Let It Burn (4 page)

“Red, Finn may be that guy, but I’m not. Not really. So I let the easy women go to my head for a while. Can’t blame me entirely; I mean my job requires me to risk my life; I work with ninety-five percent testosterone overloaded idiots. To wind down, we hang out with loose women who want to nail a man in uniform. I may not always be thinking with the right brain, so I fall prey to it.”

“Please, Cage. Don’t play the dumb guy card. You’re not a dumb guy. A guy who does dumb shit but not dumb, per se. Look...maybe you needed to get it out of your system, maybe all guys do? So at least give me something...you know I need to rate her.”

“No. Why the ratings scale any, Red?”

“Mostly because it’s fun. Cruel sense of humor your little sis has, dear brother. Generally, the score is so low you realize your mistake and don’t double dip. Also I use them, most of them anyway, as kind of a how-not-to be that girl.” Gigi’s pretty face scrunched up in a frown as if she hadn’t realized that part of her rating system.

“That’s lovely,” I wiped a hand over my face in frustration, “once more, just for the fuck-all of it, break down Gigi’s rating scale. Make me understand.”

Part of me did want to understand how she, and maybe the rest of the family, viewed my escapades. Especially after that explanation. I knew even my pop had taken notice of my single-yet-laid on a fairly regular basis lifestyle. Truth be told, what I let the guys at the station and even Finn, think about my status with chicks versus the reality were very different things.

Because of that first run in with Ariel, who I had no idea made the rounds the way she did, they talked. The badge bunnies that were always on the prowl, talked. I just let them talk.

While my so-called stud status was something I was uncomfortable with, it had taken on a life of its own now. Since Ariel, I had yet to even bang more than six chicks, a few more than once. They had me in high double digits, if not worse.

When I tried to deny it, tried to tell Finn that I was hardly working my way through our area code the way he was, he didn’t believe me. Instead he thought I was perhaps underselling my numbers, not that we talked numbers exactly, and was more impressed than ever. Which told you a lot about Finn, actually.

That dude hoped to live up to rock star dick dipping status, which just made me sick. I was hardly a Saint but there was no way I could do what he did so cavalierly. I mean, the girls he took home knew the score because he announced it like it was his mating call. More than once he had walked into O’Malley’s, covered in sweat and soot and loudly announced,

“Who wants to sit on my face tonight, ladies?” Charming, right?

Before Gigi could launch into her no doubt very detailed description of this rating scale of hers, a knock announced our lunch. Gigi got the door as I padded down the hall to grab some cash. I was smiling at Mr. Belvedere, now wide awake and downright perky as the aroma of Chinese filled the air. Always his favorite. I was in good spirits.

I thought it might be nice to hang out with Gigi today. It had been awhile since I’d seen any of my sisters really. We could have lunch, I could try to understand that rating scale and maybe figure out how to use it to my advantage. I could learn what not to look for based on a scale that someone who knew me, knew what I was really looking for, used.

“Smells delicious. I am starving, Cage.” Gigi called from the kitchen.

Carrying the bags in, I took out all the boxes of rice and then carefully lifted out the main dishes. The entire counter was covered by the time I was done. Popping the top on the cartons, I leaned down and inhaled the goodness of the best Chinese in a fifteen block radius blocks. Which was saying a lot because there had to be thirty Chinese spots around here.

Gigi got us some plates, and me utensils since she insisted on struggling with chopsticks. We talked a little about her classes and some mentoring classes I would be doing at the Washington library soon. Mr. Belvedere wove between our feet, attempting to trip us to win pity treats. Sinking back into the couch together, we turned on our favorite show, Doctor Who, and ate our lunch quietly until a commercial gave her a chance to talk.

“Rating scale. I actually didn’t start it because of you, Cage. It was just a way for me to rate...well other girls around me. If I liked someone and they, for instance, liked everything else but me, I wondered why. So I started this rating scale.” The frown overtook her face again and I realized this was a lot more involved than I had previously thought.

“First, as your big brother who knows you best, you could not possibly be rated on any sort of scale, whatsoever, Gigi. Impossible. Second...make me understand because maybe then I won’t fall prey to the badge bunnies.” Gigi’s face went soft from my attempt to compliment her before she laughed.

“There you go again pretending you’re the prey. I mean...maybe you are because according to Finn some of those women are definitely there to hunt.”

“Gigi,” I sobered and sat up, twisting to face her as I set my plate aside, “please tell me you don’t take a single thing Finn says seriously. That you don’t take him seriously? I am not at all comfortable that you two seem so...comfortable now.”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Right away I knew she was lying because she turned bright crimson, a dead giveaway.

“Gigi!” I took her plate from her and set it aside too, shooing Mr. Belvedere away.

“I mean I’m a female, though I know you are blissfully unaware of that fact. Finn is...I mean he’s no Dex,” She fluttered her lashes and turned redder, if possible, “at least I don’t think so. Anyway, he’s fucking hot and he’s right across the hall and so yeah it's fun to flirt with him. I rate his conquests too, sometimes, Cage. You have nothing to worry about because I have more self-respect than he would know how to handle.” After a long look that I hope she understood I’d kill him before I let him touch her, we briefly went quiet.

The show came back on and Gigi moved into the corner of the couch, shrinking away from me. I felt bad, but there’s no way in hell I’d let her near Finn. We’d been best friends since junior high and I trusted him with my life when we were on the job. What I didn’t trust him with was my sister.

Gigi was too different, too much her own special person, to be written off as another girl whose legs he’d gotten between. I would kill him first. Oh, they could flirt all they wanted. I knew Gigi was a bubbly, outgoing person. The minute he looked at her wrong, I’d cut his fucking balls off, no questions asked. A commercial break had us both sitting forward, grabbing our cooled food as she began talking as if nothing had happened.

“I decided to rate based on what I know. I mean, I am a nerd...so tops being Lizzie Bennett and bottom being Anastasia Steele,” Gigi shot me a look when I laughed so I cut it short, “These are based on several factors; looks, intelligence, sense-of-self, personality, neediness. For instance, Ariel is most definitely Anastasia. Too easy, empty, vapid. She...she doesn’t really count but Krista was barely a Bella Swan. Needy, never knew what the hell she wanted.” Gigi climbed from the couch, taking my plate before I could argue.

“Being as I am not a well-read type of guy, Red, give me the whole break down.”

“Oh, I intend to. Keep you out of your own way, maybe.” Mr. Belvedere mewled in agreement and I scooped him up against my chest.

“Traitor.” Mr. Belvedere rubbed his head under my chin and purred.

“So, basically your conquests, Finn’s too I suppose...really women in general, in my opinion are based on my level of respect and admiration for literary characters. Nerdy, I know but I was a loner so I had to keep myself entertained, right? It’s like this." Sitting again cross legged in the wide leather armchair, she bent over the dark wood coffee table.

For a moment she drew something out, a short list of what looked like names. Bringing Mr. Belvedere with me, I brought him against my chest to watch her. He allowed that for a moment before he became interested in Gigi. She was likely his favorite plaything, mostly because she barely tolerated him. Climbing atop the table and watching her scribble, he tried more than once to snatch her pen away. Gigi swatted him away and so he changed tactics and sprawled out on the notebook she was scribbling in.

“Blasted fur ball! Done. This is it, basically.” Gigi spun her notebook around and I saw a list.

“So one being the worst, ten being the best, I assume,” I confirmed and she nodded before I read them aloud, smirking at her, “Lizzie
Bennett; Strong, Smart, Loving, Beautiful. Hermione Grainger; Brilliant, Brave, Self-Reliant. Katniss Everdeen; Resilient, Powerful, Unselfish
. You forgot smoking hot, Red.
Eowyn; Brave, Responsible, Loyal.
I know that one for sure, Lord of The Rings, right? B
ella Swan; Needy, Uncertain, Disloyal. Jo March; Impulsive, Argumentative, Giving.
Who’s that one?
Emma Bovary; Reckless, Selfish, Greedy, Confused.  Anna Karenina; Childish, Selfish, Clingy.
Ooh, the slutty one, right? I think I remember the movie-it had Kiera Knightly, right? Also smoking hot then. Now the worst of the worst.
Daisy Buchanan; Selfish, greedy, shallow. And lastly, Anastasia Steel; Weak, Easy, Boring.
You are such a bonafide nerd, but I love it. I think I actually agree, Red. Ariel’s really an Anastasia, huh? Krista was only Bella? I guess I could see that.” I tore the notebook sheet from her bright pink spiral notebook, intent on keeping it.

“I spent a long time making that list. Adding to it, changing characters, making them almost perfect. Maybe read the books with those characters so you get where I’m coming from. Or, Netflix the movies and learn what to avoid, and who you should be looking for. Mom is a Lizzie, without question. You need a Hermione or Katniss; I don’t know if they even make Lizzie’s anymore.” Again her face turned up and I raised a brow.

“Where do you rate yourself on here, Red?” Her face, because it was that easy to rile her up, turned bright red.

“I don’t know. Maybe Eowyn. Or Jo. I don’t need a man but I’d like one. One day I want to rule my own kingdom,” We laughed and then she sobered, “meaning I want to do my own thing, have my own identity. You, dear brother, spend too much time with the Anna’s, Daisy’s and Anastasia's. You deserve at the very least an Eowyn.”

“Thanks, I guess? No, no you’re right though. I am keeping this list for reference. It might help me keep my distance from the bottoms. Think it might be time I find a Katniss or at the very least, an Eowyn.”

After more episodes of Doctor Who, we finished off the last of the Chinese. Gigi made a dent in the egg rolls while I finished most the Lo Mein. We talked more about the women in my life and I realized my family didn’t entirely believe I was notching a bed post and nearing high numbers. More like they thought I was chasing something. They knew getting ditched then baptized in the world of easy, quick and meaningless love had done a number on me.

The trail of women I had left in their wake were half assed attempts to find my Katniss or Eowyn, apparently. I knew that was partly true; I had always been seeking something. If I was being honest with myself, I knew it was exciting to have women throw themselves at me, make it easy. I’m just a man so when one of those badge bunnies at O’Malley’s lures me out back long enough to suck my cock, I let them.

Which means Gigi was right and pinning it on my broken heart from years before was bullshit. I liked the attention, I liked that they gave chase and never let me doubt I could spend the night buried inside one of them if I wanted.

It was a shit way to be and I knew that. Often, I struggled with it. Still, I had let it go on for this long, so I wasn’t struggling all that much. Though I had kept my numbers down for the women I actually did fuck I had done plenty else.

The number of regulars at O’Malley’s who knew what my cock tasted like or how good I was with my fingers between their legs was high. There were more badge bunnies who could say I’d had some part of my body in some part of theirs than I wanted to count.

It was too easy. After a long day, we almost always ended up at that bar, with those women waiting for us. Never did I walk in there without a choice of at least ten women. The minute we walked in we had beers and chicks waiting. Especially if it was a serious call that left us worse for the wear. We could be covered in soot, dirty and sweaty and they wanted us even worse.

Once, after a really bad fire that took hours to battle, Finn and I were exhausted, our breath rattling in our lungs and stinking of smoke. One redhead, who by then I had learned feasted on badges like a never ending buffet, offered to let us spit roast her. Finn was down, of course, but I declined.

Eventually she convinced a cop to take my place. Two for the price of one, she had said. I didn’t regret it but I imagine more guys said yes than said no. I knew I was no better than those guys.

Didn’t mean I didn’t want to be better. At first I didn’t want to be that guy and had done it out of spite. That hadn’t been the case for a long time. I did it because I liked it and really, because I could.

It had been awhile since it had felt anything less than desperate though. The fact that I couldn’t remember Freckle’s name, and in fact now couldn’t remember more than her freckles, was wakeup call enough. I’d had my fun and damn, it had been fun.

I didn’t think it was very fun anymore. Coming home to an empty house time and again, never having anyone to talk to, never even wanting someone in my place made for a lonely, sad life. If I didn’t have my family, especially my sisters, I would be as pathetic as Finn. I maybe had lied to myself about searching for her before, but now I thought maybe it was time I really start trying to find her. I certainly didn’t want to live the way Finn wanted to.