Authors: N.M. Silber
“A pleasure, but I must say, you two have created quite a panic. Let me tell you …”
“Mommy, I gotta go potty,” a little voice said from somewhere. Mr. Jonathan looked annoyed to have his opening remarks cut off. Too bad. Potty was a priority.
“Sure, honey. Mommy will take you.” Hannah went off with Josh as the rest of us settled around the dining room table. Yes, that dining room table. I tried not to think about it.
Adam and I spent several minutes listening to his mother try to reason with us, and my mother try to threaten us, so that we would hold off until at least June. When they realized they were wasting their time, they gave in and turned the floor over to Mr. J.
“I’ll need someone to assist,” he said, sounding like an emergency room surgeon.
“Me! Me! Pick me!” Bruce said throwing his arm in the air and waving it around.
“I think Bruce has to go potty too,” I noted dryly, earning me a catty look from Bette Davis. “I’m Bruce Goodman by the way. It’s a great honor to meet you,” he said sounding like he was greeting a Nobel Laureate.
“I’m humbled,” Mr. J. said, not sounding humble at all. “Mr. Goodman, if you would take notes …”
“Oh please, call me Bruce!” Bruce looked at me expectantly. I stared back. “Lil! I need some paper and a pen!” I rolled my eyes and got up to find him something to write on.
When I got back, Hannah had returned and I saw Josh sitting on the floor playing with his blocks and a toy dump truck. It reminded me of a very sexy bath that Adam and I took together recently. Not because it involved a dump truck, just because every time I started getting stressed out lately I thought about sex, and any time my mother was in the room, I was stressed out. Armed with his stationery and writing utensil, Bruce shook out his arms, loosened his shoulders, adjusted his sleeves, and after three attempts, found the perfect way to lean on the table. I sighed.
Mr. J., on the other side of the table, looked like he was psyching himself up for an Olympic power-lifting event. He leaned back in his chair, covered his eyes with one perfectly manicured hand, in a modified “The Thinker” pose, and paused for dramatic effect. Clearly he was the Joan Crawford to Bruce’s Bette Davis. What ever happened to gay men who defied stereotypes? The only thing Bruce defied was logic.
“Bar and Bat Mitzvah theme,” he said, sounding like Carnac the Magnificent.
“Adam did a Las Vegas review,” Deb Roth said proudly.
“Lily did the Civil Rights Movement,” the Ice Queen said, rolling her eyes.
“You’ll never stop criticizing me for that!” I growled. “It was culturally relevant. Did you know that at the height of the Civil Rights movement as many as thirty percent of lawyers signing up voters in the south were Jewish?” They all stared at me.
“Las Vegas?” Mr. J. repeated enthusiastically. “I have
of contacts in Vegas.” There was a shocker. It was my turn to roll my eyes.
“Oh yeah?” Adam sounded pretty enthusiastic too. I began to suspect that maybe he had never really gotten the “showman” out of his system.
“Yes! And it’s simply the perfect place for last minute wedding that’s still fabulous!”
“Vegas?” My mother sounded like she was asking him to describe his occasional irregularity.
“Vegas?” Deb echoed. She didn’t sound nearly as excited as her baby boy.
“Vegas!” Bruce said with a happy smile. Well, at least he was in.
“I don’t think Vegas is a good idea,” my mother said dismissively.
“I think it’s a great idea,” I said. Suddenly, I was a big fan of Sin City.
“Lily, I don’t …” she tried again.
“I don’t care. Adam likes the idea, and so do I. Vegas it is.” We glared at each other.
“Mommy, will you blow up the balloon?” Josh asked from somewhere beneath the edge of the table, breaking the tension.
“In a minute, honey,” Hannah answered. “You know, it might not be a bad idea. I mean, like he said, Vegas is perfect for last minute weddings and it will be warmer there.”
“Yeah,” Sarah agreed. “And just because it’s Vegas doesn’t mean it has to be tacky.” Adam’s sisters obviously had my back and I loved them for it.
“Mommy, I want the balloon,” Josh started to whine.
“Be patient a minute, Joshua, and wait until Mommy’s done talking,” Hannah chided. “Rabbi Stein could still marry them. I’ll bet that he would love to take a little weekend trip.”
Suddenly, everyone was involved in an animated discussion of a Las Vegas wedding. I was about to make a point about something, when I felt a little tug on my shirt. I looked down and there was Josh. Holding a condom.
I grabbed Adam’s leg under the table. Or I should say, I meant to grab his leg, but I was a little off with my aim. He sat up with a jolt and I felt him get hard in my hand. This was going downhill fast. He looked at me like I was nuts. I jerked my head toward Josh, who was still standing there holding his “balloon.” Adam followed my gaze and his eyes got wider.
“Lure him into the other room,” Adam hissed quietly into my ear.
“He knows you better. He’s more likely to follow you,” I whispered back.
“I’m indisposed,” he answered through gritted teeth.
“Sorry about that.”
“Just do it, Lilith. My sister will freak out and want to know why we weren’t more careful.”
“Well, jeez, you don’t have to be so angry. It’s not like I left it sitting out.”
“Neither did I. He must have been exploring, but she’ll
freak out. Now get him in the other room and give him something else to play with. I should be fine in a minute.”
“Hey, Josh. Come with me,” I whispered excitedly. He responded with a big smile and I led him off to the bathroom. When we got there, I looked around frantically for something to trade. Then I had an idea. “Want to see something really neat? Here give me your balloon and I’ll show you.” Miraculously, he went for it. Five minutes later, Adam came looking for me. He poked his head in the bathroom door and froze. Slowly, a huge grin spread across his face.
“Uncle Adam, look. I’m making Lily look silly,” Josh said with a huge smile as he continued sculpting my shaving cream beard.
“I see that. You can start calling her Aunt Lily, Josh. She’s going to be my wife soon.” The way he said it, and the way he was looking at me, made me feel all choked up. “And someday she’s going to be a great mommy too.”
That one made me lose it, and I felt my eyes fill up with tears. So I sat there on the bathroom floor, covered in shaving cream, laughing and crying at the same time while Adam got a towel and started gently wiping Josh and me up. Even though I didn’t think it was possible, I loved him even more then.
By the time I got back out to the table, smelling spicy and manly, they had discussed some details already. For one thing, I found out that my parents were footing the bill. They got no argument from me on that. My initial reaction was to tell them to keep their money, but then I realized how juvenile and foolish that would be. My parents were loaded; I was their only child and Adam and I could use our money for other things.
I also found out that Mr. Jonathan had connections at Marrakesh, a luxury hotel and casino in Las Vegas with a Moroccan theme. My initial reaction to that was “Oh my God. You’re kidding, right?” but then I saw the light in my groom’s eyes. Seeing him so excited, melted me. Visions of camels and slot machines filled my head, but hell, I was in love.
The Roths wanted to pay for the rehearsal dinner, but also for us to have a honeymoon after the wedding. Bruce was friends with a travel agent who could get us a great price on a trip to Rio. Wow, now
, was a dream location for me! Everybody was pitching in and it looked like we were going to get exactly the wedding we wanted. Why did that feel too good to be true?
That night we had a joint Game Night/Girl’s Night at Gab and Braden’s place. While the guys sat around the big screen TV watching a football game in the living-room, we sat in the parlor looking at bridal magazines.
Jess and Gab were really excited about staying at Marrakesh and I had to admit that when they described what they had read about it on the internet, it did sound like fun. The place supposedly had a model of a traditional Moroccan market place, sword dancers, tents, and a huge pool with fountains that was covered by a glass enclosure in the cooler months. It may not have been the real thing, but it seemed to make everyone happy.
At one point I got up to go the bathroom and on my way back, as I passed near the living-room, I heard the guys talking about Vegas themselves. I didn’t stop to listen in, at least not initially, but I heard what they were saying anyway. It’s not like they were whispering.
“I guess we should wait until we get to Vegas to have your bachelor party,” Braden said. Wait a minute!
? I paused in mid-stride.
“That would be pretty wild,” Mark said and I felt my stomach start to tighten. Wild?
I thought he said that Adam acted all mopey going out without me. What happened to mopey?! Mopey was very different than wild.
“Better not make it too wild or he’ll be staying a bachelor,” Cam laughed.
“Oh come on,” Braden replied. “We haven’t all really hung together except to watch sports in months.” What was that supposed to mean? What would they be “watching” instead?
“No sports?” Mark asked. “Does that include nude co-ed mud wrestling?” I heard the others laugh, including Adam.
I guess that answered my question. Those fuckers were actually going to go watch other women get naked and … cavort. And God knows what else! I knew I shouldn’t be standing there listening, but I wanted to hear what my beloved had to say before I moved on.
“Sounds like a blast. Just make sure you don’t get me in any trouble,” Adam said and I wondered what exactly he meant by that. Was it “don’t plan anything that would upset Lily” or “don’t plan anything Lily might find out about?”
I stalked off to the parlor again. When I got there, the other three were engaged in an animated conversation about belly dancing lessons, so I just sat on the sofa dwelling and stewing and stewing and dwelling. Okay, deep breath, Lil. You are an open-minded woman and you trust Adam. Even if he goes off with his … friends and watches strange women shake their tits, that doesn’t mean he would cheat on you, or love you any less.
I really didn’t have a problem with him keeping his porn collection. Hell, I would even watch it with him. So, why was this different? I knew the answer to that, though. Because a porno wouldn’t be giving him a lap dance. There was a whole lot that a person could argue wasn’t really “cheating.” And besides, we were about to get married. We were still in the scorching hot part of our relationship. Why did he need to see some other chick shake her tits?
So what was I going to do? Ask him not to go? No. I wasn’t going to do that, but he wasn’t the only one who could go out on the town in Vegas.
“Lily? Honey, are you okay? Jess asked, interrupting my thoughts.
“Sorry.” I realized then that I had been scowling and hugging my waist. My legs were crossed and the top one was bouncing frantically. My body language screamed “pissed off.”
“If you don’t want to take belly dancing lessons …” Gab began.
“It’s not that. I just overheard the guys planning a wild Vegas bachelor party for Adam.” By the looks on their faces, Gab and Jess weren’t any more excited to hear that news than I was.
“They’re probably just planning to hang out and have a few drinks together,” Beth said giving us a calm reassuring smile.
“There was mention of nude co-ed mud wrestling,” I noted.
,” Gab said making thoroughly disgusted face.
“Are you sure they were being serious?” Beth asked.
“I’m not sure about the nude co-ed mud wrestling but they were serious about having a wild bachelor party in Vegas.”
“Well, if they can go out and be ‘wild’ then so can we, honey,” Jess said, mirroring my own thoughts. “Vegas bachelorette parties can be fun too.”
“I’ll help you plan it,” Beth offered. “I’m an actual bachelorette, and I wouldn’t really mind having a wild time.”