Lily's Secrets [Elk Creek 1] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) (22 page)

Lily hated sounding so melodramatic and tragic like a character from one of her favorite romantic novels, but she couldn’t help herself. Her judgment was clouded with desperation.

Should she ask Dakota to stay? Was that what he wanted her to do?

After several long heartbeats had passed, she finally rasped, “Why?”

“Why was I waiting?”

“Why are you leaving?”

“We both know there is no future in what we are all doing…back at the farm.”

“The future is what we make it, how we shape it, Dakota.”

“
Naw tane
…” He paused and cupped her face before he must have realized where he was, how his actions might have looked, and dropped his hand back to her waist.

“You called me that before when we…the first time we were all together. What does it mean, Dakota?”

He shook his head. “Lily—”

“Tell me.”

“My heart.”

“You and Wyatt are
my
heart. If you leave you’ll rip out part of it.”

“I do not wish to hurt anyone.”

She frowned. “Don’t you know you’ll hurt me, both of us, more if you go?”

“I have thought about this for a long time and I think it is best that I leave.”

Lily held his gaze, refusing to make it easy on him. Not that her attempt at shooting him a withering look did much good.

He held his ground, returning her gaze without flinching or fidgeting.

Lily knew the look, the stance. She had seen it enough times on Wyatt. “Well, I guess if your mind is made up…”

Dakota nodded but didn’t say anything.

He had mentioned to Brand and Rusty earlier that he was looking for someplace to stay in town, so Lily assumed he meant to stay in Elk Creek and not leave the region altogether. If he meant to stay in town, that meant only one place to Lily—Sabrina’s boarding house.

The idea filled her with hope.

Sabrina’s was just a little more than an hour’s ride by horse and wagon, and less than that on a horse like Gambit.

“I suppose I could talk to Sabrina for you if you like.” Her heart skipped a beat between her last word and Dakota nodding his agreement. “Then it’s done,” she said and felt like she had a purpose all of a sudden. She felt like she’d been given a second chance…yet again.

The idea of approaching Maia again about giving her a job at her and Sabrina’s shop—an idea that had never been far from her thoughts—rushed to the forefront. She realized, however, that it might look improper to ask the women about a job for her and boarding for Dakota at the same time or even the same night.

She wondered what Wyatt would think of her idea. She already knew how he felt about her working at the shop, but then that was before Dakota had come into their lives. He might be a little more obliging to the idea now knowing that Dakota would be in town, too, and could keep an eye on her. Or was she totally misconstruing Wyatt’s trust of Dakota?

Remembering how Wyatt had been at the beginning of Dakota’s stay and thinking about how he was now, she didn’t believe she misconstrued anything. She could plainly see a difference in the atmosphere around both men. A bond existed that she didn’t think her husband had ever shared with another man, not even Brand or Rusty. Wyatt trusted Dakota and that was a feat in itself as far as Lily was concerned. Her husband didn’t trust lightly. As generous as he was, he didn’t love lightly either. Wyatt put his heart and soul into everything he did and when he committed to something he did it for keeps, like their marriage. He wasn’t a quitter, and since he had allowed Dakota into their bed, into their marriage, Lily assumed, like her, that Wyatt was in whatever they wanted to call this thing between them all, for the long haul.

“So, you are no longer angry with me?”

Lily dragged herself back to the present and looked up into Dakota’s striking blue eyes. The sight never ceased to amaze her. “I was never angry with you, just a little hurt was all.”

“I am sorry for that.”

“All’s forgiven.” She smiled, and her heart fluttered when Dakota returned it and drew her just a tad closer. She didn’t think she would ever become inured to his smile or take for granted the way he made her feel. Every moment with him was fresh and exciting, the same way every moment was fresh and exciting with Wyatt.

She marveled at all the new things she’d been learning about her husband during the last several days, things she had not gotten a chance to learn about him during their entire marriage. Lily knew that she had Dakota to thank for the revelations. She knew that Wyatt would probably be a different man, a bitter and surly man still mired in grief and guilt instead of an optimistic man open to change and their unusual circumstances had Dakota not come into their lives.

She knew that she had Dakota to thank for the resurgence of her and Wyatt’s marriage. He brought out the best in them. She could only hope that they brought out the best in him.

It was for all these reasons that Lily was hesitant to bring up her and Dakota’s history, but like his leaving, there was no good time or way to broach the subject.

“Dakota, there’s something I need to tell you…”

He looked at her expectantly and raised an eyebrow at her silence.

Lily’s heart sped at his expression, wanting to hold on to this moment before things changed any more between them. Maybe bringing up to him what she knew about him wasn’t such a good idea, especially with him soon leaving, but she didn’t want to have any secrets between them.

What about the biggest secret of all that you’re keeping from Wyatt?

Lily shook her head as if to clear it. She could only deal with one moment of truth at one time. She vowed, however, that she would tell Wyatt about Dakota
and
his own son, in time. He deserved at least that much from her and she would not be able to live with herself otherwise.

This dance seemed to be forcing everything to a head for Lily. The two men that she loved and the man who had almost destroyed her life were all in the same place at the same time. Lily wanted to do everything she could to keep Wyatt as far away from the man who had hurt her as possible and being at this party made that difficult.

Time, she just needed a little more time, but it seemed like time was something none of them had an abundance of. Dakota would soon be leaving. Lily wanted to start working…“I remember that night,” she blurted.

“That night.”

It wasn’t a question and Lily saw Dakota’s expression instantly change from caution to acceptance all in the blink of an eye.

She watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed hard before he finally spoke.

“When did you start to remember?”

She shrugged as if her entire life wasn’t hanging in the balance of her answer and his response when the exact opposite was true. “The night Wyatt came home drunk.”

Dakota nodded.

“Were you ever going to say anything?”

He pinned her with an intense look, his hand tightening on her waist. “I would have given anything for you to have never remembered that night.”

“But why?”

“Lily, when I found you, you were…you almost…died.” His voice broke on the last word, and for the first time since her memory about Dakota had come back, Lily realized that she wasn’t the only one who had been injured or violated by what had happened to her that night.

How could she have been so selfish?

She squeezed his arm and felt his biceps flex beneath her fingers as he tightened his hold on her. “But I didn’t die and that’s because of you. You saved me.”

“I just happened to be in the right place at the right time.”

“I’m glad that you were.”

He gave her one of his searing, steady looks. “So am I.” A beat of silence passed between them before Dakota spoke again. “I am sorry I did not say anything to you.”

“Is that why you’re so eager to leave? Are you afraid Wyatt might find out?”

“Make no mistake about it, Lily. I am not eager to leave. I will never be eager to leave you…or Wyatt. It is just something that I
have
to do.”

She nodded because she understood, even if she still didn’t know what his reasons were. She respected what she sensed were his duty and responsibility. To whom and what he felt dutiful and responsible, Lily didn’t know, but she understood.

Dakota abruptly stopped dancing and cupped her cheek. “There is something that I need to tell you. It’s about yours and Wyatt’s son…”

Lily’s eyes widened as her eyes landed on Wyatt traversing the floor as he made his way toward them. “Can you tell me later? When we’re alone?”

Dakota turned to follow her gaze and silently nodded.

“Thank you.” Lily squeezed his arm again right before Wyatt arrived.

“I think you’ve monopolized our woman enough.” Wyatt sidled behind her and curved his arms around her waist as he nuzzled her neck. “I’d like to cut in for bit.”

Dakota separated from her, bowing slightly as he handed her off to Wyatt.

Lily grinned and shivered at the roughness of Wyatt’s unshaven cheek against her throat.

As much as she dreaded hearing what Dakota had to say, she was just as relieved by Wyatt’s appearance. She was sure she didn’t want to handle any more complications in their lives and eagerly welcomed her husband’s touch. She sought escape and refuge within the confines of his arms as well as the comfort and stimulation she knew he could provide.

Lately Wyatt had been so accommodating and spontaneous in his affection. She’d never doubted Wyatt’s love for her, but sometimes, even before her time with the Kiowas, she’d doubted his desire. Since Dakota’s arrival, it was as if their relations had been injected with a dose of adrenaline, and Lily wondered if Wyatt’s renewed arousal weren’t due to a little healthy competition. Whatever the reasons, she readily welcomed what he and Dakota had to offer.

Lily turned in her husband’s arms, tilted back her head, and stood on tiptoes to reach his mouth with hers. His lips were full and soft as they gave way beneath hers and she dipped her tongue past them, encouraged by Wyatt’s surprised intake of breath and liking his sweet-tart taste. “You’ve been in the punch, hmm?”

“Just a little sip to wet my whistle.”

“Tastes nice.” She licked her lips and detected the distinct but not overpowering taste of rum as well as the fruity-sour flavor of strawberry and lemon. Lily moved in close to hug Wyatt and caught a glimpse of Dakota as he reached the outer edges of the dance floor where several other single cowboys and townsfolk lined up against the wall tapping their feet to the beat of the music as they scanned the crowd.

She caught his glance and Lily’s heart shuddered at the rueful, solemn expression in his eyes that belied his smile. She hated that he couldn’t freely indulge in displays of affection with her the way Wyatt could. She hated that a simple touch like the hug she and Wyatt shared and took for granted right then was denied Dakota.

Even as she thought this, she caught the disapproving looks her neighbors gave her and Dakota. She knew the looks were as much because she and Wyatt had the audacity to be friendly with an Indian in public as because the townspeople suspected anything about the relationship that same Indian shared with two of their own. Lily didn’t know which reasoning was worse.

“Penny for your thoughts.”

Lily brought her attention back to Wyatt and saw the intent look on his face. “I told Dakota that I would speak to Sabrina about his moving into her boarding house.”

“Well, you two were busy.”

She saw his grin and released the deep breath she’d just taken.

“What, did you reckon I’d be upset?”

“I wasn’t sure what to think.”
But now would be as good a time as any to drop the other shoe.
“I’m also going to ask her and Maia about working at the shop, see if they still want me.” She tilted her chin up, preparing for his objections, and didn’t realize she was holding her breath again until Wyatt responded.

“If that’s what you want.”

She stared at him. He didn’t seem happy or sad, just resigned. “It is.”

Wyatt shrugged. “I suppose it’s a good thing Dakota will be staying in town then.”

“I thought so, too.”

Wyatt smiled and pulled her close. “Always thinking two steps ahead of everyone else.” He spun her around to the beat of the music and Lily giggled at his antics, feeling truly lighthearted for the first time that evening.

Lily tried not to think about Dakota’s last words and what they could possibly mean.

What was it he wanted to tell her about her baby boy that she didn’t already know?

Dakota didn’t know whether or not to be thankful to Wyatt for interrupting him and Lily or not. Had Wyatt arrived a moment later, Dakota would have revealed his secret, told Lily their son was alive and well and that would have resulted in a probable display of accusations and tears that could have brought more attention to them than any of them ever wanted.

He did not know what had come over him, why he had thought now, at a party, would be the appropriate time to tell Lily. Once she had revealed what she knew about him he had felt compelled to reciprocate. Would it not have been better, however, to just get everything out in the open where it could not haunt or hurt either of them anymore?

Dakota had seen how difficult it had been for Lily to make her confession. He had seen how she had had to build up her courage to tell him what she knew about him.

He did not envy the moment when he would have to all over again build up that same sort of nerve, waiting for just the right time to tell Lily about her son and dreading her reaction.

All of a sudden something struck Dakota about Lily’s behavior at Wyatt’s imminent arrival. She had been stricken with panic. She had not wanted Wyatt to know what they were talking about. She had asked for him to wait until they were alone, which led Dakota to believe he was not the only one keeping secrets. He did not know why it had not occurred to him before now that Lily had not told Wyatt about the existence of his son. Maybe, like Dakota, she thought to protect Wyatt. What good would it do telling her husband about their son when she thought the boy was dead? What good could come of Wyatt knowing that he’d had a child, but would never get to know or meet him because that child was already gone?