Lindsay McKenna (17 page)

He set the magazine aside and noticed it was nearly five o’clock. Getting up, he went to the kitchen to make dinner. He was going to let Cat sleep until she woke up on her own. And if she slept right through the evening, that was fine with him, too. Talon knew the healing power of a deep, long and uninterrupted sleep.

As he made a salad on the counter, he couldn’t shake the look on Cat’s face when Magee had pinned her against the truck. In that instant, he’d seen a terrified child. It had torn his heart apart. He’d leaped off the wooden walkway and sprinted toward Magee, who had cocked his fist to strike Cat. He’d seen the helpless fright emerge in her expression. It was then that Talon realized the depths of the wounds her father had given her. How many times had Cat looked like that as a child growing up around her abuser? She’d lived in terror all the time.

And yet, she’d become a strong, independent warrior. He put the salad in the fridge and drew out two chicken breasts he found in the freezer. He cooked rice and mixed it with raisins and walnuts. He sprinkled Middle Eastern spices on the meat, placed foil over it and slid it into the oven to bake.

No matter what he did to busy himself, Talon could not wipe out that childlike terror he’d seen in Cat’s eyes as she tried to fight back and free herself from Magee. His knuckles were skinned, bruised and swollen from striking the son of a bitch. He took private satisfaction that he’d purposely broken Magee’s nose. SEALs were trained to kill with their hands and Talon had come very close to doing just that with this bastard who had hurt Cat. Magee had made her life miserable.

How must she feel about the bastard stalking her? Like a hunted animal, most likely. Anger simmered in Talon as he found a chocolate-cake mix in another cabinet and located a can of white frosting. No wonder Cat didn’t trust men, with someone like Magee shadowing her every move. But how much was Magee tailing her? Talon didn’t know, but he was going to find out—he wanted to put that bastard into prison for a long, long time. He wanted Magee out of Cat’s life.
Permanently.
And every protective instinct in him was oriented toward guarding Cat, keeping her safe. Giving her a place where she no longer felt constantly threatened. And his heart was ripped up by what had happened to her as a child.

As he worked on the cake, Talon shook his head, confused. Hell, he wanted Cat in his bed, wanted to be in her, love her, take her to places of intense pleasure and satisfaction she probably hadn’t discovered yet. But he wanted more. It was unnamed, but a new hunger was making him crave her company, her smile, her laughter and the way she saw her world. He wanted to discover her facets and so much more.

As Talon worked quietly in her kitchen, he felt a new kind of peacefulness cloak him. A lot of the anxiety that was always with him dissolved. Cat’s condo was like a sanctuary, a place where she dreamed and made notes in the edges of magazines. Talon found himself wanting to share her dreams, to be a part of them. So what did that make him? Was he wanting, for the first time in life, a serious relationship with a woman? Yeah, for sure. Now he was in uncharted territory and it scared him, but it also called to him like a siren. And as uncomfortable as he was, Talon had learned as a SEAL to work through the fear and keep moving toward the objective. In this case, it was Cat.

Once Talon finished his dinner duties, he washed his hands one last time and dried them on a towel. His heart centered on Cat. He felt things for her he’d never felt for another woman. And he hadn’t even taken her to bed. That was the hell of it. Something about her, just as she was, fulfilled him. Expanded his heart, made him feel a happiness that had been foreign to him up until now. Talon had no explanation for it. He was grappling with his feelings and unsure of what would happen between them.

Dragging in a ragged breath, Talon moved to the dining room and set it for dinner, hoping Cat would awaken and join him later.

Cat made him feel complete. Talon stood, plate in hand as he considered the realization. He’d been so lost since Hayden had died, the guilt so heavy and grinding, shredding his heart. Depression was all Talon had known since Hayden’s death. And when Cat entered his life, Talon felt hope again. It had occurred quietly, over time. But with each moment spent near her, his feelings for her deepened and widened. And happiness was always a part of it, moving in the background beyond the grief he carried daily for his fallen brother. Cat was healing to him. Talon frowned, halting and closing his eyes, following that feeling. God, he’d been so deeply wounded by the torture and Hayden’s death. How was it possible a person could help him out of that pit of despair? Ease his grief? Erase his depression? Yet, as Talon stood there looking at himself, remembering where he was at six months ago compared to now, he felt so much better. He wanted to live again. Cat had infused him with hope. Talon doubted she knew the powerful effects she had upon him. He’d never realized it until just now, himself. It shook him to his foundation.

Rubbing his chest where his heart lay, Talon finished setting the table. Stunned by the weight of his relationship with Cat, which was pretty desultory at best, she was still deeply affecting him in so many good ways. And today, he’d been made aware of it as never before. The hunger he felt in wanting to love her was driving him over an edge of a symbolic cliff he’d never known existed. Until right now.

“Hey,” Cat called, her voice thick with sleep. The condo was filled with the odors of spices and chocolate. The fragrances had slowly awakened her from a deep sleep. She’d pulled on the lavender silk robe that fell to her ankles and slowly descended the carpeted stairs, barefoot. Feeling groggy, she saw Talon was busy in the kitchen. He wore a pair of oven mitts and was taking something that smelled very good out of the oven. When she halted at the granite island and caught his attention, a warmth flooded her. She wiped her eyes, barely awake. Talon straightened and saw her. His smile went straight to her heart and down to her lower body. How she wanted to be closer to him.

“Hey, yourself,” Talon greeted, setting the Pyrex dish on a trivet on the dining room table. “How do you feel?” God, Cat looked like dessert to him, the silk lavender robe clinging softly to her, outlining her tall, shapely body. Her hair was tousled, her eyes drowsy with sleep and her mouth, soft and slightly parted. Groaning inwardly, Talon took off the mitts and set them on the counter.

“I’m really sleepy,” Cat admitted. “But I smelled what you were cooking and realized I was a little bit hungry.” Cat watched him move with animal grace, the Levi’s accenting his narrow hips and his long, powerful thighs. He had the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to just below his elbows, his forearms dusted with dark hair. Swallowing, Cat noticed his beard had grown enough to give him a dark look that made her body yearn even more.

“I figured you might wake up,” he murmured. Talon drew out a chair. “Have a seat? I’ll get the rest of our meal on the table.”

Cat sat down, gathering the folds of the robe across her legs. Outside, the sun was in the west, shafts coming in brightly through the front living room window. “What time is it?” she asked, picking up a glass of water.

Talon placed the bowl of salad on the table. “Six-thirty.” He’d given Cat the seat at the head of the table and sat down at her left elbow. “Dig in,” he invited. “Kind of a Middle Eastern banquet tonight.”

“I didn’t know you could cook,” she said, spooning the fragrant raisin and walnut rice onto her plate.

“And I didn’t know you were a firefighter. There are many facets we haven’t explored yet, but I like getting to know you, Cat.” Talon met her drowsy eyes, noticing they were less cloudy looking. Cat had slept off some of the shock, and that made him breathe a little easier. Talon watched her mouth curve over his comment. He placed a chicken breast on her plate.

“Thanks. Me, too,” she said. Pushing her fingers through her hair, she tamed it away from her face and across her shoulders. “You have lots of layers, Talon. Like a torte cake.”

“I’ve been called many things, but never a torte cake.”

She smiled tentatively. “You are a man of many skills, I think. This smells wonderful.”

“Hopefully, it will taste as good as it looks,” he teased lightly, placing salad into the bowl near her plate. “Been a long time since I’ve taken on making a serious dinner.” He saw a flush of pink come into her cheeks. Cat was incredibly open, her shields not present, and Talon tried not to be too assertive with her. Even picking up the fork and knife, her fingers long and tapered, there was grace in her movement. He wanted those hands exploring him. But he quelled his sexual appetite. The quiet and peace they shared right now was amazing and fed him.

“Mmm, this is really good,” Cat murmured between bites. She shared a look with him. Talon seemed bashful over her compliment. “Hey, you can say thank you.”

“Thank you,” he growled, finding he was starved. “How are you feeling?” He glanced up to see her reaction. She seemed more relaxed but not 100 percent.

“Still wrung out,” she slowly admitted. Everything tasted delicious. For once it was nice to have a real meal that she hadn’t had to make herself. She glanced at Talon. “Shock.”

“Yeah, it is. You need a good night’s sleep under your belt to get rid of the rest of it.”

She stared at him for a moment. “There’s so much more to you.”

Talon smiled a little and held her gaze. “Funny, I was thinking the same thing about you.”

Cat managed a twitch of her mouth. “Why?”

“You’re an amazing person with hidden depths.”

Cat frowned. “I don’t see that.”

“You’re not supposed to. It’s part of discovering who you are through my eyes.”
And my heart.
And there was no longer any question that his heart wasn’t involved.

Talon’s voice was like rough velvet across her flesh. Cat held his genial gaze and felt her heart opening wider, with ribbons of happiness flowing through it. “I’m pretty simple and straightforward,” she groused.

Talon laughed and shook his head. “No, you’re highly complex. But that’s a good thing in my book.”

“I don’t see that, either.”

“It’s tough for anyone to see themselves, don’t you think?” Talon asked, picking up the salad dressing. Just getting to talk and explore Cat was another kind of dessert to him. She had no ability to play games. What you saw was what you got. And while Cat was open and maybe trusting toward him, she was far from simple.

“God knows I’m not good at seeing beneath a person’s mask. I wish I was....” She frowned.

“You think all people wear masks?”

“Yes. The mask as I see it is the face everyone else sees out in public.” She pointed toward the door. “But when a person goes home, the mask comes off and the real person appears.” She shared a wry look with him. “I don’t have the ability to see beneath a person’s mask and I wish I did. I think you see beneath mine.”

“So if you could ferret out who lived under that mask, you think it would stop you from making mistakes with men like Magee?”

“Yeah. Why didn’t I see under his mask? If I had, I’d never have gotten involved with him.”

He felt her frustration. “You’re too hard on yourself, Cat. Look at us. We have a good relationship, don’t we?”

“You’re one of the men in my life that has been good for me.”

“So, you’ve upgraded,” he teased. A hesitant smile came to her eyes as she regarded him.

“You’re too good for me, Talon.”

His heart squeezed with pain. He scowled. “Why do you say that?”

Cat shook her head and stopped eating. “Sometimes, Talon, I think you’re a dream come true for me. I’ve been floundering for years trying to understand and straighten myself out. I guess, to be honest, I felt like I wasn’t worthy of much. I’m so screwed up inside. I couldn’t see how any man would want me.” The words were out and she saw Talon’s eyes grow dark and focused on her. “You’re very different from the other men I chose.” Her voice dropped. “That’s why I think you’re a dream....” And like a dream, she was afraid he’d disappear from her life.

There was such shyness in her face, in her voice, as if she were revealing a precious secret and uncertain about admitting something so deeply personal to him. He nodded, moved powerfully by her trust. And it
was
trust. She’d just handed him a great gift.

He held her gaze, his voice suddenly emotional. “Well, you’re my dream come true, too....”

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

C
AT
’
S
SCREAMS
JOLTED
Talon out of sleep. He woke up instantly, adrenaline pouring through his bloodstream as he threw off the covers and headed down the hall toward her room. Moonlight drifted around the edges of the front window. He had excellent night vision and as he reached Cat’s opened bedroom door, he heard her sob. The sound ripped at his heart.

He pushed open the door. “Cat? What’s wrong?”

She was sitting on the edge of the bed, the covers rumpled, half of them on the floor. She’d had a nightmare. Mouth tightening, he saw her head bent, hands covering her face, sobbing, her shoulders shaking.
Damn.

He wore only a pair of boxer shorts. Crouching in front of her, unsure if she was still wrapped up in the nightmare, he called out softly, “Cat? Hey? Look at me. Are you okay?”

Talon wanted to reach out, touch her arm, but he knew what it was like to be caught up in a nightmare. It could scare her even more, deepen the trauma she was already experiencing, if he touched her unexpectedly.

“Cat?” he called more firmly. Barely able to stand her softened sobs, she was bent forward, as if to shield or protect herself.

Cat heard Talon’s low, quiet voice break through the terror of her nightmare. She lifted her wet hands to find him crouched in front of her, his face deeply shadowed and worried. It was his stormy gray eyes that told her he cared. Sitting up, she pushed her hair away from her face.

“Oh, God, I’m sorry I woke you,” she rasped, feeling guilt.

Talon rose and smiled a little. He sat down next to her and slid his arm around her shoulders. “I’m glad you did,” he told her roughly, a lot of emotions on the surface. “Come here, let me hold you for a bit.”

To his surprise, Cat turned and pressed her face against his shoulder and neck, her hand covering her face. She was warm and he bit back a groan as she entrusted herself to him. He could feel her trembling and understood the depth of the nightmare’s hold on her. Sliding his other arm around her waist, he held her gently, his body going into overdrive with need for her.

“Talk to me,” Talon urged, resting his cheek against her hair.

With a shaking hand, Cat tried to wipe the tears away from her cheek. Talon felt incredibly warm, hard and powerful. She inhaled the male scent that was mixed with his evergreen soap. Her voice broke. “I— Oh, God, I just relived Magee attacking me in the parking lot.”

Sliding his fingers through the tangled mass of her hair, slowly smoothing it out into strands, massaging her scalp, he said, “I thought so. It’s going to be okay, babe. You’re safe. Safe...”

His voice was like balm across her scattered, terrorized emotions. Her heart pounded wildly, her breath ragged and uneven. Cat felt her nipples harden against his chest wall. His fingers eased the tension in her scalp, tiny prickles of pleasure and fire sheeting down across her head, into her neck and flowing directly to her breasts. She placed her hand on his chest, the hair soft, feeling the slow thud of his heart beneath her palm. It soothed her. Talon’s flesh tensed, the muscles leaping where her hand rested.

“I feel so stupid. I’m sorry I woke you up,” she whispered, wanting the sense of protection he was affording her. Talon squeezed her reassuringly.

“You’re not stupid, Cat. I get nightmares, too. And I wake up screaming. I’m always afraid I’ll wake up everyone else in the house when it happens.” He inhaled her sweet, spicy scent, aching to kiss her. Talon knew he could make Cat forget the nightmare and move into a world of scalding pleasure with him. He eased his hand down to her neck, gently massaging the tension. Feeling her relax more, sinking into him, allowing him to hold her weight, he smiled to himself. He skimmed his fingers down across her nightgown, and feeling how damp it was with sweat, his heart contracted. Yeah, she was having a wicked nightmare. Talon continued to stroke his hand lightly up and down her arm to soothe the remnants of the terror away from her. With each stroke, she sagged a little more trustingly into his embrace. He felt her moist breath across her neck and upper chest, felt her nuzzle her face more surely against him.

“Okay,” she managed hoarsely, “now I don’t feel so bad....” She sniffed, continuing to wipe the tears that still fell. Why couldn’t she stop crying? Was it because Talon was holding her? A safe harbor in the storm of her life? It felt so good to be held like this. The aphrodisiac of his male scent entered her flaring nostrils, an unguent against the terror. With each intake of breath, a little more of the paralyzing fear dissolved. Cat almost moaned as his hand moved gently down her arm. Unconsciously, her fingers tangled in the soft hair of his chest. She could feel the powerful pulse in his neck beneath her cheek. Talon was so male, but for once, Cat wasn’t afraid of it. Or him. She wanted his touch. Wanted to languish in his arms, needing whatever invisible care he was giving to her right now.

Talon felt his erection hardening to the point of pain. With her hip against his, Cat wasn’t aware of his condition, thank God. It was the last thing he wanted her to discover right now. She sank fully against him and he felt her surrender to him for the first time. He sat there in the darkness, the muted moonlight giving the room just enough grayness so that he could see.

Her hair tickled his jaw. The moisture of her breath inflamed him. He wanted to kiss her. Did he dare? Would Cat see his action as taking advantage of her in this situation? The questions spun through Talon’s mind. And yet, he felt her slowly beginning to explore his chest, her fingers sliding and making his skin scream for more contact. Was Cat doing this on purpose? Talon honestly didn’t know and wasn’t willing to assume a damn thing.

Finally, he felt her surrender to him. There was no more sniffing, no more of her wiping the tears from her face. Just...silence. And Cat in his arms. Talon knew he was the one responsible here for whatever actions he initiated. Was Cat ready to be loved by him? Was that what she wanted? If he hauled her onto the bed beside him, how would she react? Cat was different. And he felt differently toward her. He cared and he wanted her to voluntarily want the same things he wanted.

Easing Cat out of his arms, he placed his finger beneath her chin and gazed into her shadowed, moist eyes. “What do you want right now, Cat?”

She gulped over the burning desire in Talon’s eyes. Felt the sensuality binding them silently. Talon wanted to kiss her. Her lower lip trembled as an unknown emotion washed over his face. “I want to kiss you,” she managed. Feeling unsure, she watched as Talon’s mouth curved faintly, his eyes narrowing upon hers.

“I want the same thing,” he rasped, framing her face with his hands, leaning down, his mouth barely an inch from hers. “Cat,” he whispered, his low voice uneven, “I not only want to kiss you, I want to love you. You’re in charge here and I need to know how far you want me to go.” Talon searched her upturned eyes, torn by the tears still glimmering in them. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. Cat had been hurt enough by men.

Talon’s mouth was so close to hers. She could feel the hot moisture of his breath. “I—I don’t know....” she choked. Shame wound through her. She didn’t see what he saw in her. She didn’t consider herself pretty. Worse, she worried what he’d discover about her body.

“Let’s start with a kiss? See where it leads? All you have to do is tell me to stop, Cat, and I will.” Talon searched her unsure gaze. He was on thin ice with Cat and it could break at any second. She seemed to wrestle with herself. “Tell me what you’re feeling, Cat.”

She shrugged, feeling unworthy of this man who was so incredibly masculine, ruggedly handsome and wanting her. “I just don’t think I’m good enough for you,” she admitted hoarsely.

Talon gave her a very male smile. “In my book, you’re a ten.”

“I like being a ten in your eyes.”

He smoothed strands of hair away from her cheek.

She could feel Talon waiting, felt the throbbing power around him, felt his need of her. Yet, it was contained. No man had waited for her before. No man had ever told her she was in control. He was so different from her experience that it rendered her more uncertain. When she stared at his mouth, her body went from zero to a hundred in a split second. She remembered Talon’s mouth on hers. She felt dampness collecting swiftly between her thighs. Tired of her indecision because it was based upon fear, Cat leaned that inch and pressed her mouth barely against his.

Talon felt heat sizzle through him as she initiated the shy kiss. Her lips barely grazed his mouth. He nudged his mouth against her upper lip, silently asking for entrance. And she willingly complied. His erection hardened and he drew in a deep breath, forcing the discomfort out of his mind, focusing on how soft and chaste her opening lips felt against his. Her breath was sweet and Talon angled her just enough to ask her lips to blossom fully beneath his urging. She moaned softly as he fully took her, deepening their connection, their contact with one another. He nearly lost it then, her trust implicit with him. Using his tongue, he slowly moved it from one delicious corner of her mouth to the other. Instantly, he felt Cat stiffen but the sexy sound in her throat told him everything he needed to know. She liked it. Emboldened, Talon moved his tongue gently against hers, inviting her to respond, to play with him. Her breath became ragged. Cat gripped his shoulders as their tongues wove into a sliding, sensuous dance with one another. She pressed herself against him, wanting, needing more contact with him. It was her fingers digging frantically into his bunched shoulders that told Talon she was fully committed.

Talon broke the kiss and watched her eyes barely open. He saw lust in them and smiled. “I want you on the bed, beside me.”

His strength was surprising as he eased her onto her back and lay down beside her. The nightgown had hitched up above her knees. Talon moved his hand slowly upward across her covered thigh.

“Did anyone ever tell you how beautiful and strong you are?” Talon whispered against her lips. His hand stilled midway up her thigh. Her hair was like a black halo about her head, emphasizing her large blue eyes. Eyes that burned with arousal.

Talon leaned down, taking her mouth gently. He wanted her badly, but she was still shaken from the nightmare and he needed to approach her slowly. Tenderly. Her eyes shuttered closed, her hands wrapping around his shoulders as he glided his mouth against hers. Slipping his hand across her hip, he angled her onto her left side and drew her up against him. The gown was cut low in the back. As his fingers grazed her naked back, he stopped. What the hell was he feeling? Moving his fingers lightly, he felt ridges.
Scars?

Cat froze.

Easing his mouth from hers, Talon raised his head and saw the fear in her expression.

“What are these?” he asked, gently moving his fingers across her back. There were scars maybe an inch to two inches long at least in five different places across her flesh. He saw the shame. Had her father done this to her?
Jesus.
Leaning down, he kissed her, trying to take away the pain. At first, Cat didn’t respond, but Talon moved his mouth persuasively, focusing her on the natural heat that automatically seethed between them. And only then did he lessen his kiss, keeping his hand splayed out across her back.

Cat felt a lump in her throat as she lost herself in the heat and strength of Talon’s mouth against her own. His eyes were questioning as his hand moved tenderly across her back, touching the scars from so long ago. He deserved to know.

“My father would beat me with a belt when I was a kid,” she whispered raggedly, watching his reaction. She tried to prepare herself for him to be disgusted, as her two other lovers had been. His hand remained firmly on her back, a protective gesture that dissolved her shame.

“Can you turn over for me?” he urged her quietly.

Confused by his request, she allowed him to place her on her stomach. And then Cat felt him kiss every scar that had been inflicted upon her back. He would trace each one with the pad of his finger, kiss it softly and move on to the next one. She closed her eyes, never having felt such tenderness in all her life. His hand cupped her rib cage gently and Talon held her as his mouth moved across each scar. Cat swore she could feel the pain of the memories of each of those beatings vanish beneath his gentle kisses.

Talon eased his hand beneath the straps of her nightgown, pulling them aside, continuing to find scars here and there. He lightly kissed each of them. Tears jammed into Cat’s tightly shut eyes as she realized his gesture, absorbing it and wanting to cry because of the loving act he was sharing with her. This wasn’t about sex. It was about one human healing another. Hot tears leaked out of her eyes.

Talon held on to his rage. There were at least fifteen scars across Cat’s back. The bastard must have used the belt buckle end because he saw the scars were deeper at one end than the other, indicating the metal had gouged deeply in one area as it first struck her soft, unprotected flesh. He wanted to kill him. He felt his heart shredding with anguish over what had been done to Cat. Her skin was velvet smooth, firm, and yet, in the grayness, he could see the raised and puckered scars. He ached for her. When he finished, Talon slid down beside her, resting his cheek against her bare shoulder, tucking her close to him, holding her. Talon wanted to will the deep, beautiful feelings he felt for her into every one of those scars. He wished he could take their memory away from Cat. He knew with his own scars, he remembered each and every one of them. He remembered how he’d gotten it and what had been going on at the time. Everything. It was no different for Cat.

“I’m sorry,” he rasped thickly, kissing her shoulder. “I’m so sorry this was done to you. You never deserved it.” He kissed her slender nape and slid his hand down her rib cage to her flared hip. It was then that he felt Cat shudder, and he knew she was crying. But, this time, they were healing tears. Talon murmured her name and turned her around so that he could gather her up into his arms and hold her.