License to Love (16 page)

“I didn’t mean to tear into you that way. I said what I did
because I care about you.” He paused, wanting to stop, but he couldn’t hold
back his feelings for her. “I love being around you, but I can’t do it, not if
you’re this way.”

“What way?” The rain had flattened her hair to her face and
down her shoulders, but she didn’t seem to notice.

“I’ll put aside the fact that you’re out here alone on a
black night.” He wanted to tell her to get inside, but they had more important
things to discuss. “You were into me, now you’re running. You’re breaking my
heart.”

Her horse became still. Missy, too, remained quiet, like she
had to think about that. He decided to leave and let her process for a while.
Fine, he’d had his say and she wasn’t stopping him. “All right, Missy. But
please get inside. You’ll get hurt out here.”

He retreated a ways down the path and made sure she got back
to the stables, figuring she knew he was keeping an eye on her. How could he
not? She could tear his heart in two, but he couldn’t control how much he
wanted to protect her. He waited outside while she took care of Dancer before
he took Jeffrey in and put him away for the night.

* * * *

For two full minutes, Missy stood outside Brent’s cabin door
with her fist raised to knock.
You’re breaking my heart.
She’d never
broken anyone’s heart before. She’d never had anyone who cared so much about
her. After he said that, she couldn’t stay away.

The door swung open before she knocked.

“I’m sorry.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “For the
way I’ve treated you. I’ve been scared and immature and selfish. And confused.”
His face was set and hard, his brows creased as she stared at him. She pulled
in a breath, but it sounded like a sob before she finished.

“Come here.” He grabbed her by the arms as he spoke and
pulled her against him. They embraced with her chin tucked into his neck. “I
don’t care what you do anymore, but you better not ever run away from me
again.”

“What if I hurt you, Brent?” She liked how he felt against
her and how his arms held her close.

“You didn’t drag me into this.”

“But what if I’m using you so I won’t be alone for the
holidays?” In truth, that had only been one small consideration but she
couldn’t tell him the rest.

“Is that so bad?” He ran his hand down her hair and rested
it against her cheek. She wondered if he was letting her off the hook about
telling him the truth. He added, “Sounds like you don’t want to hurt me.”

“I’m scared I will. And that you’ll want more than I have to
give you.”

“Right now, it’s more than enough just to hold you.” He
pulled her closer so that she could feel his warmth through their layers of
clothing. “I can go slow, follow your lead.”

“You make it sound easy,” she mumbled, closing her eyes.

“I’m trying, I don’t want to make your life harder than it
is.”

“I’m the one doing that. My life’s about as simple as you
can get. I make my own hours, run things the way I want to. It’s the stuff
inside me that’s messing up everything.”

“I don’t think it is.” He pulled her head back to look into
her eyes. “The only suggestion I can offer is to share your burden. When you’re
ready, I want to help you.”

His expression sent shivers through her. He touched his
forehead to hers with his eyes closed. His lips touched hers, moved, and took
on an urgency until she couldn’t resist.

She answered him and wrapped her arms around him, pulled him
as close as possible, and didn’t fight the feelings stirring up inside.

“I love you, Missy, and I can’t fight it.” Speaking against
her cheek, he shut the door behind her and looked into her eyes. Love? That
couldn’t be what she was feeling. What about trust?

Her heart pumped with a painful velocity, and she knew if
she didn’t share, it’d end up hurting her. “It’s about time I told you a few
things.” She took his hand. “About me.”

* * * *

Brent knew he couldn’t walk away from her, no matter how big
this turned out to be. He pulled her into the living room and onto the couch
with him. “Whatever you want to tell me, I’ll still love you.”

“I don’t doubt that.” She sighed. “I don’t feel good about
myself while holding this back.” Tears flooded her eyes. “This is about the job
I left behind.”

Things clicked together in his head, and he couldn’t believe
he hadn’t seen it before. “This is about the man you dated there.”

“Russ, my boss.” She met his gaze. “He flirted with me from
the day I started working for the firm. But I didn’t want to date someone from
the office.” Her voice shook so she paused. “He was persistent.”

He nudged the tears off her cheeks with his knuckles. “So
you never dated?”

A stalker? Harassment in the office? No matter how the jerk
scared her, he’d have to pay.

“Yes, we did. I’ve been ashamed of it ever since.” She
stared straight down at the floor, but looked up when he touched her. “I
finally went out with him because he’d been asking for so long. He seemed to
care about me, and I hoped I might feel something for him if I gave him a
chance.” She stopped, looking down again, and he noticed she was barely
breathing.

“Missy?” He scooted closer, wrapping his arms around her.
“What happened? I remember you said he fired you.”

“My feelings didn’t change, and he grew more and more pushy.
Then, one night when we were alone at the office, I told him I didn’t feel
anything for him.”

And he sent her packing. Brent tried to imagine how that
made her feel, and could understand why she’d been so reserved when she came to
the ranch.

“He wouldn’t accept that.” She spoke so quietly that he
almost missed what she
wasn’t
saying. Gently, he touched her chin and
nudged her face his way again. She turned her head but didn’t look at him.

“There’s more, isn’t there?”

“He thought the security guard was done with his rounds, but
the guard was running late. If he hadn’t been on the floor, and heard my yells,
Russ would have raped me.”

Pulling her close to him, he saw their time together in
retrospect. Certain things, strange before, now made sense. After pulling in a
deep breath to calm his rage, he asked, “Did you report him?”

“I ran. I went home and tried to figure out what to do, but
I couldn’t think. By the time I called the police two hours later, they already
had a report. Against me.”

“You?” He stiffened.

“For stalking Russ. They told me I was lucky they didn’t
have enough to press charges, but they were going to watch me. By morning, the
entire office had heard that I offered him sex when he fired me.”

“The bastard. He’s enjoying his high paying job, and you
left town.”

“No one’s going to hire me now.”

He felt her tears through his shirt and pulled her even
closer. “We’ll make it right, Missy.”

Instead of answering, she rubbed her face into him. He
didn’t know what he’d do to the man who tried to hurt her, but he sure as hell
wasn’t going to let him get away with it.

“So that’s what this was about. You had good reason not to
trust me, or any man.” He rubbed her back, wanting her to release the tears and
held-back emotions. “I’d sell this ranch before I hurt you. I’d give away the
horses, move into a city.”

That’d be hell for him, but still not as bad as losing her.
When her breathing sounded normal, he kissed her temple.

His lips trailed down to her neck, making her fingers dig
into him. She couldn’t hold still. “It’s been so long.” She almost cried the
words.

“Too long,” he agreed and felt her body tremble, come alive.
She reached out to him and he knew that by sharing, she’d freed herself of the
guilt that held her back before.

“Just don’t feel guilty over that,” he said, pulling back to
look her in the eye. “It was some guy being a real jerk to you.”

She searched his eyes and then reached for him. He held her
face tenderly and kissed her forehead.

“Don’t torture me.” She pulled him back to her mouth
roughly. His hands, resting on her shoulders, pushed her jacket off and slid
down her side to rest on her hips. All of her, he had to touch all of her. He
lost his breath when her hands slid under his worn T-shirt. Her touch did
things to him; things he hadn’t known were possible. “Missy,” he murmured into
her hair.

* * * *

Later, when his breathing slowed, he rolled onto his side,
taking her with him, so they lay facing each other. After smoothing her hair
away from her face, he kissed her once more.

“You’re smiling,” he whispered.

“So are you.”

“Guess we’re both happy. That’s a good thing.”

A good thing. She shivered as her body cooled. Brent pulled
the covers over them and drew her near. They didn’t speak. What they’d shared
could mean so many things, or nothing.

“Have you noticed we resolve arguments with sex?” she asked.

“Not sex. We make love.” He pulled her chin up and looked
into her eyes. “In case you haven’t gotten it yet, I love you.”

“I know.” Her eyes were warm with love, but he wasn’t sure
she’d tell him any time soon. Then she surprised him. “I’m not sure why it’s
been hard for me to say that. I heard you the first time, you know, when we
made love. I love you too. I have for a while.”

“Stay with me tonight.”

In response, she moved closer.

Chapter Eleven

“Thanks, Nick.” Brent hung up the phone. Standing by the
kitchen window, he looked out at the horses in the pasture, but his mind was on
everything Missy had told him. Nick Hatcher thought they could do something
legally about it, and agreed with Brent that men like Russ were repeat
offenders.

And now he would have someone checking up on him. If Russ
had tried to hurt anyone else, Nick Hatcher would find out about it.

The clouds parted outside and bright sunshine shone in
through the large windows. He spotted Missy walking up the pasture, in her red
jacket and scarf, her hair whipping in the wind. The temperature had taken a
nosedive, but that wouldn’t keep them inside.

After yanking on his own coat, he met her at the bottom of
the steps. She smiled and took the arm he offered. He spun her around and
planted his mouth on hers. When he finished he lifted his face.

She smiled. “Mmm . . . what was that for?”

“Your lips needed warming up.” He grinned at her. When they
had decided to go out today, she had asked him for things to be normal. He
decided not to tell her about calling Nick just yet. That way she could enjoy
today.

“Race you!”

He hadn’t expected that. She was halfway to the stables
already, and he couldn’t move as he watched that little bottom of hers.

She turned at the stable entrance and held her hands out in
a question.

“Why run when I can watch you?”

“Like my legs, huh?” she asked, trying not to smile.

“And everything else.” He caught up to her and they went
back to the tack room together. Once their horses were ready, they rode out
into the forest.

“Are you looking forward to Christmas?” Brent asked. He
remembered how little excitement she’d shown about Thanksgiving . . .  until
the actual day. Now out in the forest, they dismounted and walked slowly. She
ducked under a wet Douglass fir branch, eyes scanning the smaller trees growing
at the edge of the clearing they stepped into.

“I am, I think.” Side by side now, they looked through the
trees around them. “I haven’t done much for the holidays in years . . . How
about that one over there?”

He ignored her first comment, since she seemed to want to
skip over it, and stuck to business— the business of picking out a tree. He
sized up the six-foot tree, imagining how he’d trim it into the perfect shape.
Thinking of the holidays made him think about family, think about him and Missy
that way.

“Brent?”

Oh, no, he’d let his face get too serious. But he had to
ask, “You sure you don’t want a tree for your house?”

“I still think of it as Ben’s house.”

He paused because she did, too. “Ever consider staying with
me?”

“You? Aren’t you too old for a sleepover?” She giggled with
her face turned the other way, cluing him in. She had understood what he meant,
but he let that go as well.

With her gloved hand up in a branch, she paused and studied
him. “I like this tree, Brent, and I want it in your living room.”

Shaking his head and smiling at the same time, he pulled the
saw from behind his saddle. She walked his way again and watched him work.

Feeling her behind him, he asked, “Enjoying the show?”

“Yes, very much, thank you.”

The tree tilted to one side as he sawed through it.
“Timber!” Water drops sprang out of the tree as he shook it and threw it into
the long wagon they’d towed behind his horse.

“I love that chilly tree smell,” she said, then took a deep
breath of it before she smiled at him. Their gazes were on each other as tiny
snowflakes fluttered between them.

When she tilted her face up and let the flakes flutter down
on her, he couldn’t breathe. He stepped in and wrapped his arms around her. A
million sensations exploded inside him, especially when he heard her gleeful
moan.

* * * *

Stepping into Missy’s place, Brent still didn’t know how
he’d tell her what he’d done. Or that Nick had called him back with news. Too
bad he couldn’t put this off, but he wanted to spend the holiday with her
without this monster on their backs.

“Smells like heaven in here,” he greeted, trying to keep a
light tone.

“Heaven smells like chocolate chip cookies?” She turned to
see him staring at the cooling batch of homemade treats. “Some are plain old
chocolate . . . And some are white chocolate with macadamia nuts.”