Let It Ride (9 page)

She was still wearing his jacket.

 

B
Y SUNUP
Cole was speeding down Highway 92 halfway to Phoenix. After he'd dropped Jordan off, he'd packed and checked out, unable to stay in that room a minute longer.

Sand stung his face as Cole roared down the dark, deserted road. The constant grit in his eyes reminded him of the sandstorms that had sometimes grounded his squadron in Iraq.

Still, this desert could never resemble the vast ocean of barren land that was the Sandbox. It was good to be home. Here you drew a breath and smelled clean air, mostly. There you smelled burning oil or human decay. And the oppressive sense of hopelessness.

Although, right now, he'd give anything to be able to return to combat.

Maybe if he'd known he was shipping out for another tour of duty, then this trip to Vegas would have been just like any other leave. Fast and fun. He wouldn't have gotten so attached to one woman just because he had sex with her. That had to be what it was, right?

He'd never, ever had a beautiful, naked woman in his arms and wanted to…talk. And he'd certainly never felt as if he might want to stay and see where the relationship might—wait a minute. He screeched to a stop and
pulled off onto the shoulder of the highway. Had he just used the word
relationship?
He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. That's enough of this mushy thinking, Jackson. It was a fling. It was fun.

It was over.

He could always buy a new leather jacket.

G
ENERAL
James Jackson, retired USAF, Vietnam veteran and descendant of Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson, answered the door in a worn robe over his skivvies. “Colton.”

Cole smiled as his father stepped forward and gripped his right hand, slapping him on the back with the left.

“We weren't expecting you so early.” General Jackson shut the door behind Cole. “I just brewed some coffee.”

Cole's chest tightened as his father led the way into the kitchen. Everything looked the same. He'd been thirteen when his dad had retired from the Air Force and taken a job in Phoenix. Being back in this house brought back a lot of memories.

Nothing had changed in the twelve years since he'd left. Including the sight of his mom standing at the stove, cooking bacon and eggs. “Who was it, Jim?” She turned and her round face exploded in joy. “Cole!” She dropped her spatula on the counter, wiped her hands on a dishtowel and threw her arms around him. “Honey, you must have driven all night. Sit down and have something to eat.”

As he sat and ate, his mother restrained herself with small talk for a few minutes before asking what she really wanted to know. “So, did you have a nice time with your friends in Vegas?”

Vegas. Jordan. In the tub, her slick soft breasts pressed against him. Aw, hell. He shifted in his chair. “Uh, yeah. It was good.”

“Your mother was worried.” His father put the newspaper down. “I tried to tell her you needed a few days to—” he cleared his throat “—relax before you visited us, but you know your mother.”

Cole cringed at the thought of his parents discussing his, er…love life.

“What's important is you're home now.” His mom stood and smiled. “I planned a little get-together.”

 

A
LL BUT ONE
of Cole's siblings lived in Phoenix and his middle brother and sister-in-law were flying in.

Cole barely had time to clean up and take a quick nap before they began filing in. His older brother was lugging in baby gear, and kids trailed after him. His wife was nagging the poor guy before they even made it into the living room.

Cole's older sister, who was divorced with two sullen teens, spent the afternoon griping about her ungrateful brats and how she never had any time to herself.

This was just what Cole needed. Reality check 101.

His middle brother had married a little over a year ago, and his other sister had brought along her latest and they couldn't seem to keep their eyes off each other.

Cole lagged behind his family, watching as they settled at the big dining-room table. His mother was smiling, happy to have all her kids and grandkids around, though she kept sneaking worried glances at him. They were all here to see him, and yet, as they discussed their children and their schedules and lives, he felt like the odd man out. An outsider. Alone.

In the years he'd been overseas, his brothers and sisters had…gotten old. Given up. Just like Dad.

His old man had only been twenty-two when he'd married Mom. He'd had four kids by the time he was Cole's age. All those years. Taking desk jobs to get promotions, turning down flying assignments to stay home for kids' birthdays and school plays. He could have gone into the space program and been one of the first men to walk on the moon if he hadn't married.

Nothing had ever been said directly, only hinted at in rare unguarded moments—usually while watching space-shuttle launches on TV, which Dad never missed. But Cole figured his father must lie in bed at night wishing he'd done things differently.

He had to regret his ordinary life. The bills, the mortgages, the burdens he'd taken on at such a young age. He must think about how exciting his life could've been if he hadn't been tied down by a wife and five kids. The things he could have seen and done, the impact he could have made on the world. He had to have wanted just to take off, chuck it all, and live his own life. Hell, he probably still did.

By ten o'clock that night, all of Cole's brothers and
sisters had left, except for his oldest brother, who was hauling his third load of kids' paraphernalia out to a worn minivan with a sliding door that stuck. What the hell had happened to that 'Vette his brother had always wanted?

Cole couldn't take anymore. The evening was still young and he itched to get out for a beer and some pool. Hell, he'd settle for a video arcade. He stopped his brother as he came back inside. “Hey, Kenny. How about going out for a beer?”

“Oh, uh…” His brother hesitated, and Cole realized the poor sap probably had to get permission. Cole couldn't imagine having to check with someone before every move.

Kenny's wife came up behind them. “You should go, honey.”

“But the kids…”

“I manage corporate attorneys all day, I think I can handle the rug rats alone for a while.”

Kenny's eyes softened and he put an arm around his wife. “I can't leave Jenny with her asthma so bad.” He turned back to Cole. “She gets scared and wants her daddy when she can't breathe.”

“Oh, honey.” His wife looked at Kenny as if he'd just saved the world from a terrorist attack. Was this the same couple who'd been bickering earlier?

“Cole, if you're anything like your brother—” his sister-in-law turned her attention to him “—you're going to make a great daddy some day.” She looked back at her husband and squeezed his waist.

Ignoring the tiny voice in his head that was actually
considering such a thing, Cole bit back a fervent denial. Instead he smiled and shrugged, then waved goodbye as the underpowered minivan squeaked its way down the street.

In a strange mood, Cole headed back inside his parents' house.

He stopped short at the entry to the den. His dad was standing in front of the fireplace holding the framed picture of Cole receiving his Air Force Combat Action Medal.

One of Cole's best days, bar none. His parents had been there, his mother blotting her eyes with a tissue, and if his father's chest had puffed out any further, he'd have been able to float in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.

Feelings surfaced he'd thought were long buried, of relief at finally making his old man proud. As the youngest of five, Cole was definitely an oops baby. His father had made no attempt to hide the fact that Cole was unexpected. And, Cole assumed, unwanted. Even his mom still told stories in an affectionately exasperated voice about his wild ways and all his emergency-room trips, and joked about how she should have stopped at four.

With two older brothers also in the Air Force, getting noticed by his busy father became even more of a challenge. So, no way Cole was not going to join. And he excelled at everything. Trying to show them all what the “wild child” could do, he'd set about breaking records instead of bones, and ended up the top of his class.

Even before 9/11 he'd been eager to be deployed. And then he'd served a tour in Afghanistan with distinction. Cole had reveled at the pride in his father's eyes.

But that pride wasn't there tonight. What Cole saw was worry. His dad had to know the details of why Cole had been shot down. Yet, the old man hadn't said anything in the hospital. Well, his mother had been there then, and Cole had still been recovering.

His dad replaced the photo on the mantel. “You think they'll discharge you?”

“Maybe,” Cole answered. “Maybe that'd be for the best.”

His father turned and nailed him with an unnerving look. “You think you're too good to serve if you can't fly?”

“No, sir.” Cole fought the urge to curl his hands into fists.

“Without the people on the ground, pilots wouldn't be in the air. The man who packs your parachute is just as important as you are.”

“I know that.”

“Air Force's mission is to fly and fight, and just because you can't be a hotshot anymore doesn't mean there aren't other ways you can serve your country, Colton.”

“So I should just give up my dream like you did?” Damn. He hadn't meant to blurt that out. Although maybe it was time to clear the air.

Sparks shot from his father's eyes. “Why don't you request an honorable discharge if that's what you want?”

Cole blew out a deep breath. “I don't know what the hell I want.” Or even who he was anymore.

“That's your problem, right there.” His father fisted his hands on his hips. “You should talk to someone.”

“Like a shrink?” Cole snorted. “I'll be fine.”

The old man grunted. “That's what I said when I got home from 'Nam.” He walked to the front window and clasped his hands behind his back. “But I wasn't.

“Your mother wouldn't marry me until I got help,” his dad continued.

What? Cole had never heard about this.

“And let me tell you, convincing her to give me another chance was harder than talking to that therapist.” He shot his son a sly grin. “But nine months after I persuaded her to marry me, Charlotte was born.”

There was an image Cole could've done without. “What if you hadn't tried to persuade her?”

His dad turned back to Cole and frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Well, back then it was different. Men were supposed to get married, right? But what if you hadn't? What if you'd followed your dream, instead? If you hadn't been burdened with all of us, you could have done anything.”

“Burdened? What are you talking about? What dream?”

“To be an astronaut. To walk on the moon. To have adventures beyond belief.”

His father shrugged. “I could've done that, I suppose, if I'd wanted. But I never would've left your Mom for that long, especially not after you kids were born.”

Cole nodded. “Exactly. Having a family tied you down. We kept you from your dream.”

His dad's forehead wrinkled in confusion. “Where'd you get your intel, Major? I wasn't tied down. I had ev
erything I ever wanted.” He stepped closer and held Cole's gaze. “After I made it back from 'Nam, my only dream was to marry my girl and build a home for our family. My mission became all about getting my head straight and loving your mom.

“I loved the Air Force. I loved flying—still do. But it doesn't come close to the thrill of loving my wife.”

Like a punch to the gut the truth hit Cole, and a lifetime of beliefs shattered. Reality shifted and the universe seemed to tilt. Dad was gray and balding, with creases of age around his eyes. But Cole could see in those eyes the fervor of the young man he'd once been. That fervor Cole had always interpreted as wanderlust was really just the fire of a man who knew what he wanted and went after it.

Suddenly, Cole envied his father that kind of certainty.

“You okay, son?”

He cleared his throat. “Yes, sir.”

His old man stepped close and clasped his shoulder. “I'm going to bed. So think about this. If you still want to join the space program, you don't have to fly a jet to work for NASA.” He narrowed his eyes and folded his arms across his chest. “But you do have to have your head on straight.”

He dropped his arms and headed for the stairs. “Think about it.”

 

T
HINK ABOUT IT
.
Over the next couple of days, thoughts whirled around Cole's head with the velocity of a hurricane. On Monday morning his commander called on
his cell to issue new orders. He'd been assigned as an air traffic controller at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio. He was to report there in a week. Not bad. He should be happy. But Cole couldn't seem to work up the appropriate enthusiasm.

His father's words kept echoing in his mind. That and the way his brother and sister-in-law had looked at each other as they were leaving Saturday night. Would Cole be happier at his new job if he had Jordan in his bed every night? Relationship as an adventure, not a prison sentence. He tried to wrap his brain around the concept. But he wasn't his dad. Or his brother, for that matter. He just couldn't see himself as the home-and-family type.

Then why did he keep thinking about one gorgeous, hard-working Keno girl? Maybe he
was
becoming a Jordan junkie. What was it about her that was so addictive?

Up in his old room, he lay on the bed with his hands behind his head remembering how Jordan had looked all tousled and sleepy in his hotel room. How she'd kissed her way down his scars, and the look in her eyes as she'd taken him inside her in the tub. The teasing curve to her smile when she'd admitted to liking the way he celebrated her grades.

And yet, it was more the way he felt when he was around her. Or maybe it was about how he felt when she wasn't around. As if something was missing.

Cole sat up. His dad was right. He needed to get his head straight. Maybe seeing her one more time before
taking off for Texas would answer all his questions. After being away from her for almost a week, maybe he'd be more objective now. And hey, he needed to get his jacket back.