Life Over Love (7 page)

Mary was sorry when she saw how disheveled Brianna looked that she hadn’t been able to get out of her appointment. She had known that Brianna was going to go through with her plans, with or without her help.
Mary knew better than to ask how it went, she could tell by the way Brianna laid her head back, and kept her eyes closed, that Brianna didn’t feel like talking.

She could tell that Brianna was trying hard to hold back tears.
Mary patted her leg and took them all out to dinner.  They both enjoyed the rest of their evening together and by the end of their visit Brianna was in better spirits.  Brianna had Mary drop her off at the entrance to the subdivision, to save her some steps.
           She grimaced when she got inside and took off her tennis shoes.  Brianna was so exhausted she pushed the stroller through the house all the way back to their room. She let Brody sleep in the stroller while she got Chelsea and herself ready for bed.
          She quietly tucked the kids in.  Brody was so out of it that he didn’t even stir when she removed his shoes and sweaty socks. She snuggled in between the two as was their habit.  Before she could fall asleep she heard a soft knocking on the door. Mrs. Candy brought her a note on a post it. “I took this message for you earlier, have a good night.”
           Mary had to chuckle to herself when she heard the excited “
Yessssss!
” that Brianna had exclaimed behind the closed door.
11

A
s exhausted as she had been Brianna still could scarcely sleep all night. The message on the post it note said four of the most beautiful words she’d ever seen on paper, Wal-Mart orientation 8am Monday.

Nothing could spoil her mood or keep her in doors, not the
impending court date for the divorce hearing, not a cranky teething toddler, and certainly not a few rain clouds.
          Dominique had been thrilled by the good news, and swooped in offering to take the kids to the park. She spent the day pouring over books in the law library. By the time Dominique got back with the kids, Brianna had a direct, simple, divorce decree printed, copied, and highlighted in all the places that required signatures.
          Everything was pretty straight forward, it was as fair as she could make it, he got the kids every other weekend, and holidays, and she asked for the minimum amount of child support. Actually the only unique stipulation in the divorce was the fact that she wanted a neutral drop off destination for the kids. 

The police station seemed like the perfect choice.
Brianna asked Dominique to look it over.  When she finished reading over the papers she just sat back and stared at Brianna as if she’d grown a third boob or something.  “What’s wrong, do you think it’s too amateurish, like the judge won’t take me serious, or what?”
          Brianna shook her head and broke out into a huge grin. “Brianna! You did so good, I’m impressed, and I’m going to hire you to file my next divorce if I ever find another husband! I thought you didn’t finish high school?”
          Still not used to compliments she blushed answering “well I can read can’t I?” Dominique slapped the steering wheel, “you sure can girl, and seems to me like you can do anything you set your mind to. You need to go back to school, and become a lawyer, that’s what you should do!”
           The way Brianna was feeling that was possible, anything was possible. She looked in the back seat at all the sleepy little sweeties. Thought the same thing again, and said it out loud this time “anything is possible.”

12

T
he weeks following orientation flew by and before she knew it Brianna was spending her day’s apartment hunting.  She wanted something close to the library, work, and the park.  She found the perfect little place right next door to the park.  The apartment was on a cute street level unit, with lots of upgrades, and she’d already managed to save her half of the deposit.
           It all happened so fast Brianna felt like she hardly had enough time to say her good byes, and she was already moved out of the shelter into her own place. With the divorce drawing near she was already missing the refuge of the shelter.
          She hoped that the time and space she had put between herself and Mike had been enough to serve as an antidote that could cure the poison that threatened their lives when they were together. The anger and retribution she had held onto when she had first fled had since been replaced by pardon and sympathy.
            Each little piece of independence she gained resulted in pity for what Mike must be going through. She knew that he must be missing the kids something fierce, and without anyone around to take it out on, he had probably existed in a drunken fog. She hoped that he would use the time a lone productively, but she doubted that he would.
           She wished they could go through with the divorce and end up on good terms, remain friends for the kid’s sakes, and learn from their mistakes. However she wasn’t under any delusions that those things would happen overnight, and she went back and forth with the decision to opt against the permanent restraining order. 
           She didn’t not to be bitten by what she had hoped to be a peace offing, it was too late to change it now though, so to keep the worries at bay she kept herself busy.  She didn’t have any furniture, but she still unpacked those faithful black trash bags for the last time. She folded up their clothes and lined the all up along the walls in their little closets.
              She decided the thriftiest thing to do remedy the bed situation, was to order a bunk bed, with a futon bottom bunk. She would keep the futon in her room, and the twin would go to the kid’s room.  Dominique came by almost every Sunday and together they did their grocery shopping.
She still relished her time hanging out every time she went shopping.

The weather was rapidly getting cooler and Brianna was glad for the excuse to get them some new clothes, she’d splurged a little on that
front, but for the first time in a long time she felt like a real person in society. She was working, paying bills, the kids were in school. It was the combination of all those little things made life a little less scary and a lot more inviting. 

A little over a month had passed since she’d prepared the papers and filed for divorce.  She’d arranged for the time off from work, the kids were settled in at their school and the ease with which she was able to calmly get ready for court was creeping her out. To her it was like
the calm before the storm.
              She had been able to take a calming bath, she’d even lathered herself up with the fragrant lotion, before she had to get dressed. She painted her nails and ate breakfast. 
              While eating she perused her paper work. Not too shabby for someone who couldn’t afford to even consult an attorney, she was getting good at the positive self-talk, and she patted herself on the back for that as well.
               She slipped into the Navy blue silk dress and was pleased with the way the cowl neckline enhanced her bust line and drew attention to the silver locket her mom gave her for her birthday.   After she was completely dressed she put on her tennis shoes ready for her walk to court.
              She put the papers back in her bag and carried her pumps. She enjoyed the walk to the court house, it gave her time to figure out what she would say to Mike. Nothing could completely calm the nerves that made her stomach quake though, because this would be the first time speaking to Mike since his birthday a few months ago.
              The closer she got to the court house the slower she walked, in an attempt to delay the inevitable.  Brianna still ended up arriving half an hour early, so she decided to sit on the steps for a few minutes before going in. She put on the dressy shoes and sited out the papers for the tennis shoes in her bag. 
              Once inside she went to the restroom to freshen up further passing time.  Before entering the courtroom she stopped at the water fountain in between the restrooms. Brianna had closed her eyes like most people do when drinking cool fountain water, but she opened them the second she’d heard Mike s voice. 
                She made no attempt to stop him from brushing her hair from the side of her face and tucking it behind her ear, she listened as he muttered something about her smelling good before she stood back up.  She quickly swiped the water away from her lips with the back of her hand. Turning away from the water fountain she came face to face with Mike and tried to push him back. 
                 Neither spoke for a moment, Mike wanted to hold her gaze as long as possible. He’d sorely missed seeing her pretty face. Brianna wanted to put some space between them.  Although he’d done his best to disguise it, she could still smell the alcohol on his breath.
             She could feel his muscles tensing beneath her palm. It was clear to her that like her, he had filled the days with work to pass the time, in his case it made him stronger.
            The betrayal of her body’s reaction to being so close to him only added insult to injury and she tried to withdraw her hand, but Mike simply covered her hand with his own.  “Bri I never wanted this for us.”  He kissed her finger tips while still staring into her eyes.
             Brianna turned her face away, but hearing his pleading tone was hard to listen to.  Especially when everything that made her a woman was on fire with the need to be held again.
             She snatched back her hand, although she was wedged between him and the restroom door, she still managed to twist and squeeze past him out into the hallway. “Me neither Mike, but sometimes there’s things we can’t take back, things that can’t be fixed. I’ll talk to you after court.”
              She walked as calmly as she could on her weak knees and took her seat. Brianna’s heart started pounding from the moment Mike took his seat until she got the chance to utter the words “irretrievably broken” and the judge dismissed them from the court room.
            She could feel Mike following closely behind her as they walked out into the hall. Once in the corridor intending to clear the air between them, she turned around, misjudging how closely he’d been following her, and she almost stumbled into his arms.

She steadie
d herself and took a step back. “You look beautiful Brianna” He cleared his throat before going on “I guess living on your own suits you, I sure do miss the kids Bri, and how could you take ‘em from me like that? On my freaking birthday?” He laughed good naturedly as he said the word birthday, reaching over he gently touched her cheek before adding “You never do anything half way do you, mi hija?”  Hearing him call her the Spanish term of endearment from her youth made her sad, and she forced herself to remember this was the same guy that had once thrown a full tool box at her for sassing him.
              Once positive she could speak in a clear voice she said “Mike I only want what’s best for us all. You, the kids, and me. Maybe we can put all this behind us one day and be friends, and I want to thank you for agreeing so easily to the terms of the divorce.”  He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. “I’d give you anything you want to be next to you again, I wanna make it easier for you to do whatever you want, Bri. Besides everything was pretty straight fair.  The only thing I hate is having to drop ‘em off and pick them up at the police station. But hey it is what it is right?  Thanks for not making the restraining order a permanent thing though. Maybe we both just needed time apart to get our crap together right?”
              Mike quietly looked in her in the eye before continuing “So it’s really over then, you and me just like that?”  She didn’t want to leave any room for doubt in his mind so she met his stare and never wavering she answered “Yes Mike, that’s what this is you’re free to be with someone else now. I’m sure there’s someone out there better for you who can make you happy.”

She took a deep breath before continuing “Mike I’ve got to go, I need to pick up the kids from school, do you want to get the kids this weekend?”
     Mike continued walking beside her through the doors out onto the front steps of the court house.  “Of course I do Bri, I haven’t seen them in months. I’ve been going crazy without them, without you.”
              He grabbed her hand and easily pulled her close in an easy embrace, that served only to prove how intimate and familiar he once was with her body. Mike heard her breath quicken and felt her pulse racing beneath his fingertips.
              He kissed her cheek and just as quickly released her and skipped down from the court house steps. “I’ll see you Saturday ok?  She sat down busily putting on her tennis shoes, wishing away the butterflies in her stomach. She smiled at him much like she used to in years gone by “yep, is 9am too early for you? I have to work that day.”
              Mike plucked a rose from the bush and tossed it up to Brianna where it landed on her lap. “I’ll see you Saturday Bri.” She watched him drive off in his little Toyota truck.

             
             Since she still had an hour left before she needed to pick up the kids from school she decided to walk to the library. All in all she was feeling pretty good about the day’s events, except for her reaction to his advances.  She was smart enough to realize that a large portion of her reaction was due to the fact that she hadn’t so much as hugged someone of the opposite sex since she had last kissed Mike almost four months ago. 

             
Mike’s and her relationship was such a tumultuous affair that often after bitter fights Mike would use his knowledge of her body and spend the following days making love to her as a form of penitence.