Legend of the Seventh Virgin (23 page)

What sort of a woman was I, I asked myself, who was ready to turn this way and that for the sake of expediency?

I tried to make excuses for myself. I had fabricated a dream; and the fulfillment of that dream was the most important thing in my life. I wanted a position for myself that I might suffer no more humiliation; I wanted to give Granny comfort in her old age; I wanted to make a doctor of Joe. It was ironical that Johnny, whom I told myself I hated, was the only one who held the key to all that. It was a key he would be reluctant to relinquish; but perhaps if he were hard pushed … ?

Johnny was watching me with smoldering eyes. He was eager for me as he ever was, and yet he made no move. I suspected that he had been to my room and found it empty. He would guess where I was, but he dared not come to Mellyora’s.

I continued to hear Judith’s raised voice in the apartments she shared with Justin; and I knew that she was growing more and more restless.

As for Mellyora, she seemed to be living in a state of exultation. I believed I knew why, because I had seen her and Justin together one day from my window. They had met accidentally and exchanged only a word; but I watched him look after her as she passed; I saw her turn to look at him, and for a few seconds they stood still, gazing at one another.

They had betrayed themselves. Judith’s suspicions had some foundation.

They loved each other; and they had admitted it, if not in words, by a look.

We were seated at the table when the clanging of the bell from Sir Justin’s room started up. For a few seconds we stared at each other, then Haggety, followed by Mrs. Rolt, hurried upstairs.

We all looked at each other, for the bell went on clanging until they reached the room, and we knew that this was no ordinary call.

In a few moments Haggety returned to the kitchen. Polore was to go at once for Dr. Hilliard.

When he had gone we sat at the table but we did not eat.

Mrs. Salt said mournfully: “This’ll be the end, you see. And if you were to ask me it’ll be a happy release.”

Dr. Hilliard was fortunately at home and within half an hour he came back with Polore. He spent a long time in Sir Justin’s room.

A tension had fallen on the house; everyone spoke in whispers, and when Dr. Hilliard left, Haggety told us that Sir Justin had had another stroke. He was still alive but, in his opinion, he wouldn’t last the night.

I went up to Judith to prepare her night things; I found her quieter than usual; she told me that Justin was with his father; the whole family were there.

“This is not entirely unexpected, Madam,” I said.

She shook her head. “It had to happen sooner or later.”

“And is it … the end, Madam?”

“Who can say? He is not dead yet.”

Soon, I thought, she will be Lady St. Larnston and Justin will be the head of the house. It would make no difference to me. But Mellyora? I believed Justin hated to see his mother bullying Mellyora. When he was Sir Justin what would he do to prevent it? Would he betray his feelings?

Life never remains stationary, I thought. A little change here, a little change there … and what was safe and normal becomes no longer so. I thought of the seventh virgin of the legend who had meditated not far from where I was standing, who had taken her vows and no doubt believed she would live the rest of her life in peaceful security. Then she loved and she submitted to love; and the result was lingering death in the convent wall.

Dr. Hilliard came twice a day and each morning we believed that Sir Justin would be dead before the day was over. But for a week he lingered on.

Mellyora was constantly in attendance. She was excused her duties of reading and flower gathering. I went back to my own room for she was needed in the sickroom, and since I was alone there was no point in being in hers.

She had little rest during those six days, but she did not seem to need it. She had lost a little weight which was rather becoming, and there was a shine about her. I, who knew her so well, understood that just for a while she was content to bask in the knowledge that Justin loved her.

Perhaps, I thought, they could go on like that for the rest of their lives. Theirs would be a relationship of ideals, unsullied by any physical need. Justin would never be a passionate man and Mellyora would be ready to adapt herself to his ways. It would be a sublimated love; they would be kept apart always by the flaming sword of propriety and convention.

What a contrast was this profane attraction which Johnny had for me and I, perhaps, for him.

Sir Justin was dead, and there was a lightening of the atmosphere as preparations for the funeral began. At all the windows blinds were drawn; we moved about the house in somber gloom. There was no real sadness though, for no one had loved Sir Justin and his death had been expected for so long.

It was a question of: “Sir Justin is dead. Long live Sir Justin.” The servants slipped naturally into the new form of address. Judith had become “my lady,” and almost imperceptibly the Dowager Lady St. Larnston moved slightly into the background.

Everyone attached to the house wore black crape bands about their arms — for “respect,” said Mrs. Rolt. A collection was made in the kitchens, to which both Mellyora and myself were invited to add our share and there was great excitement when the wreath arrived. “The Gates of Heaven Ajar,” which had been Mrs. Rolt’s choice.

When I asked if they thought Sir Justin would go to Heaven, since, from what I had heard, his life had not been exemplary, I was regarded by shocked eyes and Doll gave a little squeal as she looked over her shoulder, half expecting, she explained, Sir Justin’s shade to come into the kitchen and strike me dead with the copper stick which Daisy had brought in from the washhouse and had forgotten to take back.

Didn’t I know that it was dangerous to speak ill of the dead? Didn’t I know that the dead were sanctified? No matter if Sir Justin had taken unwilling maidens; no matter if he had sent men, women and young children to the hulks or transportation for no greater sin than trespassing on his estates; he was dead now and therefore a saint.

I felt impatient with them; nor was I afraid of the ghost of Sir Justin. But it was no use trying to explain.

The black mutes had done their duty; the velvet-caparisoned horses had carried their sacred burden away and the funeral was over.

I was no longer afraid of Johnny. In fact I was rather eager for more encounters with him. I had been to see Granny while Sir Justin was so ill and I had talked to her about Johnny.

She was very thoughtful; then she said: “The fact that he talked of marriage would seem to show that he had it in his mind.”

“Only,” I replied, “as something which could not possibly take place.”

Granny shook her head and regarded me fondly. “Why, Kerensa,” she said, “I’d be ready to swear that if you were dressed up like a lady and taken where no one knew you, they’d think you were one.”

I knew it was true for I had worked with all my strength towards this end. It was the first and essential step.

“Granny,” I said, “he would never marry me. His mother would never allow it. Nor would his brother.”

I narrowed my eyes, thinking of Justin who would be from now on the head of the house. He had a secret — his love for Mellyora. But was it a secret? Wasn’t it already suspected in the servants’ hall? Still, he was vulnerable; and, with such a secret, was he in a position to harm me?

“So you think now, my love. But who’s to say what the future holds? Who’d have thought you’d ever read and write and talk like one of they?”

“Who’d have thought it!” I echoed. Then I seized her hand: “Granny,” I said, “could you give me some potion …”

She snatched her hand away, laughing with mockery. “And I thought you be educated! Have you forgotten what I did tell ’ee? The future is for you to make. You can have what you want … if you’re ready to pay the price for it. Everyone can. But you must never forget that the price has to be paid and it’s sometimes more than you’ve bargained for, Kerensa!” She was very serious. “Listen to what I be saying. And don’t ’ee forget it.”

I lay on Mellyora’s bed. When the house was quiet I would go back to my own room.

“But do you want to, Kerensa?” she had said. “Do you feel safe?”

“Safe from Johnny!” I was scornful. “Don’t worry on my account. I know how to handle Johnny.”

She clasped her hands behind her back and looked up at the ceiling. Again I could only describe her expression as exalted.

“Mellyora,” I said, “you should tell me.”

“Tell you?”

“Something’s happened, hasn’t it?”

“You know well enough what’s happened. There has been a death in this house.”

“It was hardly unexpected.”

“Death is always a shock, expected or not.”

“I would not say that you are shocked.”

“No?”

I could see the confidences trembling on her lips. She wanted to tell me; but this was not her secret alone. I was determined that she should tell me. I seemed to hear Granny’s voice in my ear: “It is important to learn everything …”

“You can’t deceive me, Mellyora. Something
has
happened.”

She turned to look at me and I saw that she was startled. She reminded me of a dainty gazelle who has heard a rustle in the undergrowth and while wanting to satisfy curiosity knows it is wiser to run away.

But she was not going to run away from me.

“And,” I went on firmly, “it has something to do with Justin.”

“Sir Justin,” she said softly.

“He is Sir Justin now, I agree, and head of the house.”

“How different he will be from his father! The tenants will love him. He will be kind and as just as his name implies …”

I made an impatient gesture. I did not want a eulogy of the new Sir Justin.

“He will be perfect in every way,” I said, “except that he has been foolish enough to marry the wrong woman.”

“Kerensa, what are you saying?”

“You heard me perfectly and I am only saying what has been in your thoughts for a long time — and perhaps his, too.”

“You must never say that to anyone else, Kerensa.”

“As if I should. This is between us two. You know that I would always be on your side, Mellyora. You are close to me … we’re as close as sisters … no, closer because I shall never forget that you took me from the hiring stand and made me as your sister … in a way you made me what I am, Mellyora. The bond between us is stronger than a blood tie, even.”

She turned to me suddenly and threw herself against me; I held her tightly while her body heaved with silent sobs.

“You should tell me,” I said. “You know that everything that happens to you is my concern. You love Justin … Sir Justin. I have known it a long time.”

“How could anyone help loving such a man, Kerensa?”

“Well, I manage very well, which is fortunate. It would not do for everyone to be in love with him. I have known for a long time what your feelings were … but what of his?”

She withdrew herself and lifted her face to mine. “He loves me, Kerensa. He thinks he has always loved me. Only he did not know … until it was too late.”

“He has told you this?”

“He would not have done so. But it was when we were both sitting by his father’s bedside. It was after midnight. The house was so quiet and there was a moment when it was impossible to hide the truth.”

“If he always loved you, why did he marry Judith?” I demanded.

“You see, Kerensa, he looked upon me as a child. He seemed so much older, and because when he knew me first I was only a child, he went on thinking of me as one. And then there was Judith.”

“Ah, Judith! He married her, you know.”

“He didn’t want to, Kerensa. It was against his will.”

“And what sort of man is he to marry against his will?”

“You don’t understand. It is because he is good and kind that he married her.”

I shrugged my shoulders and I could see that she was battling with herself, wondering whether she should tell me. She could not bear my unspoken criticism of Justin, so she decided to.

“His father wanted the marriage before he was ill, but Justin refused because he did not want to marry until he was in love. His father was furious; there were many scenes, and it was during one of these that he had his first stroke. Justin was horrified, you see, because he felt responsible. And when his father was so ill he thought it would help him to recover if he did what he wanted. So he married Judith. He soon knew what a terrible mistake it was.”