Lifelines: Kate's Story (39 page)

“I’ll
probably drive up to Canada alone. I need to ask my father some questions. Get
some answers.”

“I’ll
keep Socrates for you.”

God,
she’d forgotten Socrates. “We can’t—”

“I’m
still your friend, even if we never see each other again. I’ll look after
Socrates. Will you leave tonight?”

She
shouldn’t ... couldn’t think of any way to refuse. She said, “I’ll leave tomorrow
morning.”

“I’ll
pick him up on my way to work. I’ll keep him with me here on the job. When you
get back, you can call my cell and I’ll deliver him.”

“I’ll
leave a bag of his food out ... thank you.”

She
stepped closer and briefly pressed her lips to his cheek. He tasted of tears.

“Goodbye,”
she whispered.

When
she got home, the phone was ringing. When she answered, Evelyn said grimly, “I
have a bone to pick with you.”

At
any other time, Kate would have felt apprehension, but she had worse things to
worry about than her mother’s displeasure.

Evelyn
said, “You sent that policewoman to see me.”

“What
policewoman?”

“Don’t
be so dense. She asked about the check I wrote Noel. You sent her, didn’t you?”

“I
talked to the police. I told you—”

“You
have no business interfering in my life.”

“I
wanted to protect you. Noel has a criminal record for fraud, and I believed it
would be wrong for me to stand by and do nothing at all. So, yes, I asked the
police to talk to you.”

“You’ll
have my money soon enough,” snarled Evelyn.

“That’s
not what I want.”

“Isn’t
it?”

“Mom,
I’ll concede that you have the right to do what you want with your money. But
if Noel’s going to be a lasting part of your life, I’d like to get to know him.
Why don’t you invite us both to dinner together.”

“I
don’t like that idea.”

Kate
wondered how she would react if Jennifer called the police to check up on Mac?
Did Jennifer have that right? Did Kate? Had she invaded her mother’s
boundaries?

“Mom,
if you do change your mind, let me know. Meanwhile, I’ll be away for the next
few days. I’m going to Seattle to see Jennifer, then I may drive to Canada.”

“Why
Canada?”

“To
see Dad. I’ve got his current address.”

“Kate,
I forbid you to see that man. You’re not to go anywhere near him!”

“You
can’t stop me, any more than I can stop you giving money to Noel Wilson.”

J
ennifer
rose to her feet as the waiting room door opened. Alain stood in the open
doorway. She stared at his haggard face, and realized he looked every day of
his forty years.

“She’s
awake,” he said. “Tell her what you told her before, then leave.”

“She’s
more likely to believe me if you’re not there.” It might not be true, but she’d
made her speech once with Alain as a witness. She didn’t want to do it again.

Inside
the room, Wendy lay on the raised bed, big shadows on the fragile skin around
her eyes. They’d taken the heart monitor off, but the IV drip still fed into
the back of her hand. Wendy had spent days in coma—sleeping—yet she looked
exhausted.

“Do
you remember me?” asked Jennifer.

Wendy
turned her head to reveal flat blue eyes. Stupid question.

Say
your piece and get out.

“I
lied to you.”

Wendy’s
expression didn’t change.

“I’m
not pregnant, and I lied about Alain. He doesn’t want to leave you. I told you
he loved me. I wanted it to be true, but it’s not.”

Wendy
looked away and Jennifer didn’t know whether to say more words, or leave. She’d
told the truth and it wasn’t enough. She said, “I’m sorry,” and Wendy’s head
rolled on the pillow.

How
could Kate sit with people in pain? Jennifer wanted to run, but she needed to
do this right, if only she knew how.

Wendy
asked tonelessly, “Are you sorry you went to bed with my husband, or sorry you
lied to me?”

Alain
probably hoped Jennifer would tell Wendy she’d never slept with Alain.

“I’d
like to say I’m sorry I had an affair with your husband, but I—I needed someone
to love me, and I wanted to believe...” The memory of Alain clung to her. There
must have been
something
between them. “Yes, I do wish I’d never slept
with him. I—I’ve been obsessed. I’m sane now, and I’m so sorry.”

Wendy
made a gesture with her head.
Leave me.

“I
hope ... I hope you’ll be all right.”

“Why?
So you won’t need to feel guilty?”

“I
guess, partly.”

Wendy
whispered, “It’s dangerous for you to be so lonely. You’re too vulnerable to
men like Alain.”

Jennifer
didn’t know what to say.

“Do
you think this is the first affair he’s ever had with a student?” Wendy read
the answer in Jennifer’s face, and said, “You’ve done your penance, now it’s
time for you to go.”

“Will
you leave him?”

“Probably
not.”

Jennifer
thought of the wheelchair in Wendy’s house, the woman’s unsteadiness as she
walked. She wondered if Alain told the truth when he claimed there’d been no
sex with his wife in over a year. She couldn’t ask any of those questions, and
she wondered if her mother became a counselor so she could ask the questions
politeness forbade.

“Will
you get me a glass of water before you leave?”

She
picked up the water carafe from the bedside table and carried it to the
adjoining bathroom, filled the carafe and carried it back to Wendy. “Shall I
pour you a cup?”

Wendy
nodded and Jennifer poured the water, then placed it within Wendy’s reach.
Neither she nor Wendy had called each other by name, and she wondered if Wendy
preferred Alain’s lovers nameless.

“Good
bye, Wendy. I wish I’d met you first, instead of him.”

Incredibly,
the woman in the bed almost smiled. “This time next year, if you feel the urge,
come back and pay me a visit.”

“I
will. Next April.” She felt lighter as she said it, because if Wendy could make
this commitment to the future, she probably didn’t plan to repeat her suicide attempt.

“Goodbye,”
she said, and when Wendy didn’t reply, she left. They weren’t friends, but they
were no longer enemies.

In
the corridor, she saw her mother step out of the elevator just as Alain spoke
her name. When Alain took her arm, she shook her head and stepped back.

“Did
she believe you?” he asked tensely.

She
tried to read his weakness of character in his face, but saw only brown eyes
and a sincere mouth. Perhaps the very absence of character lines revealed his
flaws? “I told her the truth. She believed me.”

Although
he looked
at
her, he didn’t meet her eyes. “You didn’t tell her you and
I—you mean, you told her it was all a lie?”

“The
truth.” She heard the harshness in her voice. “I told her there was no baby,
and you never intended to leave her. She already knows you screw around. After
all, you’ve done it before.”

Would
Wendy recognize the evasiveness in his eyes?

“You
told me you love your wife. If you really love her, start acting like a man who
cares about his marriage instead of a middle-aged professor trying to prove his
sexual virility.” She didn’t wait for him to answer, but turned away and almost
walked right into her mother’s arms. Kate took her hand and they walked
together to the elevator.

The
elevator doors opened immediately. Jennifer and Kate walked inside. Until the
doors closed, she could see Alain through the open doors, staring at her. And
in his eyes—

He
would start it again. If I wanted, he’d go back to the way we were.

The
elevator doors closed. She kept hold of Kate’s hand, but didn’t let herself
look at her mother. The elevator opened to let a woman dressed in green in,
then closed. Then it opened on the reception area and they walked out, hands
still linked.

“Did
you bring your car?” asked Kate.

“I
took a taxi.”

“Good,”
said Kate, and they said nothing else until they were seated inside Kate’s car,
then her mother said, “I love you.”

The
tears Jennifer had successfully suppressed began to trickle down her face. She
stared through the windshield as Kate reversed out of the parking spot and
headed for the exit. “I don’t even like him,” she said. “How could he do that
to his wife? He said he loved her, but he doesn’t act like he loves her. At the
end, when you came along, I’d just been talking to her. And he ... he got annoyed
because I wouldn’t lie about our having an affair. I’ve done enough lying,
haven’t I?”

“It
sounds as if you feel betrayed.”

She
recognized the
it sounds like you feel
business as counselor’s lingo,
but welcomed the clarity of her mother’s mirror. She drew her feet up and
propped them on the edge of the seat. “I’m enraged at what he did to Wendy. I
hate that he betrayed her. Am I displacing my emotions?”

“Are
you?”

She
actually laughed. “You sound like a counselor. Being angry at him helps me
avoid my own responsibility, and my stupidity. I knew he was married, and I was
fool enough to believe I was the first student he’d romanced, that I was
special. And the worst thing—the worst thing for Wendy, for Alain—in the hall,
the way he looked at me. I think if I wanted, he would do it all again. Have an
affair with me, even now. I wanted to drag her into your office, to beat sense
into him, straighten them out somehow.” She closed her eyes to the traffic.
“They’re screwed up. I’m screwed up. I’m so glad it’s over, except it isn’t
over for them.”

Kate
covered Jennifer’s hand without taking her eyes off Seattle’s traffic. “You’ve
been courageous, and I’m proud to have you as my daughter. I love you,
darling.”

She
wanted to say I love you too, but then she would cry again. “I’d like to do
something. Hand out resumes, I guess. Find a summer job.” She’d told her mother
she would be home for the weekend, but now she said, “I think I’m too restless
to go home.”

“That’s
just as well, because I won’t be there.” Kate negotiated a left turn. “Do you
want to drive up to Canada with me? I’m going to meet my father.”

“Your
father?” Jennifer spun around to look at her mother. “I thought he died. You’ve
never talked about him, and Grandma talks as if he’s dead.”

“He’s
alive, but he might not want to see me.”

Jennifer
couldn’t take it in. Why hadn’t anybody said anything about this man who would
be her grandfather? “How long since you’ve seen him?”

“Thirty-three
years. I didn’t know where he was until yesterday.”

“You
haven’t seen him once in all those years?” Thirty-three years ago, Kate would
have been a teenager. Jennifer tried to imagine her own father walking away,
say three or four years ago, and then marrying and having a kid and a
profession, without ever knowing where her father was. Then finding out and
going to see him. Alone.

Her
mother needed her, she realized with a shock.

“I’ll
come. I’d love to come.”

E
velyn
reached into the fridge and grasped her coffee cup with both hands. She
shuffled to the table, set it down, released both hands at the same time. Not a
drop spilled. Back to the fridge, holding onto the table, then the chair. Close
the door. Chair again, back to table

She
sat, reached for her cigarette case and fumbled one out. Lighter. Where was her
lighter? She’d put it right beside her cigarettes. Hadn’t she? No, there it was
on the counter. How had it got there?

She
grunted and struggled out of the chair. Hand on table, counter, lighter. Why
must everything be so complicated? She needed to move more gracefully.
Yesterday Noel had said she moved gracefully.

Finally
she had the cigarette lit. Now she could enjoy her coffee, precisely cooled and
ready for her. Now she could think about Kate and Han.