Let Me Go (19 page)

When the spotlight turns off, the crowd groans before resorting to the bar or tables. Paige darts directly to me. “What a high!” She takes a deep breath and her shoulders jiggle as I swear shivers rack her skin. “Thank you for convincing me to do it.” She leans over and kisses me on the cheek, and then works her way to Trey, who’s already packing up his stuff.

I try to force the jealousy away, watching her hug Trey and Celan, but my eyes won’t stop watching her as she comes down from the high of performing. Makes me think of my first time playing in front of people our freshman year. Man, I was hooked after one taste and that was before the circle of girls that formed around us. After she finishes hugging them, Trey comes over and slaps my back. “Do you mind packing up my drums? Tara has a fever and Kailey’s got a paper due tomorrow.” His shoulders slump and I swear the dark circles under his eyes have sunken in deeper lately, if possible. The demands of parenthood I guess.

“Yeah, man, go. Celan will help.” I wave him off and he jumps off the stage, dodging the approach of girls about to swarm likes bees on honey. Sad really, especially since any true fan knows he’s spoken for. Not like I’m not surprised, if the girlfriend isn’t here, others think it’s free game. Hell, some do it blatantly right in front of the girl.

I pack up my guitar and when I swing it over my shoulder, Paige is bouncing up and down in front of me, clapping her hands. I guess that high hasn’t left yet. “Oh my God, Rob. That was so much fun.” When I see her excitement, all my insides tighten, because I have to ram down these feelings to seek out every damn venue from here to Cleveland just to book a show every damn night just to see that expression on her face. I need to space myself from her, close off whatever she’s shooting to my heart. “What?” Her smile fades while I drown in contemplation of our relationship and I hate when her eyes falter from uncertainty.

“Nothing.” I shake my head. “You did great, Paige.” I go to sidestep past her, but she grabs my arm, swinging me around.

“Rob?” she sighs, silently asking me to answer where my head disappeared to. But I can’t, so I slip on the invisible mask that’s tucked in my back pocket. “Your tits were bouncing, you distracted me.” She huffs and her stance sulks. She’s way more perceptive than others to accept my defense mechanisms.

She stares at me long and steady for a few seconds. Then she claps her hands, forcing the two of us to focus. “What can I do to help?”

“Nothing. Celan and I have it.” I flick my head to Celan, who’s already taken apart the drums. “Sit tight, enjoy the thrill and I’ll be back to buy you a drink.” I hop off the stage and once I reach the archway to the hall, I turn around one time. A flutter of activity immediately envelops her and I shake my head, figuring I should keep close for the rest of the night. Then the evil devil on my left shoulder perks up with an idea to squash this feeling before it ever starts.

Fifteen minutes later, the van is packed and locked up. I head down the hallway, needing a shot now. Numb the pain before it takes over. Over the years I’ve learned tactics to get through times like this. Time where my heart widens a little too much. I stop in my tracks when my eyes float to our booth and I see Paige smack dab in the middle of a group of guys.
What the hell?
She’s smiling and laughing with them. Then I eye one and I know him from somewhere. “Fuck,” I mumble to myself.

“What’s up, man?” Celan comes alongside of me and his eyes follow mine.

“Shit, I didn’t know Exiled Souls was coming tonight. I heard they’re starting their own label or something. They want to compile more bands.” Celan rambles the same rumors I’ve been hearing. The band circuit around here is small, so news travels fast.

“I’m fairly certain they have their eye on someone tonight?” My eyes never leave the table.

“I’m not sure their interest is only in her singing capabilities.” Celan claps my shoulder and heads over to the table. Probably eager to grab a spot. I can’t blame the kid; he’s been trying hard to find a regular gig after his band broke up. Invisibles sure isn’t where he needs to land, it’s dying a slow death.

When Celan reaches the table, Paige smiles and signals for the three guys to let him sit. As she’s busy being the polite person she always is, she scans the room and finds me leaning against the archway. Her face lights up and she tilts her head in an adorable way, wondering why I’m still over here, watching her instead of next to her. She signals for the asshole next to her to scoot out and the guys all check out her ass as she makes her way over to me.

With my arms crossed, I lick my lips, enjoying the view of her in those tight as hell pants and second skin shirt. She’s the perfect mix of sour and sweet. My own lemon drop. “I thought you were going to buy me a drink?”

She fidgets with her hands, her shyness with me surfacing. She’s confused on where we stand and I’m not sure I blame her. I have no idea what the hell we’re doing tonight, but the fact that her being in front of me makes the pain disappear is a guilty pleasure I’ve been soaking up these past months. Tonight is different; her eyes are brewing like the lava at the base of a volcano before it erupts. She’s ready for more than our usual flirty banter. I run a hand down my face, and my eyes explore her body. Shit, maybe I am, too.

“Yeah,” the word comes out soft and I know I’m agreeing to more than just a drink.

“Let’s go then.” She bops a few steps forward and then turns around, cocking her head again to see if I’m following.

I press forward off the archway and break the distance between us. When my hand lands on the small of her back, she arches from the contact before relaxing back down. The bar is four-deep at least and Roni is busy shuffling between tables. Quickly, my hand moves across her back and I link my hand with hers, leading us to the side of the bar.

Pete catches my hand in the air and leans close to the girl who’s next. After Pete roams our way, the blonde girl’s gaze travels down to us and she smiles. “Whatcha have?” He inches closer and I shout two shots of Yeager and two beers. He nods and fills our order. I toss him the money and he smiles, and then notices Paige behind me. “Hey, you did great tonight,” he yells over to her and she nods. I see the damn
meet me in the backroom
eyes he’s giving her and I like Pete, so I won’t punch him in the face.

“Thank you.” She’s polite as always, and Pete smiles before rushing back over and refusing the blonde’s money for the drink. She leans over, her tits practically resting on the bar and kisses his cheek. That guy gets more ass than I do, or used to. I’ve been on the mend lately and can’t really figure it out, except for the spunky brunette stationed next to me.

She reaches across to grab her drink and her back brushes along my chest. I close my eyes, sniffing her fruity scent that I’ve discovered is her shampoo after opening every one of the five bottles she has in the shower. When she returns next to me, I smile and take the shot glass she’s holding up to me. “Congratulations. You did fucking awesome.” I raise my glass and catch the flush on her cheeks.

“Thank you. I had a lot of fun.” She clinks the glass and then tilts her head back, and I stare at the curve of her neck. Swallowing deep, the soft arc is winding me so tight it’s hard not to press my lips to it. I want to lick her neck all the way up to her ear and tell her all the dirty things I daydream about doing to her. When I notice her head coming back down, I quickly down my shot and place my glass on the bar.

Her face beams when I snatch her glass and link our beer bottles through my fingers. “You are entirely too hot not to be on the dance floor.” I escort her to the small dance floor in front of the stage. The DJ has come on now that we’ve finished our set. Everything inside of me screams this is a very bad thought, but I push it aside, because I want her too much in this moment.

Call it What you Want
by Foster the People begins to play and Paige swings her hips immediately, dancing over to me. She grabs her beer from my hands and takes a long swig while she seductively peeks up at me through her thick lashes. My own hips move as I take a long and slow swig from my beer. She’s tempting as hell and I’m not even sure Chrissy wedged between us would get me to stop from taking her tonight.

Before I can even try to resist her, she’s straddling my leg and my free arm is wrapped tight around her waist as she grinds herself against me. Fuck. Her hand rests on my neck and she leans back, still swaying to the beat. All I have to do is bend down and her tit would be in my mouth. Well, over clothes, but who the hell cares. If I didn’t have this beer in my hand, I’d splay my hand down the crevice of her tits. Instead I down another sip, trying to keep my big boy downstairs calm, but thoughts of chords in the song isn’t working. He’s coming really close to full salute.

She steps away and instead of being happy with the reprieve, I only break the distance back toward her, flipping her around and grinding my now substantial bulge into her ass. She leans back, her hands cupping my ass as she grinds me into her more. My face nuzzles her neck; damn she feels so good in my hands. My hand lands on her chest and I swear her heart is beating so fast it’s going to pop out of her chest. As the song dwindles down, and she inches away, I yank her back. “Paige,” I sigh and she stays planted in my hands.

My lips land on the back of her neck and her shoulders scrunch, signaling I just gave her goose bumps. Fucking addicting. She doesn’t speak a word, or move. Our bodies are molded together and as much as I don’t want to let her go, I do. She flips around and immediate hurt reflects back to me. That beaming face is now laced with confusion. When her hand reaches out for me, I step back. I can’t idly stand around, waiting for her to crush my heart.

Fleeing to the back hallway, I’m about two seconds from the back door when a hand grabs my wrist. “Rob?” I turn around and she doesn’t let go of my arm.

My hands land on her cheeks and I press her against the wall. “Fuck!” I scream and the couple making out in the corner scurries off.

Her own hands cover mine and we stare into each other’s eyes. So many true and honest feelings laying out in the open between us. I can’t . . . I can’t refrain any longer.

“Kiss me,” she pleads and my lips crash down to hers. I pin her to the wall and her hands wrap around my waist.

My tongue dives into her mouth, not asking permission. She quickly joins me and I thrust into her, digging as deep as I can. Unable to quench my thirst for her, I continue to devour her mouth. My whole body begs to finish this at our place, but my brain overrides, and I tear away.

Stepping back, I brush my thumb along her swollen and quivering lips. “You’re beautiful,” I whisper and a small smile crosses her lips. Heat smolders out of her eyes and there’s no doubt I could have her right here and now if I chose.

She remains quiet as I step back until she realizes what I’m doing. The flicker of awareness hits her eyes and she inches forward, her hand grasping for me. “I can’t. I’m sorry.” I turn and flee out the back door.

“Rob,” she calls out, but I never turn around.

I climb into the van and roar it to life. Just as I’m about to shift it into gear, Paige swings open the passenger door and plops down next to me.

“What are you doing?” My hands fall in my lap and I peer over to her. She needs to let me be, I’m not ready to show her how raw I am inside.

The wanton side of her has left, leaving me with, from what I can tell of her rigid form, anger. “You’re not going to do this.” She pins me with her eyes.

“Do what exactly?” I’m not sure why I’m even entertaining this argument. She should be happy I didn’t do to her what I did to Jessa and make-out with another girl in front of her.

She snaps my way, her whole body facing me now. Her eyes are blazing and not in a good way. “Do you think I want to have feelings for a guy who probably fucked every girl in there?” She throws her hand in the direction of the bar. “Do you think it’s easy for me to fall for a guy who’s pleasured three-fourths of Western?” She inches forward toward me and I back up to the window. “But I do.” She pokes her chest hard. “Rob, you are the last fucking person I should want, but it doesn’t change the fact that you make my body a trembling mess every time you get close.”

I scowl at her long and steady. “Get out, Paige.” She straightens her back, grabs the seatbelt and fastens it.

“Nope.” She pops the ‘p’ like she always does when she’s trying to display her stubbornness and presses the lock button. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Suit yourself.” I throw the van in drive and spin the tires out of the alley. The tires screech when we hit a red light and we both fall forward. “Just because you like me, doesn’t mean the feelings are mutual.” I live up to my lying tactics. She’ll only push me harder if she finds out how it’s not only my body that yearns for her, but my heart too.

She turns her head in my direction and shakes it, narrowing her eyes. “Screw off, Rob. You know you do.”

“Would I like to fuck you, hell yeah, but because of Chrissy I’m keeping my distance. But hey, if you want to fuck, I won’t be opposed.” My bastard side arises in pure glory.

“Oh my God!” Her screams hit a high octave. “Why do I even try with you?” Her hands fly up in the air and her fists clench.

“Don’t confuse lust with love.” I turn into our driveway, parking the van on the side of the detached garage so I can escape in my Mustang and leave her here.

When I park the van, I throw her the keys and hop out. “See ya.”

Once I circle around the van, she’s already there, widened stance with her hands on her hips. “You can’t live like this forever. Constantly stashing your feelings away.” I continue to dodge her boxer-style body weaving in front of me on the way to my car. I never guessed she’d be one to fight for me. Jessa maybe, but she didn’t, because in the end she knew I wasn’t worth it.

“I’m not pushing shit.” I remove her hand from my arm as she keeps trying to get me to turn around.

A breath of relief flows out of me once I’m at my car door. My hand grips the metal handle, but she rushes past me and slams the door shut. “Paige.” I warn her, my eyes boring into hers.