Lindsay McKenna (9 page)

“I’m not, either,” he admitted wearily. “No one is perfect, Cat. We all carry invisible scars of one sort or another.” He saw a hint of tears in her eyes. Oh, hell! She couldn’t cry. Not here. Not now. A sense of utter helplessness spread quickly through him. “I like you just the way you are.”

Cat glanced out over the restaurant that was getting more and more customers in for lunch. “Jordana said I had PTSD. We, uh, talked about it after Sunday dinner. I’m going in for treatment once I’m back in town. Maybe someday I’ll be able to trust men again.” She tapped her head. “In here, mentally, I know all men aren’t my father. But when a man looks at me and I pick up on his intentions toward me, emotionally, I get scared.”

Talon’s mouth tightened. “Because you see your father stalking you? Hunting you down?” He wanted to kill the bastard. What father would
ever
hurt his child? Staring at Cat, how beautiful she was, how much she helped others with her kindness and compassion, Talon felt rage tunnel through him toward her father.

“Yes,” she whispered. “You look at me and it just triggers my reflex, Talon.” She leaned forward, her voice hoarse. “I
know
you don’t intend me harm. My head knows that. But...God, I’m so oversensitized to men that I pick up their intentions, like an invisible radar. Jordana has helped me to understand that when it happens, I have to mentally separate out what I’m feeling. It isn’t like every man is stalking me. It’s that I pick up their interest in me and the message gets twisted inside me, my feelings... And instead of being able to accept their compliment, I realize I interpret it as stalking me.”

Talon sat back, digesting her words. Even though Cat had nothing to feel humiliated about, Talon understood a little more about her reaction. “You’re still trapped in the emotions of when you were a child.”

“Not that I’m proud of it,” Cat admitted wryly, one corner of her mouth hooking upward in a twist. “I’m twenty-seven years old. Jordana said that often, when a child is traumatized like that, the emotions don’t grow and mature as they should. It’s sort of like being stuck. She’s really helped me see this, Talon. When you look at me and it triggers me, I stop and tell myself you’re not my father. You’re not out to hurt me.” Cat tilted her head, seeing his face go dark with an unknown emotion. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me,” she admitted, her voice soft. “You’re a good person.”

Watching Cat struggle made him want to cry for her. For the pain she lived with daily. Her sick, abusive father had stolen so much from her.

“Look,” he began, spreading his hands out in front of him, “maybe we need to reset how you see me? Would you react the same if I were your friend?” Not a lover, which was what he wanted to be.

Cat sat back and digested his question. Talon had never been a friend to a woman. Didn’t have a friggin’ clue how to be one. But he’d do anything to win Cat’s trust, and maybe, just maybe, offering her friendship was the safe place to start.

“I don’t know, Talon.”

He nodded in understanding. “I want your trust, Cat.” That wasn’t a lie. That was the whole, unvarnished truth. Without trust between a man and a woman, nothing was going to happen.

The waitress brought over their plates and refilled their coffee cups and left.

Cat wasn’t hungry, but she knew she had to eat. Going on shift, she had to eat or else. A structure fire could go on for hours, half a day, and Cat would have no chance to eat at all. She had to keep her strength. She felt Talon’s eyes on her, but for whatever reason, it didn’t trigger her anxiety. Right now, she experienced his gentle side. Oh, she’d seen his gentleness with Zeke. And at those times, Cat had wanted his hands on her. How would it feel to be stroked with his long, large-knuckled fingers? She waited until the waitress was out of earshot to answer him.

“I’m weird, Talon.”

“So am I. It’s a fit.”

She frowned. “I have my moments. You’ve seen the paramedic side to me. Not...when I’m down...”
Or scared or threatened,
but the words were left unsaid. She sought out his gaze, the kindness in his eyes. Maybe Val was right: Talon was good for her. And God knew, she wanted him in her life.

“Well, you’ve seen some of my moments. Did it scare you off?”

She smiled a little, putting salt and pepper on her hamburger. “No.”

“You know I have PTSD, that you can’t wake me up or I’m liable to hit you out of reflex. That didn’t scare you off.”

Cat shook her head, watching a slow, lazy smile tug at his gorgeous, kissable mouth. If Talon could read her mind she’d be in such trouble. “Val knows about PTSD. She said it’s muscle memory, something you can’t help.”

“I’m glad you talked to her about it,” he said.

“She’s like a sister to me. And she’s helped me understand my own PTSD from childhood.”

Talon wondered if most people who came out of a dysfunctional and abusive home didn’t have some form of PTSD. “Sometimes it’s easier being around a person with similar eccentricities,” he told her, slight amusement in his tone. “We’ll be able to understand. We won’t be confused about it. And we’ll give each other a lot of latitude when it hits us.”

Cat cut her huge hamburger in half. “It all makes sense, Talon.”

“But does it make enough sense so that we can become friends over time?” He dug into her unsure blue gaze, seeing the indecision there. He also saw attraction. He knew without a doubt Cat desired him. Man to woman. Sex. He didn’t challenge her on it. If he did, he knew she’d run and never look back.

“Definitely,” Cat admitted, picking up a French fry.

“Want to try it?” Never had Talon wanted something quite so badly as this.

Cat raised her eyes to the ceiling for a moment. And then she smiled a silly smile. “The guys at the fire department are men and they’re my good friends. I’m not afraid or threatened by them.”

That’s because they don’t want to take you to bed. And I do
. Talon nodded, compressing his lips. “This should be easy for you, then.”

She laughed, embarrassed by her hesitation. The glitter in Talon’s eyes made her go hot with longing. An invisible heat naturally sprung to life between them. It wasn’t something she could explain away. It was simply there.

“Sure, we can be friends.”

Talon sat back and picked up the bottle of ketchup, spreading it across his fries. “Good.” Happiness flowed through him, sweet and strong. Finally, he didn’t see anxiety in Cat’s eyes as she munched away on her hamburger. She was eating with enjoyment, finally relaxed.
One word. Friendship.
Well, he was going to have to figure out how to be a friend, not a lover constantly wanting her.

CHAPTER NINE

C
AT
WAS
HURRYING
to get ready for her firefighting shift when there was a loud banging on her condo door. Scowling, she hurried out of her bedroom and through the living room. As she looked through the peephole, her heart dropped.

It was Beau Magee.

Fear suddenly raged through her. She hesitated, her pulse beating strong in her throat. Finally, she got herself under control and opened the door.

“What do you want?” Cat asked, standing with one hand on the doorknob, the other on the door frame, blocking the path so he couldn’t just waltz in.

He was dressed in his driver’s uniform. Automatically, she didn’t like the way his brown eyes assessed her.

“Now, is that any way to greet your boyfriend?” he teased.

Her nostrils flared with anger. “Beau, come on. We’re done. You knew that a year ago.”

His thin mouth curved, but to her, it was frightening, like evil personified. She glanced down at his large hands, which were curling into fists. Yeah, she remembered getting shoved by those fists. He was sorry afterward, but she wasn’t going to hang around with someone like her father.

“Saw you walking with your new boyfriend outta Mo’s earlier today,” he sneered, anger in his voice.

Her throat went dry. “My personal life is none of your business, Beau. Now leave. I don’t know why I even opened the door.” She glared up at him. He was about two inches shorter than Talon, but just as big, more heavily muscled. Magee was not a small man. Cat again wondered why she’d
ever
been attracted to him. Looking at Magee now in comparison to Talon, there was a world of difference. Starting with the fact Beau did not respect her. At all. His brown eyes flared with rage. She went on guard, wanting to slam the door to protect herself from him. Beau had a hair-trigger temper, she’d found out too late.

“Ah, come on Cat. What we had was good.”

She snorted. “Yeah, maybe for you. Sure as hell not for me. Please leave, Beau. I’ll call the police.”

“Yeah, yeah. So who’s this new guy? I ain’t seen him around before.”

Something froze inside of Cat. Jealousy flared in Beau’s slitted eyes. “None of your business. I’m going to be late for my shift. Don’t bother coming around again, Beau.”

She shut the door and quickly locked it, her heart thundering in her chest. Half-afraid Beau would fly into a rage and try to beat the door down, Cat hurried to the bedroom where she was going to change her clothes. Right now, she wished Talon was around. He gave her that sense of protection. He’d make sure Beau left her alone.

After a few moments of silence, Cat figured Beau had left and shimmied out of her civilian clothes. She quickly threw on the light blue shirt with all her firefighting patches and her silver badge denoting she was a firefighter. She pulled on a newly pressed pair of dark blue gabardine trousers. Finally, she slipped on special black boots that had steel in the soles to prevent nails from jamming up inside them at a fire scene.

Breathing unevenly, Cat hurried out of the bedroom, her “go bag,” in hand. Before moving to the kitchen, she peered at the door. Had Beau left? She didn’t trust the bastard. Why had she ever gotten hooked up with him?

She opened the fridge and got out sliced turkey, mustard and a loaf of bread.

Okay, she could be honest. She’d been lonely when Beau came into her life. She’d sworn off men, endured a long dry spell. Then Beau showed up at a winter armory dance. He’d been well dressed and incredibly charming.

Snorting softly, her hands moving quickly, Cat made three sandwiches to put into her go bag. Beau was good-looking, there was no question. And he’d been the perfect gentleman at the dance. And she loved to dance. Maybe that was where she’d made her mistake.

She put the items back into the fridge, then plopped the sandwiches into a Ziploc bag.

Being with Talon was a different experience. When she first saw his face, she felt as if she’d been struck. Her heart had squeezed powerfully with emotions. Ever since, there was a living, sizzling connection that throbbed wildly between them.

Cat frowned. She had no experience with that kind of feeling. She had other things she felt more qualified for, like helping people. Maybe, when she got her hour for dinner tonight, providing there were no fire calls, she’d drive over to see Sandy. Cat always valued the woman’s wisdom.

* * *

M
ISS
G
US
HOBBLED
out to the tack room in the barn near noon the next day.

“Ah,” she crowed, “thought I’d find you out here, Talon.” She rubbed her gloved hands together and walked into the large room that smelled like leather.

Talon was sitting on a stool and looked up, a bridle between his hands, cleaning it with neat’s-foot oil. “Hey, Miss Gus. What happened? Did they unlock you from that prison of a house?” Talon grinned. He quickly got up and pulled an old wooden chair from the corner and set it in front of her. Val kept trying to egg Gus into getting a power chair so she could get around, but Gus always put it off.

“Thanks,” Gus said, glad to sit down.

Talon walked over and shut the door. “Does Val know you escaped?” he asked.

“No, she don’t.” Gus grinned and took off her bright yellow knit cap and dropped it into her lap. “I just needed to get out and get some fresh air. Mighty nice outside. Blue sky. Sunshine. Two things we only see in late spring through late summer.”

“Yeah,” Talon said, going back to work. “Eight months of winter in this area is no fun.”

“You should know,” Gus griped good-naturedly. She studied him closely. “How are you feelin’ this morning?”

Talon wanted to say he missed having Cat around but thought better. “Okay.” SEALs said okay to everything, whether they were in pain, suffering or otherwise. He heard Gus snort.

“My lungs feel clear,” he said.

“That’s good,” Gus said. She looked around the large tack room that held bridles, harnesses, blankets and saddles. Inhaling deeply, she said, “There’s nothing like the good smell of a tack room.”

Talon nodded. “Best smell in the world,” he agreed.

“I just heard on the police scanner that the fire department is answering a house fire.”

Instantly, Talon’s head snapped up. His eyes narrowed. “Cat’s crew?”

“Yup. I kinda thought you might want to know.”

Talon’s hands stilled on the bridle in his lap. “Is it a bad house fire? Do you know?” Because he’d like to drive into Jackson Hole, make sure she was safe. Damn, he was really getting protective about her.

“Dunno. You never know until afterward. She’ll be okay, Talon. Cat’s a fine firefighter.”

Scowling, he forced himself to work on the leather. “I don’t like her doing that kind of work.”

“Kinda thought you’d feel like that.”

Glancing up, he noted the twinkle in Gus’s eyes. “And you know this how?”

“I see the way you look at her, young man. It’s not lost on me.”

Talon felt himself flush, something new. “Busted.”

Gus chuckled. “Well, it will be our secret. Although, Val’s kinda aware of it, too.”

“Great,” Talon grunted. Where the hell was top secret when you needed it?

“She’s a wonderful person, Talon. She’d do right by you.”

Talon studied the woman’s wrinkled face and heard the warmth in her voice. “I wanted to talk to you about Cat.”

“Okay,” Gus said, “what do you want to know, son?”

Though he felt a little embarrassed, Talon needed to understand Cat’s background. “We had lunch the other day and when I tried to find out about her family, she locked up. Something about her father.” He drilled a look into Gus’s eyes. “Am I right?”

“Yes.” Gus shook her head. “She and Val suffered the same fate—bad, abusive fathers. When Val was sixteen, I left my own ranch and came to live here at the Bar H. I knew Buck was abusive to my daughter, Cheryl, and my grandchild, Val. I warned Buck if he ever laid a hand on them again, he’d deal with me. By moving in, I broke the cycle of violence. Buck never touched them again,” she said, satisfaction in her tone.

“But what about Cat?”

“Chuck Edwin was hell on earth. Cat’s mom died of breast cancer when she was young. Chuck worked on the Rocking L ranch outside of Cheyenne. He was one of their top wranglers. Cat grew up around men and learned wrangling from fourteen years old onward. That’s probably why she’s in a man’s career now as a firefighter, would be my guess. Anyway, Chuck was a mean son of a bitch. He was well-known to abuse his wife, Cindy. They had a small house on the Rocking L. I’d heard about him through local gossip because me and my husband’s ranch butted up against the Rocking L’s property line.”

“Did you know Cat then?”

“I did. Sometimes when they were repairing fence up against our property, I’d see her. She was a pretty little thing.” Gus frowned. “I was out with my husband one morning and she and another wrangler were repairing a post when we rode by. I noticed a lot of bruises on her lower right arm, just above her work glove. I asked her how she got them. She lied and told me she fell off her horse.” Gus became grim. “Wasn’t the last time I saw bruises on her.”

Talon tried to rein in his anger. “Is that son of a bitch alive?”

Gus snorted. “No, thank the good Lord. Cat was a smart young woman. She left a day after graduating from high school for college. Left Chuck high and dry. Just deserts, I’d say. Six months later, he died of a heart attack. Left her penniless. Cat never had a scholarship. She worked odd jobs to pay for her tuition.” Gus rubbed her thighs slowly and added, “She’s a special person, Talon. Like another granddaughter to me. Cat has no family here. Her grandparents are dead and gone. We’re her family now and I’ve gotta say, a much better one than the one she came from.”

Talon rubbed the leather, afraid to lift his head because he knew Gus would see the rage in his eyes. “She is special,” he muttered.

“You like her, don’t you?”

When he finally looked up, he could see Gus was grinning. His mouth curved ruefully. “What isn’t there to like, Miss Gus?”

Chuckling, Gus waved her hand in the air. “Oh, I dunno. Saving your butt for starters, maybe?”

“There is that,” he agreed.

“I was talkin’ less in generalities and more specifics.”

Talon applied oil to the leather, slowly rubbing it in with the cloth. Gus knew damn well that he liked her. Wanted her. Badly.

“Well?” Gus prodded.

“If I say yes, is that going to change me working on the Bar H?”

“Heavens, no!” Gus slapped her hands on her thighs. “You’d think I’d fire you for likin’ Cat?”

Talon shrugged. “I didn’t know if you’d approve of it or not. We’ll be working together, wrangling, from time to time.”

Snorting, Gus stood up, shaking her head. “So long as you kiss her on breaks or lunch, I could care less.”

What a feisty, testy old woman she was. “You put my commander to shame, Miss Gus. Sure you haven’t served in the military?”

Grinning, Gus pulled the knit cap onto her silver hair. “What would your commander do in a situation like this?”

“If he’s a good officer, he’d have handled it like you’re doing,” Talon said.

“Well, only thing I’m concerned about is that you understand Cat. She’s a good person. She’s got problems with men. Can’t read ’em right. I just want you to be gentle.”

Gus stood there, spine as straight as a broom, her hands imperiously on her hips, giving him a hard look of warning.

“Not to worry, Miss Gus,” Talon said seriously. “My focus is on my mother. She’s first in my life. This job is second. Anything left over...well...if I can get to first base with Cat, is for her.”

“You got your priorities straight,” Gus said. “And I’m here if you need to talk, need a shoulder to cry on, but I got a hunch Cat will take over those duties.” And she left the tack room.

Talon sat there thinking about their conversation after Gus left. He continued rubbing the neat’s-foot oil into the leather, softening it between his fingers. Cat wanted a friend. Not a lover. His brow wrinkled. And right now, she was on a fire call. His conscience ate at him and he worried for her. Damn, he barely knew the woman and he was behaving as if he was already in love with her.

That thought made him lift his chin and stare at the dark, rough wall at the other end of the room. Love? Hell, he didn’t know what love was. Sex, he knew about. Good sex. Great sex. Mind-blowing sex. But love? No. That was a land far, far away from his reality.

Talon sighed in frustration. He felt trapped in a new and different way. He wanted Cat, but she didn’t want to be caught. Gus wanted him and Cat to be together, but not just for sex.
Great.
He was old enough to realize time would sort things out provided he remained patient. And Talon had to admit, he was good at just that. Besides, Cat was worth waiting for. He just wasn’t sure yet, what category of his life she fit in, if at all....