Linda Kay Silva - Delta Stevens 3 - Weathering the Storm (18 page)

The pink turned to red.

Bull’s-eye.

“You can be honest, Carducci. You did, didn’t you? You probably also thought we all hate men and run around with hairy armpits and no bras.” Delta paused and glanced down at her chest. “Not that it would-n’t be nice not to have to underwire every day.”

The red in Tony’s face deepened. “Well...I...”

Delta smiled gently at him as a signal that her words, though potentially harsh sounding, were not intended to put him on the defensive. She had done that too many times as a young, almost militant lesbian, who didn’t care that stretching her wings often meant poking someone else in the eye. “Come on, Carducci, it’s the nineties. Just like the rest of the world, we come in all shapes and sizes. The day of wearing green on Thursdays is over. Besides, don’t you think you’d be hard pressed to find anyone in California who could define `normal?’” Delta waited, but she could tell that Tony was still chewing on her first questions. “Carducci, lesbians don’t—”

“Shh,” Tony said, putting a finger to his lips and looking around quickly to see if anyone was within earshot. “You want people to find out?”

Delta smiled and shook her head. “Most of them already know. It’s no secret.”

Tony’s eyes grew wide like a child who just found out Santa does-n’t exist. “It isn’t?”

Opening the car door, Delta got in and waited for him to fold his long legs in and close the door before continuing. “People keep things secret when they are ashamed or afraid. I’m not. I came out a long time ago because the secret was eating me up inside and making me pretend to be someone I’m not. When I came out to Miles, I knew it was the right thing to do.”

“Because you knew he wouldn’t let anyone fuck with you?”

“That and the fact that I was tired of the charade. Pretending to be straight takes so damn much energy. After awhile, it feels like one big game to see how long you can keep people guessing. I just got tired of it.”

“But what about all the assholes like Miller, who give you a bad time about it and say shit behind your back?”

“Well, you already said it. He’s an asshole. He’d have some knife to stab in my back if I were a straight woman and not interested in him. Jerks are naturally like that. I learned long ago not to waste my breath or my fists on someone that narrow-minded. Some people can open their minds, some can’t. I don’t choose to spend time trying to pry open the minds of those who can’t. It’s simple. Besides, I don’t parade my sexuality around. If I did, the brass would make soup out of me.”

“Don’t the other guys...you know...guys like Miller...don’t they give you a bad time?”

Delta shook her head. “Look, after shooting the legs out from under another cop, nobody messes with me now, unless they’re just stupid.”

“Like Miller.”

“Yeah. Like Miller.”

As they pulled out of the lot, Delta sensed Tony mulling over her words. She waited in relative silence while he sorted through this new information. She didn’t care whether he accepted this revelation or not. It would simply be harder to get along during his TP training if he harbored any resentment or hostility. That was the problem about coming out to new partners. Reactions were always unpredictable and, often, the news created tension between partners. Unfortunately, having Tony Carducci for a partner was tension enough.

Finally, when Tony spoke, his voice was softer and quieter than she had ever heard.

“Delta?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve been thinking it over. About this...gay thing and all.”

“And?”

“And I don’t really care who you sleep with. It’s just...”

“What?”

“Well, to be honest, I’ve never known a gay woman before.”

Delta grinned at his choice of words. “Lesbian, Carducci. We’re called lesbians. It won’t kill you to say the word.”

Tony swallowed loudly and stared out his side of the window. “I know. It’s just that I’ve never known any...lesbians before...I mean, maybe I have.”

“More than likely you have and just didn’t know it.”

Tony nodded, his face a mixture of consternation and puzzlement. “I guess, the hard part is that I know you think I’m some kind of chauvanist pig and all, and now I don’t know what not to say. I try to keep my mouth shut but, damn it, Delta, this is really new to me.”

Glancing at him, Delta reached over and patted his shoulder. For all of his overflowing machismo, Tony Carducci did have a heart. Sure, he was naive and had an overabundance of testosterone, but at least he cared enough to ask questions. At least the man inside the body wanted to know how to be, how to coexist with someone far different than he had ever known. And this little bit of insight shed more light on Tony’s character than anything else Delta had seen so far. Hope poked its head around the corner.

“Look, Carducci, say whatever you’d normally say, unless it’s derisive or discriminatory. If you were working with an African-American, you wouldn’t make stupid Black jokes, would you?”

“No way.”

“Then give me the same respect you would anyone else. It’s not a disease. While you certainly don’t have to walk on eggshells around me, I don’t want you attacking me, either. Treat me like you did before you knew and we’ll get along just fine, okay?”

Tony stared straight ahead and nodded. “I think I can handle that.”

“Good.”

For the next ten minutes, the only sound in the patrol car was the crackling of the radio. Delta was glad that Tony chose to think to himself instead of trying to make polite conversation or small talk. She had to admit that he had taken the news better than she thought he would. He had, after all, listened with an ear that showed a gentle concern for their working relationship. Unlike many of the other men she had told, Tony had not made any lurid comments about “watching” or what was it like sexually. His first concern was for their partnership, and she liked that.

What she liked even more was discovering that there really was a soul beneath all that mousse and cologne. Looking over at Tony, Delta smiled and he turned and smiled back. Something had broken between them. It was like a ray of sun breaking through the clouds after a storm.

“Thanks for sticking up for me, anyway, Carducci. I appreciate it.”

Tony shrugged and looked away, the pink reappearing on his cheeks. “Wasn’t anything. I didn’t do it because I think being gay is disgusting or anything like that. I did it because you’re my partner and no one can just rip on my partner when I’m around and expect to walk away without some teeth missing.”

Delta hid her grin. Playground politics were at work here, and she knew there was no use in trying to talk him out of twenty-something years of male socialization. “Well, thanks, anyway. It means something when someone sticks up for you, know what I mean?”

Tony nodded. “I may not know the streets very well yet, Delta, but I do know a little bit about people. And I know that you’re good people regardless of who you sleep with. You’re good people and you’re a damned good cop. Who gives a shit about the rest?”

Delta shrugged, letting the grin slip out just a little bit. “More people than you might imagine.”

“Well, not me. What you do on your own time is none of my business. And vice versa.”

“Agreed.”

As the car silently slipped through the streets like a snake slithering through the jungle floor, Delta thought about her other coming out experiences. If there was one thing she had learned, it was to resist predicting how someone was going to react to the news. She had had husbands of best friends toss her out of the house. She had watched her sister-in-law move the baby into another room, and she had seen people she barely knew welcome her into their families with open arms. She couldn’t have predicted that Tony would have been okay with her.

“You’re really being a trooper about this, Carducci. It isn’t an easy thing for some men to get used to.”

Tony turned in his seat to fully face her. The pupils in his eyes were dilated and his eyebrows formed a crown as they knitted together. “I may be a lot of things, Delta, but stupid isn’t one of them. I wouldn’t trade being taught by you for anything in this world. I wouldn’t give a damn if you slept with donkeys. Teach me what I need to know out here. The rest isn’t any of my business.”

“No, it isn’t. But being a lesbian isn’t about sleeping with women. We have relationships, commitments, unions. We’re couples in every sense of the word.”

“As long as you don’t steal my action, know what I mean?” Tony forced a grin and shrugged. “Letting a lady get away to another guy is one thing, but I don’t know how I’d feel if we were both hitting on the same woman and she walked away with you. Nothing personal, but I don’t think I’d handle that very well.”

Delta shook her head. “Trust me, Carducci, you and I will never compete for the same woman.”

Tony shrugged. “I guess not, huh?”

“Besides, I’m...” Delta hesitated. What was she? Committed? Separated? Alone? “In a relationship.”

Tony looked sideways at her. “No kidding? You don’t look like the domestic type to me.”

Delta laughed. “I don’t?”

“Nope. You look like someone who likes playing the field.”

“Well, I’m not. I like being monogamous.”

“Really? Good for you.”

Delta patted his arm. “You know, Carducci, you’re okay. Stick with me, and the rest will follow soon enough.”

Tony stared at Delta and squinted. “The rest?”

“Of your humanity training. I’m going to make an open-minded human being out of you yet.”

Just then, their number came up on the radio and Delta motioned for Tony to take the call. Watching him speak into the mike, Delta warmed inside. It had been a long, long time since a man had defended her honor. It had been just as long since she had felt comfortable with a man as a partner. Tony’s willingness to jump to her defense spoke volumes about his level of integrity and his understanding of the importance of partnerships.

“Ready to roll?” Tony asked, turning on the lights and sirens.

Delta nodded. “I’m ready, Partner.”

The night continued without incident or further discussion of Delta’s sexuality. It appeared as if Tony was at least able to accept the initial phase of her coming out to him. That was a big plus in his favor. It also meant he was capable of separating the person from the badge, and that was equally important. It was a lesson many rookies didn’t learn until it was too late.

Delta wondered if she had ever learned it at all.

“Delta?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for leveling with me about this...lesbian thing. I’ve been sitting here thinking about it and it must have taken a lot of guts to open up to a guy you don’t like very much.”

Delta flicked her high beams at a slow moving car and shook her head as she whizzed past it. “It has nothing to do with liking you, Carducci. If you can’t trust your partner, no matter how different you are from each other, then you’re in trouble.”

“You trust me?”

Delta thought about this before answering. “Yeah, Carducci, I do. I wouldn’t get into the car every night with you if I didn’t.”

“What about my stupid mistakes?”

“Mistakes are only stupid when someone gets hurt by them. Besides, you’re allowed a few mistakes.”

“As long as they’re not too stupid?”

“Exactly.”

“Did you make stupid mistakes?”

Delta winced inside at the memory of the biggest mistake she had ever made. Every day since Miles had died, she looked at the shotgun in the unit and wondered what her life would be like now if she had had it the night they stopped that van.

“Yeah, Carducci, I have.”

Delta peered through the night, looking for any sign of her best street connection. After cruising past the pool hall, the pizza joint, and the liquor store on the corner, she finally pulled up to two prostitutes standing on the corner.

“What are you doing?” Tony asked as Delta rolled down her window. “Listen and learn, Carducci.” Then to the women, “Hey gals, long time, no see.”

“Delta!” the tall black woman in the red wig shouted as she ran over to the window. Her left pump nearly got wedged into the sidewalk and she practically stumbled into the car. “Hey, Sugar.You take our best gal and disappear into Never Never Land? Where you been?”

Delta grinned. Candy was one of Delta’s favorite prostitutes. “Getting into all sorts of trouble.”

“And where’s Megan? Where you been keeping her, girlfriend?”

“Off the streets, that’s for sure.”

“Hey, girl,” the short white woman said as she moseyed up to the car. “What’s shakin’?” Leaning over, the woman saw Tony and winked. “Mm Mm, but your partners just get better and better looking.”

Delta looked over at Tony, who blushed. “All looks, girls, and no money.”

Both women laughed. Then Candy leaned in closer. “Whatcha need, Sugar?”

“I’m looking for Julio, and I haven’t found him in the usual places.”

The woman with the wig smiled. She had perfectly straight teeth. “Try Chuckie’s. Julio’s been hanging there a lot.”