Let It Go (14 page)

Eli shivered, thinking about those powerful thighs that guided the horse through the exercise. He’d had those thighs wrapped around his body just a few hours before. He felt his face flame up. Damn, he hated that.

“I hear there used to be bad blood between the two of you.” Sawyer’s gaze raked over him, making Eli turn even redder. “If this mess in town blows over I’d offer to hire him. The kids around here could use a decent riding coach. But not if it’s something—”

“Sawyer.” Eli sighed, looking to keep his temper in check. “If he wants to stay, then that sounds like a good deal. I’ve never seen anyone ride like him. He used to beat my ass all over the country. We’re … were rivals. Nothing to get upset over. We just—I never understood him. We’re figuring things out. He’s quiet. Sometimes too quiet. Always used to piss me off.”

“He’s shy, Eli. All that God-given talent and he doesn’t know how to deal with the attention.”

Eli looked at Sawyer as if he’d lost his mind. Creed Dickson wasn’t shy. “That’s a load of shit, Sawyer.”

“Yeah, yeah, coming from you, Mr. Run-my-mouth-all-the-time, I’ll let that pass. Come on, Eli, just look at him. We’ve been out here every day for a week and he’s only just relaxed around Becca. He doesn’t speak unless spoken to, he doesn’t make eye contact, and he blushes easily. But he’s so damned talented. Look at what he’s done with Red. Taming him enough to get a saddle on him in a week is more than I ever expected.”

“Yet you forced that damned horse on me knowing he couldn’t be broken.” Eli watched Creed and Becca fly past, racing around the oval. She used her legs now, moving with the horse, almost as naturally as Creed, only not quite as gracefully. They laughed together on the second pass. Sawyer was right; Creed had relaxed enough around Becca to joke around with her. He still wasn’t ready to show Eli that side.

While he watched, Creed eased one leg out of the stirrup and Eli had to force himself to breathe when Creed hit the ground and bounded back into the saddle. Swinging his legs over and then off again.

“He’s a trick rider.” Sawyer guffawed. Eli had never thought he’d actually attribute that word to anyone, but that’s what Sawyer did. As if he were a little kid at the circus. Eli remembered the first day at his ranch when Creed did a backflip off the horse. His stomach leaped every time Creed did something stupid like stand in the saddle. The horse Kipper seemed to be having the time of his life. “Are you all right, Eli, is the heat bothering you?”

“I’m fine,” Eli whispered, watching as Creed did another backflip off the horse and landed on his feet in the dirt. Applause coming from all around them, his grin died, replaced by that damned shuttered expression he wore so often. Creed Dickson was shy. Insecure. And Eli was—“Sawyer, how do you know when you’re in love?”

Tense silence crackled around him as Eli realized what he’d said. He suppressed the shiver of fear that raced over his skin. Looking straight ahead he pretended he wasn’t stupid. But Sawyer’s continued silence did little to set him at ease. That was why he stayed his ass in the closet. Because no one would accept that he liked men.

Somehow Creed seemed to sense his eyes on him; his gaze found Eli’s and held. “That wasn’t what—never mind … I mean—” Eli tugged his ball cap low over his forehead, hoping to cover his eyes. “I’ll get out of your way as soon as Creed gets Kip loaded.”

“Eli.” Sawyer finally spoke, his voice coming out in a rush. “Listen, son, I don’t know what to say right now. Gimme a minute, okay?”

“So you can round up your hands. I’d rather—”

A rough hand gripped his wrist; terror raced down his spine. If Eli called for Creed, he would doom them both. “Eli? Shit, Eli look at me.”

It was an order, and Eli hated himself for obeying. Too many years trained to jump on command, which he still hadn’t quite broken himself of. “Let me go, Sawyer. I’m leaving.”

“Eli, I’m not going to hurt you, son. Fuck.” Eli had never heard Sawyer utter more than shit or damn in all the years he’d known the man. He let go of Eli’s wrist, an apology in his eyes. “I’m not judging you, Eli. I’m shocked a little, I guess. I didn’t think—anyway … uh, if it’s right you just know; there’s no way to explain it, it’s different for everyone. Does he feel the same for you?”

Eli shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked on the balls of his feet, the fight or flight instinct still buzzing through his brain. Sawyer looked embarrassed. Surprised. Guilty. He didn’t know what to do. “I don’t know. He’s hot and cold. I can’t read him. He seems to want to be with me, oh shit, why am I—”

“Sex is good, I take it?” Eli wanted to laugh when Sawyer turned the color of a fire truck complete with blaring sirens. “Oh, hell, Eli. I’ve had this talk a million times with the hands. First I’ve ever had about two guys. It’s unsettling, to say the least. So okay. Right now it’s just sex, am I correct in thinking?”

Eli looked at the ground and drew in a huge breath before he could meet Sawyer’s eyes. “Yeah, sex is good. He’s different from anyone I’ve known before. I don’t know what he’s thinking. If it’s just sex to him. I don’t even know if—I’m confused. I want to be with him all the time.”

“I see.” Sawyer tapped his knuckles on the railing; Eli followed his gaze across the ring to Creed and Becca talking while they walked the horses. “He’s got a lot of hurt in him. Something deep. I would never have said it of you, but Eli, maybe you’ve got the same hurt buried away too. I’ve never seen you—well, let’s just say I’m sure you’ve had to deal with some shit in your life that I haven’t even thought of. Maybe if the two of you could somehow find some mutual—oh hell, I don’t know what I’m saying.” He dragged his hat off his head and ran his hand through his thinning hair. “Just keep doing what you’re doing. He’ll tell you when he’s ready.”

“Or he’ll leave when the judge drops the charges against him.” And somehow that made Eli’s stomach hurt like a bitch.

“Then maybe he should know there’s a reason to stay,” Sawyer said, his gaze still on the pair in the ring. “Offer still stands. The kids in this county need a good riding coach. The sport is dying around here; no one stays anymore. If he wants to stay I’m sure we can work out a deal. Same for training the untrainable. Let him know there’s work here. Real work with real money. If he wants to stay, or tell him how you feel.”

“And watch him head for the hills. No thank you.”

“Eli, you’re going to have to trust someone one day. Tom has been trying to get through to you for years but you keep him at a distance. Owen doesn’t come around anymore. I’m afraid that you’re all alone and there’s no reason for it.”

Eli let his uncle’s name wash over him without blinking. Owen and Tom always knew what was best for him. They’d fought over him for nearly twenty years. One day there wouldn’t be anything left to fight over. One day Eli would walk away from all of it. He’d tried before but he hadn’t succeeded.

“Yeah, well, Sawyer, thanks for the advice, I—ah—I would rather that none of that got out, if you don’t mind.”

“Yeah, sure, Eli, I’m not—okay, I ah—The check for the calves is in the office. I’d hoped to get more for them but it was a good sale. I’m going to go get that while you load up.” Sawyer let out a breath and huffed off toward the stable and his office. Running. He was running.

Eli clenched the railing, the rough wood biting into his fingers. He stared straight ahead while sweat trickled down his back. Cold, clammy sweat. He could smell the stench of fear coming from himself. He watched Creed and Becca come around the end of the ring. Creed stopped walking, his shoulders going straight and stiff. Eli only imagined that he sensed his fear. He only imagined Creed was watching him when worry crossed his features. He was too damned far away to make out any of Creed’s features. It was a silly want. Just something stupid. But he wanted Creed at that moment. Needed him. And not sexually. He wanted to touch his hand, that was all. A casual caress. Something to set his fear at ease.

Creed walked steadily around the ring. Eli wanted to think that he never looked anywhere but directly at him. Eli let his gaze flick around the ring to the hands sitting or leaning on the railing. To the others moving around the stable yard. Sawyer usually kept about fifteen workers on the payroll. He ran a fairly huge beef herd and grew several cash crops. Not many farms made a go at it anymore. But Sawyer did. His dad would have if he’d lived, Eli realized as Creed came to a stop in front of him. Becca hadn’t followed. She’d walked through the gate and into the stable when Sawyer came out. They stopped to talk for a moment.

“You okay?” Creed said very softly. So softly that Eli almost didn’t hear him. He reached over the rail to brush the horse’s muzzle. Creed’s fingers brushed his and Eli felt relief wash over him. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Eli said, pulling his hand back. Sawyer was half jogging his way, a piece of paper in his hand. Eli let his gaze flick to the hands. Nothing had changed. The mood was the same. Late afternoon goofing off before heading out for a night of carousing. “It’s Friday. I’ve been cooped up too long. I’m getting cabin fever.”

“Okay,” Creed said, his gaze following Eli’s around the ring. “I know the feeling. Wouldn’t mind going out somewhere. Pizza, real pizza. Just to get out of—”

“Hey, Creed, man, I have got to tell you that was some fancy riding,” Sawyer said, his voice overly chipper. “I haven’t seen anyone ride like that in years. Dying art form.”

“Yeah, well, I picked it up somewhere, too much time on my hands and no one to tell me it was dangerous.” Creed smiled, and then ducked his head. Shy? How the fuck could this man possibly be shy? Eli couldn’t reconcile the new knowledge with the Creed he knew. But there it was. In screaming boldface letters. Creed Dickson was painfully shy. He was fucking gorgeous and didn’t even know that looking at him made Eli ache. All he’d ever wanted was for Creed to look at him. Just once. Instead of his damned feet.

“Seems to me a man like you, son, could give a lot to the kids in this community,” Sawyer barreled on, his attention focused on Creed and not Eli. There was no mention of his awkward admission. There was no posse waiting to kick their faggot asses. And Creed was talking shop. Maybe Sawyer was right. Maybe when the charges were dropped against him Creed could find a reason to stay at least nearby, if not with him.

“We’ll see, sir, I’ll think about it. Becca is a joy to work with; such a natural, she caught on and, yeah, I ah, I’ll discuss it with Eli and the judge and get back to you,” Creed said, eyes dancing as he backed the horse away from the railing. “I’m going to go load Kip into the trailer. It’s nearly sundown. Thanks for the offer, sir.”

“Sawyer.”

“Sawyer.” Creed nodded and walked away.

“Eli?” Sawyer waited until Creed was out of earshot before he sighed. “I’m not going to out the two of you, son. Your daddy was a really good friend of mine. He was a good man. Helped me when I was going under those first couple of years. All I’ve ever wanted was to see you…” He stopped and dragged in a couple of harsh breaths. “You’ve had hell all your life. I’m not going to add to that. And Creed, I don’t know much about him, but I’ve heard rumors over the years. His father was a rodeo bum, and a junkie. He’s probably seen as much hell as you have. A lot of my boys come from broken homes, some from the street. I patch them up as best I can. So yeah, okay, I never thought, or expected or whatever, and it’ll take me a little getting used to. But it’s your secret, son, I’ll keep it.”

Eli didn’t know what to say, the post he leaned against the only thing holding him up. “Okay,” was the only word he could think of. Sawyer smiled, worry in his eyes as he clapped him on his shoulder and shoved the slip of paper into his hand.

“Better get back before Tom sends Randy out with an armed escort.”

“And deprive Randy of a chance to jack my life up? He’s just waiting for me to go off the reservation so he can take me down commando style.”

“Randy Buchanan. I never understood why he didn’t follow Tom into law school.”

“Because he couldn’t pass the PSAT and has a God complex. He’ll be sheriff before he’s thirty-five. Just wait.”

“I fear you might just be right about that.” Sawyer laughed and clapped him on the back. “Get on home. I’ll call Tom and let him know we ran late and it’s my fault.”

“Sure, okay.” Eli let the tension drain away. Nothing to fear here. He looked over to his truck to where Creed leaned against the door waiting for him. There wasn’t much he could do about being stuck at home on a Friday night, but maybe… “Hey Sawyer, could you do me a favor? Could you send someone into town to pick up a couple of pizzas from Papa Joe’s for me?”

“Sure, sounds like a good idea. Probably could stand to treat the crew some tonight. Yeah. Call in your order and I’ll have someone drop it by on the way back. Take care, Eli. And make sure Creed thinks about that offer.”

“I’ll do that,” Eli shouted out on his way to the truck. Creed stood at the passenger door waiting for him to release the locks. The truck made the
chirp, chirp
as he hit the unlock button on the fob. But Creed still waited. “You want to drive or something?” Eli couldn’t resist asking.

Creed simply blushed and looked away. “I’m not licensed. What offer?”

“Sawyer is looking for someone to train kids to race pole and barrels, stuff like that. He wants you to come work for him when Tom drops the charges. Says the pay is good.” Eli climbed behind the wheel and slammed his door. “What do you want on your pizza?” he asked as soon as Creed was belted in beside him. “And what do you mean you can’t drive?”

“Didn’t say I couldn’t drive. I can drive. I just don’t have a license. Never had one. Don’t care, everything but anchovies and pineapple works for me.” Creed drummed his fingers on his thigh, the glow of the setting sun turning his golden skin a deep russet color that made Eli’s heart pitty pat in his chest.

“Damn, and here I was hoping for just a plain old pepperoni with extra cheese.” Eli let the license thing slide past. It was just one more Creed mystery. Why he was so thin. Why he was so ragged when he wore a two thousand dollar gold buckle around his waist. Why he shut out the world. “So I’ll order one of each. Got anything else you want while I’m buying?”