Letters to Dandelion (3 page)

A painful occurrence, is a painful occurrence.

Who could ever say:

            A broken thumb, hurts less than

                        a broken toe?

What? If anything, hurts more or less?

I would never hurt you… my precious…

Cause when I look at you, I see me standing there.

Sometimes doubting myself.

Careful not to say the wrong things,

Cracking a smile, when I may want to crack a skull.

(Especially my own)

Walking alone a victor and sometimes a victim.

Lying in the sun, resting and breathing – My skin, heaving –

            Air pulsating under my body, the many scars and
gouges from

Lies

            Hard Words,

Deceptions,

            Broken Trust,

Anger … and

            Disappointments.

Need I say more?

Need I spread more?   (pain after all of this realization
of it?)

I’d rather die…

I would
never hurt you
…

And the only reason I can say this, is because,

I’ve tasted pain’s soulless sting –

Been in the clutches of anger,

            Behind the imprisonment of separation –

Walked the hollow void of betrayal-

            And screamed through tears of abandonment-

I would never hurt you …

For you can’t see the tears that have dried into this paper,
to confirm this to you.

These are not tears of sadness, but tears of great Joy!

            In my ability to clearly tell you this.

that

I would never hurt you …

Just because ….

I bought a painting

For a
girl.

For our house.

Out of love.

But all I got

from her,

was pushed away,

with a shove –

Because of her perception,

that her life was over,

yet her heart still beat

within her precious chest.

Her eyes were like stone,

while she still laughed about

the road, now much harder

as it glistened with flint.

I begged her to end her stint

of inversion, because the

equation held three other

integers, and a math problem

will work out, or you scrap

the board.

I held her tiny, soft hand

on a late night ride, and

told her I loved her, but

she was quite snide.

But, I don’t mind – I understand

where she is. I’ve seen worse

and I know the curse – of

a tender heart, which is what

I know she’s got.

I mentioned she is my other half,

my beautiful, non-conjoined twin.

I want her to know everything –

about me, cause there’s nothing

to hide – right my fan base?

I would like her next to me,

at night, breathing softly,

shivering a little, as my fat,

wraps up all the blankets,

and I cover her with my

body to give her ease.

To comfort her through

defective dreams and nurture

her while in this state.

Moments exist of great

self- torture and a journey

within to debate – to scale grey

mountains of doubt in order
to eradicate the venomous

villains of past insurgents.

I want to be her warrior, if

only she would knight me

an ally and together, side by

side we can fight her battles

to reduce her troubles. Trust –

I have my own, and my wars

continue on all levels with

no ray of stoppage in sight.

We are both getting older,

the clock is ticking and the

road is thinning. Who said

life was a punishment

assignment – just go ask

the cheery, fat, happy rich-os

next door – (well, not in my

neighborhood.)  And not
hippos in any zoo either.

Bottom line is – I love her.

I
want to do
with her, not

try – I’ve tried and failed

before, and in some things,

failure is not an option.

So, I pursue, her, with hope in my

heart, purity in my words. A quill

of poetry to hunt her down and my
arms open with my heart flowing.

Shields up Scotty, we need to be
prepared for battle.

Because she’s a handful.

And all I have, is I painting
I bought for her.

I knew you once.

Before

I don’t know when,

But I knew when I walked through your door.

The feeling was strong,

so crushingly strong.

I loved you once. Over time.

And I fought for you,

Always. As I am doing right now.

You have been in my heart since the beginning of time.

My time at least.

However long that has been.

I may have been thrown to the Lions, just for looking your
way.

I may have been the Soldier, who hugged the arrow into my
heart serving as your shield,

for that pain was nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to
not having you.

Oh Death’s sting I gladly drank, the sword was a tickle, for
I would die for you

right now, in this day and age.

I may have been the slave which bore your gondola on my
crooked, beaten back,

or the Master, who adored you from afar, but chance I often
lacked.

I could have been the General, who after decades of war,

came home to find you long gone.

Or the Minstrel, who without your beauty,

had completely lost his song.

All I know, is my history with you is long. Very long,

For time after time, I stretched out my hand only to grasp

the nervous, cold air intended to be your touch.

I love you so much.

I was created to find
you.

I am destined to
search for you,

I was born to live
for you,

And I will
Die;

 Again and Again.

Time after Time.

Until you are finally mine. 

Please allow me a chance ?

he practiced, as he whispered

in the dark.

Please allow me a chance ?

those words came, bubbling

up from within his heart.

They were the default.

The words that fills his

soul, every time he sees

her face, and hears her
voice, and touches her

skin, and tastes her beauty,
and smells her aroma -
from all five senses, he
knows that it is her only.

A chance is all he could

ever hope for. Just like any

dream. Only, she was now

the biggest part of it, and

the most real, the best to

experience, like a seductive,

placid haze in a drug trip,

the greatest anticipated

Christmas gift of all, or
just a breath of fresh air,
blown over the face of
someone who has not loved
in a long time. 

He realizes that a chance

with her is all he needs.
Because a whole new

world in his heart would

open, and a river of trust,

happiness and love, could

flow into a mind of

dedication, in order to

build a solid foundation

for a supportive life for

them both.

He tells her he loves her, 

but he wonders if she hears it?

He wonders if he says it correctly.

Or if his heart is engaged?

If she can feel his anticipation

when he has not seen her in

a while, or the fear, of which

there is not much other than,

to affect him, when he feels

he won’t see her again.

Does he say it correctly?

It’s not just about words,

actions are always louder,

but words are an action

and a place of beginning,

towards reasoning.

So many thoughts come to

mind. About what things

could be like, if he could

see her every day, and enjoy

her company and just be

happily in love with her.

Seems like that’s the dream

that many speak of, and

spend a large amount of

time, seeking to find.

Please allow me a chance ?

Is what he’s saying,

But, what he really means is …

Please allow me to open a door,

for me to truly love you, and

for you to know me, and for

us to trust each other, and

for our lives to come together?

Please allow me a chance ?

To win your heart,

and to ease your mind,

to calm your fears,

and sooth your pains,

to build your esteem,

and to make you smile,

to kiss you every day,

to hold your hand,

to dream with you,

to stand with you,

to fight your battles,

to make your dreams
come true, to make my
dreams come true,
to make our dreams

come true,

All just by loving you.

like what you did

for me – because

meeting you,  loving

you – experiencing you

has been out of my dreams.

And it is a dream I

fear against, and hope

towards never ending.

As you can tell,

this also is no poem,

it’s real words,
from a real heart,
with a real dream,

and a real love,
that’s all just for you,

my beautiful

Dandelion.

Please allow me a chance ?

I love you so much.

My hope for you this Day …

Is
for you to have a vision, or a reflection, of

just
how beautiful and wonderful and special

you
really are.

For
you to understand, that without you,

this
world would lose a bit of its luster,

and
the joy that you bring to the people

who
know you, would be the section of

the
choir that would stop singing.

I
want you to know, that there is no one

on
this Earth, right now, or at any other

time
in history that has had your blood

coursing
through their veins, has had

your
eyes to see the world the way you

see
it, has had your laughter, your love,

your
emotions, your outlooks, --

No one has ever had your DNA that

makes
you the most desired commodity,

because
you are the only one in life to
have ever come this way.

I
would love for you to see the beauty you

created
in your boys, and the influence you

have
in their lives, and the fact that, they

would
have such a difficult time with out

you.

And
that, in your life right now, is a person

who would
never bullshit you. Love you for

who
you are, and bust his ass a thousand

times
from Sunday to make you happy.

I’m
so in love with you, that my heart is
raw, black and blue.

But,
I couldn't think of a greater

pain
to deal with, than the thought

and
hope, that one day, you just

may
- - really want to be with me.

Baby,
I have some fairly good news.

Please
believe in me a little?
I promise, that what you give to me in belief,
I will return to you in whatever you desire

most.

I
love you.