Left to Love (The Next Door Boys) (10 page)

“Relax, Leigh.” He leaned over and kissed my forehead.

I closed my eyes again just in time to hear a knock on the door.

“Come on in,” Brian answered.

Dr. Watts walked in. “How are we?”

“Don’t know yet,” I answered.

“Well, that’s a good thing.” He sat down on a stool, taking one long breath in and slowly letting it out. “I don’t like treating patients I like as well as you, Leigh.”

My stomach sank, how bad was it?

“Sorry.” He pursed his lips. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” He
paused
for a moment. “It looks about the same as last time. Why did they let you keep that other ovary?”

“I wanted kids.”

“But the chemo usually ruins that anyway.”

“I wanted the chance.” I remembered the feeling of hope when I insisted they leave the healthy one there.

“Well, I wouldn’t have let you take the chance.” He sighed again. “So, we took out your ovary, there was cancer there. I’d guess that’s where it started. There was some on the fallopian tube. We took that out, too. Anything that looked the least bit suspicious, I took. We’re getting the fluid in that part
of your body checked right now, so
we should have those results back shortly. I put a rush on everything. I’m sticking with what I said originally. The same as last time. Maybe a little worse. I won’t know anything for sure until I get some lab numbers.” He clasped his hands in front of him.

“Naturally my biggest concern here is that the cancer came back, and fairly quickly. This to me says one of two things. First, that your ovaries were
just genetically programmed to
grow cancer or second, they didn’t get all of it the first time around or the chemo left some cells dormant for a while, which then began to grow.” He eyes shifted between us. “I know chemo isn’t a lot of fun, but I’m going to put you on a bit more rigorous program than last time.”

The thought of losing all my hair and being that sick for that long felt unbearable. Brian’s jaw clenched. I had to find my game face and put it on. If I could jump into this and be brave, it would be easier for him. It would be easier for my parents and Nathan and Jaron and everyone.

“The frequency will be the same, every two weeks, but it will be for longer periods of time, meaning a higher dose. We’ll go ahead and check you into the hospital at least for the first two
,
but I’d like to see you in here for all of them.
We already know your body doesn’t react well.

“
We’ll gauge how your body reacts and then you might be able to do like you did last time where you come in and sit in a chair for a couple of hours and go home. I believe your program was six months last time. We’ll try to keep it to six months this time but I’m not going to promise you that until I see the numbers from the lab. We okay?”

“Peachy.” Like bricks are on my chest, crushing me.

“And I know you know what to expect Leigh…”

I cut him off. “Yep. I come in and somebody sticks a needle in my arm so they can give me enough poison to kill the cancer without killing me. I feel a little crappy right away, I go home and just when I think that it might not be that bad, it hits me like a wall and the next two days are horrible. I throw up and feel like I’m going to pass out. I’m tired and can’t sleep. Once I start to feel like a somewhat normal version of myself, I get to come in for another treatment.

“When they first start, I might have a week where I feel pretty good but by the end I’ll pretty much feel terrible all the time.” I tried to smile.

“You got it.” Dr. Watts took one of my hands. “You’re tough, Leigh. I really, really believe you’re going to be fine. Survival rates for this are good. Really good. The next year is just going to suck a little bit.”

I nodded.

“What…
I mean, how bad was it? Is it?” Brian sounded as if he was choking on the words.

Dr. Watts put on his professional voice, and I tuned out as numbers flew back and forth between them. Seventy-percent here, fifty percent there. Genetics, testing, particular cancers. I didn’t l
isten, because I didn’t want to
know.

The room fell silent, and when I turned they both stared.

“What?” My eyes went from Brian to Dr. Watts.

“Let me give you two a minute.” Brian got up and walked out of the room. I ached for him. How much worse would this be if it were him in this bed instead of me? I couldn’t go there.

“Leigh?” Dr. Watts said. His voice was quieter now.

“Yeah?” I turned back toward him after watching Brian leave.

“Last thing.” He looked at me intently again. “Most women would do anything to have a man look at them the way that man looks at you. You make him a part of this. Make him feel like he’s doing something for you, but
when it comes to how you feel? You do what you can do. No protecting the people around you and pretending to be tougher than you feel. Okay?”

“Okay.” Yeah. Right.

“I will come by for your first treatment. Someone from the office will call you when they get a schedule.”

“Thanks, doc.”

He nodded and walked out. My door didn’t close behind him.

“Brian?” Dr. Watts voice.

Silence.

“She’s done it before. She’s really healthy right now. Percentages are scary. I get it. But you have a wide margin here. Sixty to seventy is good. And I could be wrong, okay?”

“She shouldn’t have to…”

“I know.” There was a pause then Dr. Watts voice again. “I haven’t been doing this forever, but I have been doing it long enough to know a couple of things. First, someone like Leigh is going to try to make this easier on you. You’ll have to get really good at reading her. Second, at some point, especially since this is time number two, she’s going to try to push you away. She needs you. She needs to have plans for after treatments are done. She needs to feel like you and everyone knows she’ll be okay. I would say that keeping her from any kind of sickness or infection is the biggest deal.”

“I want to do more, I just want…”

“You want to make it go away.” A short pause. “You don’t get to do that. Don’t waste your time with it, Brian. You’re going to have to get good at taking care of her without hovering over her, unless she asks to be hovered over. Call me.
Anytime
.”

“Thanks.”

And then I heard the doctor’s footsteps fade into the busy hallway.

When Brian walked back in, his smile looked
slightly more genuine. “I got word from your nurse. Your vitals look good which means we’ll probably be back home tomorrow night.”

“Great.” I smiled. “Maybe
you could call my mom? Tell her what’s going on. See how she’s doing with Nathan?” My insides were suddenly shaking apart. Dr. Watts words, paired with Brian’s need to leave my room, and again the knowledge of what I was about to go through, all hit me.

“Okay. I’ll be back in a few.” His eyebrows pulled together. I didn’t know if it was awkward for him, or if he was afraid to leave me. Either way, I needed to be alone.

He walked out and I turned my head on my pillow and let the tears flow. I probably had five minutes to myself before Brian got back. None of this was fair to him. None of it. I wiped the last of my t
ears just before Brian stepped back i
nto the room.

“Nathan’s okay. Your mom’s fine. I think it’s making her crazy to be there instead of here, but I kept telling her how happy it made you to know that Nathan was with his Grandma. I think she really liked that.”

“You’re a good man, Bri.” He wasn’t just taking care of me
—he was taking care of my
mom and Nathan, too. How much more would be have to shoulder?