe.”

“Of course.” Landon gave Cole a side hug and nodded to his assistant coach, Kevin. “I’ll be back.”

Kevin was perfectly capable. The man had more coaching experience than Landon, but his work kept him away from the early games. “Go on.” Kevin grabbed the clipboard from the chain-link fence. “We’ll be waiting.”

Landon found Ashley in the stands, sitting with her sisters — Kari, Brooke, and Erin — and their families. It was one of those rare days when most of the family managed to be there. Ash’s dad and Elaine sat on the highest row, and even as Landon explained the situation to Ashley, he could feel John Baxter’s nervous eyes on him.

“Do you have your inhaler?” Ashley’s tone had a quiet panic in it. “Baby, check. You can’t go into a fire without it. The doctor told you.”

“I know.” He pulled the plastic device from his pants pocket. “I’ve got it.”

“Okay.” She knit her brow together, stood, and gave him a quick hug. “Be careful. I love you, Landon … I’ll be praying.”

“I love you too.” He smiled at her, caring for her with everything in him. “Me, too.”

With that, he ran to the waiting fire engine and drove off. His partner was already in the passenger seat — content to watch the game from the rig as long as they were on call. Now they flew into action, racing to the fire as quickly as they could. The fire was downtown, and as they pulled around the corner they saw two trucks had already responded. But even with that the dwelling was fully engulfed.

Working with precision, they parked as close as they could, donned their masks and gloves and gear, and ran to the command post out front. “We still have two people trapped inside,” the lieutenant yelled above the sound of flames and water hoses. “Three have been rescued, but we can’t find the two. It’s an older couple — husband and wife.”

Bloomington didn’t have many fires this serious — with people trapped inside a burning house. But suddenly he remembered the time a decade ago when it was a child lost in a fire like this. Landon refused to give up as he went through the house that day, and he found the boy unconscious. He buddy-breathed with him until he blacked out … and it was in the aftermath of that fire that he first realized Ashley Baxter had feelings for him.

The memory passed as quickly as it came. He couldn’t black out this time. His lungs couldn’t afford it. He hurried in, his partner at his side. Already fighting their way through the burning building were four other firefighters, the first responders. They could communicate from within their gear, but the noise around them was deafening — oppressive, same as the heat. In a burn this fully involved, Landon and his partner had just one choice: stay together. That way there would at least be one person to know where the other one was if something terrible happened — a collapsed beam, a broken floor board, a fallen wall.

Command had told them to head to the back of the house. The upstairs had been checked, same with the bedrooms on the right side. Already, the first two teams were back outside, getting
oxygen and water before they might make another attempt at finding the victims. Landon peered through the bright orange wall of fire and looked for an opening, any opening.
Dear Lord … they’re in here somewhere. Please … help us find them. This is why You asked me to fight fires, Father …

I am with you, my son …

Landon felt the certain calm of the truth of God. The Lord was with him. He would not fight this fire alone. Landon used his axe to sweep debris out of the way as they headed back, deeper into the burning house. Within a minute they found the woman. She was collapsed on the floor in a doorway, unmoving. Together, Landon and his partner picked her up and moved her quickly outside. No telling if she was still alive, but once they had her safely on the lawn, paramedics took over.

“You okay, Blake … you’re coughing.” The lieutenant in charge grabbed Landon’s shoulder and stared at him. “Don’t go back in if you’re coughing.”

Landon hadn’t even noticed. He lifted his mask, reached for his inhaler, and took two quick puffs. After fifteen seconds, he exhaled and nodded. “I’m fine. I’m going back in.”

The look from his lieutenant told him that at this stage in the fire, there might not be any point. But their job was to save lives, not to stop and count the cost. He’d done that the day he’d agreed to fight fires for the city of Bloomington. His partner was ready, and again the two of them positioned their headgear and masks and hurried back into the burning house. The fire was at its peak now, consuming everything in its wake. Landon ran as quickly as he could, trudging over fallen beams and pushing his way past piles of burning embers. The heat pressed in against his skin and he could barely see his own feet.

Another scan of the place, and at first it looked like maybe command was wrong … maybe the old man had gotten out earlier and in the chaos people had missed him. But just when they
might’ve turned around and given up, Landon saw a leg sticking out from a doorway down the hall from where the woman was found. He signaled to his partner, but even as he did he felt something strange in his lungs … a burning or tightness that hadn’t been there before. He fought through, working so that the two of them lifted the man and carried him back through the burning house, out onto the lawn where his wife was receiving CPR.

With every step, Landon became more sure that something was seriously wrong.
God … I can’t breathe … can’t … draw a breath.
A sense of panic welled in him as they set the man down. He had thought often lately about what could happen, what the problem in his lungs might be. Sometimes at night when Ashley was already asleep, he considered the very strong reality that he might have a serious lung disease. A fatal lung disease. He wasn’t worried about himself. He loved God, and when he walked the bridge of death, it would be to a place called eternity. Landon was certain.

He tried to draw in one breath … one single breath. But again his lungs wouldn’t work. Wouldn’t allow even a little air into his body. In a rush, he ripped his helmet off and slowly fell to his knees, desperately trying to calm his airways, grabbing for his inhaler. But the doctor had warned him about this: an inhaler could only work if a person could draw a breath. Now, though, with the smoke and heat, Landon couldn’t suck back a single bit of the medication.

People were shouting all around him, screaming for help and running toward him.
It’s okay,
he told himself.
Everything’s going to be okay.
Now, just like at night when Ashley was sleeping, he wasn’t concerned with his own life or how come his lungs were failing him … or even if this were the end. After all, he fought fires because this was the work God wanted him to do. His last thought … the last flicker of consciousness left in his body was
devoted to one single uncertainty. Not about himself, but about his wife.

What would happen to his precious Ashley?

Because if this were the end … if he never got to hold Cole and Devin and Janessa again, then he would wait for them in heaven, where they would share forever. In time they would all be okay. But what about his wife …

Ashley … Ashley, baby. God, help her … Don’t let me die, Father. Please …

It was his final cry, his final prayer. Because if he knew her at all, he knew this. After all they’d been through, if he didn’t survive this fire, he was fairly certain the news wouldn’t only devastate Ashley.

It might destroy her.

A
SHLEY HADN’T MOVED FROM
L
ANDON’S BEDSIDE
since she got there, three hours ago. Since then Landon had been hooked to machines, on life support — pure oxygen being pumped into his weakened lungs. The rest of the family was in the waiting room, and at times one or two of them had come in to offer support and pray for Landon.

But for now it was just the two of them — where they began — here in a hospital room with Landon fighting for his life. She had prayed, of course … but only in short bursts. For the most part, she couldn’t move. Couldn’t stop looking at him or watching his chest rise and fall, willing him to breathe on his own, to find the strength to grab hold of life and stay here. With her.

“Landon, …” she barely recognized her voice, strained and high pitched. Filled with terror. “Stay with me, baby … stay. Please, God, let him stay.”

Some people talked about times like this, when life was on the line and a sudden rush of awareness came like a tidal wave. Things
that should’ve been said, love that could’ve been expressed, memories they could’ve made. But that awareness was not part of this moment. Ashley had no regrets when it came to loving Landon Blake. Every day she gave to him all she had, the same way he gave to her. They seized every moment, made the most of every situation. They had loved like their next breath depended on it, and so that wasn’t the problem.

Ashley touched her fingers lightly to Landon’s rugged face. She was vaguely aware of tears streaming down her cheeks, but she made no attempt to stop them. No loud sobs or cries came from her, because she couldn’t focus on anything but Landon. He needed all of her, every bit of her attention. Otherwise how could she will the life back into him?

No, the problem now wasn’t all the regrets she’d have if he didn’t get up from this hospital bed, if the machines couldn’t get his lungs working and he never woke up. The problem was if he didn’t make it, she didn’t want to either. Already heaven had her mother and her infant daughter — the girl who would’ve been Janessa’s older sister. But if God took Landon too?

Ashley refused to let herself think about it. “You’re okay, baby … breathe … come on, Landon. Breathe, sweetheart.”

A sound came from behind her, but it took a minute before Ashley realized the doctor was calling her name. She turned, but only for a moment. If she looked away from Landon for too long he might not be there when she looked back. The doctor was saying something, but his voice changed and it became Landon’s.

I’ll never love anyone like I love you, Ashley … the way I’ve always loved you …

And suddenly she wasn’t sitting here at Landon’s bedside begging God to let him live. She was a young single mother, painting outside in front of her family’s home, painting and missing Landon and longing for him … And like the wind someone was touching her hair, the side of her face, and she turned and it was
him. Landon. Come home from New York and Ground Zero, his mission accomplished. And he was taking her in his arms and telling her how much he loved her, promising he would never leave her again, never be apart from her …

The scene changed and she was standing by Irvel’s graveside. Irvel who had only loved Hank all the days of her life. Irvel who, for the last seven years at Sunset Hills Adult Care Home where Ashley worked, believed only that Hank was fishing. Not that he was dead, but just gone with the guys … for the afternoon. Irvel, whose love added to the picture of love Ashley’s parents had given her when she was growing up.

She was there at the cemetery again, and Irvel’s funeral had just ended, and like so many other times Landon was walking up alongside her, putting his arm around her. “Has anyone told you … you have the most beautiful hair?” It was the question Irvel always asked her, never remembering that she had already asked it. And there was Landon, knowing just what to say and how to remind her that life would go on, and that Irvel’s love and wisdom would continue to live, because it would live in her.

And there was Landon, sitting in the dugout helping Cole with his catcher’s gear and even from the bleachers, even in the middle of a screaming loud baseball game, she had heard his pager go off, and she had known … absolutely known that this was the one fire he shouldn’t respond to.

But he had responded.

And now …

“Ashley.”

The doctor. She had forgotten about the doctor. Again she turned, keeping her shoulder to Landon, her arm alongside his. “Yes?”

Her father entered the room then, and without saying a word he pulled up a chair and moved it right next to her. If only her mom were here. Because this was a time when a girl should have
her mother. When all the world was falling apart and the sky was upside down and nothing made sense. This was when she needed her mom the most, right?