Lily's Cowboys (10 page)

Lily was so lost in thought she jerked when Helen spoke, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Lily looked through the window of the car at the passing landscape before she finally spoke, “I’m so confused. I don’t know what they want from me. I’m afraid it is more than I can give them.”

Helen glanced sideways briefly before refocusing on the road ahead of her, “They want you, Lily. They want you to be a part of their lives. All of them. Do you have a problem with that?”

Helen listened carefully to Lily’s response. She and Clive had talked about it last night after they had left. It was obvious how much Lily had affected the two younger Cunnings men. After seeing how Ethan reacted to her, Helen had no doubt he felt the same. It took a strong woman to handle three big Wyoming men. It took a special woman. Helen felt confident Lily was just such a woman but sometimes other things factor into a woman’s decision. Most people had a problem with one woman being with three men. In Boulder Flats it wouldn’t be a problem. There were a number of couples leaving in or around the area who were happily married to more than one man or woman.

“
It’s not that.” Lily started to say.

“
Then what is it?” Helen asked gently not wanting to push Lily into saying something she wasn’t ready to admit.

Lily looked out the window again trying to hold back the tears. “Helen, I can’t let them get close to me. Not in a way that will affect them long term. I need them to find the strength they had as a family then find a woman to share it with. Another woman, not me.”

“
Why not you, Lily? Do you think you aren’t good enough for them? Is there someone else? Why can’t you be the woman they need? The woman they love and want to spend the rest of their life with?”

“
Because I won’t be here very long. I can’t explain to you why so please don’t ask.” Lily clinched her hands together even tighter. “Helen, if anything should ever happen to me will you do me a favor?”

Helen’s breath caught in her throat. It sounded like Lily already knew something would happen. But how could she? “Of course, honey.”

“
In my room there is a canvas bag. In the bag is a journal. It won’t be there for long so you will have to hurry. I’d like for you to give it to Allen, Ethan, and Caleb. I can’t explain what I’m telling you but you must promise me you’ll give it to them if you can.” Lily finished in a rush. She had never wanted anyone to know about her. About her life. But now it seemed important for the men to know who she really was and if she had had a choice she would have made the choice to stay with them.

Puzzled, Helen agreed. Lily quickly turned the conversation to what the ladies did and what they were going to be doing. The rest of the day flew by. The local newspaper reporter came by and interviewed all the ladies before taking a picture for the front page. Lily had a wonderful time laughing and joking with the women. Helen insisted they go by Pete’s Trade Stop to pick up the items Lily needed stating she didn’t want Clive to have to get in trouble for her not following bosses’ orders. Lily had grudgingly conceded picking out only the bare necessities and getting a total so she could subtract it from her first pay check. There was more than one way to win a battle. On the ride home Helen told Lily about how their children and grandchildren were flying in for a big Christmas. Lily laughed at the antics of some of the grandkids. In all too short a time, Helen was pulling up in front of the ranch house.

“
Thanks for inviting me Helen. I had a wonderful time.” Lily said as she climbed out of the car and gathered her packages together.

“
I’ll come by in a couple days and we can plan Thanksgiving dinner. We used to do a big spread for all the men who stayed on over the holiday.” Helen said.

“
Sounds great. Bye.” Lily waved before turning and walking up the steps. The front door opened before she had even reached the top step. All three of the brothers stood in the doorway. Lily stopped for a minute and just stared at them.

“
Is this all you bought?” Allen said with disapproval.

“
Yes. It is all I need. I believe that was your stipulation.” Lily said with a frustrated grunt.

Caleb frowned at Lily. “I think we should have taken you to town. You need more than what those measly bags can hold.”

“
Let me see what you bought.” Ethan said reaching for a bag.

Before Lily could stop them, Ethan and Caleb had taken the bags out of her hands and Allen had pulled her close against his body. Ushering her into the living room, Ethan and Caleb began pulling items out.

“
What are you doing?” Lily demanded. “You can’t go through those. They are mine.”

Ethan growled at Lily when she tried to pull a smaller bag out of his hands. “Who paid for it?”

Lily flushed. “I put it on your account because Helen wouldn’t let me do anything else but I have the receipt and I plan on paying you back when I get my first paycheck. Now give me my things or I swear I’ll take them all back.”

“
Not until we see what you bought. You needed more than a jacket. Do you think we haven’t noticed you’ve been wearing some of our old shirts out of the rag pile Maggie kept down in the basement?” Allen said wrapping his arms around Lily’s waist and pulling her snuggly against his hard frame.

Lily blushed even redder. “There is nothing wrong with them and they are comfortable. It wasn’t like you guys would miss them.”

“
You’re damn right about that.” Caleb said pulling a sweater and a long sleeve shirt out of one bag. “How could I miss you wearing my shirt all tied up at the waist showing off your delectable belly button.”

Lily wiggled against Allen. He tightened his arms around her sliding his hand up to rest under her breast.

Ethan whistled as he opened the smaller bag. Grinning he pulled out several pairs of lacy underwear. “I had no idea Pete sold this stuff.”

Lily closed her eyes groaning in embarrassment.

“
Aw hell, Lily. I know I’ve never seen those in Pete’s store.” Allen said huskily.

Lily twisted in his arms and glared up at him, “How would you know, Allen? Do you often look for women’s lingerie?”

Allen stared intently down at Lily. “I do now.” Lily shivered. Before she could twist back around Allen crushed her lips to his. He kissed her deeply. It was only when she felt another warm body behind her that Allen released her mouth. He turned her slowly around until her back was pressed against his front. When Lily looked up she was staring into Ethan’s intense eyes.

“
My turn. Do you have any idea how hard it is to watch my brothers’ touch you and kiss you when I haven’t had a chance to do it yet?” Ethan whispered. “It’s my turn now.”

Without any other warning Ethan’s hard arms came around Lily pulling her up against him until she had to raise her legs and wrap them around his waist. Ethan sucked in a breath before he crushed his own lips down onto Lily’s. Nipping at her lips to open he drank deeply not giving Lily a chance to protest or retreat. Lily vaguely heard groaning in the background and wasn’t sure if it came from her or from the two other men in the room. She was on fire. Her stomach clinched and further down she felt something she had never felt before. She kissed Ethan back with all the hunger of someone starved for love. Running her hands through his hair she tugged him pulling his head further down trying to get even closer to him.

“
Damn but she is on fire.” Caleb croaked out hoarsely. He moved up to one side of Lily rubbing his hands over her ass and up her back. Lily moaned and arched backwards thrusting her hips down onto Ethan’s hard length.

“
Shit.” Ethan said in a strangled voice. “The guest bedroom. I’ll never make it to the master bedroom.”

Lily vaguely heard them through a fog of longing and need. She shouldn’t be doing this. It would complicate things when she left. She didn’t want to hurt them but she was so tired of always being alone. She burned for them. She felt the soft covers of the bed as Ethan laid her gently down on it. She felt hands slowly unbuttoning her blouse and pulling it out of her jeans. She felt them as they unbuttoned the top buttons on her jeans. All she could do was feel as their hands moved over her flat stomach and full breasts. A set of lips grabbed her swollen nipple through the lace of her bra. Lily cried out almost lifting straight off the bed.

“
I love you, Lily.” Allen said softly in her ear running little kisses down her face and along her jaw line.

Lily froze. No, she couldn’t do this. She knew what it was like to love and lose someone. She knew the horrendous pain one felt at watching a love one who had died. She couldn’t, wouldn’t do that to anyone. Especially, not these men who had known so much pain.

Pushing against their hands, Lily cried out, “Stop. Stop. Please stop.”

Struggling to sit up, she backed away not wanting to look at the three men who had come to mean so much to her in such a short time. Pulling her shirt together she tried to button it with shaking hands.

Ethan reached for her but stopped when she shook her head, “Lily, wants wrong? You know we wouldn’t hurt you.”

Crying, Lily pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, “I told you I can’t do this. I can’t be with you.”

“
You’re ours, Lily. You fucking know it too. You want us just as much as we want you.” Caleb said frustrated.

Allen placed his hand on Caleb’s arm trying to get him to calm down. “Is it because I told you I love you, Lily? Is that why you’re scared?” Allen asked quietly. “Because if it is, it won’t change a thing. I’ll still love you. I can’t speak for my brothers but I’ve spent enough time with you to know I want you to be a part of my life. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I miss our evenings together. I ache for you every damn day and night.”

Lily scooted across the bed and stood up straight. She took a deep breath before looking up at the three men staring at her, shaking her head back and forth she begged them softly, “Please, don’t love me. You don’t understand. You shouldn’t love me. You aren’t supposed to fall in love with me. I won’t be here for long. Please understand. It’s not you. It’s me. You need to find someone else. Someone who will be here for you, someone who can love you the way I can’t.”

“
What do you mean when you say you won’t be here for long, Lily?” Ethan asked softly. “You’ve said that before. Why? Why can’t you stay here? Why can’t we love you?”

Lily just stood there staring at the three of them with tears pouring down her face. She couldn’t answer them. What could she say? She wasn’t really alive. She didn’t know what she was but she never stayed long when she came to help someone.

“
Fuck this. When you decide you want to stay you let us know.” Caleb growled in a deep voice. He turned and walked out of the room. A minute later they all heard the front door slam.

Ethan walked over to Lily and looked down at her bent head. “When you are ready to talk we’ll be here for you. We’re going to love you whether you want us to or not. You already mean more than you can imagine to all of us.” He quietly walked out of the room.

Allen just stood staring at Lily for a moment before gently giving the top of her head a soft kiss and walking out the door as well. She broke down when she heard the door open and close. Holding her blouse together she slowly walked into the living room and gathered up the few purchases she had made. She walked through the darkened kitchen and into her room, shutting and locking the door. The kitten glanced up as she turned on the light beside her bed. It stretched and yawned really big before running his little body around Lily’s legs. She smiled through her tears. Bending down she picked up the little fuzzy body and held him close to her heart.

“
I don’t know how but somehow I’ll figure out what I am supposed to do now.” She murmured. “You wouldn’t have any suggestions would you?” The kitten looked up and purred contently. “I didn’t think so.”

The next morning the men were quiet during breakfast. The silence was killing Lily. This was not what was supposed to be happening. Allen watched her intently but never said a word. Caleb was withdrawn barely eating anything before he slammed his hat on and said he had work to do. Ethan finished his meal, picked up his coffee cup and disappeared in the direction of the office. Allen got up a few minutes later and walked over to where Lily was wiping down the counter top. He ran his hand down over her hair before pulling his hat on and walking out the door.

The next week was the same thing. Meals were a tense affair. If anything, Lily felt more lost and lonely than ever before. Unable to stand it any longer she called Helen and asked if she could come pick her up. Lily had to talk to someone and Helen was the only one she felt she could confide in.

Caleb looked up from where he was talking with Ed and Brad when he saw the car pull up. He watched as Lily came down the steps of the house and got into the car. Clive walked up behind him as he watched his wife pull away.

“
Do you know where Helen’s taking Lily?” Caleb asked as he watched the car moving down the long drive.

Clive spit before answering. “Helen just said they needed some girl time together. She has taken a fancy to Lily.”

Caleb looked toward the house and saw Ethan and Allen standing in different parts of the house watching Helen drive away with Lily. They felt it too. A fear they couldn’t quite put their fingers on. Turning back to the matter at hand, Caleb gave both his brothers a nod. It was hard on them but they had talked and decided they needed to give Lily time to make up her mind what she wanted. As far as they were concerned there was no doubt. They wanted her. Forever. If she needed time to come to terms with it they were willing to wait. Each of the men was handling it in their own way. Ethan buried himself in his work. Caleb bottled everything up and tried to ignore it but Allen was the one having the hardest time. He never said anything to Lily but he had to touch her. It was tearing him apart in a totally different way than what he had gone through during his capture. It was like a little piece of him was missing.