Licentious (25 page)

Aléssandro

I can’t believe what’s just unfolded before me. I can’t believe that this person who was supposed to love Jo and Eve unconditionally was the one who broke them in the first place. And the fact that
my family
was involved. It’s a swift kick to the gut. My body begins to shake from the anger coursing through my veins. My arm tightens around Jo as I need to feel her to keep me grounded.

No
w Jo knows who we really are. This wasn’t the way I wanted to tell her, but if I were to be honest—I’m glad the truth is finally free. I just hope that when all of this is over, she’ll accept me for who I am.

“While, you normally are correct
…” Dad trails off waiting for Joey’s mom to volunteer her name.

“Alannah,” she says curtly.

“Yes, Alannah.” He smiles quickly. “There’s one bit of information
you
have overlooked,” he informs her.

Watching her face as Dad gives her a moment to process what he’s just said
and her eyes flash, and fear starts to seep to the forefront of her eyes.

“Your husband, my brother Marco, has hired an associate of mine to embezzle close to a million dollars from me. He was already labeled as a
disgrace for his infidelity. But,” he pauses, holding a finger in the air, “stealing and lying in this family is punishable. By
death
,” he tells her coolly.

Her eyes grow wide at his words, shaking her head.

“Of course, the actions that Michael has admitted to doing are
also
punishable by death, being Jo has been a member of
my
family for a while now, and being a family member of one of my soldiers,” he informs her as he gestures toward Kellan, “and being that
you
snitched to a non-member of Cosa Nostra of who we are, is
also
punishable by death,” he tells her, a twinkle of revenge in his eyes.

“Joey,” my
dad says firmly, getting her attention. Her head snaps in his direction, but she doesn’t say a word. “I think it’s time you left the room,” he orders gently.

I can feel her body start to shake against
mine. I can feel the quick breaths she’s forcing in and out of her lungs.

“F-Frank,” she whispers
. “What are you going to do?” Her voice is soft and fearful.

“I’m going to ensure that they are punished for their wrongdoings,” he promises.

She doesn’t move for a moment, but then steps out of my embrace. She turns her head to look at me, hurt evident in the irises of her cerulean blues before she turns to Dad and nods once on her way out the door.

“Josephine! Sweetie!” her Mom calls for her. “Please, I’m all you have left. Please! Tell them that,” she cries panicked.

Jo turns back to her mom, pushing her shoulders back, lifting her chin, she tells her evenly, “I’ve never had you, Mother.
You
made me alone when you murdered my family.” Her eyes narrow. “You know the old saying, don’t you? ‘Eye for an eye’ and all that?” She smirks before turning her back on Alannah and disappears from sight.

Joey

After seeing Mom again, and learning exactly what happened and why, I couldn’t bring myself to go back to the wedding reception. Today should’ve been all smiles and moments of joy for the newlyweds. My past stole that from Kellan, I refuse to allow it to ruin today for Maria, too. I hailed a cab and had the driver take me to my apartment.

Alé’s been trying to call me nonstop, so eventually, I just turned my phone off. I just needed a minute to process everything that happened. Everything that was said. Everything that I learned.

I decide to pack a bag and check into a motel in hopes that it buys me some time to think and just breathe. I know if I stay here,
Alé will show up and break down the damn door if he has to. I quickly throw some clothes and toiletries into a bag and nearly run out my door and down to my car. Once I’m on the road, I drive to the other end of town and pull into the lot of the Best Western. I decide to pay with cash so Alé can’t find me if he tries.

After checking in and entering my room, I toss my bag on one of the beds and fall down next to it and officially allow the tears to fall.

I just don’t understand. Cameryn was right. They are thugs.
They lied to me
. But at the same time, they’ve never treated me with anything but respect. They weren’t even my family and they treated me better than my own mother ever has.
Mom.
I can’t believe that fucking bitch purposely killed us all. Well, not so much Aedan but that was a chain reaction because of her jealousy and greed.

I curl into
a fetal position and wrap my arms around my knees. Since the moment I lost Eve, I can’t say there was a time that I was truly happy. There were times that I was content, and I was good at always putting a smile on my face over the years. But Alé… Alé made me happy. Alé’s family made me happy. And now it’s all gone. All of it.

How can I look at them knowing that I killed one of their family members? I know that they aren’t going to kill me for it because they let me leave, and Frank
allowed me to choose the outcome for Mom. I hold so much anger and resentment toward Vinny and Tony, or whoever the hell they really are, for what they did to Eve. And yet… I killed one of them, and now I allowed the Italian Mafia to kill my Mom.
I’m no better than they are
.

My heart feels as if it’s breaking all over again. I know that
Alé and I can’t go back to how things were. There’s just… too much. Too much has happened. The lies, the betrayal, me murdering his cousin. I just don’t think we can come back from this.

I don’t know how long my crying lasts, but my eyes grow heavy as I succumb to the sleep I can no longer fight.

Aléssandro

“Joey!” I yell as
I burst through the door to the pool house. I walk through quickly in hopes that maybe she’s in the bedroom. “Jo!” I yell again. Nothing. What the fuck? Where would she go? I start to panic, my hands shaking as I rake my fingers through my hair, anger rushing through me.

I run back into the main house where everyone is gathered. “She’s gone
.” I shake my head defeated as I sink into the couch in the living room.

“
Aléssandro,” Ma says softly as she sits down next to me wrapping her arm around me. “You’ll find her Alé, and when you do, talk to her. Tell her
everything
. She’ll understand,” she tells me softly, her accent thick in her words.

“Why would she just leave? Why wouldn’t she wait for me?” I ask
aloud to no one in particular. My leg starts to bounce as I become more agitated with the fact that she left me. I love her. I love her and she just walked away as if I were nothing. She treated me like everyone treats us once they learn who we really are.
That’s not who I am
. That’s only what I do.

“We’ll find her
, Alé. I promise,” Kellan says from across the room sitting in a chair with Maria sitting in his lap, still fully dressed in wedding attire.

I feel like shit that we ruined their wedding
, but at the same time, I can’t seem to care enough to do anything about it. I just want my girl back beside me.

I
rake my hands through my hair again as I growl loudly, and then I stand up and head to the bar cart to pour a glass of whisky. I shoot it back in one gulp before pouring another three fingers.

“What if she doesn’t?
Our
family killed hers!” I yell to them all angrily. “It was unjustifiable and it was wrong. God,” I say looking down at the glass in my hand shaking my head, “the things they did to her and her sister.” I pause to try to calm myself down. My blood boils, my body shaking.

“
Alé,” Kellan says firmly. I look over to him and I see the pain and anger in his eyes. “I
know
. I was there. I know what you’re feeling. But she knows this isn’t your fault.
You
didn’t do this to her or her family.
They
did. Her mother did,” he spits angrily. “We
will
find her,” he promises.

“What if she doesn’t want to be found?” I ask him before
I pour the rest of my drink down my throat.

“Too bad,” he says defiantly. “I fucked up once and let too much time pass between us. She’s
like my sister, and I refuse to allow anything to tear us apart again. I promise you man, I will find her.”

I nod my head once before heading to the office. There has to be a way to find her. Last time I tried calling it went right to voicemail, meaning her phone is most likely turned off. But she’s not home, she’s not here, she must have gone somewhere else. A hotel or something. Maybe she used a credit card.
I have to find her
.

Joey

I wake up with a splitting headache and my eyes feel puffy. I make my way to the bathroom and rinse my face with cold water. I pop some aspirin and then reluctantly
, turn my cell phone back on. I should probably check my messages but instead I cancel out of the notifications and call the first person that pops in my mind.
Kellan.

He picks up on the first ring
. “Jo.”

“Hi,” I nearly croak, my voice thick and scratchy.

“Where are you, Jo? Are you okay?” he asks concerned.

I nod
, and then stupidly realize that he can’t see that. “Kellan, I need to talk to you. Can I trust you?” I ask hesitantly.

“Of course
, you can, Jo. Do you really need to question that?” he asks, and I can hear the hurt in his voice.

“Do you blame me? You married into their family and…
now you’re one of them,” I say softly.

“Where do you want to meet?”

“Promise me that Alé won’t be with you.”

“Jo
—”

“Promise me
, Kellan,” I order firmly.

He sighs heavily into the phone and reluctantly promises. I tell him I’ll text him where I’m at and my room number and to meet me here in an hour. I need time for
this damn headache to go away and to shower and get dressed.

As soon as I walk out of the bathroom, there’s a knock on the door. I peek through the peephole and see Kellan on the other side. I open the door and am greeted with him slamming his body to mine and wrapping his arms tightly around me.

“I’m so sorry, Jo,” he says softly against my ear. “I had no idea. No one did.”

“I don’t blame you
, Kellan, I just,” I shake my head, “I don’t even know.” I step back from Kellan and see Rosetta and Maria behind him. My eyes grow wide, and I’m unsure of what to do or say. I didn’t think he would bring anyone with him.

Kellan holds his hands up with his palms facing me. “Before you say anything, please don’t be mad. Hear us out, Jo,” he pleads with me.

“Is he here, too?” I ask, panic filling me. I’m not sure I’m ready to face him yet.

“No,” Rosetta says sweetly as she moves around Kellan and embraces me in a hug. I close my eyes and allow her to hug me, her hand rubbing softly up and down my back. “My sweet
, Joey,” she says in my ear, “I’m so sorry.” When she pulls back, I see tears in her eyes. “Please, I think it’s important for us all to talk.

I look over at Maria and Kellan before averting my eyes back to Rosetta. I nod once and move to one of the chairs in the corner that sits next to a round light wooden table.

“I know you’re probably shocked to find out about what else are family does for a living,” Rosetta tells me as she sits in the chair resting on the other side of the table.

“How do you do it?” I ask quietly. “Doesn’t it scare you? You married a monster. You had children with him
,” I start to accuse aggressively.

“Now
, Joey,” she says firmly, “you know just as much as I do that they are
not
monsters. Yes, at first my reaction to Franks ‘job’ was the same as yours is now. In fact, it nearly broke us. I honestly didn’t think I could do it, but then I realized something,” she pauses and reaches over and grabs a hold of my hand, gently squeezing, “I love him. His job is not
who
he is. It’s
what
he does. And they don’t believe in unjustifiable killing. The movies and books that cover the so-called
mafia
is just that. Fiction. This, what Frank and I have, what Kellan and Maria have, what Alé and
you
have. That’s real.”

I look over at Kellan and Maria
, who are sitting at the edge of the bed closest to us, and I know that they are in love. I’ve seen it countless times. But I don’t understand how Kellan, of all people, would be okay with this.

“Kellan,” I start with confusion, “is this why you decided to resign from your position?”

“Yes,” he says confidently. “I love Maria, Jo. After what happened with you and Eve, and then Aedan,” he says looking down at his hands, “I tossed the idea of leaving around but never went through with it. But then I met Maria,” he tells me as he looks at her and smiles sweetly. “She changed everything for me.” He looks back over to me and offers me a small smile. “I would never kill someone who didn’t deserve it. I also run their security and am only brought in if I’m absolutely needed.”

“But it goes against everything you and Aedan believed in. Everything you guys instilled in Eve and me,” I tell him confused.

“Jo,” he sighs, “there are good cops and there are bad cops. There are good people who don’t carry a badge, just like there are bad. Sometimes… sometimes there’s a grey area that the law doesn’t cover. What we do is no different than what you did.”

His words are like a slap to my face. My mouth falls
slack and I can only stare back at him.

“Frank asked you if you were okay with the punishment that Alannah faced,” he reminds me, his face growing sour as he says my mother’s name. “You agreed. How is that any different?”

He’s right. They’re all right.

*****

After talking with Kellan, Maria, and Rosetta, I agree to go back with them to talk to Alé. I check out of the hotel and follow them back. When we park into the drive, I have to force myself to take a few deep breaths to help calm the butterflies flying erratically around in my stomach.

No words are said, but they look at me and each of them
sends me sympathetic smiles as they walk into the main house, leaving me alone to walk to Alé’s. When I reach his door, I stand there for a few moments trying to determine if I should be knocking or if I should just enter. After a mini-debate, I decide just to enter. I quietly walk in and close the door behind me. I see Alé sitting on the floor with his back against the base of the couch, his hands in his hair, his eyes to the floor. His clothes appear disheveled, and I realize he’s still in his tux from yesterday.

“You left me,” his voice comes out quiet but hard.

“I did,” I whisper back. “But, Alé, you have to understand—”

“Understand how you can just leave?” he accuses angrily as he pushes himself up off the floor and comes to stand before me so we are face to face. “How you can just judge me after everything?
Everything
we’ve been through? Everything that I stood by your side and helped you through and you just leave me?” His brow is creased, and his eyes are spitting rage and hurt.

I open my mouth to speak
, but no words come out. I shake my head and look down at my feet to try to collect my thoughts.

“What? You have nothing to say? Come on, Jo!” he starts to yell. “At least be honest with me!”

“Stop yelling at me!” I yell back at him. “You have no idea! No idea what the hell I’m feeling or what the fuck has been running through my mind,” I inform him. “I didn’t judge
you
. I judged what I
thought
I knew about the ‘mafia,’” I tell him as I air-quote with my fingers at the word mafia. I shake my head, moving past him so I can start to pace back and forth on his living room floor.

“I know I shouldn’t have
run but I really just needed to breathe. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. And then Kellan, Maria, and your mom came and talked to me. I just…” I stop pacing as I stop talking. I don’t even know where my head is. I’m not even sure what I should be saying right now—what I need to say.

“You just what?” he asks nearly on a whisper.

“Alé, I… I was taught young that killing is bad and that people should be helping each other instead of stealing and killing each other. And I know… I know I judged. Honestly, it all just freaked me the fuck out,” I nearly yell as I return my gaze to his, my arms out at my sides. I see his eyes soften as he takes a step toward me, and I take a step further away from him and shake my head. His jaw becomes clenched and I see the hurt in his face.

“
Alé,” I breathe, tears clouding my vision. “I love you,” I whisper. “I have for a while but I… I’m scared. Everything good in my life is taken away so drastically and I… I don’t know if I can handle it again.”

“Kitten,” he says softly, “I’m not going anywhere unless you make me,” he tells me as the corner of his lips
tilt up slightly.

“I feel like you lied to me,” I accuse. “Why didn’t you tell me what it is you really do?” I ask
with the hurt evident in my voice.

“I planned
to tell you… eventually.” He shrugs, running a hand over his hair. “But you need to understand that we don’t talk about family business with people outside of the family.

I can’t help the hurt that crushes my heart. So he really doesn’t see me as family.

“Stop right now,” he orders as he steps closer to me until his hands rest against my face. “There’s family, which is Ma, my sisters, you…” he pauses, “and then there’s family. Costra Nostra family. Which is business. You will never be informed of any of that family business unless it’s a dire need, a special circumstance. Even if I want to tell you, I never will be able to due to the rules and oaths that we all take when we become a member.

I instantly feel relief course through me, and maybe it’s wrong, but the fact that he does consider me family makes me feel better.

“Are they dead?” I ask, surprisingly my voice stays even, my gaze never faltering from his.

He doesn’t speak, but he rolls back on his heels and nods his head once.

“When?” I whisper. “When were you going to tell me?”

“When I propose to you,” he says quietly, hope shining in his eyes. “I needed you to know the life you’d be saying yes to. I would never trap you into it
. That’s not who I am.” He sighs. “Jo, I’m so sorry. I wish I could change things. But I’ll
never
make you do anything you’re not comfortable with,” he promises. He slips his hand in mine, closing his eyes briefly and says, “I don’t want to lose you, kitten. My world—it was so dark until you. You are my light Jo,” he whispers. “I love you so damn much.” He smiles sadly.

“I’m not going to judge you or your family,
Alé. That’s not who
I
am, and that’s not how my dad raised me. I told your dad that I was okay with him killing my mom,” I shake my head. “And I meant it.” I begin to pace in front of him again. “I feel no remorse, no guilt, no sadness… for
any
of it.
I’ve
killed, too, Alé. Maybe for different reasons but I’ve done it nonetheless,” I confess. “The day I find out that you’ve murdered or hurt
any
innocent person, for
any reason,
I’m walking away and I’m never looking back.” I level my eyes at him.

He nods once. “No worrying about that. That’ll never happen,” he promises.

“You make me feel beautiful, Alé. Safe,” I say softly. “Loved,” I add. “I love you, and you’ve been this all along,” I wave my hand over him. His face falls at my words. “Technically,” I breathe, “nothing’s changed.”

“What are you saying?” he asks his voice
cracking.

“I’m saying yes,
Alé.”

“Yes?” he furrows his brows.

“You said you were going to tell me everything when you proposed.” I smile as I run my hands over his hard chest. “You told me,” I shrug, “so, I’m letting you know what my answer will be.”

“God, how’d I get so lucky?” he breathes, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead against mine. “I love you, Jo,” he whispers against my lips.

“And I love you, Alé.”