Lily Alone (27 page)

No one seemed to want me. She phoned three different families and they all made excuses. I ended up in a children's home.

‘It's only temporary, Lily. Just until we know what's happening with your mum,' the social worker repeated. ‘Don't look at me like that. I know this is very hard but I'm trying to do my best for you.'

So this was her best shot, a lousy children's home, very run-down and teeming with strange kids, all yelling and swearing and fighting.

‘It's a bit of a madhouse here,' said Stevie, smiling at me. She was in charge, a big woman in a silly animal sweatshirt, with a very bad haircut.

There were eight or nine boys, all with bristly hair and wearing football strip. I couldn't tell them apart even if I wanted to. There was just one girl, a little kid about Bliss's age, but there was something wrong with her. She wouldn't talk to me properly and when I just patted her on the shoulder she screamed, jerking away from me.

‘It takes Sharon a while to make friends, Lily,' said Stevie. ‘She'll get used to you. It'll be nice for her to have you around, just like a big sister.'

I didn't want her to get used to me. I didn't want her for my sister, I had two of my own. I couldn't stand to stay in the shabby living room with the cartoon channel blaring. I went and sat in my own room. It wasn't much more than a cupboard, but at least I didn't have to share with any of the boys.

I lay down on the bed with its horrible Spider-Man duvet and tried to make a plan. I'd watched all the road names from the baby-lady house to here, trying to memorize them – but we'd gone round the one-way system and I'd got muddled. Still, I could try to make a stab at finding my way back to Baxter and Pixie, and somehow rescue them. Then we'd have to go to the hospital for Bliss. She wouldn't be able to walk yet. Maybe we could go to the park and find Pixie's buggy? Then the four of us could go to the police station and tell them Mum never deliberately left us, and that someone else gave her the credit card – it wasn't Mum's fault, she hadn't done anything wrong.

We'd walk out of the station hand in hand, all five of us, and then we'd go back to our flat and we'd have a celebration meal. We'd lie on the sofa, Mum in the middle of us, and I'd hold them all tight and never let them go. I never wanted to be Lily Alone ever again.

I stayed there in the tiny room, hanging onto the sides of the bed as if it was a raft. Stevie put her head round the door and suggested I join the other kids, but I shook my head and she didn't make me. Then one of the boys came barging in, plonking himself down on the end of the bed.

‘I'm Ian,' he said, bouncing.

‘Do you mind? Don't sit on my bed.'

‘Ooh, Shirty Gertie. It's not
your
bed, it's actually
my
bed. I'm having to share with Duncan because you're here.'

‘Well, I'm not here long, so you'll get your poxy bed back, don't worry.'

‘What you here for then? What you done?'

‘I haven't done anything.'

‘Oh yeah? Come on, what did you do? Me and my brother Duncan, we kept setting light to the dustbins in our flats. It was wicked! Then one time we sprinkled a little too much petrol and
kerpow
–
nee-na, nee-na, nee-na
, four fire engines, and all these cops running around. Better than fireworks night, it was.' He rubbed his hands together as if he was warming them at his stupid fire.

‘Pathetic,' I said. ‘Pathetic and pointless.'

‘No it wasn't, mate, it was awesome. If you didn't do nothing, you must be here because of your mum or dad.'

‘I haven't even
got
a dad.'

‘Stepdad then. Did yours beat you up?'

‘I'd beat
him
up if he laid a finger on me.'

‘What about your mum then? What did she do, wash her hands of you?'

‘
No, she didn't!
' I said, sitting up. ‘Clear off! Get out my room!'

‘OK, OK. I just came to tell you supper's nearly ready.'

‘I don't want any.'

‘It's pizza!'

‘I don't care what it is.'

‘You're mad, you. Can I have yours then?'

‘Be my guest.'

Stevie made me come down to supper, and she told me I had to eat my own pizza, but she couldn't
make
me.

‘Am I going to have to feed you like Sharon?' she said, prodding my mouth with a forkful, joking around.

I heaved, so she stopped that trick pretty sharpish and let me be. The kids played a stupid indoor football game up and down the stairs after supper. Ian threw the ball at me, wanting me to join in, but I sloped off by myself and sat slumped against the front door. I wasn't sure if it was locked. I sat there, waiting for my chance.

‘Hey, Lily,' said Stevie, walking down the hall and hovering beside me. ‘I hope you're not planning to do a runner?'

‘I need to go to see Bliss. She'll be so scared, in hospital all by herself. Please let me go and see her,' I begged.

‘I can't let you go off by yourself, love, and I can't take you, not when I've got all the other kids to look after. It'll be after visiting hours at the hospital anyway, so they wouldn't let you see her.'

I put my head on my knees.

‘Look, tell you what. Why don't we phone up?'

I went into her office and she phoned the hospital. It took a long time to get through to the right ward – and then they wouldn't let me speak to Bliss, but a nurse said she was doing well and was tucked up fast asleep now.

‘There! Happier now?' said Stevie.

‘Well, I don't
know
that's right. The nurse could just have been saying that,' I said. ‘And I'm still dead worried about my
other
sister, Pixie, and Baxter too, at this Mrs Robinson's.'

‘Oh, I know her. She's a lovely lady, wonderful with little kiddies.'

‘Yes, but Baxter's
not
little, he'll absolutely hate being treated like a baby. Can we phone them up too, Stevie? Please? Just to say goodnight and show them I haven't forgotten them?'

‘Mrs Robinson will be in the middle of getting them all bathed and ready for bed right now. Maybe we'll phone later.'

‘But they'll be
in
bed then and she'll say they're fast asleep,' I said. I was in tears now. ‘Please, Stevie. Please, please, please.'

So she phoned Mrs Robinson for me. Mr Robinson answered and said his wife
was
bathing the little ones. After a lot of begging he shouted out for Baxter and put him on the phone.

‘Hello, Baxter!'

‘Who's this?'

‘Lily, you silly!'

‘Hey, that rhymes!'

‘Oh, Baxter, are you all right?'

‘Course I am. Uncle Ted and me are watching football on the telly.'

‘Who? You haven't
got
an Uncle Ted. He's just a temporary foster parent. You'll be home with me as soon as I can fix it. OK? What about Pixie? How's she doing?'

‘She's in the bath with them babies,' said Baxter. ‘She can't come, she's all wet.'

‘Well, will you tell her I called and that I love her and we'll all be together soon, I promise.'

‘OK, OK. Got to go now. They've just scored a goal and I missed it.'

‘Oh, Baxter. Look, I love you too.'

‘Yeah, yeah.' He paused. ‘Lily, do you think Bliss is all right?'

‘Yes, I phoned the hospital and they said she was fine.'

‘Honest?'

‘Yes, honestly.'

‘Good. Well, bye, Lily.'

‘There!' said Stevie, who'd been listening. ‘He sounded perfectly fine, sweetheart, didn't he?'

He sounded a little
too
fine. I was astonished he was already calling a complete stranger uncle, and annoyed he wasn't sticking close to Pixie.

I needed to be with them, with Bliss, with Mum. I was trying not to think about Mum because it was too terrifying. I saw her locked in a cell, screaming, with policemen shouting at her, slapping her around, making her confess. Couldn't they see she wasn't a bad mum? She loved us to bits, she always had. She was just so young and pretty she needed to go out sometimes. She hadn't meant to leave us all alone. She thought she'd fixed it with Mikey. She was simply leaving us with a dad like millions of other mums. It was
my
fault I didn't explain things to Mikey when he phoned. It was
my
fault Mum met Gordon in the first place. I
had
tried to stop Mum using the dodgy credit card – but that hadn't been all her fault.
She
hadn't stolen it. She'd been given it by that friend.

I'd tried to tell the nice young policeman with the brown eyes, but he hadn't written it all down in his notebook.

‘Stevie, can I make another phone call?'

‘What? Oh, come on, Lily, you're taking the mick now.'

‘I need to phone the police. I have to explain about Mum. Better still, I need to go down there, make a proper statement,
show
them my mum's the best mum ever, and this is all a stupid awful mistake. I just have to
tell
them!' I was shouting now, pounding Stevie with my fists.

‘Hey, hey!' She grabbed my hands. ‘Calm down now. You're getting in a silly state for nothing. You can't go barging into the police station, telling them what's what, not at this stage. I'm sure you'll have your chance later. Your social worker will be having a long chat at some point.'

‘I need to sort it out
now
,' I sobbed.

‘No,
now
you need to eat properly and catch up on sleep. Look at your little white face and those dark panda rings under your eyes! You need to stop worrying so. You're safe, and Bliss is fine in hospital, and the other two sound perfectly happy – so you can take it easy now, sweetheart. You don't have to try to look after them any more.
You
need looking after now.'

Stevie was kind, but she didn't have a clue. I didn't have any of my own stuff with me. She gave me a toothbrush and a silly flannel – it was a tiny scrunched-up square until she put it in water and it grew. Stevie expected me to be enchanted, as if I was Pixie's age. I didn't have any nightclothes so I had to go to bed in someone's Batman pyjamas. Stupid superheroes fought around me all night while I lay awake, sending frantic thought messages to Bliss and Baxter and Pixie.

I got up very early, wondering if I could creep out now before anyone was around, but Stevie had taken my T-shirt and jeans – she'd even taken my trainers.

I went stomping downstairs in my embarrassing boy pyjamas. I found her in the kitchen with one of her sidekicks, both of them dressed in T-shirts and trackie bottoms.

‘Hi, sweetie,' said Stevie. ‘Sleep OK?'

‘No. And someone's stolen all my stuff!'

‘Your utterly filthy jeans and T-shirt stuff?' said Stevie, pointing to a whole load of clothes airing on a huge rack. ‘And did they steal your trainers too?' She pointed to my trainers, toe-to-toe on a sheet of newspaper, scrubbed free of mud and whitened so they looked brand new.

‘Oh,' I said. I struggled. ‘Thank you.'

I didn't
want
to be grateful to her. I wanted her to be horrible and then I could blame her for everything, even though I knew this was ridiculous.

‘If you're going to be here a little while we'll have to get your clothes from home, or sort you out with some new stuff,' said Stevie. ‘I'm afraid we haven't got any girls' skirts for school, so you'll have to go in your jeans today. I bet all the other kids will envy you like crazy.'

‘What?' I stared at her. ‘I'm not going to
school
!'

It seemed a totally ludicrous idea, but Stevie stood firm.

‘You go to Oakleaf Primary, don't you? It's not too far away. Most of our boys go to Wilton Road, but we can drop you off afterwards.'

‘Stevie, you're mad,' I said rudely. ‘My mum might have been sent straight to prison, my sister's seriously ill in hospital, my brother and baby sister are stuck with a complete stranger, and you tell me I've got to go to
school
, like it's an ordinary day.'

‘I'm not mad, sweetie. I know just how you feel but I think it would be best to do something ordinary, like going to school.'

‘You don't have a clue how I feel. And stop calling me sweetie, it sounds stupid. I bet you're just saying it because you've forgotten my name.'

‘You're Lily – and you're quite unforgettable,' said Stevie.

I thought if I argued long enough she'd give in, or lose her temper, and then we could have a stand-up fight, but she just kept telling me calmly I was going to school and that was that. It was weird having a proper breakfast sitting down at a long table with all the unruly boys and surly little Sharon. I ate a few cornflakes and half a slice of toast and sipped at a cup of tea.

I felt a bit sick in the mini-van, being driven off to school with all the boys. When we got to Oakleaf Stevie insisted on coming right into the playground with me, to the headteacher's office. I can't stick Mrs Symes, our head, and she's never thought much of me either.

‘Oh dear, what have you been up to now, Lily Green?' she said, when she saw me standing beside Stevie.

‘She hasn't done anything, Mrs Symes. I just need to have a little chat with you. Lily, perhaps you could wait outside, love?' said Stevie.

I put my head against the door and tried to listen, of course, but Stevie kept her voice down. Mrs Symes was easier to hear because she's got one of those booming voices that reach right to the back of the school hall. I heard ‘that mother' and ‘problem family' and ‘doesn't surprise me in the least'.