Let Your Heart Drive (7 page)

I rise carefully and slowly back to my feet and slip toward the Hybrid, curiously checking out the side window to see if I’ve disturbed their mid-day routine, a perky, nutmeg-colored foal jumps and kicks and bounces around like it’s moonstruck. Full of life and ready to take on the world, it’s the last of them I record before reconnecting my cell back to the charger. The time that it’s taken feels likes hours have passed away, but in reality twenty to twenty-five minutes are all that slipped by.

I know I had to take the moment and record it, not only for my dad and Chelsea, but for me, this is why I’m here, to learn there’s so much more beauty out here than what I fear. I had clung to the self-damaging terror for years and if it wasn’t for the break-up with Jake, which finally showed me just how isolated I had become, I would’ve never seen how truly free I could be. I wave good-bye to my new found wild friends and return to the timeworn road of Route 66.

At five-thirty in the afternoon, after twisting and turning through the canyons that seemed to build as I reach Albuquerque, I refuel, grab a few extra snacks and decide to take a quick look inside the Casino. It’s bright, flashy, and while I’m treading the Route 66 tarmac carpeting, my cell announces that special tune that my sister is calling…

“Yes?”

“Sinead? Where are you?” she snaps with absolutely no humor in her tone.

I’m offered a free soft drink as I cruise through the casino floor. “I’m standing next to a blackjack table at the moment.”

“You have no regard for anyone else, it’s all just fun and games isn’t it?”

I take a slurp from my drink and retort, “Look, I stopped to get gas and something to eat and I may just bet on black. Hey, where’s the Roulette table in here?”

She huffs into the phone, furious, flustered, and peeved to no end and to think she’s a yoga instructor.
Self-awareness
,
peace within the mind
and all that jazz, but all that disappears when she can’t control my situation, no one can. Not even I can when it truly boils down to it.

“Chelsea, they have a two dollar hot dog and beer special, a seafood buffet and some wicked local entertainment, someone named Desert Soul will be playing tonight, cool huh?”

“I don’t even know who that is.”

“Me either,” I confess studying all the slot machines.

“Are you planning on staying there tonight?”

“No, I’m going to make it to Amarillo.”

“You sure? No…unpremeditated trips to some forgotten, dangerous cliff dwellings or some Navajo souvenir gift shop, I mean, who knows you might need another T-shirt.”

“Hey, I bought one for you and I even bought you a Hopi Kachina doll.”

“What’s that?” I can just see her knitting her dark brows together wondering why in the hell I would buy her a doll.

“I think you’re supposed to rub its belly and it will bring rain or something like that.”

“I don’t want rain, I just want my sister to hurry up and get here,” she concedes and lets out a pent up sigh.

“I know, and don’t worry, Chelsea, I’ll be there in the next day or so, besides I have one of the best roadside agents, his name is Trey
and—
”

“Oh no…I hear that tone in your voice, Sinead,” she scoffs, her tone knowing, and yet chiding me even before I can tell her a single thing about him. “You’re infatuated with this guy, and you don’t even know him!”

True, on both accounts. I’ve always had a thing for guys and their voices, it’s one of the first attractions for me and Chelsea knows this. I used to talk about Jake’s voice for weeks before I had the guts to turn around in class one day and finally match his face with his deep alluring voice. Chelsea seems to think it’s all encompassing, solely because we’re all looking for that symmetrical appealing attraction, and not so much the voice, but everything—the entire package. So, my little odd fetish is contestable.

“I wouldn’t say I’m infatuated with him, I just like how he talks, how his voice sounds over the phone and he’s really helped me out when I needed it.”

“That’s part of his job, Sinead. You don’t know him from Adam, look, there’s a lot of weirdos out there just please be careful and call me when you get to Amarillo, I have to get Garrett ready for bed,” she pauses a beat and adds, “And no gambling.”

“You’re no fun, you know that? And just for your nagging I’m going to eat six hot dogs and I really am going to bet on black,” I retort before I hit end on my cell.

9:15 p.m. I shuffle around different roads until I locate the Big Texan Steak Ranch and Motel off of I-40. I passed Cadillac Ranch, but tomorrow I’ll swing back through there, it looks like it’s only a seventeen minute drive, besidesit’sdark out and I couldn’t take video or photographs of the notorious site anyway. I read in one of the brochures that this place has Texas sized beds and Jacuzzi tubs. Plus they offer a seventy-two ounce steak dinner free of charge if you can eat the entire thing in an hour. I’m not sure my stomach can withstand four and a half pounds of steak, baked potato, shrimp cocktail, salad, and a bread roll. It’s hard to imagine that Billy Bob Thornton took the challenge while playing in a movie called Waking Up in Reno. The moment I park I’m greeted with an old western feel, it’s definitely not a Hampton Inn, but it has the true Texas sense down to a T. Cowboy hats, an enormous cow statue, Texas shaped pool, and cattle skulls decorate my sanctuary for the night.

My sister wouldn’t think so, but I’m in luck, they have a room available and I don’t waste anytime checking in. The room is larger than I expect, a western mural graces one wall and I find myself snickering at all the Billy the Kid wanted signage, and swinging saloon styled doors that separate the bedroom area from the bathroom space. The room isn’t tacky and when I settle down on the bed, I am in heaven. I can sink into the country-style comforter like it was made from clouds. My next test is Wi-Fi, Holly, the check-in receptionist at the front desk said it was free, so, I plunge through my bags, locate my laptop, download my pics and video from earlier today and construct my vlog for the night.

“Hey,” I say shyly with a weary wave. I brush my hair away from my tired face. “I made it to the Big Texan Motel and as you can tell this place isn’t too bad.” I shrug a shoulder and move to the side, showcasing the western themed wall decor behind me. I point to the cowboy riding a horse and tease, “I found a group of wild horses near the Red Cliffs. I think we can adopt one for Garrett, Chelsea.” I hold up a couple of pamphlets for sanctuaries for wild horses and explain with all humor aside how these reservations are trying to help save as many horses as they can. I feel like I’m auditioning for save the horse campaign suddenly, but I’m not faking my feelings on the subject, because I really do care. While I was devouring my third hot dog, I completely lost my appetite while reading through some of the pamphlets I picked up along the way and I was a little disturbed to say the least when I found out what some of the ranchers were doing to the wild horses.

I quickly lighten the mood and jump on another topic, I raise up Dad’s map and tap my finger to where Cadillac Ranch resides and trace my finger along my highlighted route to Tulsa, Oklahoma. Before I wrap up my video blog I smirk eyeing the camera. “Oh, and um, Chelsea, I think seventeen is my new lucky number, I told you I was gonna bet on black!” I snap a crisp twenty-dollar bill between my fingers and smile valiantly. I’ve never won anything in my entire life, but then again, I have never gambled before. So, how would I ever know if I never tried, not that I’m going to pick up the addiction for gambling anytime soon. Besides, I think the money that I did win I’ll donate to one of those horse rescue and sanctuaries in New Mexico.

I reach up and press stop on the camera, mulling over some of the things I should say, but resolve not to and wrap up for the night. I email Emily and Michelle, two friends from back home. I laugh at their bold, but endearing, concerning remarks –
Have you lost your effin mind?
To
I can’t believe you’re really doing this?!
I ignore the derogatory comments about my ex and explain that I’m having the time of my life. And if it wasn’t for his fuck-up maybe I wouldn’t be where I’m at right now.

I am human though, it hurts to know you’ve spent years with someone, lived together, trusted and cared and then one day realize they’re not who you thought they were. I just wish I came to that conclusion sooner. I send a quick text to my dad, I know he’s at work, but at least he’ll know I’m safe. I change into some comfy daisy dotted pajamas after I shower and scroll through some meditative music Chelsea sent me. And while I’m scanning for the right tranquilizing beat my cell pings with a text message.

I forgot to ask you, are you still needing a stand-in boyfriend? –Trey

I grin at the sight of his name and laugh when I read his message, that’s right I was using him for a temporary boyfriend. I immediately text back.

Sorry about that, but I think/hope your impersonating services are no longer needed.

Noted. So…mind if an ex stand-in boyfriend calls you? –Trey

I let a moment pass, not wanting him to think I’m way too eager and about to jump up and down like someone just asked me to go to Disney World. I get to hear his voice… and I know it sounds crazy, but that alone makes me jittery beyond belief. I bite on my thumbnail anxiously for another second and calm my nerves and respond.

Sure.

The second I lift the phone to my ear he says, “So… what’s a girl like you doing driving old Route 66 anyway?” He questions with no delay or hesitation and his deep self-assured voice slays all my tension away.

“Um… it’s something I’ve always wanted to do, what about you? What’s a guy like you doing talking to strangers? Is this a new career path?” I wave my hand in the air as if he can see me.

He scoffs and I swear I can literally feel his smile when he retorts, “What was your major again in college?”

My brows knit together and I bite my lip thrown off by his comment. “I never said I went to college or mentioned my major, why?”

It sounds like he coughs in his hand and quips back, “Because I’m starting to feel a little psychoanalyzed here.”  Now it’s my turn to scoff, but I calmly justify my means.

“I think you’ll be relieved to know that it wasn’t anything pertaining to psychology, besides I’m taking a break from college.”

“Funny, so am I. So, don’t leave me hanging here, what were you planning to major in?”

“Interior design, let’s just say it was a dream of mine to one day say that I designed some wicked pastel entryway for Jackie Chan.”

“
Right
, keep dreaming.”

“It could happen.”

He laughs outwardly now.

“Well it could.”

“Aren’t you an ambitious person?” His sarcasm is clear.

“Sure I am, aren’t you?” I ask.

“Absolutely.” His cocky voice tells me all I need to know. He’s confident and a wise guy.

“Uh huh… Okay, tell you what, let’s find out shall we?”

“Bring it on…” Trey has done a complete one-eighty on me, he’s not all clammed up and stuffy sounding. Maybe the boss or whoever it is isn’t breathing down his neck anymore. I don’t know, but I’m really enjoying this bullishness. 

I have my laptop still open, so I scroll through a number of quizzes and find the right one and fire away. “Alrighty… Whenever you’re playing a game or involved in a competition do you feel like you’re going to win?”  I clear my throat and add, “Now, you can only answer with never, sometimes, frequently, or always, got it?”

“Got it… Always.”

“Oohh… I can see this is going to be interesting, okay, second question. Do you think you have some above average qualities?”

“Always.”

I quietly smirk and move on to the next query. “Do you think you possess all the necessary skills to obtain what you want?”

“Absolutely,” he says without any hesitation and I cannot help myself from laughing. I cup my hands around my mouth and make a sound similar to a buzzer, warning him.

“Ah ah ah… that’s not a choice. Do you need me to repeat the choices again?” He chuckles a deep throaty laugh and it stirs an emotion in me that I can’t quiet grasp yet.

“Sorry, my bad. What’s the next question?”

I lost my place, so I have to locate the last question. Quickly I find it again and focus on the next line and urge my lips to move. “Do you desire to be an important, influent and a respected person?”