Like Gravity (21 page)

Lexi turned down the hallway to our bedrooms, bypassed her own door, and threw mine open without hesitation. I waited in the doorway, watching as she entered the room and spun in a slow circle, taking it all in. After Finn had left this afternoon I’d spent some time
cleaning up the brushes and paint-covered drop cloths, pushing my furniture back into place and, lastly, hanging the canvas images on the wall opposite my bed. Offset against the sky blue paint, the photos looked beautiful.

Lexi made her way over to them, stopping to examine each one individually before lightly tracing her fingertips across
the three smiling faces enlarged on canvas; her own, then mine, and finally, my mother’s.

The faces of m
y family.

Lexi turned away from the images and, when her eyes found mine, they were filled with
unshed tears.

“Brookie,” she whispered, her voice cracking with emotion.

“Look up,” I said, nodding toward the ceiling.

She did as I told her;
tilting her head back to examine it, her eyes widened in surprise, then wonder. As she took in the constellation of stars overhead, I saw the floodgates finally break open and watched as tears cascaded down her face. She didn’t move to wipe them away; she simply let them fall as she pivoted in a slow circle, staring up at the beauty Finn had created for me with a simple paintbrush.

I would have hugged her, but I knew from experience that Lexi would only cry h
arder if I tried to comfort her. Right now, she simply needed quiet time to process her thoughts – so that’s exactly what I gave her. I didn’t leave my spot in the doorway or try to speak to her, and within minutes her tears had dried up. She moved to sit on my bed, looking overwhelmed and slightly shell-shocked. I couldn’t really blame her – I’d felt that way for most of the day.

Turning from the room, I walked back to the kitchen, grabbed both of our drinks, and carried them back to my bedroom. Without a word, I handed Lexi her glass, and she gulped down a fortifying sip.
She’d barely said a word, with the exception of my name, for the past three hours. That had to be some kind of record, considering Lexi typically had more trouble staying quiet than most hyper five-year-old children.

I should have known it wouldn’t last long.

Her blank face began to morph, an unmistakable shit-eating grin spreading across her face. “He did this,” she said, gesturing up at the ceiling.

I nodded.

“You let him stay the night,” she noted.

“
Yeah,” I shrugged, taking a sip of my drink.

“You like him,” she continued, her smirk still in place.

“Yeah,” I shrugged again, taking an even bigger gulp of my Dirty Shirley.

“You like, really,
really
, like him,” she squealed, clapping her hands together and beginning to bounce up and down in her seat. I decided that not responding to her was my safest course of action at this point. Any more confessions and she might spontaneously combust.

“You want to go on dates with him, and let him hold your hand, and have little baby
BrookFinns – FinnLyns? – with him!”

Well
, that escalated quickly.

I stared at
Lexi in semi-horror and fought to control the instant nausea that had gripped me as soon as those words left her mouth. I never wanted children. I couldn’t – wouldn’t – bring a kid into a world like this one.

Not ever.

But unless I wanted those three Dirty Shirleys I’d consumed to have an encore appearance, I needed to get control of myself. I shoved away my near anxiety attack and reminded myself that Lexi had been joking.

“
FinnLyn
? Did you seriously just combine our names?” I asked, forcing a laugh.

“I like
BrookFinn better,” Lexi murmured contemplatively. Her eyes were glazed and distant as her mind conjured images of terrifying things – bridesmaid dresses and houses with white picket fences and squirming babies with dark hair and cobalt eyes. I shuddered and tried to ignore her, only just resisting the urge to cover my ears and yell
la-la-la-la
over and over again until she left me alone.

“You’re lucky you
even have names that mesh. This girl Kylee in my American Lit class is dating a boy named Kyle – total disaster.”

“
Totally
,” I agreed, snorting into my drink.

“No need to be sarcastic, Brookie,” Lexi
said, snapping out of her white taffeta dreamland and leveling me with an evaluative stare.

Uh oh.
I knew that look.

“
You have to look epically hot tonight,” she decided. “Boy, do I have my work cut out for me.”

“Bitch!” I protested, smacking her on the arm.

“Oh, shush, I was just kidding,” Lexi said. “You’re not
that
bad.”

I glared at her. S
he giggled.

“You’re beautiful, and you know it,” Lexi rolled her eyes at me
like
I
was the ridiculous one, before blowing me an air kiss which I pretended to swat away from my face. “I’m still pulling out the big guns, though.”

I quirked an eyebrow at her,
scared to ask what Lexi’s ‘big guns’ entailed.

“The
Dress,” Lexi said, as if that explained everything.

“That really doesn’t clarify anything for me, Lex.”

“Just trust me. When you see The Dress – actually, when
Finn
sees the dress – everything will be clear as day.”

When she grabbed my h
and and pulled me toward her bedroom I didn’t put up a fight, mostly because I was drunk but also partly because Lexi was right – I did want to look hot tonight. For the first time in my life, I actually cared about impressing a boy.

Lexi led me into her room and immediately knelt down to
retrieve a sleek box wrapped in ornate white and gold paper from the space beneath her bed. She handed it to me, an excited grin plastered across her face and her eyes twinkling with anticipation.

“What’s this?” I asked,
hesitantly taking the box from her.

“Early birthday present,” Lexi shrugged. “I was saving it for next week, but tonight calls for epic, and The Dress is
epically
epic.”

I stared down at the box in my hands, then back up at my best friend. Setting the present gently on her bed, I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around her
tall frame.

“Love you, Lex.”

I felt her stiffen with surprise, then sigh as her body relaxed and her arms came around me. “Love you too, Brookie.” She whispered, squeezing me tightly. “Now open your goddamned present!”

I laughed, pulling away and grabbing the box. Tearing
away the wrapping paper eagerly, I opened the lid and found The Dress nestled in a cocoon of white tissue paper.

Lexi
had been right – it
was
epic.

The Dress was a deep emerald green, nearly the exact shade of my eyes, and strapless
, with a daringly low sweetheart neckline that would make the best of my cleavage. It had a tight bodice-style top, intricately embroidered with small beading around the edges, which would fit my body like a glove from the waist up. The bottom half of the dress was short – the skirt would only brush the tops of my thighs – but it was made of a gauzy, flowing material of the same deep green shade, that would float out around me as I walked.

I lov
ed it instantly.

F
or the first time I was grateful to have a best friend studying fashion, and as I clutched The Dress to my chest I lifted my eyes to look at Lexi.

“The Dress is freaking epic.
You
are freaking epic.”

“I know,” Lexi agreed, smiling hugely. “Now sit your ass down so I can do your hair and makeup.”

I rolled my eyes and did as she said.

***

When we stepped through the doors of Styx, Finn and the band were already well into their first set and the place was so packed with people it must’ve been well over the fire marshal’s legal capacity. My eyes cut straight through the pulsating crowd, landing immediately on Finn.

Dressed in a dark navy t-shirt and distressed jeans, he
was leaning toward the audience with both hands wrapped around the microphone stand. His eyes were closed as he sang the final note of a Red Hot Chili Peppers song, his face chiseled and beautiful under the bright stage lights.

God, he was hot.

It was clear I wasn’t the only one who thought so; his resident fangirl skanks were in attendance by the dozens, pressed tightly against the stage and flashing their girl-bits at him every chance they got.

Retract claws, Brooklyn.

I tore my eyes away and did a quick scan of the room. When my gaze passed over the bar, I noticed Gordon and several of his hulking football teammates drinking beers. He’d noticed our entrance and was staring straight at me, his eyes narrowed and his mouth twisted up in a cruel smirk. Our eyes locked briefly before his gaze lowered to travel the length of my body, so slowly and thoroughly that my every hair stood on end in discomfort.

I hoped he wasn’t stupid enough to approach me
, after what had happened last time. If Finn had to pull him off me again, I wasn’t sure he’d be able to stop himself before sending Gordon to the ER.

Or
the morgue.

I kept my face expressionless, knowing that assholes like Gordon got off on scaring and manipulating women.
While mentally projecting a
go-fuck-yourself
his way, I steered Lexi toward the opposite side of the bar, as far from him as we could get. Finn had launched into a new song, and I focused on his voice rather than Gordon’s foreboding presence.

I squared my shoulders.
I was wearing The Dress, I’d had fantastic sex with a guy who was so amazing it scared me, and my best friend was quite possibly the coolest girl on the planet – nothing, not even Gordon Asshole O’Brien, was going to ruin this night for me.

After a few rounds at the bar, I was almost able to forget about him completely. Lexi and I were buzzed and happy, dancing on the fringes of the dance floor with drinks in hand as we watched the band – or, more specificall
y, the drummer and lead singer – play through their set.

Every once and a while, I’d see Finn’s gaze sweeping through the crowd as if he were searching for someone.
My airway felt constricted as hope warred with fear within me; more than anything, I wanted it to be
me
he was looking for in that sea of faces. Several times, I refused Lexi’s attempts to drag us closer to the stage, where Finn would be sure to spot us; I wasn’t ready to have my fears confirmed, one way or the other.

When the band announced they’d be taking their first break, I
watched as Finn, Ty, Scott, and Trent – the final band member who I’d yet to meet – hopped off the stage and were immediately swarmed by groupies. I tried to reel in the unfamiliar, unfounded jealousy I was feeling. Finn wasn’t my boyfriend; sure, we’d had great sex – but we’d never talked about what that meant. We’d certainly never said anything about exclusivity or labels.

Finn was slowly making his way toward the bar; I could just make out his form amid the crowd of girls hanging off him.
I’d never felt this way before, never
cared
this much before, and for a moment I stood rooted to the ground, watching him and feeling like I’d been kicked in the stomach by a steel-toed Timberland boot. Lexi’s eyes were swinging from me, to Finn, then back to me, her expression both sympathetic and wary of my reaction.

Suddenly, I had the strong urge to slap myself across the face. Who was this girl, standing in the shadows and watching a guy she had feelings for get mauled by slutty
groupies? Who was she, waiting on the wings because she was too afraid to step out and face the music? I sure as hell didn’t recognize her.

She wasn’t the person my mother had been.
And she definitely wasn’t the person my mother had raised me to be. Closing my eyes, I could almost hear the whisper of her words in my ear; I could nearly feel the warmth of her body pressed to my side as we lay in my childhood bed looking up at my fairytale ceiling.

Brooklyn
, some people live their whole lives standing on the cliff’s edge, waiting for some guarantee that when they finally take that leap into the unknown, there’ll be a safety net there to catch them. But those people, Bumblebee? They never really
live
. They watch as their lives pass them by, waiting for something that doesn’t exist.

Because y
ou’ll never be a hundred percent sure of anything. You’ll take chances on people, and they’ll hurt you. You’ll try some things, and you’ll fail at them. And that’s okay, Bee – that’s life. You can’t stop living it because you’re scared. You can’t wait on the cliff’s edge forever, just because it’s safe.