Letting Go (14 page)

“Yes, I was in the mood,” Laura replied. “Come and join me.” She took Kelly’s hand and led her to the kitchen bench. She was feeling lightheaded as she emptied the bottle into Kelly’s glass.

“Shit, you’ve drunk nearly the whole bottle?” Kelly asked as Laura opened another one.

Laura shrugged. “Well it was nice.”

They had dinner and, as expected, Kelly regaled Laura with amusing stories about her trip. At one point, in a break in the conversation, Kelly asked in off-hand manner, “So have you been seeing your new girlfriend while I’ve been away?”

Laura felt a sickening grip in her stomach. Frowning, she went into the kitchen. She found her cigarettes and lit one. “That’s private. That’s got nothing to do with you and me, Kelly,” she answered firmly.

Kelly backpedaled fast. “Okay, baby, I’m sorry,” she said in a placating tone. “It’s none of my business.” She got up from the table then and went to Laura in the kitchen. 132

Kissing her neck, she said, “But this is my business. Isn’t it?”

Laura was struggling to push thoughts of Kate from her mind. The deceit she felt she was perpetrating seemed worse suddenly when Kelly alluded to Kate.

“Yes,” she said in a low voice, “this is your business.”

Laura began to kiss her, gently at first, but with increasing passion.

“God, I want you baby, let’s go to bed,” Kelly murmured against Laura’s lips.

Kelly’s raw sex appeal and Laura’s determination were beginning to have the desired effect. But Laura was in no hurry.

“Why don’t you make us some coffee while I change the music,” she suggested, “then we’ll go to bed “ She kissed Kelly again.

Across town, Kate was sitting at a bar having a drink with a few friends. They’d had dinner together and had moved on to a women’s club. The bar was beginning to fill with dykes and the music was becoming more upbeat. Her friends had settled in for an enjoyable night, but Kate’s thoughts kept turning to Laura. She was just thinking how much she was looking forward to seeing. Laura tomorrow when she had a wonderful idea. She told her friends that she had something to do, and maybe she’d be back later. She left the bar, got into her dilapidated old red Mazda, and drove straight to a florist she knew, which stayed open until very late. Once again, she selected a dozen longstemmed red roses and had them put into a box and tied with a red ribbon. They looked beautiful. Red roses may not be very original, thought Kate, but they were the only 133

flowers special enough for her.

She happily handed over quite a large sum of money, more than she could afford.

Since Laura said she was busy tonight, it was likely—she was out somewhere, and Kate decided to leave the flowers for her to find when she came home. If she had visitors, she’d leave them outside her door. But maybe, with any luck, Laura was home by now, alone. In any case, she was sure Laura would be pleased. She didn’t want to invade her space, but she wanted Laura to know how much she loved her, and that she was always in her thoughts.

Kate pulled up outside Laura’s apartment block at around eleven-fifteen. She looked up to her balcony but couldn’t see any light through the French doors, so Laura wasn’t at home entertaining friends. She cradled the box of roses. When she got to the security entrance, she hesitated about ringing the buzzer. If she wasn’t out somewhere, perhaps she was asleep, and Kate didn’t want to wake her. Kate reached into her jeans pocket and grasped the keys to Laura’s apartment, which she’d carried with her every day since their first night together. Laura had obviously forgotten about them and hadn’t asked Kate to return them. Kate opened the security door and went inside the foyer. She looked up at the stairs landing to Laura’s door and wondered whether she should leave the flowers on the doormat. They’d be safe there, Kate thought. But she smiled as she pictured Laura coming home later, or waking up tomorrow morning, and discovering with delight the spectacular box of flowers on the coffee table. That was a much more exciting idea.

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* * *

Laura and Kelly were together on the sofa. The music had finished, and the apartment was quiet except for their occasional sighs and moans. They’d been kissing for some time, and Kelly was squirming impatiently. She pressed Laura down onto her back. She slid Laura’s sweater up, exposing her breasts, and began to caress Laura’s breasts with her lips and tongue.

Laura moved her hips under Kelly and moaned as her own desire increased. “We’d better go upstairs,” Laura said breathlessly. She switched off the lamp on the side table, and then with a gaze into Kelly’s eyes, took her hand and led her upstairs.

“God, I’ve missed you,” Kelly whispered, as she quickly pulled off Laura’s sweater and dragged off her jeans and panties. She removed most of her own clothes and, still in her bra and panties, she drew Laura down onto the bed and began to cover Laura’s body with kisses.

Kate began to climb the stairs to Laura’s apartment. She hesitated once more, outside her door, listening for sounds of movement. She didn’t want to frighten Laura if she was there.

Quietly, Kate placed the key in the lock. She opened the door just a couple of inches, listening. All was quiet, and Kate stepped inside. She closed the door soundlessly behind her and stood for a moment as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. Suddenly, she was aware of a small flickering light coming from upstairs. Kate smiled. It was candlelight. She and Laura often made love by candlelight. Laura must

, be lying quietly awake, she thought.

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Considering whether she should call out to Laura or go outside the door again and knock, she heard a sound. It was a soft moan, and it was Laura’s voice. This was followed by another voice, barely audible: “Oh, baby.” Kate froze. Her heart began to pound. It couldn’t be what it sounded like. It wasn’t possible. Some horrible force-field drew Kate unwittingly to the stairs. Her legs felt like jelly and her mind had gone blank. Another murmur, another whisper, and Kate began to slowly ascend the stairs. She was still clutching the box of roses under her arm, but Laura’s keys slithered suddenly from her hand, and hit the stair with a loud clang.

Laura and Kelly were lying naked on the bed.

“Fucking hell!” Kelly exclaimed, leaping off Laura in an instant. Laura gasped, grabbing her robe from the end of the bed and clutching it to her naked body.

Kate stared at them in disbelief, and the box under her arm fell, split open and spilled the red roses over the floor. She suddenly felt sick and, without a word, she turned and fled down the stairs and out of the door.

Upstairs, Kelly had recovered somewhat from the shock of this rude interruption. This wasn’t the first time she’d been “caught in the act” by the untimely arrival of a jealous lover. Despite the lightning speed at which it had all taken place, Kelly had noticed the intruder’s exceptional good looks and tender age. She smiled, thinking the young woman had just learned the hard way to wait for an invitation next time.

“God, Laura,” she called out as she began to descend the stairs. “Don’t you know not to give lovers keys to your 136

apartment? That’s just a crazy thing to…”

Kelly stopped suddenly. Laura was kneeling on the floor in the open doorway with her robe, having fallen off her shoulders, spread out around her. Her head was down, her face in her hands, and she was sobbing. Kelly pulled Laura to her feet, and pushed the door closed.

“Come on, baby,” said Kelly gently. “It’s not that bad.”

She put her arms around her and tried to calm her, but Laura pushed her away.

“It is that bad,” Laura sobbed as she rushed to the phone. Breathless and agitated, she left a message to someone.

“Please tell her to call me as soon as she gets in.”

As Laura put down the phone, and rapidly leafed rough her organizer for another number, Kelly said, quietly, feeling dejected, “I guess she means a lot to you.”

Without turning to look at her, Laura answered thoughtlessly, “Everything.”

As Laura dialed another number, Kelly returned to the bedroom and got dressed. When she came back downstairs, she looked at Laura, who was again speaking on the phone.

“Good-bye, Laura.” Kelly opened the door and left.

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Chapter Thirteen

Laura went into the kitchen and made herself some coffee. Her head was throbbing, and she imagined the agony Kate would be going through.

Suddenly, Laura pictured the flowers lying on the bedroom floor, and while the coffee brewed, she went upstairs. She stood for a moment, breathless as she surveyed the bed from Kate’s point of view. Crouching down, she slowly gathered up the roses.

She didn’t feel the pain of a tearing thorn, and she watched in detached interest as the blood welled and trickled across her hand. Returning to the kitchen she placed the roses in a vase and poured herself the first of many cups of coffee. The hours slowly ticked by as Laura chastised herself for her stupidity. She had to keep moving around, finding 139

things to do, to ease the gripping ache in her chest. She found herself re-living the horror of the day Alex died, and the grief she was feeling for the loss of Kate was not unlike her grief that fateful day five years ago.

In the early hours as a thin gray light began to filter through Laura’s windows, a haze lifted from Laura’s mind. She could never have Alex again, but here was Kate, offered to her like a gift, and if she lost her now, she would never forgive herself. She remembered that she’d told Kelly that Kate meant “everything” to her, and she realized it was the truth.

By six o’clock, Kate still hadn’t called. Laura was exhausted, but sleep was out of the question. She went upstairs, had a long hot shower, then made herself more coffee and something to eat. At seven o’clock, she rang Kate’s apartment again, waking her flatmate a second time, only to be told impatiently that Kate hadn’t returned. Laura was becoming desperately worried about Kate. Where could she be? Was she all right? If only she could have a chance to hold Kate in her arms and kiss away her tears, assure her that she would never be hurt again. If only she had a chance to tell Kate she loved her. Laura urgently wanted to talk to Jude; she needed her help. They’d planned to meet at the market anyway, but she decided to call sooner. When she rang her, around eight-thirty, Jude was still sleepy. Laura had woken her. Laura began her story calmly, but within moments, she dissolved in a flood of tears. Jude was alarmed. “Settle down, darl,” she said. “Come around here now, and tell me all about it. We’ll sort something out.”

After Laura hung up she felt some relief. She washed her face in cold water, then grabbed her keys and mobile 140

phone. Kate knew that number and it was on her answer machine, so she wouldn’t miss any calls. Just before she left, she remembered Kelly and decided to phone her. She felt awful about the way she’d ignored her last night.

“Kelly, it’s Laura. I’ve rung to say I’m sorry about last night.”

“These things happen, babe,” Kelly replied in a casual tone.

“I was very upset…obviously, and I ignored you,” said Laura. “I wasn’t thinking straight, I’m Sorry.”

“It’s okay. You’re obviously pretty serious about her. Did you find her?”

“I’m afraid not yet. I’m terribly worried about her,”

Laura replied.

They agreed to catch up soon, but Laura knew that this ideal affair with Kelly was over.

Laura drove by Kate’s apartment on her way, hoping desperately that she might see Kate’s car parked outside in its usual place. But it wasn’t there. She fought back the tears that threatened to swamp her, and as she continued on to Jude’s house, she told herself to remain calm. She had to get a grip on herself and stop being hysterical. But when Jude opened her door later, Laura collapsed on her shoulder in a flood of tears.

After Laura told her the story, Jude said, “Come with me to the market, there’s nothing else you can do at the moment. You’ve got your phone with you just in case.”

Laura nodded in agreement. “You can spend the day with me if you like, and I’ll make a big pot of vegetable soup for dinner. I know you won’t eat if you go home.”

Laura looked at Jude and smiled. Not for the first time, she considered how lucky she was to have a friend like her. 141

“Thanks, Jude,” she replied, “I’d like that.”

Kelly had played cricket in the afternoon, and as her team had brilliantly won the match against a formidable, infamous opposition called The Western Deadly Dykes, Kelly and a group of others decided to go out and celebrate. They’d decided after dinner to check out a few clubs. They started with Babes. It was a bit rough and had a reputation for being a sleazy pick-up bar. Kelly didn’t like the place much, but it was somewhere to kill a couple of hours. They arrived at around eleven o’clock and settled themselves at the bar. As her eyes adjusted to the dim lights, and her ears adjusted to the loud techno music, Kelly leaned back comfortably on her bar stool, drink in hand, and surveyed the room.

There were a few women lurching about in the semidarkness, obviously the worse for drink, and a small contingent of energetic dancers on the dance floor. Women at the tables near the dance floor yelled at one other in an attempt at conversation, and huddled couples leaned against the walls in various stages of passionate embrace. One such couple stood not far from her. She noticed a woman in a white jacket that was glowing brilliantly in the ultra-violet light, leaning over another, who she had pressed against the wall. She was kissing her passionately, and nudging her thigh between the other woman’s legs. Kelly watched as the woman in the jacket slipped her hand up under the other woman’s sweater and fondled her breasts. Just when Kelly was wondering how far they’d go, they stopped kissing for a moment, and the woman against the wall turned her head.

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Kelly’s eyes widened in surprise, as she saw it was the beautiful young woman who’d appeared in Laura’s apartment last night. It was obvious that she was quite drunk, and was being partly held up against the wall, by the other woman. She watched as once again, the young woman’s mouth was smothered in a kiss. Kelly looked away. It wasn’t her business. But she recalled the sight of Laura, on the floor last night in tears, distraught, and she knew that Laura wanted to find this girl. It was obvious she wasn’t enjoying herself; she was heading for trouble. Kelly sighed and sipped her drink. Letting Laura know where to find this girl wasn’t doing herself any favors, she thought. But she cared about Laura, and if she’d fallen in love with this woman, well, it was over with her anyway. Seeing the haunted expression on the girl’s face she went out in is the foyer, and found the pay-phone.