Life in the No-Dating Zone (18 page)

He placed a slice of bread on top of his heap of deli meat. “C’mon. I have to guess. You’re no help.”

“It was a college party. Nyssa wasn’t even there.”

He sat back. “Oh. Who
was
there?”

“You want a list?”

“Don’t get your panties in a wad, just tell me what happened.”

I took another bite of my sandwich. My brothers’ arguing voices echoed from upstairs. They weren’t yelling yet, so I could stay here and eat. And try to deflect Berger’s questions.

“So you gonna tell me? Or are you gonna let me slide into an oblivion where I don’t really … care … anymore … ” He slumped in his chair, letting his head fall forward.

“Man. You’re just like those drama geeks. I don’t know why you don’t take a theater class.”

“Maybe someday.” He eyed me, his cheek bulging as he chewed.

I could wait him out. But if I tried to change the subject right away, he’d jump all over it. I had to be subtle. “The party was like any other party you’ve ever gone to.”

“So drinking, dancing, hookups?”

“Yeah.”

“Insecurity, angst, fights?”

“Probably. We didn’t stay very long.” I had to resist the urge to ask him what he’d done last night. It was too soon in the conversation.

He took a long slurp of his soda. “Why not?”

“I don’t know. It was kinda weird with all those college kids. Definitely felt out of place. Besides, getting home early got my mom off my back some.”

Berger didn’t say anything. He stared off into the distance, his eyebrows pinched together, finishing the last bite of his food. What the heck did that mean? I could usually read his face pretty well. But he wasn’t talking. And that by itself was unusual.

A shout came from upstairs, then laughter. Maybe the noise would distract Berger enough that I could change the subject. “So, what did you do last—”

“Right. Since you’re not going to tell me anything, I’m gonna help you break this down.”

“What? We don’t need to talk—”

“Yeah, we do. Because I want to play more video games and you need to get all those females out of your head so you can focus.” He set his elbows on the table and threaded his fingers together. “Let’s see, three girls. First you’ve got the shy stalker—who’s really pretty, by the way—”

“Then
you
date her.”

“Don’t interrupt. I’m thinking out loud here. Okay, Shy Stalker Girl, who thinks you’re God’s gift to movie theater patrons.”

I shifted in my seat. “Maybe not so much anymore.”

“What’d you do?”

“Not me. Lindsey basically called her a creeper yesterday at breakfast. In front of everyone.”

“Harsh. Okay, Shy Stalker Girl, who was publicly embarrassed. Who knows what she’ll do next, if anything.”

“Sounds about right.”

“Then you’ve got the Crush—”

“Seriously? I hate that word.”

“Yo. You gonna let me finish or what?”

“I just hate that word.”

“So you’ve said. How about … the Drama Queen? Huh? Huh? See what I did there?” He wiggled his eyebrows up and down.

“Yeah, yeah. Very nice.”

“Okay, the Drama Queen, a seriously hot girl you can actually talk to now without looking like you’d rather be giving yourself a swirly … which is good. But she showed her claws to sweet Stalker Girl, which is bad. But then something happened with her at the party that you don’t want to tell me … ”

Deflect. Deflect
. “What? You read minds now?”

He laughed. “Not everyone’s. But yours is pretty transparent. I’ll have to start calling you Bubble-Head, because I can see right inside.”

“Wonderful.”

“So?”

Berger had that determined look in his eye. The one that said I could either tell him or walk out the door. And since he’d probably just sit there until I got back, I should just get it over with. “Lindsey and I kissed.”

“Ah, major progress, which for some lunatic reason is bothering you.”

“She was toasted. Then started crying. Probably over Adam.”

Berger grinned. “Your kissing ability reduced her to tears.” He shook his head and sighed. “Very bad.”

“Ha, ha.” Funny, but kind of loud. I looked toward the hall leading to my dad’s office. “Keep it down. I don’t want to have to explain this.”

“Hey, he can just ask me. I’ve got it all figured out.”

“No, thanks.” I stood to cart everything back to the kitchen.

“Wait. I’m not finished.”

I sank back into my seat. Why was it that the closer he got to talking about Claire the more I wanted to clean up the kitchen? If I didn’t do something quick, Berger would figure everything out. I tugged my pull-back-and-go car out of my pocket and made it spin.

“So anyway, you’re pretty sure Drama Queen is still into Evil Boyfriend. Which is bad. What will happen? Stay tuned.” He folded his napkin into quarters slowly, making me wait for his final analysis. My fingers tightened so much on the wheels of the little car that it stopped.

“Which brings us to Yoda,” Berger said.

Thirty-Two

Gray

That actually made me laugh. “Yoda? Really?”

“I was gonna call her Obi-Wan, but she’s cute and little just like Yoda—”

“Yoda’s cute?”

“—and you can strap her to your back when you trail ride or do flips through your yard.”

“Flips.”

“You know when you rebound off the roof and then swing into the trees.” Berger jumped up like he was grabbing onto a vine.

“Oh that. I’m a little out of practice.”

“Yoda won’t mind. I’m sure she can hang on just fine.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“I try. Anyway, she’s been training you to deal with Drama Queen all while keeping Stalker Girl at bay. You’ve been spending most of your time with Yoda, right?”

I stood up and slipped the little car into my pocket. I just couldn’t sit there anymore. I took the lunch meat and cheese to the refrigerator. “Of those three girls, yeah.”

“So spill it, Bubble-Head.”

“Toss me the bread.”

Berger sent the bread flying in a high arc. I set it in the breadbasket, then went back to the table for the mustard and mayo.

“Okay, since you won’t tell me,” he said, “I’ll guess. You argued about the steps to take with Drama Queen. Yoda wanted you to use the Force and get Drama Queen to kiss you again, but you went the noble route and refused. I know how you like to only use your powers for good.”

I couldn’t do anything but stare at him. “How many times did your parents drop you on your head?”

“Not sure, but it was probably a prime number. They’re meticulous like that.”

I shook my head and turned away, holding onto the mustard and mayo containers. Good thing they were plastic—I didn’t trust myself to get them all the way to the refrigerator. All because the stupid image of Claire with Sean Hatcher had bulldozed into my head again.

I put the stuff in the fridge and slammed the door. Berger watched me, an expectant look on his face.

“Caught Claire making out with Sean Hatcher.” Just saying the words made my hands clench.

“No way.” Berger whistled through his teeth. “She got Seaned.”

“Not completely. We interrupted them before they’d gotten very far.”

“Wow. Okay. Sounds like a crazy party. Anything else happen? Baby sacrifices? Drug deals? Anything I need to know before I sum up?”

There was no freaking way I was telling him I’d wanted to kiss Claire. “No.”

He brought the bag of pretzels to the kitchen island. “So last night you caught Yoda kissing Sean Hatcher, which made you really mad, a.k.a. jealous.”

What the heck?
“I wasn’t jealous. I was pissed at how stupid she was being.” I grabbed the pretzels and put them away.

“’Cause she’s not usually stupid.”

“No. Claire has a lot of common sense, and I know she makes good grades in school. She’s really smart.”

“Hmm. Really does sound like a stupid move for her to kiss Hatcher.”

I leaned against the kitchen counter. “I know, right? What was she thinking?”

He pursed his lips. “Who knows? Could’ve been worse, though. She could’ve kissed a drunk girl who has a boyfriend.”

He set me up. The jerk set me up. I raised my hands. “Okay, okay. I get it. I’m stupid, too. I shouldn’t be so hard on Claire.”

Berger smirked, then went back to his chair. “You know, I’m thinking about asking Yoda out.”

“What?” It took me a good three seconds to get the movie character out of my head. But once I settled on Claire and Berger together, all the muscles in my body tensed. He couldn’t be serious. Could he?

He laced his fingers behind his head. “I mean, she’s crazy cute. I love how little she is. She’s just the perfect size to sit on your lap and—”

“Shut. Up!” The words rumbled out of me, along with a pounding need to choke Berger out.

He froze for a second, his mouth hanging open. Then he busted out laughing. “You should see your face.”

My pulse hammered in my ears. “It’s not funny.”

He kept laughing. “If you really think about it, it is.”

I held onto the counter with both hands so I wouldn’t wrap them around his throat. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He wiped his eyes. “Listen, if I had said that about Lindsey, would you have freaked out?”

“I don’t know. Probably.”

“No, seriously. Think about it.”

I paced around the kitchen island. Lindsey sitting on Berger’s lap.
Would that bother me? Maybe. I don’t know. Not really.
Probably because guys were always around her. I was used to thinking I had a lot of competition.

But it wasn’t the same with Claire. She was my friend. She wasn’t always surrounded by guys. Maybe I felt like I had to protect her. Was that what this crazed feeling was? Just thinking about her with Berger sent spikes of hot and cold all through me, like if I didn’t do something to stop it, I’d go nuts. Maybe I was getting sick.

Berger studied me like I was a science project. No. More like he thought I was as thick as the granite counter. I had to get away from his stare. I retreated to the game room and dropped onto the couch. Stared at the video game image on the TV screen without really seeing it.

All I wanted was to go over to Claire’s house and listen to her give me advice about Lindsey. Or help her take care of Jack. Or watch her eat and cut things into tiny bites. I just wanted to be around her.

The couch cushions dipped when Berger sat down. But he didn’t say anything. Neither did I. A realization dawned, inching its breath-sucking way up my torso, and causing me to double over until I held my head in my hands.

I liked Claire.

I
really
liked Claire. More than I liked Lindsey. More than I’d ever liked any girl. And my chest wanted to burst with a weird mixture of happiness and panic. And the need for oxygen.

“Aah,” I said, then swore. Loud enough that I twisted around to see if my little brothers were anywhere close by.

“Figured it out, huh?” Berger asked.

I let out another moan.

“What’s wrong now?”

“She likes playing with LEGOs.”

“What? You have to marry her.”

I fell forward again. “Shut up.”

He laughed. “Sorry, man, but you are so hosed.”

From my perch on my knees, I gave him a dirty look. “You don’t sound sorry.”

“Give me a break. It’s really funny.”

“It’s not funny, Berger. Claire’s never going to believe that after a year of wanting to be with Lindsey, I suddenly like her. She’s too practical. Or worse, she’ll think I’ve been lying, just pretending to like Lindsey to get close to her. She’ll hate that.” I straightened. “You’ve got to tell me what to do. I have no clue.”

He smiled. “Lighten up. It’s easy. You just have to make her believe you.”

Thirty-Three

Gray

I locked my bike to the rack outside the coffee shop the next morning, repeating my mantra.
Talk to her. Just talk to her.
Maybe if I said it enough, I’d believe it’d work. At this point, talking to Claire was my only real option. I had to tell her how I felt. I mean, it’s what she would tell me to do, right? Talk to her.

Of course, another option was just to give it time. To let Claire know I wasn’t interested in Lindsey anymore, and then just hang out with them at school. I hesitated before opening the shop door. Maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea. We’d be able to get to know each other even better before I asked her out.

If it weren’t for stupid Berger. He flat out threatened to ask Claire out if I didn’t. I knew he was just trying to get me to act and I should ignore him, but I couldn’t. He didn’t like Claire like I did. But I could tell he was a little interested. And even if he wasn’t into her, he’d do it just to piss me off.

Talk to her.
I had it all planned out. I’d get coffee so I didn’t show up at her house too early. Cycle over to waste more time, and then return her water bottle as the reason I’d stopped by. Then we could hang out, play with Jack, whatever. Then I’d tell her I was over Lindsey. See how Claire reacted. That was key to whatever happened next, which included fantasies of her expressing her undying love for me, then us getting into a mad make-out session on the couch in the sunroom.

Of course the presence of Claire’s mom and Jack were problematic.

The coffee shop door swung open, banging into my knee. I grunted and hopped backward.

“I’m so sor— Oh, Gray. Hi.”

I looked up from rubbing my knee. Claire.
Uh-oh.
This wasn’t in the plan. It was too soon. “Hey,” I said, my voice cracking like I was twelve years old.
Ugh.

She grinned briefly, juggling a drink holder with two cups and a full paper sack that looked like it was about to take a dive. Strands of hair had fallen from her messy ponytail and a pink flush spread across her cheeks.

“Hey,” I repeated stupidly. “You want some help?”

“Sure, thanks. I’m in a hurry actually.”

I took the drink holder from her, wedging it against my stomach, and followed her to the parking lot. My plan was dissolving by the second. “What’s going on?”