Lies of the Heart (28 page)

“You can say that again,” he muttered under his breath.

“I heard that.”

He smiled at her feistiness. “You still got some bite left in you, old woman.”

“You better believe it.”

He was the first to chuckle, but the ladies soon joined in. After a few minutes, he sobered. “I can’t bring myself to forgive you both just yet, in time maybe, but it’s Tessa that’s hurting the most.”

Granny Warfield looked heavenward, saying, “Lord knows I never meant to harm her. I just clung too tight and protected her too much, that’s all. And look what I’ve done.”

“Pushed her farther away than ever,” Chance said softly. He blew out a heavy sigh. “She left me.”

“No,” his grandmother said, shock radiating in her voice.

“Go to her, Chance, you’re all she has now.” Mrs. W.’s demand nearly knocked him over.

“But…you always tried keeping us apart.” He couldn’t conceal the shock reverberating in his words. “I thought you couldn’t wait until the six months were up and I leave town.”

With tears gathering in her eyes, she bit her lip. Sighing heavily, she said, “Oh, I know. I thought you’d steal her away from me and be a bad influence on her. But, as much as I hate admitting it, she’s never been happier than she has these last few weeks with you. To hell with our deal. Go to her, please.”

***

Chance knocked on the heavy door, each rap vibrating through him. Dread sat like a cold, hard stone in his middle. The silence all around him throbbed in his ears. The bulge in his back pocket weighed his soul down.

After what seemed like hours, but was only minutes, the door swung open. A grim-face Devon stood on the other side. He nodded. “Chance. I was wondering how long it would be before you showed up.”

“You going to kick me off your land?”

“Nope. She needs you and you need her. But, she’s not here.”

“What?” He hadn’t counted on that. “Where? Did she say?”

“At the pub.”

***

Gripping the wheel, he sped all the way to the bar. He wondered if she’d changed her mind. Could he be so lucky?

Turning up the street, he saw her old Chevy parked in front of the bar. Chance swallowed hard as he pulled up behind her car and shut off the engine.

With his heart hammering away, Chance slowly climbed out of Belle, and then walked to the entrance. In the back of his mind, he rehearsed a speech, hoping to convince his wife to give them another chance.

He was at the door before he knew it. His pulse picked up speed. The bell jangled as he shoved the door open and he immediately spotted Tessa sitting forlornly at the bar. His middle dipped.

Taking a deep breath, he walked to where she sat on the barstool. When he drew near, she looked at him. His heart lurched at the pain swimming in her eyes.

“Sunshine,” he choked out.

“Devil.”

He smiled at that. Gesturing to the seat beside her, he asked, “Mind if I join you?”

“Suit yourself.” Her voice was dull and flat, making his insides ache. She leaned over and moved the small, flat rectangular box so he could sit.

He slid onto the stool, brushing her hip. A jolt of electricity shot through him. Stilling, he gazed into her eyes as she gasped. “Did you feel that?” he asked the question she asked him weeks ago in the same situation.

“What do you think? Of course I did.” She repeated his answer back to him, and then gave him a sad, seductive smile.

With his breath trapped in his chest, he blurted out the first thing that popped into his head. “God, you’re beautiful.”

She blushed, and then looked away. She played with the label on the brown beer bottle sitting in front of her.

“I thought you didn’t drink that stuff.”

“Gave it up years ago. And you?” She bit her lip.

“Same here.”

At that she jerked back to look at him, searching for something. “Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.” And for the first time ever he knew it was true. He didn’t need to hide in the bottle any longer. He didn’t need to prove anything to anyone any longer, especially himself.

She gave him the sweetest, most angelical smile he’d ever seen in his life. His heart turned over in his chest. “I’m so glad for you, Chance.”

Just the way she said his name had his blood roaring in his ears. “Tessa…” He couldn’t find the right words. “I…we need to talk.”

“I thought we said everything there was to say.” The hollow sound of her voice tugged at his soul.

Frowning, he asked, “If you thought that then why did you come here?”

She tried to chuckle at that, but it came out strangled. “Max insisted. He missed Walter.”

She nodded to the two nosy onlookers standing in the doorway leading to the supply room. Walter grinned sheepishly at Chance, pulled Max into the outer room, and then quietly closed the door behind him.

“And…I missed him and you, too,” she choked out.

Chance let out a long, slow breath. “Thank you. I thought I was the only one.” As the tension eased inside him, hope spread and his determination grew. “You belong with me.” Conviction rang in his words.

The fierceness of that statement must have shaken her because she turned pale and her jaw dropped.

Gently, he reached out and with his forefinger lifted her chin up so her mouth closed. “Don’t argue. Just listen.” Over the next twenty minutes he told her everything he’d learned.

“No!”

Gingerly, he brushed back tendrils of her hair and caressed her cheek with his knuckles. It was still the softest skin he’d ever felt. “So many secrets and betrayals, sunshine.”

“And so much hurt,” she whispered hoarsely.

“Fear, too.” He let out a sigh. “Being a kid, I was afraid I was to blame for my folks dying.”

She grabbed at his hand, holding it tight. “Oh no, Chance, not you, too.”

Smiling tightly, he nodded slowly. “I guess that’s something else we have in common, huh?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “I thought it was because of my getting into trouble, shaming them, you know how kids blame themselves for everything. Well, I did for their drinking. Then after they died, I figured, hell, it didn’t matter what I did or how much trouble I got into. I couldn’t bring them back anyway.”

“While I was Missy Goody Two Shoes for Granny.” Bitterness edged her voice.

He rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. “It worked for us back then. That’s how we both survived it all.”

“That and loyalty to our families.” She twined her fingers in his, palms flush. The heat of her touch seared him to his core. As she looked at their hands, she said, “I wish we would have realized so much sooner just how wrong that was. We should have trusted
ourselves
more and them less.”

“Loyalty to us first, is that it?”

With her head bowed he felt the hot tears before he saw them. Something twisted inside of him. He gathered her close, hugging her with his eyes tightly shut. She clung to him and he pressed his lips to the crown of her head, inhaling lavender and sunshine.

“We can’t change who we are or where we came from, Chance.” She gulped between sobs.

“No, we can’t.” He hesitated for a second. “But we can stop hiding like we’ve been doing all our lives.”

Pushing back, she stared up at him with watery green eyes that tore a chunk out of his heart. “Huh?”

He kissed her forehead tenderly. “What I’m saying, Tessa Warfield Deveraux, is I love you, sunshine.” He nearly growled it out.

She gasped.

“That’s right, I love you and I think I’ve loved you for years. I’ve been hiding that and so much more that it became almost normal. The booze helped, too.”

“But…I thought you loved your wife.”

He smiled widely. “I do.”

She jabbed him gently in the ribs. “I meant your first wife, silly.”

He shook his head. “No. I guess I was in awe of her mostly. She was everything I wasn’t, rich, pampered, high-class. That’s not me.” He framed her face with his palms. “But you, Tessa, you held my heart in your hands all this time. I was so afraid if I got mixed up with you I’d ruin your life. I couldn’t do that to you.”

“Chance, is that why you tried to push me away? Why you didn’t want to make love at first?”

“That was part of it, but your granny’s hate added into it. And repercussions she’d heap on you. How was I to know she’d already cast aside our baby?” It still stung whenever he thought about it.

“First baby,” she said softly.

He frowned at that. “First?”

She pressed a hand to her flat stomach, saying, “I think I’m going to have your baby, Chance.”

Wonder rushed over him. Joy followed. He covered her hand with his. “Our baby, sunshine, our baby.”

Gazing at her once again, he saw her smile through her tears. “I’m scared and excited all at the same time.” She nodded to the flat box, saying, “I even dragged out the little outfit, booties, and matching blanket Granny made for our son that I’ve kept all these years.” Then a cloud passed over her features. “But…” She bit her lip.

“What is it? Your granny?”

She nodded. “How can I raise a baby when I can’t even forgive her?”

“It’s too soon.”

“No, not that. Well, not really. It’s just I have so much anger and resentment and bitterness welling up inside of me every time I think of what she did. I could explode.”

“Maybe you should.”

Shaking her head, she said, “No, I couldn’t possibly do that. That’s just not me.”

“What about dancing it out?”

She stilled. “Dancing, did you say?”

“Yep, I have this great big studio upstairs that’s going to go to waste.”

A smile tugged up at the corner of her lips. “Oh, Chance.”

“Was that a yes?”

“There’s still so much to work out, so much to overcome. Can you even forgive me for not telling you about our baby all those years ago?”

“Me, forgive you? Of course. Oh, honey, we were just kids, screwed up kids at that.” He gulped hard. “If you’d told me I can’t be sure if I would have stayed even then; I’d have probably thought I’d ruin our son’s life, too, not just yours.” It hurt to admit that about himself, but he knew he wasn’t the same person now as he was then. He’d never walk away from their baby or her now.

She nodded, clearly understanding. Sighing, she said, “I don’t know if we can make it work this time either.”

“If we set the rules, we can. Us first, our baby next, then what we love to do, friends, family – when they’re ready to accept us as we are. No exceptions. We make the life we want, not them dictating what they want any more and us letting them have their way. And, when the time’s right, we find our first baby. We owe it to him to make it happen this time, to love each other, no interferences and no excuses. Don’t you see? If you want it bad enough, we’ll make it work.”

Chuckling at that, she said, “And when did you become an optimist?”

“Since marrying you, sunshine. You make me believe that anything’s possible,” he said huskily.

“Even us?”

“Especially us.”

She sucked in a breath. “I’m scared, Chance. Every one I’ve ever loved has let me down.”

He clamped his eyes shut. “Including me.”

“Yes,” she barely whispered.

Looking at her once again, he saw the indecision warring within her. “I can’t guarantee I’ll be an angel or won’t mess up from time to time. But, I can tell you I’ll do everything that’s in my power to make it work between us. I owe that to myself. I owe
us
that much, too.” His voice rang with conviction.

Sitting back, she just stared at him. “I don’t know what to say.”

“My granddad knew something that neither one of us counted on.”

“What’s that?”

“That love will see you through.” He paused. “I didn’t realize that before, but I do now. Hell, my granddad’s love never faltered even when I was at my worst. Even your granny relied on that, she knew that out of love you would stay with her. She also knew, that a mother’s love would override all else, that’s one of the reasons why she gave our son away so she wouldn’t lose you to him.”

He gripped her hands tighter. “That’s what I lived for all these years, being able to live up to the love you had for me.”

“What are you saying, Chance?”

Slowly, he released her hands and reached back to withdraw the object from his back pocket. With a shaky hand, he gave her back her diary he’d stolen from her freshman year.

With shock written all over her face, she sucked in a sharp breath. Glancing from the flowered yellow book, and then to him she said, “My diary? You’ve had it all this time.”

“Everywhere I went.”

“But I thought granny found it and threw it out.” A flush crept along her cheeks.

He snorted. “You gave her credit for that?”

She smiled, and then began to chuckle at that. “Devil!”

“Yep, that’s right, sunshine.”

She smoothed her hand over the surface of the book, dislodging a faded picture from its folds. She sucked in a breath when she stared at her own teenaged image. “All this time you’ve had this, too.” Awe colored her words.

She traced the worn spots of the picture much as he’d done thousands of times over the years. “I thought no one could ever love someone like me.” Shaking her head, she said, “Especially back then. I had too many freckles, braces that filled my mouth, too long legs, and knobby knees…” Gazing up at him, he saw the myriad of emotions chase across her face. Then her eyes held such joy and such wonder that warmth spread clear through his soul. “But, you did.”

“Yes,” he whispered softly. For long moments, he stared into her intense green gaze shining with love. He swore his heart turned over in his chest.

“So you knew all along?”

“That you loved me? Yes.” He cleared his suddenly clogged throat. “And it kept me going, even when all I could do was survive. You saw me as no one else did.”

“With promise?”

He grinned at that. “And so much more.”

She gazed into his eyes and his heart leapt. “I love you with all my heart, Chance Deveraux.”

“Yes, I know.”

She jabbed him in the ribs again.

He grabbed her hand, holding tight. “And, I also know that I loved you for years, Tessa, it just took me a whole lot longer to admit it. Besides that, honey, I can’t live without you. Never could. I was just existing.”