Life Is What You Make It A Story Of Love, Hope And How Determination Can Overcome Even Destiny (23 page)

There is only a fine line between sanity and insanity. Who is to decide that someone is insane and others are ‘normal’? If somebody does not conform to set norms of behaviour, the society terms them as eccentric, odd, mad and crazy. Is it really fair? There is a stigma attached to anything to do with mental health. There is so much fear and so many misapprehensions. I know , because I have seen it myself.

Vaibhav, because of my stay at the OT wing, I can see beauty in life. Each day, I feel, is a gift to be truly cherished. If you do not laugh for a day, if you have not made someone's day happier, if you have not appreciated something good that has happened to you and if you have not felt thankful to be alive, then you have wasted that day of your life on earth. Oh, how I wish I could shout this out from the rooftops! How I wish I can shake everybody on the road and tell them this. But I don' t do that as I don' t want to be labelled ‘crazy’. (Wink wink)

I have met some remarkable people over the last few months and I have made some amazing friends. I have learnt so much, Vaibhav. Such a lot really. I have realised that love and faith can indeed work miracles. I have realised that love and friendship do have a power.

I would be joining a Creative writing course shortly. That is something I have always wanted to do.

I wish I could promise to keep in touch with you. Fact is, I really do not know anymore. I have changed now in such deep ways and am a totally different person from the one you knew. You will not recognise me anymore. I am no longer the same girl you once fell in love with.

Take care—and you will always mean a lot to me. I can never say good bye to you and so I will just say that I will write back if you do.

For the times we have spent together,

Love and laughter

Ankita.

I felt my heart sing as I almost skipped to post the letter to Vaibhav. I felt proud of myself. On the way, I stopped to admire a bunch of yellow chrysanthemums that had just bloomed. I sucked in the air deeply. I rejoiced in the sensation.

And when it began to rain, I smiled in delight, admiring each drop as it fell to the earth.

I was celebrating being alive and there was a strong feeling in my heart that the celebrations would last a lifetime now.

Epilogue

Fifteen years later—what finally
happened.

A
nkita went on to gain six more academic degrees. Her thirst for knowledge was insatiable. It was as though she could not get enough of reading and as though she could not get enough of academics. One of her degrees included a Masters in Art therapy. Along the way she met a kind, sensitive man, fell in love and got married to him. He fully understood what she had gone through and admired her all the more for it. They have a four year old child who is already exhibiting artistic talent. She now lives in Bangalore, and practises as an independent art therapist working with schools as well as conducting sessions for corporate clients. She manages her bipolar disorder with no medication whatsoever thanks to her very supportive spouse and her network of closest friends.

Vaibhav went on to the United States and pursued a Masters degree from the University of Massachusetts and majored in computer science. He and Ankita corresponded for sometime but gradually lost touch. Vaibhav met somebody from his course and they grew closer and are now married. Vaibhav went on to establish his own company in IT and is doing very well for himself and has settled down in the United States of America.

Suvi went on to be the first woman to be on the board of Directors in the multinational she worked for. She excelled professionally and is hailed as one of the biggest business leaders of our times. She is still unmarried and is waiting for Mr.Right.

Dr. Namita now heads the O.T wing at NMHI. She loves her job and would not give it up for anything else in the world.

Dr. Madhusudan has now retired. He went on to establish the first suicide helpline in Kerala. It is manned by volunteers handpicked and trained by him. Since the time it was established it has saved hundreds of lives.

Sagar has set up his own large scale dairy farm at Coonoor in Tamilnadu, India. It also has a large holiday resort with well tended gardens which is much sought after. He started the trend of eco-tourism which took off in a big way and he also won an award from the Goverment of India for his initiative. He is married and his wife gave birth to a set of twins last year and he is the proud father of two cherubic baby boys.

Anuj went on establish an outdoor trekking company which specialises in trekking holidays. He travels regularly with groups to various places like Pe ru, Nepal and Uganda. He got married but the marriage lasted only three years. He calls himself a footloose and fiancée free bachelor now.

Chaya, Jigna, Uday and Joseph went on to complete their MBAs and are all well employed in various positions in multinationals.

Author’s note

T
his book is a work of fiction but it is based on some real life experiences. However, all names of persons, Institutions and few other details have been changed to protect identities.

The book is not just about bipolar disorder. It is a story of courage, determination and growing up. It is also about how life can take a totally different path from what is planned, and yet how one can make a success out of it. It is a story of faith, belief and perseverance too and charting your own destiny.

Mental health issues are still a big taboo, especially in India. In the west, there is more awareness on this condition and it is elevated to almost a status of a ‘celebrity disorder’ with several people such as Kurt Cobain, Sinead O Connor, Mel Gibson, Axl Rose and Ozzy Osbourne, to name a few, having admitted to have it. In India, people still prefer not to talk about it and even if anybody suffers from it, it is usually hushed up, like anything to do with mental health is.

Bipolar disorder is a serious brain disorder that causes dramatic shifts in moods, energy levels, attitudes and ability to carry out everyday tasks. It is very different from the normal mood changes that everybody goes through from time to time. It develops typically in late adolescence or early adulthood. The symptoms are very severe and it is usually hard to diagnose, as it is not easy to spot when it starts. The symptoms may often seem like very normal personality changes which a person undergoes, in the course of day to day living.

Bipolar disorder can be so severely crippling that it can result in damaged relationships, poor job or academic performance and even suicide. It has also been associated with creativity. People with this disorder experience intense emotional states which alternate between a ‘high episode’ called manic episode and it is followed by a ‘low episode’ called a depressive episode. During a manic state, the person feels overly happy, outgoing and is bursting with high energy levels. Creativity is at an all time high. There is a huge increase in goal directed activities and the person is usually restless and needs very little sleep. The person is very energetic, optimistic and enthusiastic about everything.

In contrast, during a low period, there is an increasing feeling of worthlessness or emptiness which is hard to describe. The person feels exhausted and has trouble concentrating or remembering things and making decisions. There is a loss of interest in everything that the person once enjoyed including sex. Often the person thinks of death and suicide attempts are not uncommon.

There are several variations of bipolar disorder. For more information on these please log on to the website of National Institute of Mental Health (Web site:
http://www.nimh.nih.gov
), from which the above information too has been condensed.

In India and China alone, there are at least 12-15 million people who suffer from Bipolar disorder. (Source: Bipolar statistics quoted by the Depression and bipolar support alliance.)

The message that I also wanted to convey through this book, is that having a condition like Bipolar disorder does not mean that the person is ‘crazy’ or a ‘lunatic’ which are terms which people use without even a second thought. Having a disorder like that does not mean it is the end of the world either. It can be managed in a number of ways and people affected can lead very positive and complete lives.

Writing, by its very nature, is such an intense and a lonely exercise. It was not easy, writing this kind of a book, without getting into the skin of the characters, which would often leave me drained and emotionally exhausted.

This book could never have been written without the support of my spouse Satish Shenoy (who I consider one of my closest friends) and I feel blessed to be married to him. He would completely take over the practical aspects in running the house, would look after the children and would give me my space and time without which I would never have been able to cope with being a full time mother, wife, writer and artist rolled into one. When he finally sat down to read the entire book, I was rewarded when I saw that he was totally engrossed in it and just couldn't stop reading it, till he had completely finished it in just a single sitting. That was a big compliment to me as the biggest critics are usually the ones closest to you.

I also wish to mention the role of one of my closest friends, Ajay Chauhan who was extremely encouraging and supportive.

He would keep sending me mails, asking me when I would write the next chapter and he compelled me to keep writing. He made me feel like I am the greatest writer on Earth. He was there for me throughout, unfailingly when I needed him and he remains a rock-solid, dependable pal. I am grateful and happy to have him in my life.

My closest friend Cherrisa Castellino's help proved invaluable as she read through numerous drafts and re-drafts. I cannot imagine life without her and she remains one of my biggest emotional anchors.

A big thank you to another very dear friend Mayank Mittal whose countless international phone-calls kept me going. He has no idea how much he really helped.

A thank you to all my other friends too (you know who you are).

A special thanks to Dr. Anubhav Naresh too for all the phone-calls and the text messages and of course, the help.

A heartfelt thanks to my blog readers who kept asking me when my next book will be out and telling me that they couldn't wait to read it.

An even bigger thanks to all of you who made my first book a National Best Seller–your encouragement helped.

Thanks to my mother who understands me always and to my two wonderful children Atul and Purvi,who always co-operate when ‘Mummy needs to write’.

And also a big thank you to the team at Srishti and Westland.

If you have been inspired by this book and if you have enjoyed it, I would consider my task complete.

The world is indeed a better place when there is love, friendship, acceptance and hope. Powered by these, you can indeed overcome anything, including destiny.

Preeti Shenoy

21
^st
December 2010