Lily of the Springs (9 page)

I opened my eyes and saw my aunt’s pretty, oval face. Her blue eyes—the most beautiful color of blue I’d ever seen—were filled with worry. As I realized I wasn’t home at all, but still here in Louieville with my aunt and uncle, I had to bite my lip to hold back tears.

“Oh, sweetie, don’t cry,” said Aunt Jenny, fussing with the blanket, tucking it up around my shoulders. “You’ve just got an old flu bug, Dr. Sullivan says. A little bed rest and lots of liquids, you’ll be up and about before you know it.”

So, that explained the sore throat. I moistened my dry lips with my tongue then rasped, “If it’s just the flu, then why do you look so worried?”

Two splashes of color appeared on my aunt’s English porcelain cheeks, and she averted her gaze, giving my arm a pat. “We’ll talk later. Right now I’m going to go make you some chicken soup. It’ll help you get your strength back.”

She bustled out of the room.

I looked around, still half-dazed. When had we come back to Aunt Jenny’s house? I vaguely remembered lying on a sofa in the office of the Simpson School. And then Aunt Jenny had arrived. We’d driven somewhere in her car…not back to her house. Not at first. I remembered a kind-eyed old man with white hair and a white coat. Of course! Aunt Jenny had said we’d been to the doctor.

I closed my eyes and gave a relieved sigh. Well, that was it, then. If I was down with the flu, I’d never be able to make up the lost time at the Simpson’s. There was nothing to do now but go on back home. Right back to where I belonged.

I smiled, thinking of Mother’s story of the shepherd moon. Well, I’d followed her advice. I’d gone out into the world and tried it out. Given it a chance. But that old shepherd moon was leading me right back home.

Right back to Jake―just where I wanted to be.

***

Aunt Jenny had been acting strange all week. It wasn’t anything I could put my finger on exactly. Like a few minutes ago when she’d brought in a steaming bowl of Campbell’s tomato soup and placed it on the TV tray where I’d been having my lunch since I’d felt well enough to move from the bedroom to the living room sofa. Aunt Jenny’s face had looked a million miles away. I’d had to ask her twice for an RC Cola before she’d even responded with a distracted “I’ll get it directly,” and then hurried out of the room, gnawing on her bottom lip.

It was a dark, rainy Tuesday afternoon, five days after I’d come down with the flu. I was feeling much better, thanks to my aunt’s gentle pampering. Glancing out at the rain pelting against the window, I shivered, glad to be snuggled up in a warm blanket on the sofa, and not out in the dank weather like Uncle Virgil, who worked at an insurance agency downtown, but spent a lot of his time driving to appointments around town.

I looked back at the television screen where a box of laundry detergent with legs and high heels danced across the screen. Lordy, I was going to miss TV when I got back home. Not even Katydid’s rich parents had one of these new-fangled boxes that broadcasted entertainment right into the living room. In a few minutes, “Search for Tomorrow,” would be on. It was a serial I’d got caught up in during my recuperation, and Lord, it was a good show. Just full of twists and turns and handsome doctors and nurses, and best of all,
forbidden love
. They sure knew how to tell a good story! Wouldn’t it be just the greatest thing in the world to be able to write stories like that? And to think, people got
paid
for doing it. Now,
that
would be a fine way to make money, a million times better than being a secretary.

The idea flickered across my mind, and I paused with my soup spoon halfway to my mouth. I could
do
it! Why, I’d been writing stories since I was in primary school. Not many of late, of course. Life had been too busy these past four years, what with high school being so much fun and all. But that’s what I could do now that I was laid up with this flu. I’d write a book—my own soap opera, but unlike “Search for Tomorrow,” mine would have an ending—a happy ending. I grinned and began to eat my soup faster. Aunt Jenny stepped into the room, a bright gold-metallic aluminum tumbler in her hand. I looked up and smiled. “Guess what, Aunt Jenny?”

My aunt placed the tumbler on my TV tray. “Here’s your RC, hon.”

“Thanks. Aunt Jenny, I just had the best idea…” My voice trailed away as I registered the grave look on her face. “What’s wrong?”

Aunt Jenny stood in the middle of the living room, staring at me.

Strange, her face was without its usual warm smile. In fact, it looked a little pale. I hoped she wasn’t catching the flu from me.

“Are you feeling sick, Aunt Jenny?” I asked fearfully. “I’ve been trying hard not to cough in your direction.”

Aunt Jenny shook her head, and then glanced at the TV where the opening credits of “Search for Tomorrow” were in progress. “Can I turn off the television for a few minutes, hon? We need to talk.”

“But ‘Search for…” I began to protest, but then I saw the tightening of her jaw, and my stomach dipped. Never in my life had I ever seen such a stern look on Aunt Jenny’s face. What on earth was wrong with her?

“This is more important than a TV show,” she said. She walked to the television set and turned the knob. Like water circling down a drain, the screen blackened, leaving only a white spot in the center, accompanied by a magnetic hum before disappearing altogether. My aunt turned back to me, her lips set in a thin, grim line.

Oh, Lord, I thought.
What have I done wrong
? And then it hit me. Maybe I’d worn out my welcome here. Maybe Aunt Jenny was just sick and tired of having to wait on me since I’d been down with the flu. The poor woman had been fetching and cleaning and dosing me with aspirin and fixing me treats for three or four days now. No wonder she was sick to death of it.

Aunt Jenny sat down in an armchair across from the sofa and nervously smoothed out the folds in her full skirt. Her gaze darted around the room, looking everywhere, it seemed, except at me. The color in her cheeks was high as if she’d dipped too heavily into the rouge pot. I opened my mouth to make it easy for her and volunteer to leave, but before I could utter a word, she spoke, “Lily Rae, you know I love you with all my heart. You’ve been like a daughter to me, and if I could have a daughter, I’d want her to be just like you, you know that.”

I nodded, drawing the blanket closer around me as the rain pounded on the tin roof. It was something that nobody ever talked about, the fact that my aunt and uncle couldn’t have any children of their own. Lord knows that Aunt Jenny would’ve made a wonderful mother, but for some reason, they hadn’t been blessed that way.

Aunt Jenny sighed and looked out the window at the dreary weather. “Oh, dear. I just don’t know how to say this.”

“It’s okay, Aunt Jenny,” I said. “I think it’s time I should go home, too. We could call Sylvie Lou Blankenship, and have her get a message to Daddy to come get me this weekend.”

“What?” Her surprised eyes connected with mine. Then understanding dawned. “Oh,
no
, honey! That’s not it at
all
! I love having you here. I get lonely during the day when Virgil is at work. No, it’s just…” She closed her eyes, took a deep breath then met my gaze. “Lily, the doctor told me you’re…expecting.”

I stared at her blankly. “Expecting what?”

The color in her cheeks deepened. She took a deep breath and said, “A baby, Lily. You didn’t realize?”

I blinked. My aunt’s words lingered in the silence, pounding through my head like a heartbeat.
A baby…a baby…a baby
.

No
. Jenny had to be mistaken. It couldn’t be true. After that first time, Jake had used a rubber. Every time. Well,
almost
every time. There had been that one stormy afternoon in his daddy’s hay-loft. Could I have been so unlucky?

I shook my head and murmured, “No, it’s not possible.”

But my mind raced as I tried to remember when I’d last had a visit from my monthly course. It hadn’t been since I’d arrived in Louieville, and I’d been here just over three weeks. Then I remembered, and an icy coldness swept over me. I’d been on my period over the fourth of July. I knew that because a bunch of kids from school had planned a day of swimming and picnicking at Lake Cumberland, and I’d been disappointed because I couldn’t go in the water, and had ended up skipping the whole thing.

But in August, my period hadn’t come. I hadn’t really been concerned because when I’d mentioned my lateness to Daisy, she’d told me she’d read somewhere that major life changes and stress could interfere with the female workings of the body. And for sure, I’d been under a lot of stress in August, preparing to leave home.

But it hadn’t come again this month…

I swallowed the acrid taste of fear in my mouth and began to tremble. Aunt Jenny was staring at me, her face the color of the elaborately-dressed porcelain dolls encased in a curio cabinet in the corner of the living room.

“Honey,” she said gently. “You know I’m not going to judge you. I want to help you if I can.”

At her sympathetic tone, I burst into ragged sobs, covering my face with shaking hands. “Oh, my God!
No
! It can’t be true! It just
can’t
!”

In an instant, Aunt Jenny was beside me on the sofa, drawing me into her arms. I clung to her in desperation as the horror of the situation sank in. I imagined the stunned, disbelieving faces of my parents. The shame and condemnation in their eyes. Then I thought of Landry and what his reaction would be. I cried harder, burying my face in my aunt’s floral-scented shoulder. Somewhere in my consciousness, I heard her murmuring words meant to comfort. But there were no words that could change the facts. That could make it all go away.

I was a girl in trouble. I was a
bad
girl who’d done bad
things
…and got caught.

I wanted to die. I might as well
be
dead, I thought frantically, a new wave of grief shuddering through my body. I
would
be dead to my family. They’d
disown
me. Especially once they found out it was Jake who’d got me into trouble.

“Lily Rae, hush, now. It’s not the end of the world, and you’re not alone.” Aunt Jenny rubbed my back. “Sweetie, listen to me. I’m here for you, and you’re going to get through this. I promise you.”

I drew away and looked at her through my tears. “They’re going to hate me, Aunt Jenny. Oh, my God!
Mother
! What will she say? What will she think about me? How will she ever be able to go to town again with her head high after what I’ve done?”

Jenny brushed damp hair away from my face. “Your mother doesn’t have a mean bone in her body. I’ve never known her to judge a soul. And there’s nothing you could
ever
do, Lily Rae, that would make her stop loving you.”

I shook my head as fresh tears welled in my eyes.
Landry
! Oh, how ashamed he was going to be of me. His sheer goodness made my wickedness even worse. How would he ever be able to look at me again? And Daddy. As religious as he was, he’d probably call me the spawn of Satan. And what would Norry think? Norry, who idolized me. Who thought I could do nothing wrong. I began to cry harder, burying my face against Aunt Jenny’s motherly shoulder.

“You’re not the first girl to get in the family way,” she murmured, stroking my hair.

I pulled away to meet her gaze. “Yeah, we all know what kind of girls get in the family way, don’t we? Bad girls.
Evil
girls.”

Jenny gazed at me steadily. “It happened to me. Do you think
I
was an evil girl?”

My mouth fell open.

She nodded. “Yes. I was pregnant when Virgil and I got married. And just like you, when I found out, I was scared and didn’t know where to turn.”

“What did you do?” I whispered, still reeling from her admission. How was it possible? Aunt Jenny was so good. So sweet and…well, it was just hard to believe that she and Uncle Virgil had…done stuff like that before they were married.

“When I missed my period, I went to my older sister, Carla. She took me to her doctor, and when we got the news, she went with me to tell my parents.”

“And it was awful, wasn’t it?”

Aunt Jenny nodded. “It wasn’t fun. But I knew it wouldn’t stop them from loving me, and it didn’t. But that’s why Virgil and I ended up at the justice of the peace before he shipped off to the Pacific.”

“But then…” I began. My voice trailed off.

Aunt Jenny nodded, her blue eyes misting over. “I miscarried. It happened four times before they told me I’d never be able to carry a baby to term.”

I bit my bottom lip. It wasn’t fair. Jenny, who’d be the most perfect mother imaginable, was denied a baby, while I…
oh, God
. I was too
young
to be a mother! Life was just starting for me. How could God be so
cruel
?

Well, don’t you deserve it? This is what you get for sinning. You should’ve known you wouldn’t get away with it.

“But let’s get back to you,” Aunt Jenny said, drawing an embroidered handkerchief from her pocket and daintily dabbing at her eyes. “I heard you were dating a boy in your class. Is he the father?”

I shook my head, still hearing the harsh voice of my conscience snarling at me. “We broke up last spring. It’s somebody else.” My jaw tightened as I forced myself to meet my aunt’s gaze. “I love him, Aunt Jenny.”

She nodded, and some of the tension seemed to leave her eyes. “Well, that’s good. That’ll make it easier on everybody.”

I wished I could believe her. But when my family found out I was going to have a baby, and worse, that Jake Tatlow was the father…well, it was going to be hell on earth.

Then an even worse thought occurred to me. When Daddy found out what Jake had done to me, he might just grab a shotgun and go after him. Look what had happened when he’d caught me playing house with him in the woods.

My stomach spasmed at the thought. If only there was a way I could talk to Jake. Warn him. If I could tell him first…