License to Love (21 page)

Steve tried to take her into his arms, but she pushed him away. If there had been a magazine handy, she probably would’ve rolled it up and started smacking him with it, he acknowledged gloomily. Jamie was right—this wasn’t going to be easy. But he was not giving up!

“There isn’t going to be a divorce, Michelle. When I marry, it’s for life, and I fully intend for our marriage to be as happy and successful as my parents’ marriage has been all these years.” He stared at her, his face lighting in a sudden illuminating smile.

“This must be one of those cataclysmic moments of truth that always seem to happen to other people. But now it’s happening to me.
I want to be happily married to the woman I love.
That’s why I waited all these years, playing the field, taking my time. I was waiting for you, Michelle, the one woman I could truly love for the rest of my life. The

reason I avoided marriage in the past is because I’m so serious about it. I avoided commitment because I’m deeply committed to it. But now I have you and I want to commit myself to you, Michelle. I want to marry you, my darling.” !

It was the most impassioned and sincere speech of his life and he felt paradoxically drained and exhilarated. He waited for her to run into his arms. Then he could pick her up and carry her to bed and demonstrate his intentions and his love physically, just as he’d done verbally. That was what was supposed to happen after a guy bared his soul to the woman he loved. Wasn’t it?

Apparently not. Michelle’s face didn’t soften with love, she didn’t run into his arms. She laughed. And not happily, ; not joyfully. Her laughter was unmistakably derisive—and
j
filled with disbelief.

“You’re amazing, Steve. No one can twist things around
j
to serve your own ends like you can. You can take facts and j turn them into fiction like a magician changes a handker-. j chief into a canary. You don’t make 180 degree turns; yours j are more like 540 degrees, but you manage to seem credible anyway.”

Steve’s lips thinned into a straight line and his eyes narrowed to slits. She’d just thrown his declaration of love and his proposal back in his face! Anger surged through him, mixed by a terrible hurt at the injustice of it all.

“If you’re trying to infuriate me, you’re succeeding
masterfully,”
he said in a taut, controlled voice, deliberately using her own words. “If you’re trying to hurt me, you’ve accomplished that, too. I’ll take whatever you dish out because I deserve it for getting you pregnant. You have every right to be furious with me and I don’t blame you for thinking that you hate my guts. But I can only take it in small doses and I’ve had enough tonight, Michelle. I’ll leave you now, since you so obviously want me to.”

He strode to the door, carefully sidestepping Squeaky who was chasing after a tiny spongy ball. He didn’t look back and he didn’t say goodbye.

After he’d gone, Michelle stood staring at the closed door. She should be pleased with herself, she’d driven him away. That had been her aim, hadn’t it? Steve Saraceni was very clever at taking pipe dreams and making them seem real and she wasn’t about to succumb to his skills again. No matter how desperately she might want to.

Ten

Michelle was keenly aware that the atmosphere in Ed Dineen’s office on Monday morning was curiously, uncharacteristically somber. There were none of the usual half-joking moans and groans about the iniquities of facing a Monday morning, no swapping tales about the holiday weekend. If anyone spoke at all it was in hushed, funereal tones. Was she in an office or a morgue? Michelle mused. She remarked on the radical change to Brendan O’Neal when he came into her office with her mail.

“You mean you haven’t heard?” Brendan was astonished. “Where have you been, locked up in a monastery in Katmandu? I thought everybody in Harrisburg would’ve heard by now. The reason we’re all in such a funk is because Ed and Valerie Dineen have split up.”

Michelle felt as if she’d been socked in the solar plexus. “No!” It was more a pained denial than an exclamation. She gripped the edge of her desk. “When?
Why?”

“Ed made the announcement on Friday,” Brendan said grimly. “He left Valerie and the children for— Want me to quote him? Hold on to your stomach, this is going to make you gag—‘the most exciting woman in the world, the one who makes
him
feel like a man in ways he never dreamed possible.’ ”

“Stop.” Michelle weakly held up her hand. “You’re right, I am going to gag. Brendan, please tell me you’re making a very bad joke. Ed couldn’t have said that, he couldn’t have done that!”

“Oh, it gets worse. Do you know who this career-ending, home-wrecker is, Michelle? None other than our very own Leigh Wilson. Apparently she and Ed have been carrying on all over town for the past couple months. They weren’t very discreet, either, according to Everybody I’ve talked to, although all of us here in Ed’s office and poor Valerie must’ve been wearing blinders. We were literally the last ones to find out.”

“Ed and Leigh?” Michelle lost her grip on the desk and slid numbly into her chair. “Oh, Brendan, it can’t be true!”

“It is,” Brendan said bluntly. He eyed her curiously. “I’m surprised you didn’t know, Michelle. I mean, Saraceni knew—every lobbyist in town did. Rumor has it that Saraceni, Lassiter, Exner, and three NEA lobbyists actually caught Ed and Leigh in, er, flagrante delicto at an NEA fund-raiser one night.”

Michelle gaped at him, speechless.

“Joe McClusky’s staff has been telling everybody that Ed’s been handing out confidential information like campaign buttons, hoping to buy himself some goodwill and secrecy,” Brendan continued glumly. His expression, his posture and tone conveyed total demoralization. “It didn’t work, of course. The inside tips Ed gave out have fueled even more gossip. He’s shown such horrible judgment, Michelle. I can’t help but wonder if Ed Dineen ever was who we all thought he was or just a grandstanding actor playing a role while it suited him, then getting bored with it and shucking the whole show.”

Michelle stared at the smooth surface of her desk. “It was Ed who told Steve the location of the sites for the hazardous waste elimination centers,” she said softly. She knew it now with blinding certainty.

“Undoubtedly,” agreed Brendan.

Michelle flinched as everything fell into place with ferocious precision. She had been certain that she herself must’ve unthinkingly told Steve about the sites and that he had used the information to his client’s benefit. After all, she confided in him about everything and anything. Wasn’t it obvious to assume that she was the leak?

Michelle’s face burned. Steve had admitted having the information but denied getting it from her. And she had accused him of being a liar as well as a back-stabbing dou-ble-crosser.

But he was neither. Steve had received that information directly from Ed and had used it without compunction. There had been betrayal, but not from her. Ed Dineen had betrayed his wife and his staff and his constituents. And she had betrayed Steve by her appalling lack of faith in him.

Michelle stood up, her legs so shaky she felt as if she were walking on rubber. “Brendan, I—I’m going out.” She grabbed her purse and headed out of the office.

She walked directly to Steve’s office, a few blocks away. She was perspiring from the summer heat and panting from her brisk pace when she entered the office suite of Legislative Engineers Limited.

“Oh, hi!” called Steve’s cousin Saran, who was sitting at the reception desk filing her astonishingly long, pointed fingernails. “I don’t know how you nailed him, but congratulations!”

“Nailed him?” Michelle echoed faintly.

Saran grinned. “Too bad you weren’t with Steve in Merlton when he made
the big announcement.
Wow, everybody just went crazy! So when’s the wedding? Is it going to be big, like Jamie’s wedding was? She invited half the world, I think. I can’t picture Steve in a scene like that, but hey, I couldn’t picture him getting married, either. I’m really excited for you both.”

Michelle stared at Saran, comprehension slowly dawning. Steve had told his family that he was marrying her? She began to tremble.

“Want me to buzz Steve and tell him that you’re here or are you going to, like, romantically surprise him?” asked Saran.

“Don’t tell him I’m here,” Michelle said quickly. That way he couldn’t say he didn’t want to see her. Not that she could blame him if he didn’t. When she thought about the things she’d said to him, the hateful, hurtful things that were all untrue—

If Saran hadn’t been watching expectantly, waiting for her to go in and “romantically surprise” Steve with her appearance, Michelle knew she would have bolted. As it was, she walked slowly back to Steve’s office and quietly opened his door. He was sitting at his desk, talking on the phone. Michelle froze, her hand on the knob.

Steve glanced up and their eyes connected. And held. “Can I call you back, Don?” Michelle heard him say. She stood in the doorway, her heart thundering in her ears as Steve hung up the phone.

She was struck by a walloping case of d6j& vu. Just last week she had come to this office, feeling as scared and uncertain as she felt now, to inform Steve of her pregnancy. She’d certainly made a mess of that. What if she blundered now, again? Yesterday he had bared his heart and soul for her and she had laughed and sent him away. One could hardly blame him for having second thoughts about loving her after that.

What if he sent her away?

Her anxiety level rose alarmingly, pumping adrenaline through her, making her feel wired and on edge. All she needed was for Steve to greet her with that impersonal, smiling glad-hand of his, the way he had done that fateful day last week, and she would lose it completely.

But Steve didn’t say anything at all. Michelle found the tense silence even more unnerving than his de rigueur political smile and handshake.
Steve Saraceni couldn’t summon a smile, however false?
It was unimaginable. He must really hate her, Michelle decided. She was too late, she’d said too much.

She had to get out of here before she fell apart in front of him. “I—I’ve c-come at a bad time,” Michelle stammered, gulping back the sob that welled in her throat. “I’ll just leave and—”

Steve crossed the office with the lithe speed of a pouncing cat. “No!” He took her hand, pulled her the whole way inside and closed the door. “You can’t leave, Michelle.”

He looked as worn and frazzled as she felt, light-years removed from the unruffled, urbane epitome of cool who’d greeted her here last week. Telltale signs of exhaustion enhanced his grim expression.

“I’ll keep you here until I can make you understand the way I feel about you,” Steve said passionately. “There has to be a way to convince you that I love you, Michelle. I’ll find the right words if you’ll just give me a chance.”

He slid his hands up her arms and cupped her shoulders. Her nearness sent him reeling. He inhaled the light scent of her perfume, felt her warmth and softness under his hands. A shudder quaked his body. “Please, Michelle,” he said hoarsely.

Joy surged through Michelle like an exploding rocket. Steve didn’t hate her; he wasn’t going to send her away.
He loved her!
And finally, she realized how much. “You’ve already proven it to me,” she whispered, tears shining in her eyes.

She took a step forward, closing the small distance between them, and flung her arms around his neck. “Oh, Steve, I’m so sorry. I accused you of betraying me and my confidences, but I know that you didn’t, you even tried to protect me. You could have defended yourself by telling me about Ed and Leigh, by saying that he was the one who gave you the inside information, but... but you didn’t.”

Steve’s arms enfolded her in a tight, strong embrace. “I didn’t have the heart to tell you wbjat I knew about Dineen, Michelle. I knew how highly you regarded him, how much you admired the Dineens as the ideal family. I knew you would find out about his affair soon enough and that you’d be crushed to hear about it. I didn’t want to be the one to hurt you with the news.”

He drew back a little so he could gaze deeply into her eyes. “I’ve hurt you badly enough, Michelle. I was careless and got you pregnant and—”

“No!” she cried, laying her fingers against his lips to hush him. “Steve, you’re wrong. I don’t
blame
you for
getting
me pregnant. It takes two, remember? I’m equally responsible. And you know what? I’m thrilled about this baby. I want our child, Steve. And if you still want me to, I want to marry you and—”

He didn’t give her time to finish. His mouth caught hers and held it, kissing her deeply, passionately, affirming the fact that they were together again. And that this time all the misunderstanding and mistrust was resolved and behind them.

When at last they reluctantly, breathlessly drew apart, Michelle gazed up at Steve, her china blue eyes swimming with tears that slowly trickled down her cheeks. He gently followed the track of one with his thumb. “Don’t cry, honey,” he said huskily. “I love you, Michelle. I thought it would never happen to me but when I met you I fell in love and I fell hard.”

“Oh, Steve, I love you, too. And I should have trusted you, I should—”

“No recriminations, Michelle,” he interrupted quietly. “I have too many of my own. I should have told you I loved you a long time ago. Then you wouldn’t have felt insecure about my feelings for you, you would have known I wasn’t just using you. And I most definitely should have taken you in my arms that day when you told me about the baby. I was so damn glad to see you, but I tried to act cool. I was still playing games then, looking to get the upper hand, but sweetheart, no more. I said all the wrong things when I should have told you how much I love you and want you and our child. Because it’s true, Michelle. You’re mine and we’re going to be together forever.”

“We—we won’t end up like the Dineens,” she whispered imploringly.

“Not a chance. I wouldn’t throw away my life with you because some hot-to-trot political groupie throws herself at me. I’ve gotten all that out of my system, Michelle. I’ve grown up. Loving you doesn’t tie me down, it’s freed me from my selfishness and my, uh, frenetic restlessness.” “That’s an interesting term for a social life that spanned four cities.” Michelle looked up at him, her brows arched. “Your
lifestyle
before you met me was rather—peripatetic, to say the least.”