Life of the Party (60 page)

“There. All
done.” She proclaimed finally. “We should get dressed. We’re
supposed to get there early to get ready and stuff.”

I nodded
woodenly. The three of us went into Charlie’s room, where she
handed out our special uniforms for the night. They were actually
kind of cool. They were made to resemble a man’s tuxedo, with short
dark skirts and white sleeveless blouses with ruffles down the
front. A cute little bow tie went around the neck. Charlie and
Courtney giggled as they got ready, talking about guys I didn’t
know, how hot they were, hoping they’d be there. I went through the
motions of having fun, but I wasn’t there in spirit. I needed to
get high, but I knew I couldn’t. Not when I had to work.

“Woooh! We look
hot!” Charlie exclaimed with her usual exuberance. She and Courtney
were standing before the floor-length mirror, their arms around
each other. “Come on Mac, aren’t you going to look?”

I bit my lip in
hesitation before joining them. I wanted so badly to be able to
enjoy what they were enjoying, to laugh with them, to be
light-hearted. I stood awkwardly beside Charlie, who grasped me
around the waist, and then looked into the mirror.

I didn’t look
as bad as I thought I might. Charlie was truly the worker of
miracles. Where before my cheeks had been sallow, they now held the
soft bloom of pink blush. My eyes were too big, overwhelming my
skinny face, but they were lined with dark and silver, metallic and
smoky. My lips were as deep red as Courtney’s always were. My hair
was up in a ponytail, curly and voluminous, but it seemed to have
lost its shine.

I may have
looked okay, but I was still barely recognizable. I gazed down at
my arms instead. “But what about these?” I choked out. Neither of
the other girls had deep red marks and cuts on their arms. For some
reason, this made me want to cry.

“Don’t worry
about that, Mac.” Charlie soothed. “I’ve got just the thing.” She
rummaged around in her room for a moment, producing a pair of white
cuff bracelets that seemed to be made just for this occasion. She
put the bracelets around my forearms. They managed to hide the
majority of the marks on my arms. When she was done, she squeezed
my hands and looked deep into my eyes.

“It’s going to
be okay, Mac.” She promised me with a hopeful smile. “Just
relax.”

I nodded
dumbly. Courtney got out some more cocaine and made some rails for
us. I took mine without feeling, like I was a robot on automatic
pilot or something. But it helped. It gave me some energy, some
gusto. It made me think that maybe Charlie was right. Maybe
everything would be okay. A slight smile graced my lips.

And then it was
gone.

I relied
heavily on cocaine for the rest of the night, to keep me going. It
was amazingly easy to just bend down behind the counter and sniff
some back without anyone noticing. The place was packed almost
instantly, full of rowdy people. Everyone was there for a good
time. It was New Years Eve. Champagne was flowing. Every now and
then I’d look out at the sea people in their bright party hats,
laughing and dancing like they didn’t have a care in the world, and
I’d imagine I was them. Before things had gotten so out of control,
I was one of them. There for a good time. Careless. Happy.

Grey would come
to visit me at the bar when the band wasn’t playing. They had five
different sets planned that they were dispersing throughout the
evening. The only time I’d smile, like really smile, was when he
was with me.

“Do you get to
bring that uniform home?” He wondered clandestinely, leaning over
the bar to speak the words so I’d hear him over the deafening
crowd.

“I think that
could be arranged.” I promised slyly. I couldn’t believe he still
found me beautiful. I knew what I looked like. Did he actually even
see me anymore? Couldn’t he see what I’d become?

“Mmm ….” His
blue eyes were wicked as they looked me over. “How much longer will
this stupid party go for?”

“At least
midnight,” I giggled. It was so easy with him, to be happy. Even
despite everything else. “I think that’s the tradition,
anyway.”

“Right.” He
grinned.

“Will you come
find me at midnight? So I can kiss you?”

“Like I’d ever
be able to turn that down.” He smirked. But apparently he couldn’t
wait until midnight. He set his drink down and kissed me before he
left to start another set. I smiled at his handsome face.

Even his voice
helped. I could hear him singing as I worked, hear his glorious,
velvet voice rasping away over the speakers, and it buoyed my
spirits. I did some more cocaine, and I almost felt jovial, letting
the happy little trembles erase the feeling of despair that nagged
at me. And when the set ended, going out on a high note of wailing
guitars and screaming fans, my spirits rose even further. Grey
would be with me again soon. A wide smile spread across my face.
Charlie noticed as she came into the bar, her beautiful face light
and happy, her blue eyes sparkling. She grabbed my hands and spun
me around in a little dance. Our patrons cheered for us, and I was
actually giggling when she finally let me go.

I stopped
twirling right before his face.

“Mackenzie.”
Riley was the only one in the entire crowd completely serious. I
stopped short, surprised to find him there. He looked … had he
always been this good looking? His dark hair was buzzed short; his
face—so wonderfully familiar—looked older, wiser almost. He had
filled out too, no longer was he lean and lank. He looked … he
looked like a man. I cleared my throat.

“Hello, sir.” I
tried to play it casual. “What can I get you? On the house.”

But Riley
didn’t answer me. He just stared. He stared and stared. His warm
chocolate eyes didn’t leave my face for a second. It made me
uncomfortable; I wanted to cringe away from his gaze, because I
knew that Riley would see too much. Didn’t he always? Didn’t he
always just … know, somehow?

The club was
full of people, but suddenly there was only me and him. And all he
did was stare. His expression revealed nothing, I couldn’t tell
what was going through his mind, what he was thinking.

But then Grey
strode up.

He was smirking
as he pushed through the people to come and meet me. I looked away
from Riley and watched him come, my dark eyes wide, anxious.
Finally, finally Riley tore his gaze from me, turning them instead
to glower at the man who was slowly coming to join us.

“Riley ….” I
warned. But it was too late.

If before Riley
had been a locked box, now he was an open book. His brow furrowed
with anger, his eyes glared with fury, his entire body tensed as
Grey slowly sauntered over. He noticed Riley, its impossible not to
notice when someone’s uttering death threats with their eyes, but
it didn’t seem to bother him. He just came up and smiled at me, his
blue eyes confident, casual. Only then did he turn to him.

“Hey man, how’s
it going—?”

“What have you
done to her?” Riley interrupted him, his voice low, controlled.

“What?” Grey
looked honestly confused.

“
What have
you done to her
?” Riley bellowed, loud enough that the people
surrounding them noticed. They began to spread out, to give them
room, the tension in the crowd turning to excitement as they began
to anticipate a fight.

“What are you
talking about?” Grey glanced at me once and then back to Riley,
like he really didn’t get it. I bit my lip. I wanted Riley to stop.
I needed Riley to stop. For whatever reason, Grey still found me
beautiful. I didn’t want him to see me … I didn’t want him to look
at me differently ….

“Stop it
Riley!” I demanded. I was powerless behind the bar; they were too
far out of my reach. Panicked, I pushed through my co-workers and
then burst out onto the floor. “Stop it!”

Riley grasped
me by the wrist and hauled me over. It hurt; he was grabbing the
exact place I had cut myself earlier. I winced.

“Get your hands
off of her!” Grey warned. I’d never heard him sound so …
threatening. I looked up into his face, his handsome features hard
and deadly serious, and felt actual fear for Riley. I tried to pull
my hand free from his vice-like grip.

“Stop it Riley!
Please!” I pleaded.

Grey’s jaw
clenched. “I mean it, asshole. Let her go.”

“
Look at
her
!” Riley shouted again. It all happened quickly then. Grey
lunged for Riley, at the same time pulling me free of his grasp.
But Riley’s hand had been so tightly clenched around my wrist that
he tore the white bracelet from my arm. Before the ripped shreds
had a chance to hit the floor, the fight had come to a
standstill.

“Mackenzie?”
Grey paused in horror. He saw. He was looking at my arm, at the
jagged marks the razor had made when it sliced through my skin. His
blue eyes narrowed with confusion, with denial, with sorrow. “…
What … what happened …?”

Tears swam in
my eyes. I choked them back. I could have killed Riley at that
moment, but instead I turned my back on him. I needed Grey to hear
me. I needed him to understand.

“Grey … look,
its nothing. It’s okay.” I insisted. I couldn’t tell if he could
hear me or not, it seemed like he was in shock. His blue eyes
stared at nothing. His mouth was open with dread, as if he were
struggling to process it all. And then it happened.

His jaw tensed,
and he looked at me. His eyes traced over me, from my head to my
toes, and they filled with anguish. With the worst kind of
suffering. He took in the gaunt fragility of my shoulder blades,
the boniness of my face, the scrawny legs sticking out from my
skirt. At the cuts on my arms, the tracks in my elbows. He looked
at me with horror. It hurt to see. The gorgeous blue eyes that
before had only gazed at me full of adoration, now were wide as the
stared at me with total dismay.

They were still
gaping at me as Riley’s fist slammed into his face.

That shocked me
out of my stupor. “Riley, no! What are you doing?” I lunged in
between them, expecting the worst. But Grey didn’t fight back.
Riley got up and shook his fist in pain, furiously staring down at
my boyfriend levelled on the floor. I pushed him back as hard as I
could, but I barely managed to move him an inch.

“Get out of
here Riley!” I shouted, furious. “Get out of here!”

“You’re coming
with me.” He decided, grasping my arm again. “Its okay, Mac. I’m
going to get you out of here.”

“
No
!” I
panicked again. I couldn’t leave Grey now. He had to see … he
needed to see that I was really okay. “No!”

The bouncers
were quick to step in. They were always around, blending into the
shadows, waiting for a fight caused by some cocky jerk getting
rowdy. They grabbed Riley and hauled him away from me. The moment I
was free I ran to Grey’s side. He was standing again, a welt across
his cheekbone where Riley had punched him. But he wouldn’t look at
me. He was like I had been earlier, a robot, on automatic pilot as
he turned and pushed through the crowd.

“Grey?” I ran
to catch up with him. “What’s the matter?” It was a stupid
question. I knew the answer. But I wanted him to speak to me, to
acknowledge I was there.

“Everything.”
His voice was devoid of any emotion.

A sob caught in
my throat. “Am I really that hideous?”

“No.” He
stopped in his tracks, shaking his head. His eyes burned at me with
sincerity. “You are beautiful.”

“Then
what—”

“This is my
fault. It’s all my fault.” He started walking again, and I had no
choice but to follow him. I didn’t know where he was going until he
headed up the stairs that lead to the back of the stage. The other
guys were there, completely oblivious to our drama, prepping for
their next set.

Grey was like a
sleepwalker. He sat down on a stool and started tuning his guitar,
staring down at his pedal like he was deep in concentration. I was
beside myself. I had never seen him like this before … it actually
scared me. I couldn’t imagine what thoughts were going on in his
mind that could keep him so … paralyzed.

“Grey, talk to
me!” I demanded. I couldn’t take it any longer. “Please, say
something.”

“She was
right.” He looked at me. “She was right. I am a screw up. A total
loser.”

“Stop that.” I
shook my head at him. “You are not a loser.”

“No, I am. I
am.” His voice was so … lifeless. “I did the same thing to her, you
know. I just sat back and watched while she slowly wasted
away.”

“Grey, stop
it.”

“I didn’t do
anything then. But I can do something now. I can do something.” He
didn’t even seem to notice I was standing there. He was talking to
himself and I wasn’t meant to be a part of this conversation. “I
can make it right ….”

“Grey, please?”
Tears stung my eyes. My heart plummeted somewhere deep inside my
chest, strangling the breath from my lungs. “Please?”

But then he
looked straight at me. “Mackenzie, we shouldn’t be together.” His
blue eyes bored into mine, and only from knowing him could I tell
how much this cost. The pain was evident in his eyes, the
heartbreak apparent on his face. I shook my head wildly, refusing
the words.

“Grey, don’t do
this. Don’t do this.”

“I can’t. I
can’t do this to you anymore.”

“No. No, Grey.”
The tears started flowing then, I was powerless to stop them.
“We’ll … we’ll figure something out … we’ll get clean … I’ll go to
rehab … something, anything …. Grey, we have to be together.”

“I’m not strong
enough.”

“You are. You
can be. We can be together.”

“No. No
Mackenzie.” His voice found some power again, some life. “Can’t you
see? I’m killing you. I’m killing you!”