Life Is A Foreign Language (3 page)

Without her job and family, her sense of purpose was gone. As much as she hated to admit it, she existed through what she did and how well she did it. She’d made her choices while fully cognizant of the consequences. By giving up her old life, she’d taken a stand and set her limits. Now it was up to her—and only her—to dig deep inside to find the courage to change, to create a new existence. She sighed.
Enough of this. I can’t change myself all at once, but I’ll do the best I can.

Encouraged by the moment of introspection, Nina picked up the phone. She’d intended to call Lillian earlier in the day, but had put it off, reluctant to deal with her daughter’s anger. Then the accident happened.

Nina glanced at her watch; a little after ten pm in Annecy, which was late, but she decided to call anyway. She dialed the number, her heart thudding in her chest.

“Allo, oui,” Jean-Luc’s high nasal voice answered.

“I’m sorry for calling so late. Is Lillian there? If she’s asleep, don’t …”

“No, she’s right here.”

A moment’s silence. “Yes, Mami?” Lillian’s voice was tense. “What’s up?”

“Nothing much. I wanted to hear your voice. How are you? And the twins?”

“Everybody’s fine. And you?” biting off each word.

“A bit homesick. I miss you all.”

The line went quiet for a long moment. Nina thought they’d been cut off. “Are you still there?”

“I’m here. Don’t complain about homesickness. It was you who decided to leave. Remember?”

Nina leaned against the cushion of the lounge chair. “And you know why.”

“I only have your word for it. You filed for divorce. You rushed off to Florida.”

“Lillian, you’ve never been in my situation, thank God, so don’t judge me. As I said, I left because I’d reached my limit with Papa. You may not be able to grasp it as his daughter, but as a woman I’m sure you’ll understand if you let yourself.” Nina closed her eyes against her powerlessness, its weight stooping her shoulders. Lillian could be so stubborn.

“You were too hasty. Punishing Papa for one mistake makes no sense.”

“Not so, Lillian, it wasn’t one mistake, but too many to count.”

“All I know is you’ve let us all down—the twins, Danny, me, Papa, everybody.” Lillian’s voice broke. “You’re in Florida. You’ve abandoned us … me.” She was crying.

Nina’s eyes blurred. She pulled a tissue from the box on the table and dabbed at the tears running down her cheeks. “I haven’t abandoned you or anybody else. Talk to Papa—ask him what he did to push me out.”

“It’s none of my business what went on between you and Papa,” Lillian shouted. “You’re not here, and I miss you. The twins miss you.”

“Chérie, I miss you, too. I love you and I feel terrible.”

“Good! I’m glad if you’re miserable in your sunny paradise.” Lillian’s loud sobs stabbed Nina’s heart. “What about us? We’re your family.”

“Yes, and you’ll always be my family. But there will be holidays and vacations. We’ll visit. You’ll come here. I’ll visit you in Annecy. After all, Florida isn’t the end of the world.”

“No Mami, I won’t see you—not here or there.” Lillian’s voice came across cold and hard. “That goes for the twins, too. Your irresponsible behavior could be a bad influence on the girls.”

Nina’s breath caught in her throat, and her hands shook with anxiety. “That’s not fair, and you know it.” She inhaled to calm her racing heart. “I think we’d better end this conversation before we say things we’ll both regret.”

“Okay. Good night.”

“Wait! Don’t hang up. I repeat, please, ask Papa about …” A click in her ear told her Lillian had broken the connection.

Nina sat for a long time in the light of the fading sun, the persistent beep from the receiver widening the rift between them. She thumbed the “off” button and dropped the cordless on the floor.

Was the piercing pain in her chest her heart breaking?

Their relationship had never been close. Lillian kept her at arm’s length, and Nina didn’t know how to break through the invisible barrier. She didn’t doubt that Lillian loved her, but her first loyalty had always been to her father, to André.

Danny had been more reasonable. His grey-green eyes hadn’t waver as he listened to Nina’s account of the latest events, the reasons for the divorce and her decision to move to Florida.

“It’s your call, Mami. You must do what feels right.” He hugged her, rubbing his cheek against hers, leaving traces of wetness. “I love you and I’m going to miss you so very much.”

“I love you, too. Come see me, chéri?”

“Of course, I will.”

The sharp ring of the doorbell interrupted her thoughts. In the gathering dusk she fumbled for the crutches and limped to the front door. It was the delivery boy from Walgreens with her medication.

In the kitchen she prepared a bowl of strawberries and mixed them with yogurt. She wasn’t hungry. The argument with Lillian and the resulting anxiety left

Nina feeling slightly nauseated, but she had to eat something before she took her pills. With the help of one crutch, and the bowl of strawberries in the other hand, she made it to the lanai. She ate slowly, using her spoon to cut each berry in half. The cricket symphony interrupted the stillness of the evening. A soft breeze whispered in the palm fronds.

Her foot throbbed. She wanted to go for a swim, but didn’t know how she would get out of the pool, so she hobbled to the edge and sat, feet dangling in the water. The coolness felt good on her ankle.

The phone rang. Her heart gave a sharp jolt. Was Lillian calling to put things right? She grabbed the cordless.

“Wanted to make sure you’re all right.” Michael’s voice sounded huskier, deeper than she remembered.

“Thank you for checking. Yes, I’m all right.” A pause. “I received the medication.”

“Good. Take it now, and you’ll feel better in the morning. See you tomorrow.”

“Good night.”

The conversation with Lillian had shaken her to the core. Anger and frustration churned inside at Lillian’s stubbornness. Nina felt restless and couldn’t settle down.

She stood with effort.
That darned ankle.
With the help of the crutches, she hobbled into the house and looked out the living room window. The lights were on at Brian and Samantha’s house across the street. She decided to thank them for their kindness. A swarm of mosquitoes accompanied her slow progress across the street, their zing a nuisance she couldn’t chase away.

On her ring, Samantha opened the door. “Nina, hi. What a nice surprise! Welcome back.” They hugged each other as much as Samantha’s distended belly and Nina’s crutches allowed.

Brian joined them. “I thought I heard a familiar voice.” He patted her on the back.

Nina was struck by his marked resemblance to Michael. They were alike in coloring and posture, and had identical dazzling blue eyes.

“I won’t stay long. Just wanted to come by to say how much I appreciate all you’ve done. The fruit and flowers—you even made my bed that I left stripped. Thank you so much.”

Brian spoke over his shoulder as he preceded her to the den. “Your e-mail made it clear something had happened to change your plans. We had the key, so no big deal.”

He helped her sit while Samantha prepared drinks in the kitchen.

The den, an extension of the dining room, was furnished in earth colors, shades of brown, sand and ivory. The barely pink of the tile floor and the walls painted in the same color gave the room a warm glow.

“How’s the leg?” asked Brian. “Dad told me about your accident.”

“Inflamed ligaments in the ankle. Lucky he was there.”

“You must have made quite an impression on him. He couldn’t stop talking about you all through dinner.”

Her laugh was quiet. “I was surprised to learn he’s your Dad. I mean, the coincidence that my ‘savior’ turned out to be your father.”

“Like serendipity, you mean?”

“Something like that.”

Samantha returned. “What an eventful day you’ve had. Michael told us all about it.”

Placing a tray on the table, she handed Nina a Diet Coke over ice. Jet-black hair worn straight past the shoulders contrasted with her pale complexion, her face an oval. The arched eyebrows drew attention to her fascinating eyes—blue grey—with a square brown beauty spot on the left iris.

Brian faced Nina. “What happened to make you decide to return here now rather than in the fall as you’d planned?”

Briefly she closed her eyes, feeling the old reluctance to talk about André. “My husband and I, we’re getting a divorce.”

He stared at her intently. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Nina nodded. “That’s all right. I’d rather not talk about it.” She took a sip from the glass. “How are you feeling, Samantha?”

She patted her tummy and grinned. “Very well, but tired. This kid is training for the New York Marathon. Keeps me awake nights.”

Brian put an arm around his wife’s shoulders and pulled her close. “It won’t be long now. Another month or so.”

Samantha smiled at him. “We’ve been waiting a long time to have this baby. Now every day seems like forever. I’m impatient to hold this tiny one in my arms.”

“Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?

Brian kept his hand on her tummy. “No, we decided to let it be a surprise. My parents are excited because so far they only have grandsons. My Mom can’t wait; she’s coming to help during the last weeks before the baby arrives.”

“This late in my pregnancy,” Samantha said, “I feel insecure when Brian’s away. After the baby’s born, Cindy will stay for a while to help. I wish my own mother were here, but she can’t leave the farm and all the animals in Kentucky.”

Listening, Nina realized she hardly knew anything about their families.

She glanced at Brian, sitting close to Samantha, his hand still flat on her tummy. The tenderness between them was beautiful to see. “Does your Mom live close by?”

He shook his head. “No, she lives in Minnesota where my brothers and I were born. My parents are divorced.”

This grabbed Nina’s attention; Brian’s Mom was Michael’s wife, which meant Michael was divorced. Not wanting to seem intrusive, she didn’t ask anything more, but her curiosity came alive. She took another sip from her glass, relaxing in the friendly atmosphere and the pleasant feeling of belonging. A warm drowsiness settled over her and she kept blinking her eyes, hardly able to keep them open.

“It’s been quite a day, and I still feel the jetlag. It’s bedtime for me.” She put her half-full glass on the table and stood.

They saw her to the door. “We’re having the whole family for a barbecue on Sunday. We’d love to have you, if you’re free.”

Nina didn’t know what “the whole family” meant and hesitated before she answered. “Are you sure? I mean, if it’s a family thing?” She wondered if she was ready to face this family gathering, so soon after having left her own behind. There was no scab on the wound yet.

Brian leaned a shoulder against the door. “Of course, we’re sure. It’s going to be one of those boisterous affairs with splashing in the pool and too much food. You can’t say no.”

“Thanks. I’d love to come. What can I bring?”

Smiling, Samantha held the door open for her. “Just bring yourself.”

Brian accompanied her across the street, pacing his step after hers. “I’m glad you’re back, Nina. Don’t be a stranger, come see us any time. It can be pretty lonely before you get settled in.”

“Thanks, Brian. I may take you up on it.”

He patted her on the shoulder. Inside, she locked the front door, waving at him through the window. It was good of him to give her an open invitation, but she must learn to count on herself.
Careful. I could so easily become too dependent on others, now that I’m on my own.

Her sleep was deep. Still on Central European time hunger awakened her at two in the morning. The thought of the fruit in the den made Nina’s mouth water. She got out of bed without turning on a light, so as not to disturb André—then with a start remembered he wasn’t here. Grinning, she hit the switch to bathe the bedroom in light. Using one crutch for support, she made her way to the den where she hesitated over the bowl. She chose an apple, and devoured almost half of the juicy fruit on the way to her room. Munching on the rest in bed, she leaned her back against the headboard, her long slender legs tucked under the covers for warmth.

In Annecy they would be on their way to work, to school. She picked up the photo of the twins. Their dark, almost black eyes smiled into hers.

When the tears came, she gave in and moaned long and hard.

Chapter 3
 

The next morning, Nina lay in bed gazing through the window at the pale blue sky. The morning sun painted the bottlebrush trees a deep green, and opposite her bed the mirror reflected the dense foliage of a mango tree in the back yard. The mockingbird’s song drifted in from somewhere nearby.

Her eyes felt gritty and swollen from crying. She rubbed them with the heels of her hands and stretched, unwilling to leave the safety of her bed. When thinking of the endless hours ahead, she was glad to have her writing to fall back on. She’d done a lot of that lately—falling back on writing to help keep the memories and worries from overwhelming her while she tried to make sense of her life. So many upheavals over the last few years.

First, she’d been forced to accept early retirement from her job as drug and alcohol counselor with Eastman & Merrill, a large multi-national company. A few months later her father had passed away. She hadn’t felt any real grief; she would have welcomed sorrow or even some sadness, but since early childhood Dad had been her nemesis. His death released her from the threat his physical presence held over her. Then, within the year her mother also passed away—an expected loss, but painful nonetheless.

Mama had been Nina’s friend, confidant and role model.
If only Mama were here … she would understand my situation and approve of my decision to move to Florida. She would know how to mediate between Lillian and me, make everything all right again.
Nina regretted deeply that she hadn’t been able to establish the same nurturing mother-daughter relationship with Lillian as she’d been privileged to enjoy with her own mother.