Life Is Not a Reality Show (18 page)

It’s much the same thing when a woman has a baby and thinks she has to cut off her hair so it will be easy to take care of. “I don’t have time for this; I have a baby to look after.” But you know what? My hair is actually very easy. I can throw it in a ponytail, which as you know I do all the time. My long hair takes a long time to dry, but I don’t have layers or the kind of cuts that require a lot of styling and take forever.

I’m not great at styling my hair anyway. I don’t have a lot of styles. I put a hot roller on top sometimes to give it some height. I can go extra straight by drawing it super-straight with a paddle brush. I can do the hot wand. That’s about it. When I do a braid, though, that
might
be bordering on inappropriate for my age. The other day I thought,
Maybe this braid to the side will look cute!
Sophia said to me, “Is
that
how you’re wearing your hair?” Ha-ha! I always know when it’s time to take it out.

Personally, I plan on keeping my hair long for as long as I can get away with it—meaning that if I decide at some point it doesn’t look right, I’ll cut it. But only then. My mom would be so pleased to know I’ve stayed true to my signature look and kept my hair long. Maybe I’ll have it long right up until the day I die. Then my mom can see it for herself. Ha!

I remember this earthquake that happened when I was little, and while everyone was running out of the house, my mother was screaming, “My eyebrows! My eyebrows!” because they weren’t drawn on. Back when drawn-on eyebrows were the style, she had plucked hers to death, and for the rest of her life, she always had to draw them on. (Of course, if you’ve ever seen my eyebrows, you know I would never have to worry about that!)

So we’re all outside, and we looked at my mother. She had literally grabbed her eyebrow pencil and she was scribbling brows on her face. She ended up with two question marks on her forehead, and we couldn’t stop laughing.

My mother used the scare tactics on me like I do on my kids, and she always warned me not to pluck my eyebrows. She’d say, “Do you want to have this happen to you?” So that’s why I walked around with two caterpillars over my eyes until I was twenty-five years old! Ha-ha!

I’m going to use the same scare tactics on you now. Do not overpluck your eyebrows—because they may never grow back! And you’ll end up with two question marks over your eyes!

With beauty, it’s like anything else: trends come and go, but if you’re not careful, you may be stuck with them forever. I’m not suggesting everyone keep caterpillars over their eyes, but if you’ve got bushy brows and pluck them to thin lines, that style will go out and you’ll wish you had your normal thicker brows, which will always make you look younger and frame your face better.

Do you detect a theme here? Yes, my viewpoint on faces is similar to my viewpoint on hair. I think true beauty is about your own individuality, not about what everyone else wants to look like or thinks you should.

And perhaps even more than with hair, you should
definitely
not do too much to your face! Come and walk around the streets of Beverly Hills and you’ll see what I mean.

…
out for a night on the town
: For sure I have to have on my armor—my spray tan—and I gotta have the false eye lashes. The lashes just take it to a whole new level. I say to my friends, “Well how dressy are you getting tonight?” And they say, “It’s a lash night!” Oh, and Altoids—I can’t forget them. I like them in cinnamon, even though they make me sneeze!

…
stranded on a deserted island
: Lip gloss! I should say sunblock, but if I’m gonna be on that island forever… I can’t live without lip gloss! It looks sexy, it makes your lips seem fuller, and I even like the way it feels. I could just not be without it. (Of course, we’re talking beauty items here. Otherwise I’d have to have something more practical, like water. Ha!)

…
suffering through a morning after
: Well, for this I really am going to say water. Try to get as much sleep as possible and drink a ton of water! My eyes don’t get red normally but on those rough mornings I might brighten them up a little with Visine, which I also use when I’m doing photo shoots. And I use copious amounts of eye cream. I hate those kind of nights—I feel like they age me ten years in just a few hours. It’s amazing what you can do when you’re young, because as you get older, the day afters get
so
much worse. And at this point, do I really want to waste that many calories on liquid?

In Beverly Hills, makeup artists are a dime a dozen. But in other towns it might not be quite as easy to find one. If that’s the case where you live, don’t despair.

First, try to begin your search as early as possible. The smaller your community, the fewer makeup artists there are likely to be and the greater the risk they’ll be booked way in advance. Start by looking in the yellow pages under
beauty
and
makeup
, or do a search online. I know some websites keep lists of people who work in local areas. If that doesn’t turn up someone, try contacting photography studios and wedding planners. Do you know anyone who’s had a wedding or other big event recently? They might be able to give you a reference. Personal references are the best way to find someone who won’t make you look like the clown that was hired for the party down the street.

Once you’ve located some candidates, ask for references and pictures. See if the artist will provide a tryout for you at a reduced rate so you can see if you like his or her work and what changes you might want.

Don’t be afraid to speak up, no matter what. It’s you who’s going to be wearing your face, so you want to feel like yourself before you head out the door! If you don’t like something the artist has done to you, raise the issue before you leave so they’ll have a chance to fix it. You can always wipe the whole thing off and start over when you get home! Unless you’re due to walk down the aisle in about twenty minutes. Ha-ha! Personally, I think the best idea is to learn how to do your makeup
yourself
. Nobody knows your face like you.

My mom was very much into looks. She thought you should always look your best—even in the middle of an earthquake. She was a clean freak, and she taught us to be very meticulous about making sure we were always showered and fresh and smelling beautiful.

I’m all with her on the clean and fresh, but I try not to emphasize the looks aspect of it so much with my kids. I just try to let them be kids, because I worry about them falling into the trap of obsessing over their looks—especially living where we live. Society is too wrapped up in appearances, and I want my kids to understand that it’s so much more important to be a good person, and intelligent, than it is to be beautiful. Beauty will fade one day anyway.

And that’s what I’m telling you too.

But I do have to say, I love the whole process of beautification! I love makeup and talking about makeup! All the girly routines of skin care and “putting on your face” and all that are really fun. And I’m pretty good at them, too, if I do say so myself.

I mean, of course, I have some expertise in these matters, having grown up with a houseful of preening, primping women who all hogged the bathrooms. Since there were no men in my home I wasn’t exposed to sports or anything like that. Makeup and beauty tricks were our sports!

I’m actually a frustrated makeup artist. I usually prefer to do my makeup myself when I’m filming. And if I let someone else do it, half the time I go to the bathroom and spend thirty minutes redoing everything. They always want to powder me and I think powder makes me look older, and I’m neurotic about which mascara to use. I’m not a good client for a makeup artist! The only makeup artist I trust is Thierry Pourtoy, who’s been doing my sisters’ makeup and my niece’s makeup for many, many years. But even with Thierry, I say, “These are the colors I want, and this is how I want it…”

I don’t like sitting around for two hours while somebody is doing my hair and makeup. It drives me insane! I go to shoots with other TV people and they’ll have all these people fawning over them and I think,
Did I make a mistake? Should I have used somebody?
In Beverly Hills, everyone does, even if they’re not on TV, even for just going to parties or events. But when I do, I usually regret it, so I’ve learned.

My friends used to have me do their makeup when I was a kid, and even now I get requests. My friend wanted me to do it for her wedding but that was too much pressure. I did do my daughter’s friend for her bat mitzvah. I was honored because they had hired many professional people for the event.

I think Portia may be taking after me as a budding makeup artist—the other night she did my makeup and then Alexia’s! Okay, it wasn’t perfect, but not bad for a three-year-old!

Just like with hair, you don’t have to spend a lot on makeup. I’m constantly getting new shades and types and formulations of this and that, so I would go broke if I bought expensive stuff. I have a mix of products, some high, some low, and many in-between. I’d say my cheapest stuff costs a few dollars and I think my most expensive item is my Make Up For Ever foundation, which is about forty dollars. I’m not organized, so I end up with a mishmash of thousands of things, so many I could open a drugstore!

It’s very important to know what colors make your eyes pop. My eyes are hazel, and they’re gradually turning more green as I get older. Purplish shades like plum, eggplant, and wine look good on my eyes. They make them look more green.

Brown shades are good for blue eyes. A saddle kind of color will really make them jump. On brown eyes, purple is flattering and so is brown. As for blue eye shadow on any color eye, I think it’s best to stick to deep hues like midnight blue rather than the lighter, flashier shades. A dark blue works well when you’re going for a smoky eye. I really like MAC eye shadows, and NARS too. You should experiment with different colors. Department store beauty counters are good places to try them out without having to buy. Then you can always buy cheaper brands in that shade if you want.

Okay, before we go any further, I have to tell you what you need above all, before you even start to put all this makeup on: a magnifying mirror. Oh, I know, they’re horrible; they scare the living daylights out of me. They make me want to cry because I think,
Is this what I’m gonna look like in the future? God!

I’m telling you, false lashes can make such a difference in the way you look. Even if you’ve been intimidated by them before, you have to try them. Just follow my instructions!

But I’m a perfectionist, and I want to see every little thing. You know when you see people and their makeup looks uneven? I don’t know if you notice those things, but I do. I’ll think,
Why does she have the line coming out so far from one eye and not the other?
So I use a magnifying mirror to make sure I get everything perfect.

Back to the fun part. I always use Bobbi Brown concealer under my eyes, in Sand. But I think you need something different for the rest of your face, because you’ll probably want to cancel out redness there. I use Dermablend Professional Cover Creme to go on the broken capillaries around my nose. That’s a
must
for me.

As for mascara, I am a huge fan of L’Oréal Voluminous. I like both the regular, original one in the gray tube, called Voluminous Full-Definition, and the Carbon Black Voluminous version, though it smudges more easily. Voluminous almost makes me look like I have on false lashes.