Liberty Begins (The Liberty Series) (21 page)

In other breaking news, I’d realized something. Even if John really wanted to be with me, I didn’t know if I could do it. He was tortured over Catherine, and this drove him to torture others. And I knew I couldn’t live my life that way: I was made of weaker material.

Would he leave the business for me? Would he change? Could he?

John squeezed my hand again, breaking me from my reverie. I smiled at him, but it was masking a heavy heart.
Don’t think about this anymore while you’re here, Liberty. Don’t waste the precious time you’ve got left.
The talk was over, Sean and Corey were breaking down the laptop and the rest of the setup; John got up and went to speak with some of the guys for a moment, and I drank some more of my wine.

“You might want to save that for later,” Matthew said to me, walking over. “We’re going to the shooting range now. You need a steady hand.”

I looked at him and downed the rest of the glass.
I’ve got a lot on my mind, Matthew.
He just shook his head at me. “Right,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Let’s get going.”

I let Matthew and the others walk ahead as my thoughts swirled about me. I shook my head, trying to clear it; maybe Matthew had been right about the wine. John found me, trailing the rest of the group, as we were walking to the range. “Liberty, are you feeling up to this? Are you doing okay?” He looked at me with concern, his blue eyes searching mine.

I looked at his beautiful, lined face, so dear to me now.
I’ll be okay if I don’t think about us being apart. I’ll be okay if I can control my fear, so I don’t ruin the time we have left together.

I took a deep breath of the night air to calm myself. “I’m okay,” I said. “Ray is not my favorite topic, but I’ll survive.” I made myself smile up at him. I didn’t want him to glimpse my inner thoughts, to know how twisted up I was getting.

We were walking from the house back to the barracks. The shooting range was the next building over. It also acted as a garage for the company’s assorted vehicles: trucks, a couple of golf carts, a minivan and a BMW sport utility vehicle. The ocean was behind us, the woods to our right, the rolling lawn to our left. I could see fireflies flashing across the lawn. John twined his fingers through mine, and I felt electric sparks shoot up my arm.
Who ever knew that being this close to another person could be this much of an event?
I smiled up at him again in wonder, and this time it was with my real smile. The night air was refreshing; my head was finally clearing, the dark clouds over it rolling back.

“I can’t stop thinking about last night,” he said suddenly, and shudders of heat rolled through my belly at the mention of it.

“I know,” I breathed. I stopped and leaned into him, against the darkening sky, and kissed him.
Delicious.
Could I ever get tired of this? His tongue touched mine and more electric sparks traveled through me, this time down through my chest to in between my legs, making me clench and shiver in anticipation. He pulled me to him then, hard; I could feel his powerful arms around me, enveloping me, his massive chest pressed up against mine. I couldn’t breathe, but it wasn’t because of how he was holding me; it was his proximity, his heat, how safe and protected he made me feel.

“Could we take a detour?” I asked, breathlessly. The guys were ahead of us, filing into the shooting range, talking to each other. No one would see us. “I won’t be able to concentrate unless I’m with you first.”

He looked at me and in the fading light I could see the intensity burning in his eyes. He suddenly looked as needy as I felt; shooting a look towards the building, he grunted and then pushed me in front of him towards the woods, pressing up against me. I could feel his hardness, his desire. It mirrored mine. I felt like I was going to burst if I didn’t have him right now.
John.
How could you love and want someone else so completely, like you could never be right without them? What if he had never come and found me? I shuddered as I pictured myself in my sad apartment, eating macaroni and cheese, alone at my card table. It brought tears to my eyes. I pushed the image away.

I didn’t want to think anymore. I needed him inside me, now, and I didn’t care about target practice, or the fact that everybody would know what we were doing if we were late — I didn’t care about any of it. An animalistic desire had taken over and
all I could think about was him, his massive, chiseled chest, his rock hardness, and the painful, throbbing ache between my legs. We went deeper into the forest. It was darker here, cooler, and still. He stopped me at a large tree and started kissing me, hard. He rubbed his erection against me, making me pant, making me wet. Then he turned me around again so I was no longer facing him. “Pull your shorts down,” he said, lowly.

I obeyed, but looked over my shoulder for reassurance. “Grab onto the tree and spread your legs,” he said urgently, and I did. My muscles, all of me, were quaking with lust and anticipation.

He pulled off his shirt, his shorts and underwear quickly, and nudged my legs further apart. I was touching the tree, my back flat, my backside facing him. He reached around me and rubbed my clitoris slowly, in circles. He reached down and put two fingers inside me, feeling my wetness. “You’re ready for me, baby,” he said, striking my clitoris again. My world started to spin.

“Liberty,” he breathed, as he put the tip of his erection in me, “Liberty, I’ve never needed anyone this much.”

He kept rubbing my clitoris in circles; I held onto the base of the tree and moved against him, trying to get him all the way inside me, holding out my backside for him to grab. He finally did grab it, hard; kneading my ass, pressing his hands on either side of it, until he couldn’t take my moans anymore. He pulled back for a second, and I heard him exhale; then he slammed himself all the way into me in one fluid motion. I threw my head back and screamed in pleasure; I had never felt him in this deep.

I cried out again, loud, and arched my back; but he pushed my head back down, so my back was completely flat, and grabbed my hips. He continued to slam into me, rhythmically, deeply, again and again, and I felt myself buck against him. I didn’t even have to think about what to do; it just felt right.
I felt like an animal.
I threw back my head and felt my muscles clench around him, completely out of my control, as I felt him go deeper and deeper, all the way in, filling me up, pounding me.

“I have to get a condom,” John said.
Nooooo. Don’t stop.
Please.
I knew it was important, I knew we had to use it, but I couldn’t bear the thought of him pulling out; the way he was thrusting into me, his head thrown back, the way he was slamming himself against my ass, made me wonder if we’d remember before it was too late.

“I’m supposed to get my period tomorrow,” I said, panting, pleading. “I don’t think I can get pregnant tonight.” I only knew about this stuff because Sasha had taught me, petrified that I would get a boyfriend in her absence. I was surprised at the manipulative tone in my voice — I swear, my biology was speaking for me, trying to get him to come in me.

He exhaled deeply and stopped for a moment. “No time is safe,” John said, stroking my backside. “I’ll pull out, if you’re okay with that.”

I grabbed his erection and rubbed it back up against my wetness; of course it was okay. Right this second everything was okay. I just wanted him back inside me.
Now.

“I would love to get you pregnant, someday,” he whispered to me. “Then you would be mine, forever.”

My heart stopped. I stood up, turned around, and kissed him deeply.
I am yours forever. Don’t ever doubt it.

He returned the kiss and grabbed my breasts, stroking them, but he soon started rubbing himself up against my belly. His need took over and he turned me around and bent me over again. He slammed back into me and pulsed, rhythmically, and I spread my legs further, taking him all the way in.

“Come for me, baby,” he said, and he continued to pound me, hard. He reached down and stroked my clitoris, twisting it, pinching it, making me scream. “JOHN!”
I hollered, not caring if anyone heard me, giving in to him, doing exactly as he said, my body wracked with spasms, my knees collapsing.

He pulled out then — my orgasm shuddered and clenched, my body searching for him, but he was gone, gone, gone. Instead, I heard him let out a strangled moan and felt a hot liquid spill up my back. “Liberty,” he said, lowly, seriously, “I fucking love you.” He shuddered against me, held me to him, and gently pulled me down. We both curled up on the mossy floor of the forest.

“Let’s do target practice tomorrow,” he suggested. I happily murmured my assent and I nestled myself, contentedly, against his massive chest in the stillness of the night forest.

“The is the first time I’ve slept till eight in six months,” Matthew said to me the next morning at breakfast. “It was awesome.”

“Yeah, it was pretty awesome,” I said, and promptly turned bright red. We were not talking about the same awesomeness. I stood up as he laughed and I left the table, grabbing my tray and hurrying, before he could make fun of me. I had to meet John at the shooting range now, anyway. Since we’d skipped out last night, he was taking an hour or so this morning to work with me alone.

The sun was shining and the air was warm but not humid; it was a beautiful late June day. Gone were my clouded thoughts from last night. I felt renewed and revitalized. My thoughts briefly flashed to last night and the memory made me throb
down there
and blush ridiculously.

“Have you been running?” John said, taking in my crimson appearance.

“Um, no,” I stammered. “I’ve been remembering.”

“Oh, me too,” he said, opening his arms wide. I went to him and laid my head on his chest. “It was
awesome.
”

“Yeah,” I said, laughing against his chest, “it was totally awesome.”

He hugged me for another minute then pulled back. “Okay, we’ll have to get back to that later.” He bent down and kissed me, quickly and deeply. “Mmmm ... and get back to that, too. But now,” he said releasing me and clapping his hands together, “it’s time to get down to business.”

He brought me over to a locked case on the far wall of the room. “We’re using handguns,” he said, entering an electronic code and opening the door to the case. Inside were guns — lots of guns — in all shapes and sizes. I didn’t know a thing about them, but I recognized some as shotguns and some as pistols. There were also some scary looking machine-gun types, but I would never touch one of those, even if John insisted.

“I don’t like guns,” I said, as he handed me a small one after checking its chamber and making sure it was empty. I held it at arm’s length, like it was contagious, and he laughed at me.

“You need to know how to fire one,” he said, in a firm tone.

“Why?” I asked. “It’s just like running ten miles or doing a pull-up — why, exactly, do I need to do these things?” Even if Ray made a run for it, there was little to no chance of him even making it a mile: he smoked like a fiend. Also, I couldn’t really picture John having me run after him, helter-skelter, when he had a trained crew of ex-Navy seals at his disposal.

“I want you to be able to defend yourself, if you have to,” he said. “It’s not just about Ray. It’s about
all
bad guys. I want you to always be able to take care of yourself, in case I’m not right there to protect you.”

Two things stuck out in my mind simultaneously when he said this:
In case he’s not there, and all bad guys. The first, meaning he might not be with me; the second, meaning more bad guys, a future filled with fear.
He must have seen the look on my face because his own expression quickly turned to one of torture.

“Liberty! I said
in case
I wasn't there — not that I
wouldn’t
be there,” he said, taking me in his arms, alerted to only a portion of my panic. “Don't look like that. You'll break my heart,” he said, kissing the top of my head, pulling me close to him. “Are you afraid? Is that what's wrong?”

I looked up at him and nodded. I wasn't technically lying — I
was
afraid; afraid he wasn't going to be there, afraid I was going to lose him. And in the alternative, afraid he was going to be off shooting and kidnapping people the rest of his life, while I waited for him, worrying.

I wasn’t worried about Ray anymore. He couldn't hurt me now. I was past him. John was the only one left who had any power over me.

“I
will
be there,” John said, deeply, and his voice caught. “But I won’t leave you unprepared. I couldn’t live with myself.” He buried his face in my hair.

“John,” I said, and I reached up and cupped his face. I could only imagine the guilt he lived with about his daughter; he probably felt like he sent her out into the world unprepared, and she suffered the ultimate price. I made him look at me. “You’ve already done everything for me. You’ve been everything I could ever ask for. Don’t
ever
feel guilty about me.” I kissed him then, holding him to me tightly, because I needed him to know. “I love you. But you are not responsible for me.”