Let Me Be The One (50 page)

Lady Battenburn idly smoothed the fabric of her robe over her lap. "I confess I am surprised by the hour of your arrival. Am I to assume that you are eager to see me?"

"I thought it was you who were eager," Elizabeth said without inflection."My husband said you came to Merrifeld Square to inquire after me."

"And a most unsatisfactory interview it was. Northam would have had me believe you had gone to Rosemont. I told him that could not be true as I had reason to know differently. He was quite unpleasant about it."

Elizabeth's brows lifted fractionally but she said nothing.

Louise picked up her teacup. "Do not express yourself so to me, Elizabeth. I assure you it is the truth. I can excuse his behavior because I believe he was not well. He certainly did not look well. I remarked to Harrison later that it seemed to me Northam did not know where you were and that accounted for his surliness."

It was difficult to imagine that Northam had been surly. Elizabeth considered it said something about the state of Louise's nerves that she thought it was so. "I am here now," she said.

"And feeling a bit too full of yourself. I cannot like it, Elizabeth. You must set the matter straight. Were you running from your husband or from me?"

Elizabeth had known the question was coming. She managed to look surprised while still giving the answer she had practiced on her way over. "Both of you, Louise. And neither of you. I required time for reflection and I could only find that by leaving London. Northam, however, knew precisely where I was. I imagine his decision not to tell you had to do with his respect for my privacy."

"And where were you?" she asked suspiciously.

"At Stonewickam visiting Lord Worth, Northam's grandfather."

Louise was not at all mollified. "It was wicked of you to leave with no word." Her rounded chin was thrust forward. "What is it that you needed to reflect upon? Am I to assume you have had doubts about the wisdom of continuing our arrangement?"

Elizabeth sat in a Queen Anne chair near the foot of the chaise. "I have always had doubts. I have never been quiet about those. Now I also have doubts about my marriage." She raised one slim hand to ward off Louise's interruption. "You can set yourself easy, for I see no way out of either short of leaving this life altogether. Yes, I considered it, and no, it does not appeal. I am well and truly caught, Louise, you and the baron on one side and my lord husband on the other. That is what I had to come to terms with. And I have."

Louise regarded Elizabeth closely, weighing her words and her sincerity. "Then there will be no more of this nonsense," she said finally. "You will not leave again without a word. I must be able to depend upon that, Libby. It was most distressing that I could not find you. Even your father and Isabel could give me no word, and I know they would not have withheld it. Pray, do not look so startled. Naturally I sent someone to Rosemont. How else could I have known Northam was lying? I cannot like it that you would tell Northam your whereabouts and he would conceal this fact from me. He must be brought in, Elizabeth."

"Brought in?" she asked.

"Included."

"Oh, I cannot believe that is necessary. It has worked well thus far. You know it has. I have been so careful to give no hint to him of our arrangement."

Louise's generous mouth thinned for a moment. "Do not be disagreeable, Libby. I assure you, I am quite set on the matter. Harrison is of a similar mind. If, indeed, you have given nothing away, it is only a matter of time before North learns the truth. I should rather it be on my terms, not yours. You can understand that, can you not?"

She could. It was precisely what she and Northam had expected of Louise."I do not think it is a good idea, Louise. He is not so easily caged as I was. You cannot hope to control him."

"You caged him, m'dear," Louise said sweetly. "What is marriage if not that? He may pace from time to time, chafe against his confinement like some great tiger, but he is satisfied with his lot. All men are. They do not manage very well when they are left to their own devices. Gambling. Affairs. Intrigues. War. You must see that. Your husband is no different."

Elizabeth was sincerely happy to be sitting down. She felt an urge toward hysterical laughter and managed to quell it by not looking at Louise directly but at a point just past her shoulder. "I do not think Northam knows he is caged," she said after a moment.

"Of course he doesn't. Not now. That is what must be changed." Louise reached for the teapot, poured Elizabeth a cup, and held it out to her. She warmed her own cup after Elizabeth was served and contemplated the problem Northam presented as she sipped her tea. "Your absence from London caused us to miss an opportunity at the Langham rout. The countess has a sapphire bangle I have long admired." Louise sighed dramatically. "But it is not to be mine."

Elizabeth said nothing. If the baroness was anticipating an apology, she was sadly out of it there.

Louise raised one eyebrow. "So that is to be the way of it. No remorse for your behavior."

"My presence here speaks well of me, Louise. Depending on your point of view. Northam would be appalled to know the nature of our discussion."

"Then it will be all the more delicious when he is included. I confess, I look forward to it."

"I take it you have a plan." Elizabeth imagined Louise had had one for a very long time, probably conceived when she first saw the direction of North's interest at the picnic. "I must warn you, Louise, Northam is not so easily led about."

Louise waved this concern aside, confident that what she had in mind could be accomplished. "It is only that you must not be too clever. It would not go at all well if you were to choose your husband's side against me. There is Selden, after all. And your dear papa."

Elizabeth felt herself pale. She nodded shortly. "What is it I must do for you?"

"For yourself," Louise reminded her. "Protecting a secret such as the one you have becomes a complicated affair, does it not?" Not requiring a reply, Louise went on. "You are aware of the French ambassador's winter ball?"

Careful to give nothing away, Elizabeth nodded.

"It has every indication of being a most coveted invitation. The prince will surely be there. And Wellington, naturally. There is no better way for the
ton
to show our goodwill to the French than by our attendance at the ball. Why, your own father will certainly be invited."

"And you, Louise? Have you and Harrison received your invitation?"

"I am certain it is to arrive any day." She paused, lifting an eyebrow to be sure Elizabeth understood. When Elizabeth nodded, Louise continued, "Good. I am hopeful you have already responded favorably."

"Northam did."

Louise did not trouble to hide her pleasure. "I thought that he would. How very good of him. You will see, Elizabeth, how well this turns out for all of us."

* * *

Elizabeth tossed her bonnet and gloves onto a chair as she marched into Northam's study. North looked up from his writing and saw the butler hovering in the doorway while Elizabeth removed her own pelisse and threw it carelessly aside. Her agitation was so high that she did not notice North dismissing the man or hear the doors close behind her. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were bright. Had she not just come from Lady Battenburn's home, North would have been moved to comment that she looked quite pretty. Such an observation now would likely be met with pointed silence.

Elizabeth went to the fireplace and held out her hands. "It is not warmth I crave, North, but cleansing," she said quietly. "I suppose I did not truly want to believe that you could be right about Louise or, more correctly, that I had been associated with the theft of private papers." She paused, glancing in North's direction. "That seems to be the way of it, though. Louise requires an invitation to the French ambassador's ball."

North pushed back from the desk and turned slightly in his chair. "That can be arranged easily enough."

Elizabeth's hands fell to her sides. She turned and looked at him fully, gauging his response."You are not surprised."

He did not deny it. "You and I both knew she would want you to prove your loyalty to her quickly. The ambassador's ball is precisely the right affair. In her place I would have chosen the same."

"She means to draw you in."

"That was to be expected," he said. "You did not give it away, I hope."

Elizabeth bristled a little at the suggestion. "I am a more accomplished liar than that." Her flush returned as she realized the full import of her words. "It is a rather incriminating defense, is it not? But there you have it."

"Indeed." Chuckling, he held out his hands to her. She did not hesitate to take them and allow herself to be drawn onto his lap. "What have you been told to take?"

"The ambassador's daughter has an emerald necklace that Louise covets."

"More likely she covets what is in the ambassador's private study."

"That is what I was thinking," said Elizabeth.

"There is some suspicion that the French are not as subdued as they would have us believe. If there exists proof that certain members of our own government are working in concert with them—for personal gain—that proof would be valuable to Louise and Harrison. People would go to great lengths to keep it from becoming public."

"Should you like to have such proof?"

"Most certainly, though the truth is, it is hard to say what might be uncovered at the residence. I imagine Louise and Harrison's forays do not always yield what they anticipate. There must be times when they are disappointed..." North's voice trailed off as he became more thoughtful. A slow, secretive smile eventually transformed his face. "Do you know, Elizabeth, I believe I think better when you are on my lap. It is the fragrance of your hair, I am certain of it."

"Do not think I can be diverted with flattery, North, though it was a very pretty compliment. Tell me what you are thinking." She saw his decidedly wicked smile. "Not what you are thinking at this precise moment," she amended. "I can divine that well enough. Tell me the other."

Persuaded that she could truly not be distracted, North surrendered. "It occurs to me that if on occasion Battenburn and his wife are disappointed with what they find, then the opposite is also likely to be true."

Elizabeth waited to hear more. "And..." she prompted.

"And I will have to speak to the colonel," North said.

"To see if the ambassador's ball might not be one of the latter occasions."

"You are being deliberately vague."

"Yes, but not because I think you would give anything away to Louise."

"Humph."

"You are a very accomplished liar."

Elizabeth was not amused by his teasing. She set her teeth.

"I cannot tell you what I do not know," he said. "Let me speak to the colonel. He will know what can be done. If I acted on my own, I could very well make a tangle of someone else's assignment."

"But then he will have to know about me," she said. "What I am... what I've done. And Selden..." Elizabeth considered all that had been done in aid of keeping her own child from knowing the truth of his birth. "I want to tell the colonel myself. I cannot let you say it for me."

"If that is your wish."

She nodded solemnly. "It is." Elizabeth could not keep the concern out of her eyes or the question out of her voice. "I think he will forgive me."

"There is nothing to forgive, Elizabeth."

"He will be hurt that I did not apply to him for help."

"He will understand. If not immediately, then in a short time. He knows your father. He will understand the pressures that kept you silent. As for Selden, you can depend upon the colonel saying nothing. He will respect your decision to see that Adam's birth had legitimacy."

She had to believe he was right. "So many times I've wished I told him about Adam's father. I would not have felt so alone when I discovered I was pregnant. He might have sent for me. I might have gone to India and met you there."

North's smile was gentle. "Perhaps. Some things are meant to happen no matter how we try to avoid them."

"Are you speaking of yourself as well? Of marriage?"

"I was certainly not of the same mind as my mother on the subject."

"Really?"

He nodded. "She was determined that I should be wed. I argued with her just before I arrived at Battenburn. South was there to witness some of it, though he had the good sense not to take sides."

"I imagine he has a gun to his head also."

"A cannon. That is what his mother wields."

"Mothers are wont to see their sons settled." She cupped the side of his face, touching the corner of his mouth with her thumb. "They are wont to see their sons with heirs."

North's eyes narrowed. "Has my mother said something to you? I told her I would not brook her interference."

"You will not credit it, but your mother has been tight-lipped on the matter. However, you neglected to say something similar to your grandfather." Beneath her hand Elizabeth could feel warmth suffuse North's cheek."He meant well," she said. "And I did not mind. It was reasonable that he should wonder about an heir."