Lila's Thunder: The Almeida Brothers, Book One (25 page)

Jack sucked his teeth gently, struggling to choose his words.  “I didn’t bother to tell you because I never believed you loved me… that you
could
love me the way I loved you. If I’d had any idea…”  He struggled. “I
still
don’t have any idea if you love me, Lila. Do you?”

“That doesn’t matter,
Jack.”

“Of course it does.”

“No, it doesn’t, because there is nowhere else that this can go.  What matters is that this,” she motioned between them, “will never work.”

“How can you
know that, baby?” he whispered, his fingers falling from her cheek to the delicate dip in her neck.  The dip he’d grown to learn was guaranteed to make her scream and, if he gave it enough attention, cum with vigor.  He fingered that dip delicately  Tears pooling his eyes as he thought of never tasting it, again, never again realizing its power over her beautiful body.

U
nable to control the immediate response her body supplied him every time he so much as looked at her, let alone touched her the way he was now, Lila snatched her head away and began away from him.  “I got the position at Harvard.  I start in the fall, and I’m leaving for Cambridge in a week.”

“I could come with you.  You and Chase
will both be there and you are the only things in the world that matter to me.  Once you both leave Manhattan I’ll have nothing left so… I could come.  I could come with you.”

Lila was suddenly rocketed back to that morning in the
school closet with Chase all those weeks ago. He’d said almost the exact words Jack was saying to her now. How had everything tumbled so far out of control since then?  She turned to Jack, arms crossed. “No.  It would never work.  The three of us cannot be in each other’s lives all at once.  It took me five years to realize that and it’s time that I do something to end it.”

“I know that he’s jealous, Lila.  He might be jealous for a long time, but he
would get over it eventually--”

“He
kissed me.”

Jack stumbled over his words,
then reared back. “I’m sorry?  I need you to repeat that.”

“
In Cambridge.  Chase kissed me.  He’s not going to just get over it, Jack--” When she saw him sprint immediately for the door Lila came after him, taking his arm.  She gasped when he snatched it clear out and reared back at the dangerous look that had darkened his eyes.  “Don’t you see, Jack?  This is why I have to leave.  Two seconds ago you were telling me how much you loved Chase and now you look like you’re ready to rip someone’s head clear off.”

“Yeah,
let’s start with his.”  His nostrils flared.

“No,”
Lila snapped.  “That’s not the answer.”

“Then what is?”

“The fact that you don’t know… the fact that you could even ask that question….”  Lila didn’t know what to do.  She had to find a way to remove herself from Jack and Chase’s lives completely or they were never going to repair their relationship as brothers.  Fighting over her would never stop clouding their judgement or fueling their negative actions towards each other.  She had led them both to the horrible place they were at and she was now determined to fix what she’d broken here.  Even if it meant hurting Jack, she would do whatever she had to, to stop the massive separation that had occurred between he and Chase.  She looked up into his pained face, whispering, “I’m not your girlfriend, Jack. You don’t get to defend me because I’m not yours to defend.”

I’m not yours. 
The words sliced through him like a hot razorblade.

“So you think
it’s okay that he kissed you against your will?”

“Of course not, and I put a stop to it instantly.  Chase kissing me isn’t an invitation for you to go and rip him to shreds.  If anything
it’s a revelation that I need to remove myself from the equation.”

“
You mean remove yourself from my equation. From me. From New York.  But not from him, right?”

“
Jack, I’m not yours,” she said, again.

“Why don’t you tell me something I don’t already know,
Lila.”  He pointed all five fingers down at her, his lips stretching into an infuriated line.  “I think we both know who you’ve always really belonged to.”

“I don’t belong anywhere.  And I officially don’t belong here. 
In your lives.”

“How can you be so blind? It’s really amazing, Lila.  You’re so fucking
blind.”

Lila’s heart
rate picked up. She could see him slowly losing control, could hear it in his voice. “Clearly neither of you are going to do the dirty work of removing me from the picture to fix your tattered relationship so I’m officially removing myself.”

“Yeah, you do that, and while you’re at it you can go straight to hell, too, you fucking whore.
  You think Chase kissed you of his own free will?  You think that came out of god damn nowhere?  It didn’t.  You know what? Fuck you, Lila. I wish I never
fucking
met you.”

She’d been prepared for his ang
er, but that didn’t ease the sting that raced through her at his words.

“That’s nice, Jack,”
she whispered, fighting tears.  She couldn’t cry.  She knew even the slightest hint of a tear in her eye would send the wrong message to Jack.  She knew he was lashing out at her because he felt there was no hope left.  She couldn’t give him a reason to believe there was. “Really nice.  Is that really how you want to leave things between the two of us? That’s how you want to do it?”

“Yeah,
it is.”

Lila looked down at her feet.  She couldn’t look into his eyes and say the words, “w
ell… goodbye, then.”

Jack stared infuriatingly down at her, his chest
heaving.  Finally, he turned, took the door handle in his hand, and stepped out.

He
slammed it shut behind him. The walls of her apartment thundered to life when he did.

---

“Well you know I’ve always been team Jack…” Tracy said, as she wrapped Lila’s delicate china in bubble wrap.  They were slowly packing up Lila’s apartment and were surrounded by moving boxes that they would be shipping off to Cambridge that night.  Lila had just arrived home from Hawaii that morning and had less than two days to finish packing before she would be off to Massachusetts to begin her career as a professor at Harvard University.

With a shake of her head Lila walked across the room and made her way back over with a handful of towels. “Trace… it’s not a competition.”

“I’m just saying… as your best friend I have to be honest right?  Now I might not completely agree with how he went about it but… he
was
just trying to protect you in the end.”  Tracy winced as if bracing herself for the punch that was coming.

“I know that.
  And I know that I’ve brought this all on myself for being so close to my kids…”  Lila’s eyes rose guiltily to Tracy. “So close to
Chase.”

Tracy nodded softly.

Lila became entranced with the packing tape.  “And I understand that Jack had to protect his job, but… I can’t help but feel like he should have told me right from the beginning.  What would I have done if he’d just told me the truth?  Would I have run to his boss and ratted him out?  Of
course not
.  We weren’t exactly ‘best friends forever’ but I would have still protected him—if anything for Chase’s sake.  I would have protected Jack the same way he was protecting me. He couldn’t trust me to do that and that’s what really kills me.  That’s what pisses me the fuck off.”

“I know you would have protected him
, and I get why you’re mad.  I totally get it.”  Tracy thought for a moment, and then shrugged one shoulder before squinting at Lila.  “He’s just
so
hot, though.”

Lila rolled her eyes with a small smile.
  “It’s pretty devastating.”

“Seriously.
  What kind of
black magic?
”  Tracy reveled in the sound of her best friend’s laughter. “Who the hell gave him a vat of virgin’s blood to drink--therefore solidifying his perfection for all eternity?  And why didn’t he save any for the rest of us?”

Lila shook her head with a laugh.
  “You’re such a mess.”

“I think you should forgive him.”

If looks could punch, Lila was definitely pummeling her best friend as she shot daggers through her eyes.  “It’s not that simple.”

“Isn’t it
,” Tracy said in a sing song voice.

“No,”
 Lila beamed, trying to hide her smile.  “It’s not.  Besides… it doesn’t matter.  I’m leaving, he’s staying.  It’s better this…”  Her words slowed to a stop when her phone rang and Chase’s name splashed across the screen. Both women shared a look.

“Didn’t you say you
haven’t talked to him since...” Tracy whispered.

“
Cambridge.”  Lila grumbled back.  “He’s been completely avoiding me. I can’t really blame him.”  She looked towards the phone and before she could think the better of it she answered.

“I can’t believe it’s you.” She said.

A long silence followed on his end. “It’s me.”  Was all he could manage.

Lila pulled the phone away, made eye contact with Tracy and sighed deeply.
  Slowly, she brought the phone back to her ear. “I didn’t think I was going to hear from you before I left.”  Tears immediately came to her eyes.

“I heard you were leaving tomorrow and I… I couldn’t let you leave without
at least saying goodbye.”

“Well… I’m glad.”

The silence continued, neither appearing to be in a big hurry to keep the conversation going, but neither in a hurry to end it, either.  Lila couldn’t help the smile that came to her face every time she heard his voice.

Tracy pointed behind her.
  “I’m going to go grab some more tape.”  She turned away before stumbling through the many boxes and into the bathroom where she closed the door behind her. Lila watched her go, wondering why in the hell she would go into the bathroom for
tape.

Lila closed her eyes
as she went back to the phone. “I owe you an apology.”

Chase cleared his throat.
  “Nah.”

“Yeah.”
  Lila began nodding vigorously.  “In fact I think I owe you about a million apologies, Chase.  I wouldn’t even know where to begin.  Um…”  Lila ran a hand down the back of her hair.  She truly
didn’t
even know where to begin.

“Y
ou must think I’m a real maniac,” he suddenly whispered.

Lila clutched the open flap of one of the boxes and looked over her shoulder to see if Tracy was back yet.
  She hadn’t told her friend the entire story about what had gone on with her and Chase that night and she wasn’t ready to divulge today.  “I don’t think that.”

“You should.”

“Well…” Lila took a beat.  “I don’t.  I would never think that about you.”

“I practically attacked you, Lila.”

“You didn’t… you were just...  It’s not like you hurt me.  I’m fine.  I get it.”

“I had my hands
…
all over you
.”

Lila wasn’t surprised at the reaction her heart immediately had as she recalled that day at the bay vividly.
  It was the same way she seemed to react anytime she’d thought about Chase in the last few days.  It made her stomach churn and her heart pound all at once.  She bit her lip, willing the thoughts away.

Chase went on.
“Who the fuck was I to have my hands… all over you like that…”

Lila’s hands curled into fists.

His voice grew deeper, heavier, as he went on.“It was like I climbed out of myself and became this entirely different person.  This… this… thing that I didn’t even recognize just came out of me and I lost it. Lila, I would never hurt you.  Never.”

“I already know that.
 I’m the one who should be apologizing to you. You’ve been through a hell of a lot because of me and you didn’t deserve it.  Not one bit of it.  I’m the one who should be sorry,” she said, softly.  “I haven’t been fair to you.  And not just in Cambridge.  I haven’t been fair to you for a long time, Chase.  And in a way, I haven’t really been fair to myself.”

“I haven’t been fair to you, either, Lila. It’s not your fault that you and Jack…”
  He still couldn’t say the words.

Lila didn’t need him
to.  She understood.  “Are over,” she finished.

Chase held his breath,
then exhaled.  “I accepted my spot. My spot at Harvard.”

Lila rolled her eyes.
“Hallelujah.”

“I would have told you sooner but I wasn’t exactly
thrilled
to say goodbye to you,” he said softly. “It’s okay, though. Because now I know it’s not goodbye.  It’s see you later.”

Lila closed her eyes with a smile.
  “Right.”