Light the Lamp (34 page)

“
I’m sorry, Noelle.” She took her hair down from the clip, since it was falling out anyway, and then twisted it up and clipped it again.
 

“
Don’t be sorry.” There wasn’t anything Bonnie or anyone else could have done about it. The only way I would have been back on time to keep my bed was if I hadn’t taken this job—and I was so glad I had. Working at the golf tournament had been a wonderful experience, and I’d done well enough that my new boss had offered me another similar event next weekend. I moved over to the pile of my things waiting right where I’d left them. “I’ll come by tomorrow night to see if there’s a bed.”
 

She came over to help me gather my stuff. I slipped my tote bag inside the waterproof duffel, along with everything that was already in it, since rain seemed imminent.

“
There’s just— There’s something else before you go,” Bonnie said, and the nerves tightening her voice gave me pause.
 

I looked up at the way she was worrying her lower lip, at the pinched lines at the corners of her eyes. “Tell me.” Whatever it was, it couldn’t be worth getting this upset over. Had I reached my limit of nights I could stay at the shelter? Had I broken a rule without realizing it?

She shrugged and went behind her desk, reaching into the top drawer for something. She brought out the cell phone Liam had bought me, and my heart stuttered.

“
Where did you get that?” I asked.
 

“
Two men came looking for you. One of them—your boyfriend, they said—asked me to make sure you got all of this if I saw you.” Bonnie dumped everything from her hand onto the desk. It wasn’t just the phone; Liam had brought the charger and the case for it, and a credit card, as well.
 

I swallowed hard. “He’s not my boyfriend.” I don’t know why I said that, of all things. It was what he wanted. I knew that much. Maybe he wanted to be more than just my boyfriend. He loved me, and he wanted to take care of all of my physical needs, and he wanted to be with me.

And he’d found me.

That had me panicked even more than the thought that I might have already spent so many nights here that I couldn’t come back for more. I’d been doing my best since I’d left to convince myself to stop thinking about Liam. It hadn’t been too difficult while he’d been on his road trip and while I hadn’t had the phone, other than at night, but if he was going to be looking for me…if he’d bothered to track me down and bring me the phone… I didn’t know what I was going to do.

“
All right,” Bonnie said. “He’s not your boyfriend. He wants you to have this stuff, though. I never told him you’d been here or anything like that, but I’m pretty sure he knew, anyway.” She shoved the phone and other items closer to me. “If he comes back, I can give it back to him and say I never saw you, but I think he’ll know I’m lying, and he won’t be happy. Just take it. I don’t care what you do with it, but take it.”
 

I nodded and put it all in my tote, finding a pocket where it would all be well hidden and where maybe I could forget they were there. “I should go. You’ve got work to do tonight.”

Bonnie came around her desk and pulled me into her arms for a hug. “Be sure you come back tomorrow. We might have a bed for you, and even if we don’t I want to see you so I don’t worry too much.”

I smiled and nodded. “I’ll come back. Don’t worry about me.”

“
I worry about all my girls.”
 

I knew she did. I’d always worried about all the dogs that came into Helping Hands, until I knew we got them into a good home and they would have a long and happy life. Working in a shelter like Bonnie did wouldn’t be any different.

She’d told me earlier in the week that she had started working for the shelter after coming to live there for a while. Her situation had been similar to mine—she’d gotten laid off from her job, and eventually she just couldn’t pay the bills anymore after being unemployed for so long. But the shelter had had an opening while she was living there, and she’d taken it. She’d been working here for six years now and said she couldn’t imagine working anywhere else, even though it could be difficult.

I hugged her again and put the straps of my duffel bag over my shoulder on my way out the door. I didn’t say anything else in case my voice gave out on me. I didn’t want to worry her any more than she already was.

It was starting to get dark out, and most of the businesses on the surrounding streets had already closed for the day. Other homeless people were starting to stake their claims on entryways to businesses where they could at least be under a bit of cover from the rain. They were stretched out along the concrete, some of them with sleeping bags or blankets covering them, others with nothing more than a few layers of clothes.

I walked along Second Avenue until I got to Oak Street, making sure I was well past all the insanity leftover from the Saturday Market, and then I followed that to Naito Parkway. I didn’t find anywhere along the way that seemed like a good place to stop for the night. When I passed the Max station on Oak, I thought briefly about using the money I’d earned today to get a motel room somewhere for the night. That would be a lot of money to spend for just a single night, though. The credit card Liam had left for me felt like it was burning a hole through my bag. I ignored it and kept walking, turning on Naito Parkway and taking it all the way down to Waterfront Park. There were a lot of benches along the waterway. It was still early enough that I hoped I could maybe find one that wasn’t already taken. If not, I could find a spot to sleep under one of the trees for tonight.

One of the river cruises was still out on the water as I approached the park. I watched it go on ahead of me and dock at the other end of the park. After a few blocks, I found a couple of empty benches and decided that was as good as it was going to get for the night. Before someone else could come along and claim them both, I pulled out my sleeping bag, set my bag on the ground beside me, and got myself situated facing the back of one of the benches.

“
This is your first night out here, huh?”
 

It was an unfamiliar male voice. I rolled over to look at him. He was tall and skinny, with his hair in long dreadlocks, and he had an overgrown beard that made his dark face appear even darker. In one hand, he had a worn Army rucksack.

I nodded, not sure whether I should trust this man enough to talk to him or not.

“
Don’t leave your bag on the ground,” he said. He picked it up and handed it to me. “Tuck it in between you and the back of the bench. Wrap your arms around it so you’ll feel if anyone tries to take it.”
 

I did what he said and smiled. “Thank you.”

“
Do you have anything to protect yourself with?”
 

“
I…” I shook my head. I hadn’t thought about needing anything for protection. Liam must not have, either, because he hadn’t put anything in my bag for that. “An umbrella?”
 

“
Here.” He dropped down to his knees and dug through his rucksack. A moment later, he pulled out a pocketknife and handed it to me. “Keep this in your hand so you have it ready. Just don’t use it on me.”
 

I didn’t want to use it on anyone. Even just holding it made me feel sick to my stomach, because I knew what he was giving it to me for. “I don’t think I can use it at all.”

“
Then I hope you don’t have to.” He pulled out a sleeping bag and settled himself on the bench next to mine.
 

“
Why are you doing this?” I asked.
 

“
Because you don’t belong out here.”
 

“
I…” He was right. I was as out of place as I could possibly be. That just meant I had to learn and learn fast, though. “Thank you.”
 

“
The first night is the hardest. Get some rest while you can.”
 

 

 

I woke up
mostly dry, thanks to the waterproof gear Liam had given me, but I ached all over and was a lot colder than I wished I was. It may be spring, and nice during the day, but it was cold at night—especially when it rained. The pocket knife was still clutched in my hand, and I had curled my arms and legs around my bag in my sleep, keeping it close to me.

The man from last night was already awake and packing away his sleeping bag. I sat up, hurting more with every tiny movement, and held the knife out to give back to him.

He shook his head. “Keep it. You might need it.”

“
I still don’t think I could use it.”
 

“
Could you use pepper spray?”
 

That, at least, wouldn’t hurt someone permanently. I shrugged. “Maybe?”

“
Then find a way to get some. Or better yet, find a way to get off the streets.” He frowned, but he took the pocketknife and tucked it into his rucksack. “Be careful who you trust out here. Once someone’s been on the streets awhile, they can get desperate. Desperate people do desperate things.”
 

Just like that, he walked away in the hazy morning drizzle.

I gathered all of my stuff and took off, as well. It was Sunday, but the Saturday Market operated on Sundays, too. In no time, this area was going to be insanely crowded with foot traffic. Crowds weren’t really my thing. Besides, I needed to find something to eat since I hadn’t had anything since yesterday morning. Preferably something really filling but cheap. I took the Max and got off near the airport. There was a twenty-four-hour Shari’s restaurant there, and I knew they had a big bowl of oatmeal on the menu for only a few dollars. I could afford that much after working yesterday.

While I was eating, the phone Liam had given me started ringing in my bag. It was probably him. I tried to ignore it, to pretend that I didn’t hear it. It stopped eventually, and I went back to eating my oatmeal. But then it rang again.

I dug it out of the bag, intending to turn it off so I wouldn’t have to hear it ring, but the number on the display made me pause. It looked like Ethan’s number. Or at least like the number of someone who lived near him at Stanford.

I slid the bar on the screen. “Hello?”

“
Noelle? Thank God.” It was Ethan, and he sounded frantic and half desperate. “Hold on, I’m going to add Chris in, too, okay?”
 

The spoon dropped from my hand. How had he gotten this number? I’d told both my brothers back around Christmas that I couldn’t afford to pay for the phone anymore, that I’d call them if I needed anything. But I had intentionally not called either of them because I didn’t want them to worry.

A second later, I heard Chris’s voice on the line as well. “What the hell is going on, Noelle? Some guy called and said he was with the Portland Storm and they were looking for you because you were homeless and had gone missing. Why would anyone from a hockey team be looking for you?”

“
None of this makes any sense,” Ethan added. “You’re not homeless. And why didn’t you give us your phone number when you got a new phone?”
 

“
Are you working for the Storm now? Is that how you could afford a phone again? I wish you would use some of the money you’ve set aside for us for college. They never paid you enough at Helping Hands.”
 

They kept talking over each other, which only compounded the headache I’d had since the moment I woke up on that park bench. Every inch of my body hurt, but not as much as my heart. It was easy enough to withhold information from my brothers. That wasn’t exactly lying—it was just not telling them everything. But I couldn’t lie to them.

“
I’m not working for the Storm,” I said, but they were still talking so much I doubted they heard me. They’d stop eventually, though, if I kept going. I
had
to keep going or I wouldn’t be able to get it out. “Helping Hands couldn’t afford to pay me anymore, and I lost the house. And then I lost the car.”