Leaving Serenity (6 page)

Mama set a plate of bacon on the table and cut her eyes at me. “What’s wrong with you, Annette? You’re walking like an old granny.”

Adam snickered at Mama’s joke as I sat down. Mama and Adam were so much alike that sometimes th
ey seemed like the same person.

Beth answered for
me
. “Annette was attacked by a dog last night.”

Mama sat and placed a blue gingham napkin in her lap. “What dog?”

I swirled a spoon through my grits. “It wasn’t a
dog.”

Mama sipped coffee from a Corelle cup with a blue cornflower design. “What is it, then? Are you hurt?”

I stared into my plate as I stammered. “I was raped…by three boys.”

Silence fell over the kitchen table. I kept my eyes on my plate, but I felt theirs on me. The kitchen was so quiet that, for a moment, I could hear them breathing.
They are my family. They will help me. They will make those boys pay
for what they did to me.

Daddy bellowed, “Margaret Annette Bevels, do you have any idea what you are implying?”

Hearing his stern voice call me Margaret Annette made me feel uglier and more tainted. I knew that I was doomed if someone at the table didn’t come to my defense soon.
Who will rescue me?
Adam
wa
s out, for sure.
Mama? Jeff? Beth?

Mama narrow
ed
her blue eyes at me. “Annette, what’s the meaning of such an awful accusation?”

I look
ed
at the four faces around the table
and realized that
I
had to
take my chance at being heard
.
T
hose boys
had to
pay for what they did to me.
What if they don’t believe me? I have to make i
t sound like it’s not my fault.

My voice quiver
ed as I spoke as loudly as I could.
“Greg Sneed
led me into the equipment building during halftime. He started raping
me, and
then three of his friends came in and did
it
,
too.
No, two of his friends did it to me. The other one left.”

Adam leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “Come on, Annette. Do you really expect us to believe that cockamamie story? How many did you say? Two, three, or four? And, who are
these friends
of yours?”

Adam knew how to get the upper hand
.
E
mbarrass
ment shattered my courage. I began to
fidget in my seat
, and my voice grew weaker
. “They’re not my friends. They were his friends. I don’t know who they
we
re. It was too dark. Greg
held me down while…”

Jeff raised his palms the way that his friend, Greg, had the night before. “Hold on, here. You’re telling me that
Greg held you down
?”

I looked at Jeff, the brother I could count on. I spat the words out quickly, “Yeah, he did it to me first, and then he smashed my head into floor with his hand over my face while...”

Jeff interrupted me. “Hold on, here. In the first place, Greg is pre-engaged to Cindy Reese, the best looking girl in school. Now, why would he want to…I mean, why would a guy who is practically married do something like that? It just don’t add up, Annette. Who did you say the other guys were?”

I whimpered a helpless whine. “I don’t know.”

Adam leaned closer to my face. “You’re lying! I can smell a liar a mile away. That’s why I’m going to law school.”

Daddy
thr
e
w his napkin down
and pushed away from the table. “Annette, you are implying that a violent crime has happened on my school grounds, on my watch.
That, my girl, isn’t happening. You just get your head straight about that. You will not ruin my school’s r
eputation with such wild talk.”

Mama took over where Daddy left off. Her eyes roved over her children seated at the table. “Your father is right. This conversation is not to leave this house. I do business with Mr. and Mrs. Sneed, and they go to our church. Even though they sit midway to the back of the church, I still have to be nice to them. Do you all understand me? Our reputation is at stake here. I’ll not have our name dragged through the mud. Annette just had a bad dream. She let her imagination run away with her, that’s all.”

Mama started clearing the dishes away while I stared at the uneaten food in front of me.

“Annette, if you aren’t feeling well, I’ll
take
you
to
see Dr. Joe on Monday.”

I shuddered and sniffled. “Do I have to go to school?”

Daddy picked up his golf bag and turned on his way out the door. “You just stay home with your mother until…whatever is happening to you blows over.”

Adam threw his napkin in his plate and stood over me.
“You’re unbeli
evable, in more ways than one.”

Jeff follow
ed
Adam
out the back door
.
On his way out, h
e look
ed
at Beth and presse
d
his finger to his lips. I s
aw
fear in my sister’s eyes
and wondered what was going on
.

Beth stared at her empty plate and asked, “Mama, may I spend the weekend with Cindy Reese? Her parents said it was okay.”

Mama nodded. “Of course, dear. But remember not to say anything about what happened here this morning.”

I couldn’t read the look Beth gave me as she walked by.
I
had
always been different, but I ha
d
never felt
as
sad
or
alone
as I did at that moment
.

***

After everyone left for school on Monday morning, Mama called through a crack in the bedroom door. “Annette? Your appointment with Dr. Joe is at nine o’clock.”

“Okay.” I said, as I dragged myself out of the warm bed.

I felt worn-out, even after lying around all weekend. I showered and dressed, this time, pain-free
. Mama avoid
ed
my
face
and me all together as she dr
o
ve to
the Town Clinic
.
Doc Joe
had
always been
a
big part of my life.
He s
a
t directly behind us in the
third pew on the left at church. When I was little, he’d smile and pull at my earlobes during Grandpa Zeke’s sermon.

“Mama, can Doc Joe tell me if I’m pregnant?”

Mama kept her eyes on the empty street that she knew by heart. “Don’t be silly, Annette. Of course, you’re not pregnant. You know that you have to be married first, before you have children.”

Mama’s naiveté surprised me. Obviously, she had never read
Valley of the Dolls
. I looked out the passenger window and wondered if she would ever believe me. It was a long four minute drive to
Dr. Joe’s office. I
thought about what I would say to him and
hoped that he would believe me.

Dr. Joe
greet
ed
me with his soft smile
,
kind face
, and
a big hug
.
“And how’s my little Annette feeling today?”

I open
ed
my mouth. Mama’s eyes sen
t
warning signals
my
way, and
she answered for me. “
Annette isn’t feeling well. She’s having bad dreams.”

Doc Joe
leaned forward
in
the
wooden
desk chair on wheels
.
“Oh? Are you having problems at school?”

I blurt
ed the words
out
quickly so that I wouldn’t hesitate or stutter.
“No, not exactly, I was raped Friday night by four
—
uh
,
no three, boys. Dr. Joe, can you examine me to see if I’m pregnant?”

Mama
crossed her arms
and
purse
d
her lips. “You see!”

Dr. Joe
place
d
a wri
nkled hand on my knee. “Well now, I don’t usually perform examinations like that on young girls, especially not girls like you that I’ve known since you were a wee thing. Now, are you real sure that this incident happened? Maybe you just imagined it, or dreamed it, like your mama said. Things like that just don’t happen in Serenity.”

I felt my body
shake
,
and the volcanic tears
threaten
ed
to explode
again
. “Why doesn’t anybody believe me? Of course it happened, and it happened to me Friday night!”

Doc Joe
turned
to Mama. “
The child is obviously upset. I’ll give you some Valium. It’ll help calm her nerves. Sometimes adolescence can be a stressful time for sensitive children like Annette. Watching too much television may be the culprit here, enticing an overactive imagination. I’m sure the sedative, less television, and time will take care of the problem.”

Mama perked up. “Well, she does watch a lot of television. Oh, thank you, Dr. Joe. I knew that you would know exactly what to do for her.”

Mama stared back as I squinted out of the corner of my eye. I felt the chill of her stare and the lack of compassion she felt for me.

***

The rest of the tenth grade was like a bad dream. It didn’t take long for me to recognize the fat, blonde boy who smelled like grease, and the tall, dark, skinny boy who hurt me so badly. I ran into Greg often during lunch period. He looked right through me and guided his girlfriend far from my reach. I remembered what Jeff said about Greg being pre-engaged or spoken for. Looking at his conceited face created a wave of nausea in my throat.

Mama
placed a pill in my
hand each morning before school until the bottle was
empty. I
don’t know if the Valium helped or not, but I hated the way it made me feel. It wiped out my ability to communicate and concentrate. Sometimes I slept through
geometry
and French; other times I daydreamed through English and b
iology.
My teachers never bothered me or failed me, probably because of Daddy. My report cards held a D average throughout the tenth grade. I continued to fantasize about running away. One day drifted into
another
,
and
I felt trapped.

Not long after I was attacked, Beth told Mama that she was dating Greg’s older brother, Earl Junior. She met Earl Junior at his parents’ store, where he stocked shelves. Mama said that the Sneeds were beneath us and that Beth could do better.
But Jeff
stood by Beth and persuaded my parents to accept my sister’s fate. When I heard the news about Beth and Earl Junior, I understood the look Jeff and Beth shared the morning
after my
attack. Jeff couldn’t come to my defense that day because he was hiding Beth’s relationship with his best friend. My parents accepted Earl Junior into the family, and as Beth and Jeff grew closer, I felt more detached from them than ever.

Working Girl

My stomach growls, and I wonder if the Bluebird Café is still around. Crossing the old railroad track, I see an “Open” sign hanging in the window of the clapboard building painted the color of a Robin’s egg. A wave of grease hits me in the face when I walk
in.

A weathered woman
looks at me cautiously. Her face is haggard, and her hair is the color of cheap, orange dye. “Can I hep yee?”

I look at the familiar chalkboard menu behind her and think,
Why not?
It’s o
nly once
.

“I’ll have a dough burger and a cup of coffee.”

“You from ’round here?”

I take the cup from her hand. “Yeah, a long time ago.”

I take a table near the window and avoid looking at the dead flies on the windowsill. The woman sets a white plate with a solid blue trim around the edge in front of me. The plastic yellow squirt bottle sticks to my hand as I squeeze strands of mustard on
the meat, flour, and onion concoction slapped between two pieces of white bread. A wave of déjà vu hits me when I bite into the sandwich. I’m keenly aware of the woman
trying to look busy behind the counter. If she only knew how c
lose I came to living her life.