Honestly, I didn’t want to know.
I used the organic body wipes again, but what I really needed was a shower. I eyed it, but I couldn’t bring myself to jump in. Too many people on the bus. I would feel weirdly exposed, because they would know that I was naked in here. I couldn’t have that. So I just brushed my teeth, put on my beautiful new clothes that all fit perfectly, and shook my hair out. I looked at my makeup-free face in the mirror. I hoped I would be good enough for John without my mask.
My stomach rumbled again and I hastily stuffed my dirty clothes into a plastic bag I found in the console cabinet. I opened the door and he was still standing there, waiting, smiling at me.
“Hello, beautiful,” he said. My heart clenched. “Come this way.” He gestured towards the back of the bus.
It was a minuscule but immaculate galley kitchen, with granite and ceramic tile that matched the bathroom. There was a couch along the opposite wall from the sink and the refrigerator, and on a low table in front of it were several pizzas, a salad, a bottle of wine and two place settings. All the plates and bowls were white, simple and elegant. This was a much nicer setup than I was used to. I took in a deep breath. I was glad I was wearing fancy underwear and expensive jeans. At the thought of the underwear a delicious warmth spreading through me:
Fancy underwear that John had chosen for me
.
“Please, sit,” John said, and we sat down together. “White wine?” he asked. I nodded my head, yes. He poured it into a stemless glass and I was relieved that it was white. I didn’t know what to do with red wine — maybe because the only kind I’d ever tried had been my mother’s, and it had come in a six-pack and tasted vile.
“I don’t care for stemless glasses,” John said, inspecting his, “but they’re better for the road.” He smiled at me.
I tried to smile back but all I could see was pizza out of the corner of my eye. It smelled heavenly. My mouth filled with water.
If only I could turn into a robot,
I thought.
Then maybe I wouldn’t have all of these awkward moments and could save myself some embarrassment.
“I’m starving,” I blurted out.
John laughed. “Of course you are, sweetheart! Please, eat.” He leaned over and put several pieces of steaming pizza on my plate and handed me a cloth napkin. He took a sip of his wine and started piling food on his plate.
“We bring this with us on the road, uncooked, then cook it when we’re ready,” he said, in between bites.
“It’s delicious,” I said, with my mouth half full.
John threw back his head and laughed. “I love that you eat,” he said. He raised his glass. “To pizza,” he said, and I raised my glass and clinked his.
“To pizza,” I said, chasing my pizza with a sip of wine. It was, of course, delicious.
I looked up at John and smiled. “Thank you for the clothes and for the food,” I said. Then I shoved some more pizza in my mouth. I was pretty sure it had spinach on it, and some sort of weird crumbled cheese sprinkled on top that I had never tried before, but I wasn’t being picky. It was insanely good.
“The clothes look great on you,” he said. “I like you in jeans. And no makeup.” He reached over and stroked my face.
I smiled.
He knew what to say to calm me down, to make me feel good.
He shifted a little bit and I could see his powerful chest moving underneath his shirt.
Yum.
The pizza wasn’t the only thing that was making my mouth water.
“Thanks,” I said. “I usually live in jeans and no makeup.” I considered him for a moment. “Do you ever wear jeans? Or anything besides a suit?”
“Of course,” he said. “I’ll wear training clothes when we get to Warwick.”
“What kind of training clothes? Where’s Warwick?” I asked, drinking some more wine. Being close to him made me feel safe and warm, and the wine made me feel calm, relaxed ... even though I had no idea where we’re going or what the training involved.
“Warwick’s in Rhode Island. It’s where I grew up. It’s where our company is based, and our training facilities are there.” He leaned back and smiled at me. “I’m looking forward to
your
training.”
My insides clenched with desire. “Um...what does it involve, exactly?” I asked, a bit timidly. There seemed to be some sort of double meaning here.
“We do military-based training on a regular basis. Just to keep everyone fit and up to date on the latest technologies. So it involves things like boot camp, munitions, and technical training. We go back home when we’re in between assignments. I brief the men on our new assets and what to expect on our next mission.”
He smiled at me again, and I smiled back up at him, mesmerized. Until my brain started processing information properly again.
“
Boot camp?
” I asked. “Like a workout?” I’d never even run a mile.
His grin was a little wicked this time. “Yes, Liberty, like a workout.”
I let my smile turn into a frown as I considered this. He waited patiently while I sat there with my brow furrowed. The only image I had of boot camp was people running through the rain, counting, singing, and cursing their leader out. I would last about five seconds. I was going to have to work on him later about the workouts — it wasn’t going to happen.
I decided to change tactics. “I’ve never been east before,” I said, happy to change the subject, but worried that I sounded like the hick I was.
“There’s a first time for everything,” he said and smiled. My heart rolled.
Oh John, if you only knew.
“Where
have
you been?”
“Nowhere?” I said as a question, and shrugged in embarrassment. “I grew up in Oregon and then I went to Vegas…and...and...that’s really it.”
Wow, that sounded lame.
“But I
did
see the Eiffel Tower in Vegas,” I said, feebly trying to make myself feel better.
“I hear there’s an Eiffel Tower in Paris, too. Would you like to see that one?” John asked, and I could tell that although he was gently making fun at me,
he was genuinely curious.
I took another bite of pizza and considered this. “Maybe someday,” I said, chewing. “I’ve never really thought about it.”
I haven’t gotten that far,
I thought.
I’ve been too busy trying to keep my mother alive, her boyfriend off of me, and the bed bugs at bay.
John nodded thoughtfully. I smiled at him. “I’m excited to see Rhode Island, though,” I said. “We’ll be near the water, right? I missed the ocean since I’ve been in Vegas. The lake’s not the same.”
“My property is right on the water,” John said. “You’ll love it. I mean, I
hope
you will.”
“If you like it, I’m sure I’ll like it,” I said. “Is your father there? Am I going to meet him?”
“Yes,” he said, and he sat up a little straighter. “He’ll be there. He’s getting older, and he’s been ill, but he’ll want to meet you.”
I hoped there were more clean clothes for me somewhere so I could look presentable. “Is he a bounty hunter, too?” I asked, hoping I wasn’t being too nosy all at once.
John laughed and shook his head. “No, he’s an investment banker,” he said. “He’s a desk guy, a numbers guy. But he has family money, and he made a small fortune in banking. I begged him to make an investment in my company several years ago, we’ve been partners ever since.”
“What did you do before that?” I asked.
“I was in the Navy. Intelligence,” he said. “All of the guys who work for us are ex-military.”
Okay, so now I understood how he had the skill set.
But what had made him want to start a bounty hunter business?
I didn’t know how to ask him gracefully, so I decided to be blunt. “How did you end up doing
this
?” I asked.
He coughed. “Long story,” he said. He rubbed his eyes and then he poured us both some more wine.
“I’ve got time,” I said gently.
“I lost someone very close to me,” he said. He took a sip of wine and then closed his eyes and leaned back on the couch.
“My daughter. She was taken from me. She was only eighteen. She was on vacation in Mexico when she was abducted. Possibly for a sex ring, or maybe she was doing drugs. I don’t know. Her friends said they left her in the hotel. She was supposed to come meet them at a bar but never showed.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose, like he had a headache. “We never found her,” he said, sitting up and finishing his wine in one gulp.
I sat there for a moment, speechless. “Oh, John,” I said, and I reached out to hug him, to hold him. “I’m so, so sorry.” I pulled his head to my chest and I stroked his hair.
“At first, I went through the proper authorities. Then I used any power or influence I had with my peers in the government, called in every favor I could. I got nowhere. No one knew what happened to her,” he said, softly. “I went myself and looked, for a year. I had a few leads, but they went nowhere.”
His voice was resigned. “She was gone, without a trace. I can't help thinking that someone did it to get back at me. I don't know who. A lot of the work I did for the military was highly classified —
I
didn't always know who my targets were or whom they were working for. So someone could have wanted to hurt me, and maybe they had better information than I did. It's all speculation. I've been over it in my head so many times that all the possibilities start to run together.”
“She could still be out there,” I said, cringing that I was saying the wrong thing, hurting him more.
John just sighed. “It could be true. I wish it were, but then again, God only knows where she is and what her life’s like if she’s alive.” He paused for a minute. “I’m pretty thorough, though; I don't have much hope. But I’m still always looking for her.”
I blew out a deep breath and stroked his face. I couldn't believe that this had happened to him. He looked so perfect, so clean and pulled together. Like his life had been spotless. I would have never known that he had suffered this kind of loss.
“After that I couldn’t bring myself to go back to my regular duties. They didn’t seem important anymore. So with my father’s backing, I started our company and hired some of the best guys I’d worked with.” He shrugged. “We’ve been doing it for five years.”
He sat up and looked at me. “I told you I believe that everything happens for a reason. I suffered over what this could mean for a long time.” He closed his eyes and rested his head in his hands, but continued. “I came to understand that the reason this happened to me was because it inspired me, and I’m in a unique position to help other people. I have suffered a terrible loss; but I can help people who also suffer. I might have never found this path otherwise.”
He opened his eyes and smiled at me, ruefully. “Plus, catching bad guys makes me feel better.”
“I can imagine,” I said, some pieces of the puzzle starting to fall together. “What’s her name?” I asked. “Your daughter?”
“Catherine,” he said. “I was too young when I had her. I was about your age.” He poured himself some more wine, but I waived it away. I needed to be clear, to understand him, to be there for him.
“And her mother?” I asked, afraid.
Afraid she was beautiful, totally perfect, and still around somewhere.
“Long gone. Married to a startup guy in Southern California,” John said. “We weren’t good for each other. She was a ‘free spirit,’ which really just ended up meaning that she was unapologetically irresponsible. We didn’t stay together long.”
He shook his head. “She was never much of a disciplinarian. I blame myself, really. She let Catherine go to Mexico on spring break with her friends when they were seniors. I was deployed then, didn’t even know what was going on. I only spoke to them sporadically.” He put his face in his hands and I rubbed his back, wanting desperately to help, to ease some of his pain.
“It’s not your fault,” I said to him, softly.
He sat up and cupped my face in his hands. “You are an angel,” he said. “Thank you. But what I’ve done I can’t undo. And it’s my cross to bear.”
We slept next to each other again that night. On the couch, with his arms wrapped around me. I dreamt of crystal blue waters in Mexico, of dangerous shadows, of my mother hiding in a corner. Then I started having a dream that we were both taking our clothes off and rubbing up against each other. I woke up with a start, sweating, my heart pounding. John jumped up, too. We looked at each other and laughed.